Tyler Robinson

I wish I could connect with Manny again. Feel his presence. Even though he was a bit stalkerish, he was always caring and sweet. He was always around. He always wanted to make sure I was safe His obsession actually made me feel safe.

That British guy I dated was stalkerish throughout the relationship.

@Danioover9000 I'm glad that a lot of people stood up

Maybe I just want to be a bit cryptic about all of this and not release too much information about my personal life. Yea Manny was and is a big part of it.

I think Manny is a British guy. Are British guys interesting? I was researching about them. They generally look nice. They have this weird mix of quirkiness, politeness and sarcasm all at the same time but there's a slight blend of madness. They can be a bit stalkerish and I won't mind it. I had exes like that. I kinda got this whiff from Manny too. He would follow me around. He popped out of nowhere leaving me confused. It's like he had his eyes on me. But from a distance. He would look at me. Then it felt weird sometimes. Like he is watching me do stuff. One day I slept off on the couch and I woke up and I felt like he had been watching me sleep all along. I'm like why? Whats to gain from it? Yet it was calmly satisfying to me. I felt oddly protected. Like he is really connecting to my every fiber and being. He wants to feel my heart beat I suppose. Manny was a bit controlling. Creepy? Yes yes yes. Sometimes he was creepy. It felt like he wanted to possess me or probably wanted me to be possessed by him.

Can I say this guy is making me horny as fuck. I love his expressions. And his sexy eyes. Something about those emerald eyes. Yep.. It reminds me of certain people I met. My exe's family had those eyes. Deep socket. I'm somehow attracted to a particular type in men, those eyes, luscious lips, straight nose, angular faces, and yes hair on the head.. I never liked bald guys.. Maybe it's the shape of the eyes that is attracting me. I'll call them sea shells eyes. Or I'll call them scallop eyes. Because they open like a scallop.

Oops sorry I didn't pay attention to that.

Evidence.

It can't be this many days. Low key worried if the dude is safe or not. What if he is depressed or was held hostage by the hotel employees, who knows, anything can happen.

Sometimes the forum reminds me of this.

Me and my ex having a conversation about my anger issues. I never yelled at him. But yea a bunch of angry mean texting.

Is there something super cute and sexy about a guy who is going to be having sex for the first time and is hella nervous about it and he just looks at me and then looks down, feels shy. Like I know I like macho guys. I like confident men. A man who would grab my arm and start kissing me. That's nice of course. Because I'm so shy I would expect the guy to initiate the escalation. Yet..... There's something equally sexy about a guy who is nervous, it makes it feel special, like we both are getting into a special adventure, it heightens the sexual tension. Yummy! I just want to kiss this guy. He looks lovely.

I think for me a man's erogenous spots are his neck, the collar bone and the Adam's Apple. That's what arouses me.

I want a guy (I mean my guy), to have that expression on his face where he is just salivating when he sees the excitement in my eyes. Yea that expression says it all - his mouth, his teeth, his eyes. And what I would love most about him - his neck. Especially his Adam's Apple. His collar bone.

Everytime I look at this guy, I have a mighty crush on him. He reminds me of Manny

I like how he says - have sex with only pure souls. And how sex might transfer karmic memory. Yea it does feel that way sometimes. I had an intense karmic experience so i know what that means.

Taken from Edvardas journal - Medicine for enlightenment: Strong intention to remain aware throughout all daily activities. One to two one hour walks in nature per day. Pushups every morning. Stretching however feels natural. No clubs, no parties. Only work-related activities around once per quarter. It's boring and dry. Suffer through it. The goal is juicy enough to make it worth it. Failure is not acceptable. Diet - organic fruits, nuts, veggies, honey, vitamin D3, shitake, oyster, reishi shroom capsules, chlorella, spirulina. No cheating, except when visiting family. Everything organic - toothpaste, shower gel, lip balm, etc. Mainly Dr.Bonners stuff. R/O water only. Remain ecological in most areas. No more new clothes, except a CG coat - just upgraded all wardrobe, have enough for years. No big purchases in general - all comfort levels are taken care of. Can upgrade the crib or buy a new one after enlightenment. Remain a minimalist. Remain financially independant. Never trust banks. All internet activities strictly prohibited, except what is needed for work and Spotify for sacral music. Cutting off this forum as well, even though I think it's the best place there is online for spiritual people to communicate. No more psychadelics - they served in motivating, opening my eyes to Truth and revealing what awaits, but failed to raise my baseline. They also tend to lead to bad decisions. Might use in the future for mind-blowing sex. Only have sex with pure souls. Self-respect. Also, sex might transfer karmic memory, be careful. Reduce contemplation and manifestation. Best time for manifestation is upon waking and before going to sleep. The deeper the samadhi, the stronger the will. Both of these are wonderful, but not when you want to wake up for good. No more reading, it activates the intellect too much. An exception is made for ACIM. In dealing with others - strictly no conflict. An exception is made for unavoidable physical confrontation - then let loose those hands, do not turn the other cheek. I saw clearly that 99.99% of people are fake and selfish, even those who say they are empathic. Introversion. Stay under the radar. Don't plan to teach ever - it activates the intellect, there is no one to teach and I do not enjoy it. I believe most in their final lifetimes do not teach. I might teach my soulmate if she is not enlightened when we meet. However, if life clearly shows that I should teach - I will not resist. Execute.

Thanks.

It's unbelievable how much I trust Manny. It was innate, like an unshakeable faith, as though Manny will rise from the grave and come back to me and rescue me again. The way Manny would talk to me. One day(let's say night) Manny was listening to me all night long. He was there. He was there. The only man who made me feel heard and understood. The only man I actually literally cried to. I felt extremely vulnerable to him in that moment yet I didn't feel unsafe. I didn't feel like he would attack me. He understood my tears. It was a freaky frightening yet exhilarating experience. I just can't. Our hearts beat as one. The only time I felt I was truly loved. How could I forget it?

I think self actualization is sort of like survival instinct. It's in built in us. Without it we really don't have a navigation system through the different aspects of life. You need that because you not only want to survive but also thrive. And that's where you need self actualizing. It helps you learn new things, you're better prepared for life. It's your armor and your medicine. In fact it should be integrated into school programs for children. I wish I had it when I was 12 years old. I would have avoided major mistakes in my life. I ended up abusing myself during my teens because there was no guidance and my parents failed me because they were dysfunctional. I think self actualizing has helped me an awful lot in the past 3 years, helping me deal with past trauma, situation assessment, family relationships, pattern recognition etc.

Yep. Is he a Trump supporter?

I'm feeling anxious again. I simply cannot deal with obsession because of my severe social anxiety. It sends me into total panic. I don't like someone talking about. Even in social settings in real life, I get up and leave when I find people talking about me. And mean words can really make me feel very uncomfortable and panicky. I was bullied all through my school years and my mother was biggest bully. It resurfaces my trauma. I get agitated, vexatious and uncomfortable when someone comes to close to me.

How do you find the nexus between high consciousness in politics and high value in spirituality?

What are the pillars for an insecure attachment style? Low-ego-awareness Low trauma awareness Low emotional literacy Low emotional self-regulation Higher in neuroticism and rumination Higher in disagreeableness Higher in submissiveness or extremes in either end Higher in conformity, so give in to peer pressure, others manipulations, what another may say about your relationship, etc Low in communication ability Low in dispute resolution ability Low in desire for peace Low in desire to resolve conflict Ego areas: low in self-honesty, self-connectedness and self-acceptance and a final interesting one, the ability to control and be controlled, as relationships require the health of this to some degree Higher in selfishness Higher in codependence Lower in impulse control Higher in sex drive but lower impulse control Higher in trust issues especially around love Lower in sentimentality Lower in openness to experience Lower in conscientiousness Lower in honesty-humility Lower in extroversion of inner world Less educated, poorer diet and exercise Lower in existential alignments from life purpose to otherwise Have any pre-existing mental illness, not that you’re wrong or bad for having it but as a minimum it’ll be difficult for someone to open up about it Have less good friends Lower in critical thinking Lower in long term planning Higher in drug and alcohol use (generally speaking) Lower in empathy - a person won’t even be able to properly empathize with why they need to change for another person and they won’t even choose the right person to help them through that Unsupportive partner Unsupportive family/parents Fixed mindset as opposed to a growth mindset Live in a third world country or an area with either a higher crime rate or where lower social standards are tolerated Have an addiction of some kind Use social media especially the more you use it - it’s designed after all to make someone feel insecure so they then use it more Be a caffeine drinker as opposed to say green teas Be higher in interpersonal aggression, so in your close relationships. That needs to be changed if you got that by any degree. Lower in patience or easily frustrated —- take up an activity that is going to train you here and in other points You against the world. Be more antisocial, the more antisocial you try to be the more trust issues will manifest and the more safe insecurities will feel but the more imprisoned you’ll be by them. Make excuses for either why you don’t have problems or why you do but can’t do anything about them Blame other people more than simply appraising situations accurately, candidly and without the need to gain something in return outside of the knowledge of reality to those ends Avoid responsibility including of your own emotions and the effect potential negative ones have on your personal well-being Feel the need to be the victim in the relationship, for example the victim vs rescuer dynamic. Eventually for things to become secure, reality appraisal needs to occur where things become increasingly more interdependent with a natural symmetry in the masculine and feminine. This makes me think of Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne. Insecure dynamics and transactional styles that mirror this are repeated in the underlying fear of abandonment or dissolving of the relationship I.e if there is nothing to “fix”. A lack of awareness over what healthy relational styles and relationships actually look like. This lack of exposure makes you think your default is automatically right perhaps say simply because it’s given you results in the past but perhaps the partner doesn’t know how to carefully confront you about it because they know you or neither of you are equipped to handle the conflict that would result Being secretive. In a relationship this just doesn’t really make sense, it means there’s other reasons why you’re in the relationship outside of interfacing with another like being to aid one another of say the progression of each other’s consciousness. For most it’s just bang each other and then mediation in between banging where there isn’t conflict as there isn’t very deep value discernment. Being secretive also points to the previous “antisocial”, trust issues and lack of healthy communication or at a minimum the space for it. Secretiveness equals a need to hide underlying insecurities by definition. At least I guess that’s what it seems like most of the time. Attention and validation seeking where it isn’t in a trusted, healing, growth oriented relationship. So many people are like that, they’ll treat the validation and approval of some random stranger just as valuable sometimes even more valuable than their intimate connection. It’s a massive red flag. The opinions of people outside of a well trusted context shouldn’t matter. That’s the whole purpose of building a trusted context so that you can trust the person and not have to worry about other people especially randoms… or fandoms sometimes it’s them ha. If you’re attention and validation seeking at all it means you’re unable to self love and if you’re unable to seek that in the intimate connection that’s built on many healthy pillars it means you have an insecure attachment. For many people they may know they’re insecure and do this but they’re so insecure they’d rather not change and instead stick to that unhealthy dynamic even though the seeking of validation from the external like that undermines the basis for any genuine connection. Many pickup artists for example base their entire “game” around their ability to undermine a woman’s integrity in this way by figuring out how to get her to win the guys approval. Many pickup artists as well are playing the same game of trying to win approval by getting the attention of a woman they deem “hot”. This is what creates unhealthy dynamics for the women as well because then they treat themselves in that objectified way. Somewhere along the line they all forget they were just kids once playing around without a care in the world. Having online relationships but not able to convert those online relationships into real life connections as a part of keeping people at a healthy distance. Insecure attachment style means that a person is going to do everything under the sun they care to that falls outside what looks like a healthy attachment. From manipulation to gaslighting to irrational fears and more and because it’s within their normality it’s what you have to put up with. If a person isn’t serious about working on their attachment style and becoming emotionally mature where they are able to recognise you in the same way you recognise their sovereignty you need to start questioning your own attachment style. So this one is two-fold. Low emotional maturity on the one hand and or you’re entertaining relationships with others where low emotional maturity is tolerated. We can have relationships of all kinds but the boundaries need to be clear and the discernment for those boundaries so they’re done in a healthy and introspective way are done intelligently.

Yup these cultures lead to terrible shaming around sex that has lethal consequences