Viking

games that required thinking @DrewNows ill try to do that, thanks. just let go of the resistance. i feel even though i have all those negative emotions im almost as aware of my emotions as on a meditation retreat, so ill just try to let go of the resistance.

i always loved videogames and tv shows. last few years it just stopped feeling as good. hmm that could be the reason for my lack if interest, as im 8 months already in almost isolation. socialize maybe once a few weeks

i mean those things dont bring that much satisfaction after i do them, so they're not worth it. i do have hobbies. in fact it's the things i liked to do as a kid. but last few years they just became unfulfilling and boring

@remember nothing brings me that much enjoyment. some things are ok but aren't worth the trouble of doing them no it's not how i would want it to be but the point is i dont want to put in the effort. i also dont believe i can truly enjoy things anymore, as if it's not a part of my physiology. i havent truly enjoyed things for more than 6 years i believe i have a feeling as if people who enjoy themselves must be deluded in some way

judging by this i think you might have suppressed your masculinity. watch 2 parts of Leo's videos on how to be a man and try to see if you have some resistance to the stuff he says and see if u can apply it in your life. i think your masculine energy is blocked and that's why you're not attracted to feminine energy. i think you need to feel a man to be attracted to women. i have experienced this firsthand the last few months. ive started a job where i have to bring out my masculinity more and what happened is that i started to be attracted to women more. what helped is also quitting porn 2 months ago. like intuitively being a man is just wanting to see a woman and fuck her brains out as leo said but what happened to me and maybe to you too is that we're afraid of this energy of owning the woman because it's considered bad and not how we should act, its not socially acceptable, so we suppressed this side of ourselves and now we just dont feel this attraction to women and what's left is our feminine side which is attracted to guys.

I've been noticing a certain anger or hatred that's been rising up in me the last few weeks. it's mild, but im worried that it will transform into something bigger with time. what that anger energy does is lets me be less caring of hurting people. I've felt some fear of hurting people or going against other people but this energy kind of penetrates through that and it feels liberating. it's kind of "being tired". i guess it's just a certain release of suppressed emotions (i dont know, is it?) but i dont know what to do with it and how to not let it get out of control. how should i approach this?

lol get to know her via texting

i seek a relationship right now because i want to feel love and to fulfill my needs, but also because I've been living in a bubble and i feel stuck and i feel like i need an outside source to break through to the next stage of my life, as nothing in life interests me because im emotionless (except with women). the problem is that im somewhat isolated and i dont know how to judge people properly and i dont know whether im attracted to a person or not. i also can't allow myself to get closer to girls for some reason. i have been on my first ever date 2 months ago (im a virgin and never kissed a girl) and the girl definitely liked me but i didn't know how to know if i like her or not. at one point she asked if she could hold my hand and i told her no because i didnt want her to think that i like her and hurt and confuse her later. the date itself was good, i am good at making people laugh and having conversation but when it comes to intimacy i cant know what to do and im afraid to fake my feelings or do things that i dont really want to do.

@Preety_India im 21 and what im doing right now is actually chatting with girls online, ive been doing it for the past few months but i never got full nudes (only half) because the girls that happened to talk to me aren't into sending them, or im not good at getting them lol I don't know. i have been watching porn since i was 12 though, but I've got desensitized to it so now even if girls do send me pics im not aroused. meaning i made a big distinction between real life and porn so porn doesn't help. this is exactly my worry and it makes everything even harder because im more nervous. yes actually im uncomfortable in social situations. im usually silent and dont talk to anyone. people scare me and i dont trust them

i told her that what i want is to experience new things, she knew my situation fully and she told me she doesn't expect anything, but i didn't believe her. she can't control her feelings and she still might've been hurt. also a big thing was that i was afraid I would get disgusted by her body (as i never seen a naked girl irl) and hurt her a lot by this

@Preety_India i dont have problems with touch i think. i have problems with commitment. for me having sex or kissing with someone means serious commitment

@Leo Gura i think you didn't get it. SHE was the one trying to hold MY hand and i refused. i might have been attracted to her, but something in my mind was blocking me from getting on with her. what's the difference between that and a date? @Meetjoeblack i can't get myself to have sex because first, im a virgin and im afraid, and second i can't make up my mind about a girl whether i want to have sex with her or not. i think maybe part of the problem is that i know that some girls get hurt if guys only have sex with them, so i have to be really careful about who i have sex with. i hate when people are attached to me or if i have obligations to people. also im afraid to be disgusted by her body (as I've watched porn since i was 12 ) and ruin her self esteem. i stopped watching porn for 2 months or so now

hey, i also experience that fear to an extent and i also "feel men's energy" sometimes. my situation is also a bit harder i think because im a virgin. what helped me accept myself as i am is to realize i have a choice and i dont have to act on it if i dont want to. you have a choice. if you see an attractive woman on the street you have a choice to approach her or not. it wont "create a conflict" in you if you dont approach her. OK, you get turned on by having gay fantasies, but when you meet a man do you actually want to start flirting with him and bring him home? the idea might make you aroused, but do you ACTUALLY want to do it? practically? do you have the desire to try new things? if you genuinely wanted to do it i dont think there would be any fear because there wouldn't be any reason not to do it. you said that the brotherhood is very valuable to you. so what's more important? your brotherhood or enjoy having gay sex? if the answer is brotherhood you dont have to have gay sex. it's the same as wanting to have sex with a 16yo in a place where the legal age is 18. you have a choice. your fear is more of having no control or choice i think. like god fucked you over and you can't do anything about it. you do have control

maybe that means if someone believe that chakras are affected somehow externally and not fully internal, they may also believe some entity might control them, so they might actually act in such a way.

i am so confused regarding my life purpose. i have a physics degree which i finished 2 months ago and in 2 months ill join the army as an engineer sorta. right now im on a break. my problem is that i have nothing meaningful to do. i can do a lot of things, but i dont have any goal with those things, therefore i dont feel like those things are worth doing. for example, i made youtube videos, which a lot of people liked, but because i didnt see a point in doing them and didnt see myself as being a youtuber ever, i stopped making them. also i play the piano and i draw, but i never put full effort in it and i dont put a lot of time in it because i dont see a point in doing so. i can also program but i dont see a point in doing it, so i get bored when i try to start. what happens is that i just slide into doing things that im used to, like playing videogames and watching youtube videos. i tried to do Leo's life purpose course but i just couldnt get my values straight. i feel like im too young to have any solid values and i dont have enough reference experiences to know what i truly value. i spent months trying to figure them out but at the end the result wasnt satisfactory. before i used to rationalize it is so because im low at maslow's heirarchy, i have no connection with people and no close friends, so im not motivated to do that "higher" stuff like hobbies but i doubt now that this is the case, because i do have a desire to do SOMETHING but i have nothing specific that seems to be worth it, because i have no specific direction in life or life purpose. all of that aside, i do have other goals which some of them are more abstract, like finding friends, gaining knowledge and wisdom, gaining emotional maturity and stuff like that, but as far as life purpose im zero.

@okulele @flowboy lol i dont believe i have free will

im doing 10 minutes almost every day for amount a month or two but im still getting distracted and restless before the alarm goes off. im trying to be aware of breath but maybe im not trying good enough? i feel like im not committing to the meditation, so i cant focus on the breath.

the thing is that im so lazy during meditation that i dont even try to see myself wondering sometimes, im just keeping on thinking things without an intention to come back to the breath

lol my mind doesnt want to do more than 10 min so much but i guess that's the problem, thanks im also checking out the book

lol im too lazy for that i dont wana suffer

Often times when I go to sleep I start thinking, and sometimes that prevents me from sleeping. What I usually do is try to let it be, because trying to stop it will only make it worse, but still it reduces the amount of time I sleep, which is very bad for my mental health the next day. How do I go about preventing this in the first place?

i see, that's actually very important, thank you. there go all the people who are constantly "busy" and wonder why they cant sleep what do you recommend to do in that downtime though? just nothing? meditate? meditation isnt really about that, its more about not focusing on thoughts and putting awareness on something. maybe journaling?

what do uean by distraction?

am i the only one feeling weird when people laugh too much?

what helped me sometimes was being super weird. i would come up to people and say something like "do you like bananas?" and if they were weird people as well, usually they would laugh and flow with me, if they werent, they would laugh awkwardly, but still in a good way, if they were people i wouldnt want to have anything to do with in the first place they would say some thing like "wtf?" with a bad intonation. edit- of course for me it felt natural, do whatever feels natural for u