Viking

i think all you need to know is that its normal, i also experienced stuff like that. try to listen to your intuition and to go your own path, without getting all of the information from other people. theyre just pointers.

@Gabriel Antonio I think going to a psychiatrist on this type of stuff isnt a good idea, unless that psychiatrist is top notch, and they're pretty rare and expensive. he/she will just label you with some imaginary "disorder" which will make you feel like a victim, and will give you some pills if they dont know what to do.

I think its just a shitty period in your life, happens to everybody. keep (or start) doing some self development work, watch Leo's latest video and see where you need to improve and start there. (greatly recommend the booklist)

any time I read a book i get bored at some point. even if the book has contents that I find somewhat interesting after a while when i keep reading the book i get this feeling like- ''ughhh i dont want to keep reading, i want to do something else'' and i have a feeling i want to sigh. this doesnt just happen with books, but with books its most prominent. anything i do, watching tv shows and movies, studying, watching youtube videos is just lame. the best interest i could get is not getting bored, nothing gets to "interesting". or it gets there and passes away quickly, but thats very rare. not only in that but in life in general. everything is so tasteless. going out with friends, participating in workshops, talking with people, eating, going to a vacation. Also im at the point in the life purpose course where im supposed to write 100 questions that fascinate me most about life and i cant come up with anything authentic really. I got questions like "why does anything exist" and "what experiences are there that i didnt experience" but it doest ring the bell of being "fascinating". is this because im not experiencing life enough and im always in my head? is this because im overstimulated? (tv shows, porn, etc.)

my nutrition is messy at the moment. im always hungry. even if i try to eat 3 meals a day, i always crave for food in between the meals. i eat oatmeal with fruits for morning, soup for lunch and something with meat for dinner, but in between i crave for sweets, junk food and stuff, whatever is available at home. ( i love with my parents)

today I read some post somewhere a way to have multi orgasms as a man. you just gotta squeeze the PC muscle before ejaculation. usually it takes some work for some people, but for me on the first time i tried I was able to orgasm about 4 times before choosing to ejaculate, it was harder as the times increased but still sexual arousal was there. also semen spilt before the ejaculation so i felt like it could get to my bladder and cause problems. is it harmful? im probably not doing it right and there may be some dangers, i dont know. it did feel much better than regular orgasm though.

honestly i experienced it during the afterglow of an lsd trip and somewhat during a vipassana retreat but its hella unsustainable and i dont know if its attainable for a high paced western lifestyle.

yes, im starting my 3rd year in a few weeks, but i wouldnt spend my free time on that, its boring mostly.

video games, YouTube and tv shows. i guess it's the same stuff just now i dont play videogames because they became boring. edit: this was more my teens. during childhood i played videogames, watched tv and spent time with friends outside fucking around. shit, i guess tv is the constant. edit2: wait, so am i fucked for life now and nothing will interest me as much as tv? because seriously so far nothing has interested me more than tv.

for me materialism is not 100% false, but it's very unlikely for the following reasons: let's say the smallest parts are dumb subatomic particles without consciousness. then how does your consciousness arise? it makes zero sense. people say that those particles might have some consciousness and when they become as complex as a brain you experience "you", that's also very unlikely because that would mean inanimate objects would have consciousness too. supposedly when there is subjective experience (consciousness) the brain fires neurotransmitters in certain loops (that's what neuroscience says). but it is said that there are near death experiences and other sort of experiences when brain activity lowers, but people still experience stuff. that means that people experience stuff without their brain firing neurons, which means theres a difference between brain and consciousness. (look for the book "why materialism is baloney" for more information, and generally about this whole subject) it is very logical to assume that we dont experience all of external reality if there is one, because of evolutionary reasons (less information that is more crucial, less time to react). with that, all of our descriptions and measurements of "external reality" are based on our experience, sights, sounds, feelings, then how can we be so certain about our descriptions of it? science doesnt answer what is existence, it just explains certain matter with other matter, how some matter will react with other matter bla bla... it doesnt have the answer, which means materialism doesnt have the answer, it's just a set of beliefs. using the materialism paradigm, we conclude that all of our experience is in our heads, in the brain, we dont have direct access to reality and cant possibly have because it will always be through the brain. that for me just sounds weird and quite a stretch to be true. edit: btw the materialist paradigm is extremely toxic because it leads us to believe that the world is full of cold facts without any magic and it contributes to people being depressed.

haha thats what ive been actually doing. ive been to a vipassana retreat, i went to volunteer for 10 days, i went to a festival for 4 days which i just came from. i guess ill try to plan more stuff, thanks i need to force myself because i have a huge cravings for that stuff and reading books, eating healthy and such isnt as stimulating. i actually notice the craving in my body when it happens but i cant help but identify with it and go along.

youre 100% right about the stimulation but should i force myself to meditate even if it makes me miserable? i know how to deal with misery the right way without generating sankaras but itll suck still and i wont want to do it. and i think to truly for meditation to have an effect i should meditate at least 20 min a few times a day. and do you think i should force myself and cut on the constant compulsory eating and watching tv shows i do all day? this period will end in a few weeks and ill go back to university.

first, i am not good as i am, i feel like shit most of the time and i hope these books will get me better. second, even if i was good as i am, i still would want to improve my situation even further.

ill get back to you on that once itll happen again. for some reason my mind is pulling blanks now. well, I actually want what these books have to offer me, and sometimes I am interested in what I read but there always comes this point of "I dont want to read anymore, i should take a break" and often i dont come back to that book, or continuing it becomes a chore.

i actually started doing that a few days ago the thing that comes up mostly is watching tv shows which is the most exciting thing for me but still bleak and unfulfilling mostly.

so you imply that the contents are separate from what those contents are in?

you're going to die soon

bullshit fear, doesnt make any sense. just start watching Leo's videos or reading books, like 6 pillars of self esteem (will help you a TONNN). doing self development will make you less needy, hence having better social life. (the fact that you need social life so much makes you less likely to have it) also social life wont bring you fulfillment. in the end you will have to find something from within that will bring you that fulfillment, like being creative or contributing to society, getting enlightened, etc. you romanticize about it too much I feel. Still go for though if you feel like it.

maybe try to stop seeking outside sources for help and look inwards for help. all of the answers are within, if you can notice them. ok, so wtf do i mean by that... sit comfortably and concentrate on your breathing for a few seconds while relaxing the body. then ask yourself, "what can i do to improve my situation" or "what's my problem" or "what am i afraid of and why" any question that YOU feel right. then try to answer those questions. this is the optimal way I think to solve problems, because you know your situation the best. if you cant come up with questions, still concentrate on your breathing until a thought arises, any thought. if you meditate daily you probably know that feeling of starting to meditate and starting to have thoughts that are not in your control. those thoughts are your connection with your subconscious and it can be really powerful to just see what kind of thoughts arise and go from there. personally this technique helps me to settle any confusion i have in the moment, because the most urgent things pop up into my mind that make up this confusion. you gotta get to a point where you dont need anyone's help. though it may not be possible for you right now. read books, buy leo's booklist if you havent already, its very good and will get you out of your shit guaranteed.

For some reason, I dont care about my life being better, feeling joy, feeling peace, having a fulfilling life purpose, helping people. yeah, that feels good but I dont feel the drive to do anything in order to achieve it. If I could, I would stay in mediocrity, but the problem is that I will suffer greatly: I do care about not having a shitty life, in which I hate going to my job, feeling miserable. I also cant stand being mediocre, it seems like in my genes im built for greatness, if i would be mediocre I would suffer because I need to fulfill my potential, not because I want to fulfill my potential, but because if I dont, I will suffer. I dont know if it makes sense. In other words, If I wont do self development, or at least feel like im doing it, I will undoubtedly kill myself, BUT I dont do it because I want to be better. All of that shit creates the following problem: I dont want to do self development work, but I have to, otherwise I suffer. Therefore also if I do self development work, I still suffer because i dont want to do it. please end my suffering how do i develop positive motivation for being better if i dont care about it?

lame, heared of the sum of the infinite series 1/2+1/4+1/8+1/16....? it's finite. besides, the universe could loop and after say 10000 stars the arrow would hit the first star.

you use alcohol because it makes you feel good. you want to feel good because you dont already feel good. spirituality makes you feel good, much more than alcohol, though it takes work. so conclusion: you can get to a state where you dont need alcohol, though right now going the middle path is best choice in my opinion. so right now alcohol in moderation (you decide what moderation is for you)

if youre asking, you probably don't know too well how to do it, so in your place i'd give some videos or books to read. prefferably videos

im on a break now, so i have 2 conflicting sides: 1. i want to do the life purpose course, read books, meditate and eat good food because it will benefit me in the future and it makes me feel good physically and mentally. i dont like doing it. 2. i want to eat shit food that in the end makes me feel shitty, i want to watch movies, i want to masturbate 2 times a day or more- which makes me feel shitty. when i do option 1, i suffer. when i do option 2, i like doing it but i know i gotta do more of 1, because long term option 2 will make me miserable. i want to slowly transition to option 1, but with least amount of suffering. is there a way i can change my beliefs regarding option 2 in order to do more of 1? this state that im in right now is just for a few days, but i keep falling into it. for example when i radically change my environment and go volunteer someplace for a few days when i come back doing option 1 is not so painful and is actually nice, but slowly i slide into option 2 and option 1 becomes untenable. how do i not let this happen again? and should i change my environment again to get out of the place im in now? should i force option 1? for now i dont do any of it.