Viking

to be honest I feel the same but be careful, because personally im very influenced by Leo and it might just be that, not really "your thing"

I am currently taking the life purpose course, I am just at the start of it. It is required by law to join the army in my country for 3 years, therefore I went ahead and joined a program that pays almost fully for my 3 year degree in physics with about 2k$ per year for personal spendings (using them I bought the course). after the degree I am required to serve 6 years instead of 3, but in a position related to physics and a more leadership type. I have currently started my 2nd year of the degree. Before university, I really liked physics concepts and aspired to be someone like Elon Musk, as cliche as it sounds. As I started my degree I did pretty well, physics and math come pretty natural to me but the only stuff that really interested me was higher level stuff so I slacked off and my grades were average. After that came a little bit of wisdom and I started to understand the importance of basic level stuff and that started to interest me too. Overall, I found physics and math interesting but my motivation to study was halfassed because I didnt have my life purpose properly set up. That was my situation about the end of the second semester, after that, was the summer break. Just a little before the summer break I discovered enlightenment through Leo (I have been watching him for about a year here and there) and there I started to meditate and watch a ton of videos of his and it continued to the summer break. Slowly my realization came to me that what i've been doing until that point was ALL ego. I wanted to be the next tesla, elon musk, einstein, whatever, to invent something new that would make my life great and i'd be famous. I realized that this is not what would make me happy and so my Illusion of an apparent life purpose that I had went away. that "weak" vision is nonexistent within me anymore and I see now that probably my vision wont have anything to do with technological advancement because that's not what the human race needs. (I am not 100% sure about that) When I was in that belief that being an inventor would make me happy I thought that the 6 years doing physics after the degree would be extremely beneficial, all the leadership skills I would learn that would later make me a great entrepreneur, but now where im starting from ground zero searching for my life purpose using Leo's course It may or may not be a waste of 8 upcoming years of my life (6+2 i have left for the degree). I may discover my life purpose and this stuff would be 180 degrees from it. I understand that physics is a great subject that teaches you how to think and it would be beneficial in any career path, especially when I already gone half the road already, but the 6 years afterwards that may not be connected to anything scare me a bit. Now im contemplating whether I should quit the program, I would have to repay all the money they gave me so far through the army salary and give up a laptop they gave me, and also my parents have very high hopes for me and they would be extremely against. In case I decide not to quit, which is probably what will happen, I wonder how to keep my motivation for my studies, because they are interesting, but no connection to life purpose is apparent for now. I feel whenever I sit to study my time is wasted, i feel like watching a tv show or watching the life purpose course or reading about spirituality is more productive. help me to convince myself otherwise. Thanks.

@Pelin wow, thank you, you really helped. I didnt consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs. you also brought the insight that I can practice my life purpose anywhere, it's another perspective to look through. The problem now I guess is how do I have motivation to study, since it wont be the thing I will do my whole life.

@elias that would mean for me being in debt, making my parents angry at me and going to jail for abstaining from service.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/the-top-dangers-of-using-psychedelics

There are a ton of meditation techniques and a lot of them just seem straight the same to me, or in practice, im not able to distinguish the nuances between the different kinds. is this something that just comes with practice? if so, what meditations would you consider tricky and what meditations will bring me to the level at which I can distinguish different meditations?

how can I be aware of something that's not a thing? isnt it the same as being aware of nothing in particular?

@cetus56 does that mean that letting go is the the process of realizing that it's already going?

for me personally it was leos videos. and it just seemed logical

surrendering always helps I guess

I feel like a lot of meditation technique are too ambiguous and when I try to sit and do them Im just sitting and getting confused as to what should I do, or I think im not doing it right. I also have this feeling "is this meditation for me?" and I get put off track. there are also a TON of meditation techniques so I feel paralized and cant choose a single one. I also have a strong feel of urgency, like I really have to find the right technique right away or else ill just waste time. are all meditation techniques valid? I feel like a lot of meditation techniques that are on some blogs and stuff like that are simplified wrong versions of the original technique.

I recently changed my meditation from dissolving thoughts to focus on breath meditation after a month break from meditation due to army stuff. It was relatively easy to do then, I would get sucked into stories, but not as often as I do now, focusing on my breath. I feel like the intention to focus on the breath is not set properly at the start of the meditation. is that difference in sucking into stories in different types of meditation that huge? is there anything I could do? Beside that, I started a semester and overall my concentration is extremely bad, I extremely often forget stuff, cant seem to understand the meaning of words when they are written/lectured or even my words (thoughts or talking to myself), being pretty disorganized when sitting to study, etc. also, leo always talks about how meditation is the most important habit to have, but how much 30 minutes a day really do? I do them right after a cold shower after I wake up and I feel as though I didnt sit there those 30 minutes. how much progress could be really had with daily medtation? I also do 1 minute intense concentration on a metronome, still my focus feels random, as though no progress, still cant concentrate 1 min, any tips for that too? p.s. I dont ask this to get away from meditaiton, just feeling like I could use some help to sharpen and obtain more motivation to do it.

From my experience its understanding where the addiction is coming from and overcoming it intellectually, having something better to do, having a life purpose, when you think about the addiction you want to commit, you think about your life purpose and it overpowers it, i dunno.

@Space Thank you. I had the knowledge of your comment but not quite the wisdom. Your comment translated a bit of that knowledge into wisdom What do you mean by 2 hours a day? in leo's vid regarding access concentration he says that the concentration should be extreme sharp concentration and be increased with time 1 min , 2 ,5 ,10, 20 like that. the breath awareness is something I do after the 1 minute, as a casual meditation (an insight one) and not as a concentration one.

when I exhale, im not exhaling fully AT ALL if i dont use my abdominal muscles. the breaths are extremely shallow if i try to breathe horizontally. on top of that, what i breath with my chest, vertically, I can keep my body very relaxed and breathe deeply without using any abdominal muscles. it feels as though it's exactly the opposite for me. it's also not fulfilling to breathe from the belly, compared to the chest.

@Nahm thanks for the answer, I finished for now the army btw and now I meditate daily, about a week already and not stopping nor pausing. regarding the abdominal breathing (every breathing is engaging the diaphram, as you made me research about now) I feel like Im not breathing fully when I do that. when I get full belly and cant breathe through the belly anymore, I can continue inhaling with chest breathing, making my belly breath feel not satisfying. in a word im confused as fuck as to know how to breathe. I just researched for about an hour and couldnt find any conclusive way to breathe because every source says something different. If you could provide me with some technique to improve my breathing it would be greatly appreciated.

You remind me of myself a lot, very similar circumstances, studies, started LP course, faking emotions, victim mentality, yours are more extreme, probably because you're a bit more ahead in the journey. Dunno what to say except dafuq did you expect from the journey? It wouldnt be worth it if it was all rainbows now, wouldnt it? For me it's as long as I dont quit im good.

@Torkys what should people want other than happiness? by happiness I consider enlightenment and peace too

@LaucherJunge what is breathing meditation for? I dont see anything beyond practicing concentration

@Maxx a) so do you just watch youtube satsangs daily? b) did anyone get enlightened using that method?

@Maxx but that's much less accessible than self inquiry for example, which is very hard i'd say.

@Maxx what is advaita communication?

http://www.afr.com/lifestyle/why-mindfulness-isnt-good-for-you-20170826-gy4ygo are his statements ignorant? or provide some insight? why so?

I understand only conceptually and only with belief that I dont exist. this belief is supported by the fact that I cant find myself while I do self inquiry. but that's all there is to it, I didnt realize yet truly that I dont exist. with all that in mind, the character I perceive myself to be wants approval from others, feels good when it gets complimented, wants to be better than others, etc. how should I (this character) approach these desires? should I just accept them, not follow them and move on? or should I inquire into what do I really want behind these egoic desires? Or should I just follow them until I realize I dont exist, which then will just make following these desires seem stupid?