Viking

i was on a bus and looked out the window. for the whole ride i had moments where i would feel a very happy and pleasant vibe, maybe because some beautiful scenery, and a second later it changed to a fearful/anxious or unpleasant one, then again after a few seconds or less it changed back to a happy one and so on. the bus ride was a hell of a ride note- it felt as if the beauty of the view outside the bus reminded me of vibes that i had a long time ago and brought them to the present, they were not new vibes (if you understand what i mean) what caused this lack of balance do you think? i want to be more balanced and it felt as if it was out of my control, like free association (kind of?) it reminded me a psychedelic trip a bit p.s. it happens to me quite often that i have a good vibe, i notice it and its ruined

Whenever I think about opening a girl my body just says "nope". I dont even feel fear or anxiety, it's just my body saying nope and not approaching. I think this is caused by my fear of girls doing something to me I wouldnt be able to handle, like starting to curse me or starting to yell at me. A few days ago I matched with a girl on tinder and she cursed my mom and said I was ugly, I felt a little like crying. im afraid that if a girl did something to me like that in person i would actually start to cry and that would be horrible. I think it's because of past traumas, I remember a few incidents in middle school when girls said to my face that I was ugly and I especially remember an incident when an older woman out of nowhere starting yelling at me because she thought I did something I didnt do and I ran home crying (I was about 8). How do I deal with that?

@Florian lmao you dont do that. watch some youtube RSD videos. https://youtu.be/5lqo86IvOJ0 heres a great one with the basics

and i enjoy reading it, thanks

@see_on_see thanks a lot, man. that really helped and cleared things up. but how do I find places where I can just see people and say "hi" to them? I suppose I should be walking because it's weird to be in one place and say hi to whoever comes by. my area is not too populated and most people are old. Do I use google maps or something?

for the past 3 weeks i had little to no human contact, ive been sitting in my house alone, contemplating stuff, playing with dating apps, playing musical instruments, wasting time on social media and watching movies and youtube videos. I dont feel like im lonely, because im pretty used to it, though this level of isolation is a first for me. sometimes i start to feel anxiety or fear, sadness, anger, joy, body high, i became more sensitive to the energy of my body. Im having trouble sensing social cues when I do interact with people. sometimes i feel restless and slightly like im going insane. I did want to work on my life purpose and read books in this time, but dunno why I didnt do it, just didnt. in a few days im going to a "hippie" community (an ashram) for 2 weeks, where ill do volunteer work, meditate twice a day and interact a lot with people, so that was kind of my anchoring point, something to look forward to while i waste time. Anyway, why do you think all of those emotions came up?

@Solace thanks

yeah, same. so do it for a few mins after my daily 20 min meditation?

I guess the key is experience, if you stay in your head you wont know what offends and what doesnt and i sense a fear of being judged, can it be the case?

lol you think being a monk is easier than achieving success?

I concentrated on the heart for 10 minutes, and I felt the energy there strongly, but that's it.

yeah, its definitely a trauma, i know that. low self esteem, nice guyness, not being comfortable with myself.. exactly

yeah but why do I care if im not aware of it

forget about find, I cant talk with any girl so she will be attracted to me and not be creeped out

I've chosen the "right" path a ton of times, and it's always harder and more painful. Maybe it's a different kind of pain, but still is pain. it's just the right thing to do to avoid disaster in the future, that's where you're right, in my experience

it can sometimes not get bored

I think I do that because to pick the joyful one takes effort, it's painful to pick that one because then i have to do very painful things, like to figure out my life purpose. I havent embraced pain enough and it's way easier to take the miserable path. I should embrace the pain and just do it. @omTom your username could be cooler if it was moTom (palindrome lmao). anyway, I tried NoFap in the past. The reason I dont do it is because I shouldnt force myself to stop masturbating, it should stop by itself when I advance spiritually. I do it because I lack excitement in my life and that's making me excited. and I think I lack excitement not because i fap, that would be ridiculous. thank you, man. That Rumi poem keeps creeping and creeping on me, repeating itself in different ways for me. I dont believe in synchronicities and stuff, but that is cool. I guess i just have to embrace the pain. not even embrace it, but to enjoy it as a part of life.

that's not the point, of course there are interesting things to do, i just dont care about doing them/dont want to

no, its more because the fact that life is meaningless sinking in deeper and deeper. I know that the fact that its meaningless is also meaningless, but that doesnt change my attitude

what do you mean by mental positions? I'm starting to "get it" more and more these past days. That I am existence, and not some character in existence, but in my daily consciousness i still identify with the character. I think the concept "eternity" implies time, which is imaginary. people who dont embrace eternity are conceptualizing a lot of time, which is an illusion, the only truth is now, which is true eternity, so yeah, i can embrace eternity, dont care much about it, thinking about it creates problems which dont have to exist.

@Rookie@ajasatya oh I think I get now why I do this. I think it's because I dont give a shit about life anymore. Or at least that's what happens subconsciously. I ask myself "would I care if i'd die right now" and I think a sincere answer is "no", I have no resistance to dying or any will to continue to live. that is not to say I want to commit suicide, I dont want that at all, I just dont care, apathy is I guess the technical term for it, I dont know though. I dont care about anything so I just go through the path of least resistance, there's no desire to try and do something that would "be beneficial" or would even make me happier. I know these 3 weeks could be extremely fun and I could feel extremely good doing life purpose work but I just dont care. I guess it will pass.

but how do you know that

is that true? how do you know? have you directly experienced it or is it just "obvious"? and what is the brain made out of? atoms? and what are they made out of? protons? quarks? strings? and what are those made out of?

Tolle actually took LSD, look it up. @Cortex lol have you been around old people? theyre much slower enlightenment is nothing but a shift of consciousness, before enlightenment carry water, chop wood after enlightenment carry water,chop wood

lmao I feel the same way Lol I know this on some level, but...