Viking

@Shanmugam thank you, I think i've fallen into that trap. I will read it today.

by neo-advaita you mean that one's spiritual practice is only listening to teachers to hope to get the wisdom of enlightenment?

@Shin i do that all the time, what is meant by 100% of it?

@egoless how do I know if im resisting? to accept what exactly? what should i do? lay and tell myself "i accept myself"? what to practically do?

I think the NUMBER ONE thing thats preventing my growth is laziness. its extremely manipulating my whole life. sometimes im aware of it, sometimes im not. It's when I dont go that extra step in understanding something for example. it's saving energy for whatever the fuck reason. how do I eradicate it? how do I not have the feeling of laziness? or it cant be helped but had to be dealt with? i think its a habit, so to undo this habit I guess I have to be aware of it and act the opposite forcefully?

@Nahm I will try. thank you.

@Nahm im exercising regularly. and I dont think you get what kind of lazy im talking about. it's not like i dont want to do the things I have to, but i have a mental habit of taking the easier route that requires less energy and to do the hard route theres resistance.

are there any good books or techniques for it? share them here please.

I think I had some self esteem issues when I was younger. maybe theyre still there but not in my conscious mind. the need for being liked is largely unconscious for me, I understand intellectually I think that being liked will never fulfill me but I notice patterns in my behavior that seem to orient me towards being liked. I also dont value love at all (maybe because i havent loved much in my life), but when I think about someone loving me I get uncomfortable. how do I work on it?

Do you mean that 0% of the growth comes from insights and 100% of the growth comes from training the mind and body? psychedelics can provide profound insights, which can help grow the body and mind, or accelerate the process.

The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge , there are a few books the first 2 are the best. its not just tips on how to trip but a whole story. it's very interesting though.

im clearly not qualified to say anything but there are words that my mind can produce that might make you understand stuff: what does that disinterest feel like? you could take some psychedelics if you use them sometimes, serotonin and stuff "interest" is a feeling that is caused by rubricizing (putting labels). you first think about whether you should do something, then you have interest/disinterest. that means that you do have thoughts no? if you'd do something without thoughts I guess it wouldnt matter if you had or didnt have interest. maybe youve become directly conscious that nothing matters but not yet that the "not mattering" doesnt matter.

Lately, everything that I need to do, from doing the life purpose course to studying to reading is met with resistance. Also when I start doing the task, it doesnt get any better, I just become tired and do the task lazily. I cant help myself, everything is just met with such annoying resistance. I have a feeling that whatever I do is worthless. I always have in the back of my mind that what im doing is the wrong way of doing it. For example when I read a book i have a feeling that I will forget what I read, or I wont gain anything from a book. I can help these feelings, im aware of them but thats it. ive never read a book that made a significant change in me, but i havent read many books so thats probably why. also i didnt apply the knowledge from these books because i had no idea how to. or maybe i had resistance to do it, i dont remember. maybe one of the reasons to my low motivation is that I see only work and no results at all.

Cosmic nihilism tells us that everything is meaningless (including the absence of meaning itself) and that every attempt to construct meaning is a self deception, because every meaning would be a belief. therefore ultimate happiness will come from the absence of suffering. the absence of suffering can be achieved by wisdom. by uncovering and eliminating beliefs. my question is, is it prefferable to grant basic needs using maslow's hierarchy first, and then to tackle beliefs, or should one better go straight for the beliefs? or both at the same time? is the both at the same time path a hard path? because one way replaces negative beliefs with positive ones, and one gets rid of them all. I feel like i know "too much"(and too little) to just go and indulge in my desires, believing unintentionally that all of them wont bring me fulfillment so its pointless to pursue them. so i think the path straight to the destruction of beliefs is the better path for me, it will be harder to pursue the meaning path i feel.do you think its so? i made a lot of assumptions in this thread i guess, point out to me please if you see any flaws.

i sometimes try to convey something but people take it the whole other way. i think its due to my terrible talking/writing skills. also maybe because i dont talk often with people. how do i improve? by talking more to people? lol if so, how do i do that?

the point of radical honesty is that it burns the ego

what to do there? can you point to any sources i can read from? or tell your own experience? what do i do in those places if i have no friends to go with?

stop reading on the interenet. stop listening to people's advice (its ironic now lol) youre in deep new age belief dogshit. its good to be openminded but man, you just believe everything people tell you. you have to get rid of all of these stupid beliefs. start doing legit spiritual practice that doesnt concern energy or kundalini or whatever the fuck, im not saying its complete bullshit, but a lot of what people build around it is. start practicing mindfulness and start doing legit spiritual work. you believe your thoughts too much, start meditating if you dont, what kind of spiritual practice you do if you dont meditate? you read a bunch of cool sounding spiritual stuff but all of that is belief! you experience something and then your mind tries to put a name on it, just experience, without labeling. I think youre too deep to go back, you have to go further but on the less belief path. (notice i didnt say better path because that would be a belief) read deeply into a book like "the book of not knowing" by peter ralston. get rid of all of your beliefs, none of them is truth and none of them are what you seek. this book will open your eyes a little if you read it thoroughly. I would recommend to stop altogether from reading new age stuff (if you can tell the difference) until you get your shit together. i would recommend really to buy leo's booklist and read stuff from there, start rebuilding your life. you want to die? great! thats what this forum is all about. but do it the not-lazy way, you have to work for your death. (if youre not aware im talking about enlightenment of course).

have you applied anything mentioned in the videos or are you using them as background noise for your work and to deceive yourself by making you feel smart and like you're not wasting time?

I am 19 years old and im seriously thinking about whether to drop out from university. I am studying physics, and honestly, I wont lie to myself or you, it is hard, not unmanagably hard, but hard. And of course I find it frustrating, not only is it hard, but I feel no sense of purpose when im studying. I feel whenever im doing homework assignments im wasting my time (which makes studying even harder). I feel like it develops me extremely little in the context of what I feel I have to develop in order to be aligned with my inner self (if that makes sense). "following your bliss" tells me I should leave that, but my intellect says that my mind might want to just go the easy way out. Not only are my studies frustrating, but after the studies I have to serve 6 years in the army, which hell knows what unnecessary shit I will do. When I signed up for the contract I thought I was making the right choice (though I had my doubts) but now my views changed extremely much (after discovering spirituality, actualized.org). I can exit the contract and pay the money the army have spent on my studies. My potential plan is: getting a job to pay out the army. completing the life purpose course. I am currently in the beginning-middle way of it. right now my life purpose is to find my life purpose I feel like everything that concerns my growth or allows me to discover my life purpose is extremely interesting. Meditating more completing trifinity academy course i paused in order to start the life purpose course.( paused due to lack of time ) trying out whatever I might have in my mind that interest me in some way and see if I resonate with it. Reading self help books watching self development/psychology videos/lectures. I will live with my parents, which means I wont have to worry about food/shelter. Please tell me how it sounds from an outsider's perspective, I really cant trust my mind on this one. this "idea/opportunity" to drop out sounds sometimes so exciting that I notice the excitement and start to doubt it because it may be too exciting to be something truthful. #DontTrustTheMind #WtfAmISupposedToDoIfICantTrustTheMind. Thank you for reading.

I have my exam period starting next week and im anxious because im insecure about my knowledge. I am trying to stay present and not think about that but I still have that shortness of breath often, feelings in the chest, a general feel of sadness in my throat a lot of the time. some of it may be unrelated to the exams. I meditate everyday, so it's easier to not react on those feelings, but still, they're present there. I also start to feel very anxious when the thought comes "you just wasted X time". I think it's related to the studying. I am studying most of my free time. If im stuck on a certain question on a set of homework for example, I have that thought and it rushes in anxiety because I dont have much time to complete the homework. again, im trying to be as present as possible but it's till there, I dont think im fighting that feeling in the moment, but generally I think it's unhealthy and I should do something about it. i also have anxiety in social situations. i am extremely aware of that one in the moment and i dont let it bother me too much, but its there. its as though im observing all my unhealthy patterns and habits but that doesnt eliminate them, dont know how to go about solving them. Some ideas/videos/links would be appreciated as to how to deal with this "I waste time" anxiety and the general anxiety. also how do i deal with the anxiety during an exam?

I really recommend going through the playlist section of actualized.org youtube and watching videos, this is basic stuff and its covered in much more depth and quality that you will receive in the forum.

ask yourself how are you going to contribute to the world playing chess.

@pluto is that reward worth the time put in it? (for you) does it have negative consequences? like can it be a nuisance? or can u see auras that good that you cant see anything else? (practically blind) can one control it?

whats the use of it if youre not a spiritual teacher/shaman whatever?