Tyler Robinson

Yea. Happened to me. I dated a bipolar maniac and one day he told me that he would peel off my skin and turn it into an umbrella. Glad that I took it as a joke. Not dating someone like Kanye West who is famously bipolar. Look what he did to Pete Davidson and Pete is Borderline. Pete is in therapy now. That kinda situation is messed up as fuck. Although I'm always attracted to bipolar guys, I think I should be slightly careful next time. I should be better at negotiating the bad stuff that might happen at some point inadvertently. I mean both bipolar men I dated gave me death threats lol, my bad.

I wouldn't recommend a trauma afflicted person to be involved with someone who is disordered. Because that's a double whammy. Two disordered dysfunctional people making it harder for each other. No way. But I can imagine a perfectly healthy normal mentally fit smart man engaging with a traumatized disordered woman and helping her heal, even providing her therapy or being her guide and therapist and helping her get better, giving her hope and a new life where she is at least partially recovered and able to have a proper (if not amazing) sustainable relationship with him forever. Aka her prince charming in doctors uniform. Can be possible.

Myopic view. I was once a fixer for my ex. He had depression. I wasn't trying to get love or attention. Nor was I looking for validation. I wasn't looking for anything. I simply wanted to help him so I could pull him out of his misery. This was purely my compassion and good intent to see him heal.. There was no benefit for me. I worked hard for him for 6 months, helped him deal with his depression, gave him emotional support and he slowly recovered. I felt happy for him. Sometimes people don't do things for validation or something in return, they simply do it to see others happy.. To put a smile on their face.

Well let's just say there's not much abundance in this perspective because you are very fixated on what you're losing. On the other hand people who are deeply Empathetic and generous and abundant, big hearted ones won't mind spending a chunk of time to see their partner healed. For them it would be worth it. Nothing wrong with your perspective though. But also nothing wrong with devoting ones time and effort to pull someone out of their misery. It's an act of deep love and compassion.

There's a lot to unpack here. I don't perceive guys with mommy issues as undesirable. I just find them incompatible, not undesirable. Which means that they could find a mommy type of girl who is Older and dominating, and I'm sure such dominating bossy women might find such men compatible and desirable since they are always looking to mommy someone. But I'm not that type. I'm quite submissive so I won't be compatible with a submissive guy with mommy issues. I won't reject him on the basis of undesirability but on the basis of incompatibility. But I won't say that nobody should date him. The post was neither about desirability nor compatibility. If you reject someone for their trauma issues, you could be rejecting even if they are physically attractive or desirable. You're rejecting them because you see them as a burden to deal with. The post was specifically made in response to Nilsi making the comment " I'm not going to waste my time by trying to form a relationship with immature, needy, troubled people. Im not at a point in my life, where I'm willing to waste my time, trying to fix some troubled girl with daddy issues. I think that this statement is not very wholesome. I don't see why being with a troubled person is such a crime. I feel there is a condemning tone to this kind of a thought. Some troubled people with issues are hard to deal with and I do not deny this. Yet there are many people with issues that can easily heal with some amount of support and help and empathy. So if a guy is putting some effort into improving his troubled or trauma ridden girlfriend and giving her support and she heals from her troubles and they have a great life together, I don't see how this could be condemned. I would look at this guy as a hero. It would be a great example of showing compassion and empathy to a partner and helping them to live their best life. I absolutely see no problem with this. Similarly if I were to date a guy who is an addict or alcoholic and who has depression issues, I wouldn't consider him a basket case or a waste of my time. If I like him for his other attributes, I don't see why I should have a problem in having him as a boyfriend, I would be glad and willing to help him with his addiction issues rather than condemn him for it. I would do my best to help him heal.. If my love and care and compassion can help him change his dysfunctional behavior and help him cope and become better, I would feel like a hero and I would be very happy to have made a positive difference in his life. Yea of course. There's absolutely no problem with the girl caring for him imo. I would actually admire the girl who cares for him in that way. To see his worries or concerns as a burden would be selfish. Something is dysfunctional only when it's really harmful. Most people have problems and nobody is perfect. A person can be dysfunctional but they can have amazing qualities. Like a guy with anger issues. He could be an amazing guy except when he is angry. This can be fixed with therapy. A supportive partner who is non judgemental can help him get over his anger issues. Give him space to heal. Help him out. I don't find condemning such people fair. If you're enabling a person and letting them run riot, you aren't actually helping them. You're making it worse. But I was specifically talking about being a compassionate support system and helping a troubled person, like giving them love and encouragement. It takes effort but if you love a person, the effort won't be too painful. You would feel rewarded to see your partner healed. So it would be worth the effort. This is about desirability. Maybe a dominant woman doesn't want a dominant guy in the bed. She might be happy with such a guy and not see him as weak. You're conflating two things. A girl can be super sexy and cute and physically attractive and still have trauma and anger issues. But the guy can help her heal and continue to have a productive life with her. This is every good relationship.

Sorry to hear about that. But I don't think all dysfunctional people fall in the same box. Not everyone is going to abuse you. Some of them might genuinely improve with tender care and support. In your case I can definitely understand why you would be wary of such dynamics in the future. But that's only when a dysfunctional person is being abusive. I'm clear from the beginning that abusive people need to be avoided. But all trauma victims aren't abusive.

This was a balanced take.

@Ulax right now I'm ok

@Ulax thanks.

A good article on how to dump someone without hurting the other party too much. Although I don't support text message dumping. https://www.wikihow.com/Dump-Your-Boyfriend-over-Text#step-id-22

Golden line!!!!!!! ? Made a lot of sense.

Ahh I see, gotcha!!

@Kksd74628 thank you so much Joni.

I actually really appreciate this idea. I think relationships should be this way. It should be like "why care about what the world thinks," right?

@Kksd74628 but then everywhere I read about it, people say that it's a red flag and unhealthy behavior on his end, even on this thread. This is the reason why I was prompted to ask. Can you explain me the reason behind this reaction?

He does make me feel loved and secure. He can be a bit strict sometimes. Like he wouldn't want my hair a certain way. But he is protective.

I'm his third. He doesn't have tattoos of his exes.

Can you explain why? I want to know what his behavior means specifically!

Why do you think that?

That was so sweet haha.

@DefinitelyNotARobot it wasn't a joke. He seriously wanted it Shouldn't it mean that he is attached to me?

I was generally talking about unattractive males. I mean think about it. Who do you think is really going to struggle getting laid? Why will an attractive guy struggle unless he has terrible game and zero charm? A lot of guys who struggle due to obvious reasons that are mentioned will continue to struggle. I don't want to discourage them. But being alone and focusing on a career is better than being suicidal. Build self worth. Dying alone is kinda harsh way of putting it. We all die alone in a way. People get divorced, people break up. Very rarely do you have some company when you are too old, chances are your partner has already by then. So don't worry about dying alone. Enjoy the years you already have instead of worrying about the last days. We don't relationships just because we don't want to die alone, that's incredibly myopic. We have relationships in order to have a fulfilling life as long as we are living. But you need to calculate the cost of this fulfillment.. I wouldn't expect a guy to waste 5 years worth time just hunting for a partner. He also has a career right? I wasn't necessarily talking about being alone when you have the option to date, especially with little effort. I was only attacking the mentality of social validation which keeps men feeling depressed and frustrated and I think that's destructive.. Like I said in the above post, If you can burn your karma then do it, fulfill your desires, my only gripe was that don't make that desire your life. If you can't achieve something in that direction despite trying then focus on other areas of life where you can grow. In short, relationships aren't the be all end all. There's more to life.

That's a pretty balanced take on my take. I actually wanted to put it the way you put it. I just missed out on including the last part of your post. That's exactly what I meant. Not to give into validation needs. Not to minimize the desire for sex to the point of sexual repression/suppression. And to burn through it if necessary as and when it's possible depending on circumstances, yet never basing your entire life and self worth on it. Am I right?

Psychedelic section.

It's ok. I don't think like you. I would cut the losses wherever I can. Time and money are more important to me than stupid chases. Call me greedy