Viking

but i cant control my desires

@Salvijus @Arkandeus of course I meditate and work on myself. that is long term work though. for now its ok if my interaction with people is shallow, as far as its an interaction, because i dont communicate right now with people really at all! better something rather than nothing. I also noticed that when I interact with people I start to realize things about myself I didnt realize by myself.

i genuinely dont give a crap about who i am. get down to my level, im not interested in that stuff. we're speaking different languages. yes, because otherwise i will continue to be the way i am. being at home watching sitcoms.

yes, but first his basic needs were met. i am fine by myself, im better than most people because ive been by myself most of my life, but i feel like that starts to hurt me psychologically, im having trouble speaking to people, im forgetting words. self transcendence is at the peak of maslow's hierarchy, i need friends first to be motivated to get there. the only honest desire i have is love and friendship. i dont even care about life purpose, let alone enlightenment, even though i know intellectually that its the thing that will bring happiness.

do you think meditation is worth doing? why or why not? also do you think courses like vipassana are helpful?

is it more likely to get enlightened when your basic needs are met ? (maslow's hierarchy) are "you" happy? do you suffer? how do i get enlightened?

but how can i accept something im unaware of? i worked quite a bit on accepting myself.

when i started my studies this year i suffered a lot and i used something similar-"cant do anything about that suffering, better just experience it" the suffering just usually went away for some reason.

@Shin @Elisabeth thank you for the answers, pretty insightful. ill try to figure out what other people are interested in and try to see why it would be interesting to me. i have a very good ability to be funny, but im holding back when im not with my family or really close friends. ill try to be mindful of that.

@VictorB02 I think you're faking higher levels of spiral dynamics. you understand intellectually that its not wrong to kill animals but you feel like its wrong. youre probably a stage green thinking he's yellow, im the same by the way. follow what you think is best though. also I feel a little sissyness coming out of you, maybe you're afraid to state your case and confront your family. look a bit into that.

I think a self actualized person (more than enlightened) wouldnt have symptoms like that. he would be able to act in the world. look at sadhguru.

if you think its a better use of your time do whatever the fuck u want, man.

I find myself in a constant state of craving, not one moment is good enough, except a few extremely rarely. craving for food, masturbation, movies, youtube, etc. I realize that in order to be more satisfied I have to develop a taste for work, studying, interacting with people, books, and I dont know what more. But I cant imagine enjoying working or studying, let alone enjoying it more than a good movie or a good youtube video. I have been studying for years already and I still hate it. I have been reading a few books and I still hate it. I hate interacting with people, it bores me, even though ive been doing it for my whole life. that means that the taste for this stuff doesnt develop automatically with time, but i have to do something else in order to develop that taste. my question is - what?

im starting to understand that life is truly suffering. ill try... but im suffering so much right now i almost wish to be dead.

i stopped doing it a few days after the retreat, it was way harder to do it at home and i suffered way too much.

but that's exactly what im saying, that I dont enjoy these things. my question is how do i enjoy them

that's a great idea! i will watch the video and try that, but that doesnt answer the question. if i quit those addictions my life will be empty and even though i overcame these addictions lets say i will indulge in them again because i will have only suffering and no joy in my life. you can say that the only enjoyment i get out of life is those addictions, nothing else is really worth doing, so my question is how do i develop the ability to enjoy other things that are better and more satisfying apparently.

I find nature one of those things that I have to develop a taste for, I dont like being in nature that much.

I notice that when something unusual happens with me, like hearing new strange sounds, seeing optical illusions (unintentionally), observing certain unusual thoughts/meanings, feeling unusual sensations, etc. my heart starts to race and i feel fear in my body, that feeling when you break something important, like your heart sinks. this fear arises because i believe something is wrong with me and im going crazy, but often i ask other people if they hear the same sound or see the same optical illusion and they say yes, which means that my fear was unjustified and I calm down. this fear arose after the first time I took psychedelics, which was LSA, about a year ago. for a whole day after the trip I was in panic because i thought i fucked up my brain, because of the weird awareness that I had when the trip was supposed to end, and because I didnt sleep, so my memory and my cognitive ability were weak, so i thought they were damaged permanently. the effects lifted up after a few days and for some time i forgot about it, but the fear and belief that i am somehow fucked up is still there. how do i deal with this?

i actually experience fear very rarely, its more the belief that's troubling me, because i suspect it manipulates me in ways in which im not aware of.

that's the point!! I will

my god, the ending of "the butterfly effect" literally made me terrified, I started sweating and my heart started to beat fast because I thought my past could be all fabricated.

Im from a russian family, so there's a lot of talk about putin. Some say he's god, some say he's the devil. I, myself cant crack the nut of who he is. He seems to talk some blue and red sometimes, but I wonder if it's just to please his nation, which are mostly in that range. Where do you think he's at? I would appreciate some videos to back it up. P.S. It would be awesome I think if there would be a section in the forum for politics, as Leo talks about it often and it's important for getting a big picture for what self actualization is about (advancing humankind)

just some pointers, i dunno: when did you start feeling this way and what happened during that time that might've caused it? I dont believe you didnt feel even a single bit of happiness throughout the dacade, what gave you happiness? and why? maybe you feel like you should do something and not doing it, maybe you're not following what you think you should be doing. depression is usually a signal the body gives you that you need to change something

raising the kundalini energy, full body orgasms, tantric sex, very deep personal connection with other people, astral projection, siddhis