Viking

after my first ever psychedelic trip on LSA about a year ago I started to think that it did something to my brain, like bad short term memory, difficulty talking to people, forgetting words, impaired ability to think and conceptualize and more. about a day after the trip I didnt sleep the night because of the fear of it. My guess is that none of that is true, and im tricking myself to believe it is so. Tricked myself since that trip. because i believed it actually started to manifest and it seems like im experiencing those symptoms. Truth of the matter is, I dont know if really something happened to my brain, or my awareness changed or whatever. I want to figure that out and stop believing it at least, if thats the case. how do I stop believing I have problems?

@Sockrattes I think you are neither

@Arkandeus I have energy in the body, i shake often. i feel right now energy in the tailbone, in the head (medulla), hands. i feel a strong pressure in the chest sometimes. i feel pleasant sensations in the body, like joy, but its not fulfilling like regular joy, its not enough. i felt before very unfulfilled, but now its better.

I dont get what you mean by object. if it's all one how can you distinguish between different senses? it's true that the commonality of all senses is that they are experienced, but what's so special about it?

in my present consciousness I dont care about knowing what I am or who I am, it doesnt give me anything. in my present state of consciousness why should i care about something if it doesnt give me anything?

If everything is new, can you orient yourself? know where to go, what to do.. arent you overwhelmed? I remember after an lsd trip I had to walk home and I didnt recognize the path so I had trouble going home. I also dont see how what you say is connected to enlightenment. maybe its the opening of the third eye, but not nonduality.

bs, women are attracted to the vibe the man gives off. maybe if you have more money and status you're more confident, hence better vibe, but you dont have to have money and status to have confidence.

I feel the same, its often very hard to understand for me what's written in a book, but relatively easy to listen. maybe its a skill that has to be built though, i dont know.

@Paulus Amadeus I am excited for the suffering ill experience during it

wtf, am i tripping? you replied to my post from another topic. lmao

theyre growing in their own way, otherwise they would be depressed/suffer. if you notice that your partner suffers help them, if theyre ok, it means theyre going their own path.

Do what you think will bring you the most excitement and joy, if you have to force yourself to do something it means you are not at the level of the activity yet. for example Ill take a meditation retreat this summer for 10 days and im extremely excited for that, im not dreading it whatsoever. im also excited to read books. if it doesnt feel right for you dont do it, follow your bliss, that way you will get to the high level stuff naturally.

thanks

tbh i was skeptical about bashar at first but i realized it doesnt matter. even if the guy is faking it or having some mental disorder the stuff he says is helpful

are there any books on this in the booklist?

dont expect any experiences to happen for the first like 4 months its gonna be a boring daily practice.

@Matt8800 thanks ill try to meditate on it

for some time I experience stronger cravings for food, masturbation, movies, etc. I think thats because Im starting to get aware a lot of this pointlessness and i subconsciously think that stuff will fulfill me somehow. what changed recently is that i started doing yoga for peace 5 min, meditate 20 min and then yoga for self exploration 5 min. those yogas are from the isha site, from sadhguru. I feel irritation, restlessness, and whatever i do i feel like its not interesting, doesnt have meaning, like for example watching movies. what can I do? or why is it happening?

I havent found anything that excites me and im still feeling shitty. its not just that im unfulfilled but I have anger, sadness, discomfort, discontentment... Nothing bad really happens in my life situation but I feel like shit. I started exercising daily and doing sometimes the wim hof method and it doesnt help. Still have cravings for pleasure.

in the past i did holotropic breating, osho meditations, chakra breathing, and more energetic exercises. Already a few months I have this energy (pressure) in the back of my head (medulla) and it wont go away, it seems a bit new agey but I have a feeling like i have to concentrate on that point so it will explode, thats the feeling i get. when i concentrate there or do some exercises something my head jitters. I did the wim hof method a few days ago and at the end of a cycle one needs to get a lot of air in and pressurize the head (the neck expands a bit too). I felt something like an explosion when I did that only once for a brief moment. when i do that pressurizing i feel some pressure in the area near the shoulders too, but i guess thats normal. should I do anything about that? did i damage my nervous system somehow? it doesnt interfere too much yet with my daily life.

@Etagnwo I realized that I have deep self esteem issues that show themselves only sometimes. I believe that im a shitty human, I study physics but im stupid, im lazy, I dont want to do hard things, im bad towards others, im extremely ignorant of how other people feel and in general about life, all i do is hedonistic stuff like eat and watch movies girls will be able to tell that I hate myself, should I still try to pick up girls? if i be myself i wont get any attraction, I can tell because often when I was myself people saw an unattractive energy in me, they say im a nerd and they acted in a way that avoided interacting with me.

there are possible negative effects of meditation that you can get through, leo has a video on it.

I define being present as being aware of thought movements, not being caught up in them. Everybody says "be present", when you walk, eat, do laundry, whatever. I see this as a waste of my life. I could at the same time entertain myself with music, listen to an audiobook, contemplate, for example about how to improve my life or others'. This is much better than "being present" because presence is so meaningless, it has no point, meaningless is the same as not having a point, why in the fuck would i do something that has no point? I meditate because it improves my concentration, and im more aware of myself WHEN I NEED TO. for example being present allows me to delude myself less, but that rarely happens (or at least it rarely helps), also being present allows me to be less emotional. I dont see a reason to be present ALL THE TIME. Why would I need witness consciousness in my daily life? it only helps with problems, which is less than 1% of my daily time. the rest of the time its just trying hard for no reason whatsoever. also I dont believe in the concept of being fulfilled all the time, if you inquire yourself out of every meaning you have youre going to have a shitty life, empty, and emptiness is... emptiness! its nothing, why in my current state would i want that, i want to feel life, who the fuck cares that its the truth, what i care about is fullfillment. What I think the best life is, is maximizing the time spent in meaningful engagement (yes meaning doesnt really exist and I create it but it feels good and thats all i care about) by following passions. That may entail truth seeking for best decision making, knowing what to do in life, but still, thats to create more fulfillment. Im pretty convinced intellectually that im not the body, nor the mind, even though I know I still believe that, I think its hard wired to believe that. What I think I am is whatever is watching, AKA what is being watched, awareness. BUT THAT HAS NO FUCKING IMPLICATIONS on my life at all, all the desires in "my" mind say that fulfillment is the best, so this body is going to try to achieve that, and not go to a monastery and waste it's life for example. obviously I dont know some stuff (a lot) and havent experienced shit, but thats what I believe right now.

i dont do these techniques on a regular basis, i do them very rarely. @Toby thanks that cleared things up for me, i won't do energetic meditations for a while. ill some how those techniques also. do you think that psychedelics can help too? i remember on an lsd trip like a lot of blockages were opened a little.

i wouldnt pay too much attention to it, i dont see a point, whatever happens, happens