Viking

you want that feeling back, thats why you dont get it. you should be ok with everything.

well, I had a few parties this year but most of the girls there were with their bfs and i wasnt set on approaching girls then. now though, i have 2 months almost free, and in that time i want to try to get a girlfriend, but there wont be any parties in the region i will be able to attain to. I have 1 group of friends, which is a closed group, i barely meet anyone new, theyre also not that good friends we just hang out whenever. i have another group of friends in the university, though my university is far away from my town, and i need a girlfriend in the vicinity. there may be events in the vicinity so ill try to be on the lookout, though i can know if an event is happening only through facebook, because of the sparsely populated area. I dont work, but how do you find someone at work? isnt it not allowed? or if you break up or something it will be shitty at work later. so, since i dont get out of my mancave at all, i should force myself to go to public places, and all im gonna do there is look out for opportunities to talk casually, is that right? and if i dont find any, just being straight about it might work, like- hey, i think youre pretty, do you want to get to know eachother? or trying to make eye contact at a place where people are stationary.

@Sea but on a certain level it makes sense. after having sex a lot of hormones are released and the attraction is stronger. before that there is no real deep connection like you would have with your family or long time friends. sex is like a shortcut to deep connection.

so i dont need to make any effort to be mindful! im already it!

how do i be here now? he said that im not doing it correctly

@BuddhaTree then how do i become present? if being aware of my breath doesnt do it?

@tsuki When I do something im not passionate about it (aka not meaningful) becomes painful, i start to suffer. I think that may be because I want to do something else, something i am interested in, but some stuff I have to do to survive, or so it will pay off later. I think that's only possible when you're in the state of meaningless meaninglessness. ordinary people need goals to feel the meaning reward when approaching the goal. maybe i sounded a bit reckless with the psychedelics, im actually very careful.

@tsuki I think I read that some time ago, but forgot. So I guessed... Every person who actually got any big results in life, like enlightened masters, billionaire entrepreneurs, did so from a place of intuition. Here comes into play my self confidence, I always thought and think that im an ordinary dude that has no "life road". When comparing myself to others who succeeded im far inferior and I dont believe I can achieve anything worthwhile, even though i might say to myself i am, deeply i dont believe this. Barely anything interests me, and absolutely nothing interests me deeply. All I have is some hope that something will. i think that was caused by my lame childhood. The problem is that I have some image of where I want to be and I feel like I have to force my way there. everything in my life feels not genuine, not automatic, not intuitive, forced. That's one of the reasons I simply dont want to read books and develop myself, im forcing myself to do it though. When I think "develop myself" im feeling like I have to do homework or something, which sucks. I'd much much rather watch movies and tv shows than live "my life". im already ready to take a shitton of psychedelics so my brain would start to function semi-authentically, though im a little afraid it will cause psychosis or schizophrenia, because after my trips I always believe that it somehow damaged my brain and im stuck in a stupid state of mind. also i started hearing sounds when i meditate and when i fall asleep. @Joseph Maynor I tried LSD, though only 125ug, I did notice a huge shift a few days after, and I felt really authentic in the week after the trip, but my mind got cluttered and it passed.

did you actually sit and deconstruct stuff? or did you meditate? im often hitting a wall while trying to deconstruct something. for example if i ask "why do I want X", i answer "to feel a certain way, which i interpret as 'good' " then I ask "and why do i want to feel that and no other things?" and there is no answer, but I still want to feel that way.

haha dont be sorry, im a physics student so it's all familiar what you mean is that the more I observe, while at the same time deconstructing, I see clearer and clearer that I dont control anything and I enter a paradigm in which im not bothered by meaning, though I still feel it, because meaning creation is built into our brain. so in order to get to that place I need to continue meditating, observing and contemplating?

i'd quit the weed and check with a doctor.

i dunno, i tried being mindful for a really long time (almost a year) and and im still a noob, no improvement.

can you elaborate? i think mindfulness is useful only after a certain stage of development, before that its agitating and boring.

@tsuki are you a math student? you use a lot of mathy words What I got from your post is that there is another way to live life, which is beyond meaning, this life simply happens when you exhaust meaning, and realize its limitations (though what limitations meaning might have ive no idea) is that right? in that state you can also have meaning and meaningless meaninglessness. What I guess is in order to get to that state I have to inquire myself out of all meaning, including the meaning of wanting to get to that state because that meaning is baseless. though i dont know if its practical because its too much inquiring, the meaning map i have is way too complex and deep i think to get rid of in a lifetime. I guess I have a "why" for getting rid of meaning but as I would start to, that why would fade because i would realize its fault, right? @cirkussmile I think I do know better what I want because im trying to break out of the self deceptions ive entrapped myself into. maybe meditations and yoga helps, though apparently I dont know what being present means yet, because I always have the background noise in my mind.

@Highest how can there be beauty and fulfillment in meaninglessness? its empty! it shouldnt be fulfilling nor beautiful, just empty. @tsuki I get that, but why should I go after meaningless meaninglessness? why not enjoy this life, even if it just appears like I do? because of this ? is that better than enjoying life? (talking from my perspective now, obviously nothing matters from the empty perspective)

i don't know if it is so. without any desires life would be empty, there will be no fulfillment, there will be nothing, just as well as being dead. sure, there would be no suffering also and no desire to resist that nothingness but nonetheless i dont see the point in that. i also dont agree that there wont be any fulfillment with desires. ive had plenty of fulfilling times in my life and i had desires at the same time. if i could increase the intensity and frequency of those fulfilling moments, combined with a balanced mind, i think i could call that a fulfilling mind. sounds much better than 'nothing' i also dont see how can one life without desires.

@RoaldKamman the point of the post was more if its important, not how to achieve anything. and i dont go anywhere where girls are at, im always alone. and i live in a place where not much is happening.

i think you cant be fully yellow if you cant see from green's perspective and feel what green feels.

I see any meeting with girls as manipulative, there seems to be no other way around it. I am indeed always in my man-cave and I never get out, except when going out with friends, which is extremely rare. If I would go to a bar or a club or any other place where there are people I would go there with the only motivation to meet women, I dont have any other motivations, and that's manipulative. In order to approach a girl I have to come up with some reasons and be manipulative, and not say the real reasons because then she wont be interested, because it seems desperate (and it kind of is, if im going to a bar just to meet women). so in order to get women I have to be manipulative, which I rarely am and if i am, i catch myself. men who dont care about being manipulative get all the women. also how can i be authentic and manipulative at the same time.. I guess the only options for me to meet women is accidentally, but I never go to social places because i live in a small town, which doesnt have many social places at all, the nearest club is 20km away and i dont have a car and its outside the town. I even searched meetup.com and there are no relevant events for me in the near 50km. Even if I find social events most people there are 30+, while im 20. most events where people my age to to are at least 50km away, at least of which I have access to. also a lot of events cost a lot of money. I go to university and there are some women, but they're at least 6 years older than me and a lot are married or taken. but then theres the question where are all the women my age? they gotta be somewhere. mostly in the army since its mandatory here, while im not yet, and if they do go out they go to private parties with friends. my guess is most of them are stuck at home watching tv shows or being on social media. maybe im hiding something from myself but it seems like legitimately i have no clue about how to go about this.

@WelcometoReality I understand, but I dont think thats the kind of presence I was talking about. What I meant more is to be aware of the present moment, not really concentrating on something. like paying attention to the breath while going on a walk.

@Echoes but theres a difference between that and being aware that im present @Arkandeus actually i think my inner compass is broken, all of that stuff are just desires, i dont feel i should necessarily go there

@Paan personally i freak out because there are no legit explanations what so ever to the reason of the techniques. just here are the practices, do them and something will happen. if you're openminded enough to do the techniques it means youre also openminded to the possibility of it fucking up your energy system or whatever so you will go apeshit crazy, psychotic, have nightmares, have extreme mood swings and a bunch of other shit. the reason I say there are no legit explanations because the explanations that are given are talking in a language that i dont understand. like "energy", "channels" ,"chakras" im just supposed to believe if i concentrate on a chakra something will happen, there is no why, there is just "it will happen".

why do you assume that there is a place called "hell" and that egos go there? and how could you possibly get an answer to that?

he clearly said "how do you get there?- I dont know" and you assume a bunch of stuff like you would have to die in order to get there. leo's point was to be more openminded, not to start believing stupid shit. the answer is YOU DONT KNOW, and probably will never know so theres no point in wasting time regarding those subject, go meditate or something instead. how do these people know the place they visited was hell? it is their own interpretation, there was no label "hell". whats more probable is that those people experiences psychotic episodes, which seem as real as this reality, and they say after they got off it "ive been in hell, everything religious fundamentalism says is true, go worship god".

hell is not a place you go after death. ITS A METAPHOR for the awful life you can have if you do certain things. for example you "will be in hell" if you kill people because you will FEEL BAD. you will not go anywhere after death because you are not who you think you are. people often misunderstand that concept because of the dogma of religion.