Tyler Robinson

Diary36 - Mind clearing diary Entry2/36

Diary35 - Mass shooters Entry1/35

Diary32 - Diary of a liar Entry1/32

Diary34 - Death Entry1/34

First of all, sleep as early as possible. Switch off devices. Relax and calm yourself. Cut caffeine in your diet. Regular cold showers. Hit gym.

I don't have many friends. I lost a few of them I had over the past year. Now I'm feeling a bit insecure. These were my school friends but they moved and they just decided to forget me. I don't hold any grudge because people forget each other over time. Now I'm desperately looking for new friends. And it's getting hard. I feel like I just don't know many people. What are the some of the best options to make a ton of friends as quickly as possible. I'm growing impatient. I no longer care if they're deep friends or not.

I'm looking specifically for online friends to chat with. I don't have time to go out because of work related stuff.

And how do you do it?

It's hard to find really deep friends. Especially because of the internet. People drop you at the click of a button. Try to find communities where people resonate with your thoughts. I had many friends that I lost because they simply forgot or lost attachment. Or they were never friends to begin with, simply pretending to be. I would describe a deep friendship as someone who doesn't judge you, respects you, is available when you need them, doesn't betray you, doesn't ghost you and does not want for superficial reasons or clout chasing. It's hard because most people won't stick around.

Yea these are really nice people imo. Had good interactions with these.

I usually get along with ENFPs. My last bf was that. I usually get along with most MBTIs. It depends on their level of emotional intelligence across the board.

@Raptorsin7 I have been in a situation where my ex lied to me about his bisexuality. I asked him again and again about it. He was hiding it. He thought that if he told me about it, I would reject him. Back then I was a bit, you could say, not so comfortable with the idea of entertaining bisexuality. I probably would have rejected him. So our relationship ended and he later on admitted that he was bisexual which hurt me because I thought he should have let me know early on. That day I reflected on why he wasn't being open about the truth to me. I realized that he thought he was going to be judged or shamed. His idea was not to deceive me. He was only hiding because he was not too open about such things, he didn't know how I would react to it. Hindsight is always 20/20. I don't think that way anymore. Now I'm more open to the idea of bisexuality than before. My transformation to becoming a trans has helped me understand and explore the idea of transgenderism and homosexuality. A few weeks ago when I confided in a male colleague about my trans situation, he was very pissed. Next day he gave me a death threat and said that such people do not belong in society. That has caused me to not open up about my trans struggles to people around me. It becomes difficult to tell the whole truth when you're judged and shamed by those around you. In addition people get to call me a liar if I don't tell the whole truth. It's a tricky thing. What prompted me to comment is the statement you made - "I fucking hate dishonest people." Not gonna lie but that statement hurt me very badly because I have been dishonest too in my life to people around me. But I only did so because I always feared their judgement and hate towards me.. Being truthful was probably a huge struggle for me ever since childhood. But I know deep down that I never had bad intentions. I was just addicted to lying and dishonesty and a lot of it has to do with the way I felt judged all the time. That prompted me to comment, I can see others struggling with truth just the way I do. If we all lived with more compassion and less judgement, maybe people would feel much better being truthful. Just my two cents. I'm also writing a journal on serial killers and Mass shooters and trying to understand why they kill people. At the end of the day, after a thorough contemplation on the nature of good and evil I have come to the following conclusion - All the evil we see in the world is the evil we ourselves create. It goes along the lines of another famous saying - Be the change you wish to see in the world. What I mean is - we blame all the evil on a person, on people who do wrong things. But it's the ultimate absence of love that gives birth to all this evil. People who do wrong things are mere scapegoats that we point our fingers to. Who are the mass shooters? Who are the narcissists? Who are the psychopaths? We might blame them endlessly. But that doesn't solve the problem. We give birth to them. We create them and we blame them. These people were raised by the same society that blames and shames them. We don't want to address their trauma, their concerns, their parenting, their upbringing but we just want to put them in jail and throw away the key, without addressing the issues at their root. I feel this is unjust and unfair. Evil is not an external force with puppet strings in the hands of the devil. Evil is right here within us and we cause it because we don't want to truly love each other. It creates separation. Separation creates a society of you versus them. Then a person no longer cares about you and scams you. We don't see the underlying connections. We only blame the person. There's a saying in the Bible - don't blame the sinner, blame the sin. So yeah, when we create a more compassionate society, we won't have charlatans, sociopaths, psychopaths and mass shooters. There won't exist a need for one person to do wrong to another because where there is empathy there is no greed, there is no bad intent. Just my contemplative thoughts on the subject of good and bad, good versus evil

I appreciate this and this is good. But not everyone works with your own code of conducting things. People have different perspectives. Depends on how they were raised, their trauma, their insecurities. Maybe they were treated very badly whenever they came out with the truth. It's always good to be sensitive to what factors might be inhibiting the other person from being or doing the highest good.. We can't judge them from our moral lense. And just because someone is at a lower level on the scale of morality(since morality is relative anyway), it does not always imply that they're a horrible person at heart. It could be a good person at heart not really aware of how they're screwing others. On the flip side, sometimes we think we are doing good by bringing attention to charlatans. There is a saying that goes - the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You might not be directly threatening his family or career. However constantly dragging him in the mud could potentially ruin his career for good. I mean it's like - he stole a few bucks from you and that's just money. But you could be stealing his whole life, his peace of mind, his reputation. Who is the bigger thief. Sometimes we hurt others 10000 times more than they hurt us, just to console our own moral righteousness. The path to true spirituality comes through non judgement and empathy. Growth in consciousness. By judging too harshly we create a wrong versus right society, we create division. We create a society of sinners versus good people. But in the eyes of God, every child is same. Hopefully you will develop that compassion for those who did wrong to you. With that said I finish here, have a good day. Cheers.

@Raptorsin7 okay think about it this way. How would you feel if you made a mistake and duped someone. You might say that you will never do it. But what if you did. And after that people kept dragging your name forever about it, shaming you for what you did? Would it give you space for healing or moving on? Would you not feel dragged on and on, never having closure on what happened? Would not feel like people should stop focusing on the bad you did and give you a chance to better yourself and not keep endlessly dragging you in the mud? And what if admitting to your mistakes is going to cost a lot to your business or reputation? Knowing that you would lose, would you still go ahead and confess to your wrongdoings? Just asking for your perspective on how you would react if the same happened to you and people just weren't ready to forgive you and calling you a charlatan everyday?

@Raptorsin7 what I was trying to accomplish is to convince you to have greater empathy for a wrong doer and stay away from constantly calling him out since it is over and happened a long time ago, there is always a point where we need to drop things because it doesn't create space for healing, either for him or you. I just wanted to offer you something to ponder on so you would know that there are many things that are involved in a situation than just someone being right or wrong. And everything is way beyond all the moralizing we do. People make mistakes. There is not a single person on planet earth who hasn't made a mistake. It seems that after I offered you an alternate perspective you're ready to work on empathizing with him. Which is good. If my perspective wasn't helpful even in the least,, then my bad. Have a good day.

Notice how you immediately think that people are coming for you when you are only being suggested that dragging someone incessantly isn't a great thing either and how this same behavior causes people like Nahm to not admit to their mistakes, we contribute to the same problem that we try to address. Notice once again how you feel triggered just because someone gave you an alternate perspective on your situation but you only appreciate when someone says "I'm so sorry this happened to you." There is something to learn here, is to forget and let go and to empathize with others flaws as much as you wish people empathize with you. Nobody is perfect.

Part of the problem is that we continuously shame people who are dishonest. This makes it difficult for them to open up about their dishonesty. And that's what you're doing here, maybe it helps you, but no one is truly better than another. You didn't give it up. Even if Nahm admitted to his mistakes and flaws, would you give it up truly? Because the problem is. That calling another person a bad person somehow makes us feel better. That's the root of all problems. If we drop shaming and approach the problem with empathy like hey you can tell people about it but I'm not gonna judge you forever for this, then there are possibilities that people who wanted to correct the wrong might open up.. If Nahm confesses to his wrongdoings then he is risking his reputation. You act as though you're the most honest person in the world, but I'm sure if there were skeletons in your closet that you wouldn't wish to be revealed and you would find ways to hide it too.. Your reputation might not matter to you much because you aren't on Nahms level. But you got to understand that he is someone that a lot of people look up to, he has YouTube videos and he does a ton of stuff for people. Now he even has a forum. It would be incredibly difficult for someone like that to admit to anything wrong, they risk losing supporters and in turn their livelihood. What will you achieve even if he admitted to things, other than a vapid boost to your ego. You have to ask yourself why you're so desperate that he should publicly admit to it. It's not gonna bring your money back. Also make wiser choices in life. Everything is not always about the other person. Maybe they weren't genuinely aware of what they were doing. Why did you attract such a person or situation to your life? Maybe because you believed or invested too much. We all indirectly contribute to any bad karma that happens.

What do you guys think of the bad boy? My personal experience with them was never good. They were generally abusive and liked control. They were superficial in the sense, nothing about them was about being tough, they're quite insecure and the whole bad boy image is a facade to cover up their inner insecurities. What are your personal experiences of it? Same as above. Those who are attracted to it, why? why not? I used to be attracted to it. They're narcissists who give you the feeling of security and comfort via love bombing in the initial stages. Later they begin to prey on your weaknesses. The attraction mainly comes from their projected masculine qualities of being able to lead and dominate, protect and generally a charming disposition. What are the limitations of this lifestyle? If he is simply a pretentious bad boy then he has nothing to worry other than ending up alone after being a playboy for a while. If he is a real bad boy, then he might have done a couple of illegal things and he could see jail time. Bad boys are never out of trouble. They are drama magnets. What is an evolved bad boy? Movie, literary, historical examples (integrated red at stage yellow) This is difficult. You won't find someone who is perfected with a bit of a shadow. Maybe an evolved bad boy is someone who finally got over their insecurities, don't feel the need to flex their muscles anymore, doesn't act like a bully, doesn't beat up his girlfriend, is no longer a dead beat Dad and takes up responsibility for himself and his family. I could see that as some noteworthy evolution of a bad boy. IMO a bad boy is someone who has integrated their shadow before their peers - however may be immature in other aspects of their life. This is a description of a person who knows how to responsibly use his powers. But I haven't seen/encountered a bad boy who was responsible with his behavior. They're not immature in other aspects of life, they're immature, period. In fact the opposite is true. They're the ones who never grew up on the level of their peers. They never matured and lived in their delusional bubble. The attraction is the dominance for submissive people. This is partially true. The other part is physique. I never saw a bad boy with a lame physique and nothing to boast about. They are well aware of their good looks and superficial charm and that's what they bank on. They are good with communication. They can be funny, entertaining, smart, upbeat. They are good at making someone feel close and protected. But it's all just a facade.

Is she abusive? It's fine to dislike your parents if they're abusive. It's best to shut them out of your life for good. If she is not mistreating you, then look within for what is it with she says that triggers you. Have a heart to heart talk with her and let her know what hurts you. She needs to respect your boundaries if she wants to be a good mother. It could be that she is unaware of your emotional needs or your personality type. Give her clues on what she should do to create harmony.

Thinking constantly about what's good and bad can make us pretty dogmatic. Release that tension.

If you enjoy being alone, I'm sure you would want something like that. I enjoy my own time too. But there's a beauty in coming home every evening to someone waiting to receive you and share things with you. I don't want to trade that.

I've never been in a situation like this. I am generally submissive and I let the guy dominate and decide what he wants to do. There's such a joy in feminine submission.

I am perfectly fine if my guy is watching porn. I would let him. As much as he wants.

It's called enthusiasm. But sometimes we do things for others even if it means taking pains.

@Nilam get rid of your exes. And stop listening to binaural beats. Don't focus on relationships. Focus on your career.