Viking

whats that

@Etagnwo you mean i dont have to plan anything at all? what if i just come and not have to say anything? happened to me a lot.

@Etagnwo i get what youre trying to say but when i "become present" my mind goes blank almost 100% of the time.

@Etagnwo i got a question, there is no relationship until sex or at least kissing, right? so i gotta be clear about my intentions, else it wont go anywhere. how do i do that without overstepping her boundaries and not to seem creepy?

@Etagnwo ha, ill try. its just that it seems extremely in the sky right now, i have a little doubt if something will work, too good to be true kind of thing, it wont be as easy as it seems in theory. its all very abstract for me right now.

@Etagnwo ok so what might happen is the following: I will go to a bar and there will be no interesting girls (or they will be too old) or I will go to a mall and everyone will be there either in school or too old. or i wont approach out of fear (even though she's human) or ill convince myself that i dont need a girlfriend (happened a few times) or i will approach but in the middle just get out or i will run out of words or ill get numbers or ill get laid 2 and 3 might happen together, also 1 and 3 might happen together. how do i deal with both of these?

oh I know what you're talking about, ill try to notice that. Thanks a lot man, Ill come back to this thread a few times to truly get it. Ill go to a nearby bar or mall in 2 weeks when my exams end and i will try implement stuff. in case ill get stuck ill write here again

haha it means nothing anyway not sure I understood the language, you mean if she doesnt choose me there are certain signs for that and i should run? what do you mean by "choose"? like if shes interested?

acquainted with 3 of those I will reread the way of the superior man if i dont give up on finding a girlfriend for the time being. I think my shadow started to integrate some time ago, I had a few trips so I know what terror is, and kinda dealt alright with it. I also dont resonate with Matt kahn, he's too boring for me.

@Etagnwo I believe you that most people are for themselves and especially those that go around in pubs. I dont want to create a long term relationship with people from that area, that's just for now, for the honey moon period you described. I do think there are women that are much better than what you described, though theyre rare. im training right now to get them in the future. that doesnt mean that i wont commit right now in relationships though. I want to meet women, be with them, and see how they are, if their personality is bad i wont stay with them for long, if its good ill keep at it and commit to developing the relationship. ill go through cycles of women until I get to one which I resonate with.

I gave an anti definition of decent, so Not what I wrote. ill give you a definition of ideal, why settle on decent, decent has some of those attributes-caring about people, openminded, thinks for herself (which means can have conversation), not dogmatic, not over the top judgmental, not cold. the way you described orange/green is kind of too narrow, i dont think most women are that devilish. that's just uncaring hoes that all they want is to feel good, thats more orange than orange/green.

shit when i started thinking now about it every girl is decent deep inside, but there are women that have tons of insecurities, so they are snobby, extremely self centered (more than normal), who laugh out of pity at people, have no compassion, just not feminine, some feel like they have to act masculine, go down on the man. well, and it takes much much more effort to come across in a decent way when you're not hot. Interesting, so you think that girls dont associate good looks with ability to provide? I know that men care about looks because looks say how well the female can deliver babies and be a housewife etc.

a lot of girls are far from "decent", at least it seemed like it during highschool, holy shit... Even though you said looks dont matter, and I still think they do, but not a ton, in tinder looks are everything, if youre not a good looking guy in tinder dont bother.

that wasnt what I implied. I didnt imply shyness or inability to approach, I implied flirtatious social skills.

what do you mean by heavy lifting and "know what to do"? why?

@Erlend K haha and i wondered why when i came back to meditate i started feeling more empty and frustrated. how do i go deeper? by just observing? i also understand in some sense where that "present moment is good" comes from, i experienced calm during and after meditaition. i dont agree however that its more enjoyable to be aware of the breath instead of to listen to an audiobook when walking for example.

@Etagnwo what we talked about covered bars and clubs, but is that also possible in malls or cafes? but there i guess i gotta watch out if shes open to talk

@Etagnwo so for example if i go to a bar, what im supposed to do is find a girl that i find nice and alone, maybe with friends but only female ones and not too much, walk up to her and start talking authentically?

@Etagnwo so all youre saying is that i have to be authentic and direct with my intentions (but not to the extreme)?

@Etagnwo also youre talking about women as though theyre some sex monsters, which may be true at age 25+ but at my age, 20, the girls are uncomfortable with themselves and dont know what they want. i also dont really care that much about sex, im more interested in exploring women and intimate relationships

@Etagnwo seems pretty unrealistic if im a bit less than an average looking guy.

@Etagnwo so i shouldnt continue a conversation in the first place if i see if she doesnt want sex?

@Etagnwo Whats your experience with that stuff? so as I understand it could work if I approach women authentically, even outside of a "meeting setting". From my understanding, not from experience, women go to bars and clubs just to have a good time, not to meet men, to get validation and to get free drinks from men. I understand that in order to succeed I have to meet women who are searching or are willing, obviously. The problem is that im currently a university student studying physics and there are about 10% girls there, not only that, but right now I dont even go to university because its summer break. im searching for a way to meet willing women aged~20, while the options i have is either public places like cafes and malls, and some bars (which I guess are small). lol I realized, I look bad no matter where I go, im either one of the desperate dudes who go to bars to get laid or a dude who tried to pick up at public places.

@Etagnwo yeah, im putting effort in it because my mind always bombards me with that stuff. whats the difference between pick up and PUA? do you define PUA as the community? I dont want to be in that community, I just want to approach girls in public places because i dont have other options.

is that student exchange? im not allowed to because the army pays for my education. and those girls are on average 5 years older than me and have boyfriends.