Viking

@Alex K I tried it, made me hungry, distracted

@pluto I dont think im advanced enough to believe myself to be a unicorn, one day though.. On a serious note: I think one should advance in his evolution of paradigms smoothy, we cant force ourselves to believe a bunch of stuff, we have to try to be openminded, though that differs from being someone who believes everything. just believing may result in misunderstanding which can lead to a disaster (take religion for example). you're right that "if only they knew.." but they dont, I personally dont, so we have to gradually get that understanding.

@Girzo lol thank you, the first person who answered the question

or should I keep at least a 10 minute habit of meditating?

Im having a very hard time believing that contribution makes the greatest fulfillment one could have. Im thinking about what would I really want and all I come up with is ideas of how to make myself happy, helping people isnt even in the proximity of that. Im thinking about how I would be all enlightened and shit and would blissfully sit exploring the mysteries of the universe near a river and a beautiful wooden house beside the love of my life. maybe you would ask "and what after that?" and my answer would be: exactly the same, I wouldnt need anything, why would I care about doing anything else? I dont believe it will be boring. I read what I wrote right now and it sounds very cringe worthy and I Intellectually understand it's not true, but if I ask honestly myself if I want to contribute to society I would say no. For some reason that's what I believe. Im trying to come up with things that may be worth working a ton for, in other words my life purpose, but im not finding anything worth the cost. I just dont care about humanity more than I care about myself.

@aurum what you said is obvious to me. I know that contribution is the way but what I tried to point out is that I dont feel as though contribution is my main motivation, when it has to be in order to create the most effective life purpose.

not masturbating makes me distracted and objectifying women even more, does it go away ?

do you have any sources as to how to do it? have you done it? how much times?

But what to do with the sexual energy buildup that not masturbating creates? I tried not masturbating in the past and it just was so distracting it wasnt worth it. also, are we talking about watching porn or ejaculating? I have never had sex and probably wont in the next 5-7 years so is it okay for so long not to do anything?

you are already dead

I have that exact fear in mind. I really doubt it will happen, but that's what I think right now and I might change somehow. I think I would use routines to avoid it, right now im waking up every day at 6 am to a meditation practice of 30 minutes, it helps with the organization. I think there is no easy choice here, because even staying to study is a choice and maybe an even worse one. I 100% agree that I must have a more tangible plan, but what's that doing to my motivation to study is not fun. The more I think about leaving the less motivation I have to study the less interest I have in that and the more I throw. I am scared shitless right now because there is so much unknown about every option I have right now, my ignorance just makes me anxious.

@Elisabeth In my country going to the army is required by the law, so there's a deal to study first and then serve the 3 required years + 3 for the "payment" for the studies. It will not be necessary military research but could be, especially if my grades are high, which currently they are average more or less. @ajasatya I see, you are right. The problem is that I never really had a job, so I have no idea how to get one. I tried simply going to places and talking spontaneously with managers, didnt work out. If im being honest with myself I am afraid of job environments, first of all because I never really had any lasting one, secondly I catered only 2 times as a waiter and it was awful 2 days (in one of them I developed hemorrhoids, which I have until today, lol TMI), thirdly when I did work I felt like I exchanged time for money which wasnt worth it at all and I always waited for the day to end. Now, however, im more mature, spiritually and intellectually. I dont know if mature enough though. I guess if I will choose to go that route I will ask everyone I possibly can if they have any contacts which could provide me with something.

@ajasatya Anything that will pay it, as long as it leaves me with time to do the stuff I want. I could cater or work at mcdonalds or something like that.

@see_on_see A bunch of stuff inspires me, but none of that inspiration last, I get bored super fast with everything

When I do do nothing , because of the awareness, thoughts get kind of silenced. I cant form complicated thought when the awareness is there. when im not aware, there can be daydreaming and sometimes something jumps in the middle of the daydreaming and I become aware of the thoughts and they continue but on a non complicated way, and usually just stop. It seems to me like daydreaming and being aware cant be there at the same time. Am I doing it right?

People say that when someone takes a psychedelic or meditates his consciousness "elevates", or when someone watches TV or drinks alcohol his consciousness lowers, what does that even mean? it's as though there are better and worse states of consciousness. awareness is always there, so what does consciousness has to be aware of for it to be considered "elevated" or "lowered"? I notice when I try to become conscious of nothing at all (and I notice that it's extremely hard, even for a second), it's as though I dont exist. Is that higher consciousness is the ability to be aware, but of nothing in particular? (which in some sense could mean aware of the "present moment"?) or could it be the ability to remove the lens of meaning from "experiences" in the awareness? (experiences is awareness itself some could say, but I know this only intellectually)

Lately im having a ton of negative thoughts about everything. For every positive thing my mind just finds something negative to think about it. I always had that kind of negative thoughts "on purpose", it feels like I do it on purpose, but lately I just notice it more (I also started meditating seriously recently, after a break). These thoughts dont bother me too much, because I dont believe them, but they just pop into my mind and it's annoying. Do you have any idea why that is or how to go about it?

@Zephyr It's not the studies themselves that are making me unhappy, but the final destination of the studies. I feel like the studies dont align with what I want, while I dont know what I want, Im figuring that out right now, using the life purpose course.

@Nahm Im actually getting 8 hours of sleep, meditating 30 minutes every day and eating the healthiest in my life. I dont exercise for now but I will start in a week. I am however stressed because of my studies. I also feel like the studies are not what I really want to do right now. I am doing the life purpose course for that, which is why im right now in a tough position, because I dont know what I want.

Impermanence.

@Arman To be honest after my first trip I thought I was 100% brain damaged, I scared the shit out of myself that I dont remember stuff, that I have impaired cognitive ability, but just as leo mentioned, it was pure law of attraction. I believed I had this stuff, so it very well seemed like it. It was about 2 months ago and now im at the peak of my cognitive ability in my whole life. I also used that as a learning experience as an example that the mind is a stupidly tricky thing and i've grown in the last 2 months unbelievably much.

To clear up @Nahm 's words, Imagine you're a kid, 10 years old, and you go to an amusement park with your parents. You see that EXTREME roller coaster ride and you get very excited and tell your parents that you want to ride it, but they tell you you're too young for this ride and this ride is for 14+ kids only. You get upset, dont listen, (let's imagine there's no security), run away from your parents and go on the ride. you get on the ride, excited and all, but when it comes to the edge of the hill and it almost goes down, you feel a sudden intense fear and want to go off, but you cant, so you finish the ride, puke, and since then you hate roller coasters for the rest of your life (and you're also grounded). Now, imagine if you listened to your parents, and went on to the kid's roller coasters instead. With the years, you rode higher and more extreme roller coasters, gradually, slightly disappointed but nonetheless having fun, and on your 14th birthday you go to that park and ride that extreme roller coaster. This time, it was the most fun experience of your life.

@Adam M lol I think you got me wrong, I meditate 30 min every day, I wondered if I could change that into self inquiry and still be ok

@Edvard lol im also a student but i dont have time to such an extent for now that im barely managing to do the homework assignments, which are a must , let alone to understand the lectures better, in which case its not about getting poorer grades but failing. And im doing the life purpose course, which is more important than meditation because its temporary and will have to be done , because im aimless currently.