Viking

lmao your comment triggered victim mentality in me and I slapped myself (mentally) I dont know, I do feel excitement for hedonistic activities (kinda rarely but still) I also have sometimes anger fits (by myself though, not at other people and not at myself, just anger, at life maybe)

I feel its not worth it

So to get that life purpose I gotta suffer, yeah?

but I also struggle in the dating scene. I have a lot of anxiety and fear about it (only in the body, in the mind I understand its stupid) and I just feel it's not worth the emotional labor, im lazy about it.

Lmao finding my life purpose is one of those things I dont want to do that takes work

lmao ive also been doing this recently, it felts kind of relaxing and good, and then I felt the hearbeat in the heat and that was somewhat pleasant.

This feeling is accompanied with a feeling that it's hard to breathe. I feel like this almost all the time. It affects my mood greatly, im not enthusiastic about anything for a long time already and I feel like I start to get depressed, I feel like there's no hope for the future being good because anything I thought of before as "good" seems from my point of view in the present as lame. I do know on some level that it will pass though, so I still have lingering hope. That feeling also intensifies when I think of doing something that requires effort, like doing the life purpose course or reading a book. I think it's because im extremely extremely mind dominant, I think ALL the time and analyze everything. im ALWAYS self conscious when I feel certain feelings, for example if I feel joy, I become aware that I feel joy, I cant just experience joy. As proof for this as the cause, I know that when I do mindnumbing activities like drink alcohol (I rarely do) or watch movies all the bad feelings alleviate, that is, unless my mind doesnt let me get into watching the movie. How can I deal with that permanently? I meditate for about a year now.

what is that? a chinese mafia?

ok so I tried the blood pressure test again and in a few seconds I managed to change my blood pressure from 106/54 to 145/79.

or im just descending into negative patterns

I just finished my exams and I have 2 months of freedom, and for some reason I feel anxiety, like something bad is going to happen. I have a few plans for the summer: 10 day vipassana retreat 10 day ashram volunteer work besides that I have free time, and in that time I want to: Finish my life purpose course pick up women at evenings in live get dates on tinder read books I feel anxious and I dont know about what. I do watch some tv shows as a way of relaxation, it's extremely comforting and it's hard not to give in. Maybe it's guilt? Also I dont have a schedule, I cant fall asleep until 3-5am, I went to sleep at 6am today and woke up at 10am, hoping to change my rhythm. Im also not sure whether I really want to use tinder and pick up women (because they're probably going to be low quality, because ill go to clubs and such, no other choices). I do have a lot of sexual dreams though and desire for a women though, so I guess I have to. can I do something to alleviate the anxiety? im not even sure if I have it, it's on and off. edit: *** posted it mistakingly in the spiritual sub, not sure if it's the right place.

Does it have negative consequences?

extremely inspired, excited very much, I came up with them. wasnt that implied if I said I felt good when watching it? it's pretty nice, yeah unfortunately the average age in my city is about 60, so there are no young girls in public places, only in clubs, which is very sad indeed, im trying my best, if there would be a better way I'd do it. it's not that I listen to people, it's that im not sure in my desires, they are on and off, very unreliable. thanks, im already trying to do that, I hope it will help, I also think that it's the cause somewhat.

no im not. im living life. ive never had sex or a girlfriend so I want to try it out. I know that it wont fulfill me, as you see im going to a vipassana retreat.

meehh.. it's around that area I guess

fuk it, I guess I wont understand until I experience it myself. Doesnt help at all as advice to uninitiated ones though.

then why not just call it presence or truth, why does IT has so many names? why give it a name of an emotions?

ive ranted about it recently, I dont believe in being present. it have to come naturally. Umm are you sure about that? inquire more into what actually happened

sure, the body is an experience. the only thing i know to be true 100% is the present moment, the fact that i exist

Love is an emotion which comes and goes, how can you say that?

man, fuck that. just tell me what you mean without any labels I have to read books to understand.

this is what i read from wikipedia Existentialism (/ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃəlɪzəm/)[1] is a tradition of philosophical inquiry associated mainly with certain 19th and 20th-century European philosophers who, despite profound doctrinal differences,[2][3][4] shared the belief that philosophical thinking begins with the human subject—not merely the thinking subject, but the acting, feeling, living human individual.[5] thats why using labels is stupid, i dont agree with the existentialism you described.

but that would be still your experience how so? it doesnt assume external reality, thats the whole point of it

ok, I guess im an existentialist, but isnt it the most accurate way to look at the world? we cant realy know anything outside our own experience.

well, do you disagree? what are you trying to say?