Tyler Robinson

What possible bullshit are they playing?

Yea. I want someone who is understanding and caring. I'm quite open and understanding in relationships myself. I'd like to be with someone who is into genuine long term connections. I'm fiercely loyal..

You mean you want to control her?

@Newborn your sheer will to get away from such things. Nobody can help. You do it yourself.

Cut out distraction. First know what distracts you.

@Panteranegra if you intensely stare into a dog's eyes, they'll Bark at you.

Isn't mbti something that keeps changing?

Fixing an Emo girl, traumatic childhood, daddy issues, relationships for troubled people (to clear things up a bit for starters, I didn't have daddy issues but I had trauma issues). I always looked for a caring father figure in my relationships and I did act like a clingy needy girlfriend. But I don't see a problem with it unless it gets overbearing. What's the big deal if a guy acted like a father figure to me? I don't see the harm. I don't see the harm in him trying to fix me. If we're mutually sharing and caring for each other. The general conjecture from the tone of the forum is pretty much negative towards anyone who is dysfunctional, disordered, with Emo and trauma issues. I get that you guys come a pd(personal development) perspective so you're gonna be a bit hardcore (your time is precious and all that). But why is helping others such a bad deal? It would be incredibly judgemental in my perspective to simply discard a person or reject them because they have a history of trauma and not consider them fit for a relationship. Enlighten me here. I'm not talking about putting up with abuse, that's out of question and goes without saying. Yet, do you really believe that dysfunctional people don't deserve a chance at relationships? You could find a troubled man/woman and be their therapist, help them sort themselves out, be Empathetic(without tolerating abuse), accompany them to their therapy sessions, give them your love, babysit them, fix their life, help them find a new life and then happily grow with them. Why is this looked down upon? I understand that relationships should involve giving and receiving, sharing and mutual development. @Nilsi not trying to put you on the spot here (you could even tell me to remove this if you want), but your comment sort of motivated me to post this thread. I understand your perspective involves having a healthy relationship and not wasting time. As you stated in this comment. @Nilsi We can have a broader discussion on this matter. This rhetoric is similar to "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" or "we don't want to accommodate disabled people because they don't serve our best interests or purpose." Although this attitude absolves you from serving the needs of the disadvantaged and the troubled, it is incredibly myopic because it almost becomes discriminatory towards dysfunctional people, bordering on treating them as outcasts and undeserving of love. I could easily see a problem with a person who doesn't want to help themselves, in such a case it's a waste of time trying so hard to fix them. But what's so wrong about someone who is willing to grow with you. Someone who wants to make it work. Why would you want to discard people simply because they have mental disorders or trauma. Maybe they're immature and needy in your eyes. Troubled, Emo, dysfunctional, disordered in your eyes. But you could guide them, work with them as though you're working on a project, support them and wait for them to heal and have a wonderful relationship with them. No? Wouldn't you be happier to know that you brought a positive impact in someone's life, you fixed them and they had a chance to grow with you. Why is trying to fix an Emo girl/boy looked down upon? Unhealthy people also deserve a chance. Have mercy. Your arguments are welcome.

Obviously. I had a guy like that. He was very needy. He would call me at all times. Then If he was upset, somehow I was to be held responsible for it. I didn't know how to fix him. But I don't think he needed fixing. People who truly need you in a vulnerable way would not be whining about little things. They won't blame you. They won't find a reason to leave you. They won't blackmail that they'll leave you if things didn't work out their way. Now I had two men do that to me. One who would also make it sound like I did something to them. Like a beggar. And the other who would pressure me to agree to his demands. I don't think these are truly needy people. Needy people would be grateful if you spent time With them. These people are controlling. They want to emotionally abuse the other person. By playing victim. By pressuring. Both are examples of controlling guys. Wanting to control someone and neediness are two different things A controlling person might make you feel guilty even if you tried your best to accommodate their needs. I think your gf is a controlling person. I'm a needy clingy girlfriend too. But there is a difference. I only freak out if the other person isn't doing anything to make me feel safe or wanted. I become suspicious quickly. But I won't say that they are not keeping me happy or they are the reason of my sadness. In fact I would be grateful for every moment they share with me. And I don't pressure anyone in a relationship. Nor do I threaten to leave. You were in an emotionally abusive relationship. But that's not the same thing as being with a broken or disordered person. Unstable behaviors, issues and disorders come in different shades, one radically different from another. So meanwhile you found a disordered person who was being nitpicky and too demanding with you, not every disordered person can be put in the same box..

Depends on how you want to take it. Don't like those then drop them from your life. Personally I don't have a problem with a needy guy because I'm needy myself. So I can't really complain. I'd be so happy if a guy needed me the way this girl needs you. I would feel so wanted. But I don't want to be wanted and then abandoned. Also I don't want to be wanted like some toy or food that you keep ordering. I want it to make me feel genuinely needed and wanted and not simply because they feel alone, aka I don't want to feel replaceable. Your case is extreme. Like "not allowing you to pee"... That's extreme. If a person said that the problem is in you, I won't recommend being with them. I personally don't like people who say things like "you're the problem" in a relationship. That's not a harmonious person.

Why the need to know what a woman is?

Alrighty.. Cheers

I'd say do this even before setting up a date. You have your phone and your text messenger set up. Just text that person, start a conversation and shoot questions regarding basic compatibility. Don't set a date till then. You have Options to text and talk to a person before an actual date. Do that. Less embarrassing.

Haha this is how dates are. People are emotional. Nobody is serious. If you act serious, it's a turn off. People like entertainment. You can't change people.

@Realms of Wonder aww. Hope you are okay.

If you spend enough time with your date before sleeping with them, you would know whether you're compatible or not. What sort of things are you even going to talk about. Anything you talk about will automatically bring up personal things and you'll the answers. My only gripe is that if you put it like a question or an interview, they might feel intruded on or perceive insecurity. The best Tact is not ask anything at all. You can't be doing compatibility tests on people. You can try this as a social experiment and you'll realize it's a recipe for failure. Most people would be pissed off but they won't show it. Most dates would be canceled. Because compatibility tests are tactless It's one of those things where having sex is better than talking about sex. Some things you just don't do. It needs emotional intelligence.

This is solely your perspective. Most people don't think this way. They want to have fun on the first date, like eating out, enjoying a movie, going for a hike trip, hitting the road, meeting in a park ect. Nobody goes to meet their first date with the mindset of an interview. Most dates are informal. The guy tries to woo the girl with some ice cream or coffee. If you turn up on a date with a list of questions in your mind, the woman would instantly get up and walk away. Nobody likes to appear for an interrogation, much less on a first date when it's gotta be fun. If you don't pass this stage, what are the chances your date would wanna sleep with you. Most likely they'll cancel and flake on you for the second or subsequent dates.You can never treat a date like an interview. In fact it's advisable you ask questions after having slept with the person because it gives you a sense of entitlement or authority to do that.

Do you know when I asked my ex for his email ID? You'd surprised to hear this. I asked him after 3 months of dating lol. And I did not just ask. I kinda took his permission, in a way like - "can I have your email address?," and not like "I want your email address." I'm extremely polite with this kind of stuff. In fact he was pissed off by my politeness, he found it strange that I would ask his permission.

@gettoefl yea I mean you need to first develop a rapport with that person, if you're hanging out with them even weekly, you would know answers to a lot of your questions without even having to ask them. The biggest fear is losing the person over your insecurities, you don't want that dreaded outcome. They should not have to feel like you're measuring them up and down, it makes people uncomfortable and judged. Notice how that person reacts to your questioning. Personally I've never liked a guy who is asking me questions. Even 1 question would irritate the hell out of me. I find it Intrusive. I never remember asking a guy any questions on any of my dates so far. I just tend to flirt. And allow it to happen spontaneously. The only question that would appear pressing to me is about STDs (my biggest fear in a relationship lol), and I definitely make sure to ask that before wanting to sleep with a guy. That's a must. No way in the world am I taking that kind of a risk. So that question would be an urgent priority for me if I decided to sleep with the guy past a few dates.

You should never ask about sexual trauma on the first date. No way. If you ask such questions then that person will run lol. Space out your questions, one for each date. First 4 dates without questions would be ideal. If they still like you and want to be with you and your connection is growing by the day, then slowly bring up one question per conversation or event. Don't be too curious or nosey. Relationships are about Vulnerability and trust. Sometimes it's best to let them open up on their own. Their willingness to let you know is far better than you probing them in all directions, comes off as invasive. Such strategies eventually fail because nobody likes to give out private information right away since the trust levels in the first couple of dates is too low. Proceed with caution. Most people lose their partner on the first dates precisely due to this reason. Also asking too much in too little time smacks of — Insecurity Impatience Lack of respect Invasive Shrewdness Close-mindedness Lack of social tact Lack of warmth Serial dating or incel vibe Lack of concern for feelings No concern for privacy

Political takes - liberal or conservative Health issues Reasons behind divorce Have you ever cheated? Hobbies and interests Source of income Views on homosexuality and transgenderism What do you look for in a partner Opinion on marriage General views on both men and women I wouldn't suggest you ask above questions on first date. It's Intrusive. But you could come up with nice word salad to get answers to these same questions by twisting the conversation with tact. Be machiavellian.

Totally agree. Women crave for a balance. If a guy got too emotional with me, I might freak out, I'm not know how to handle him, or I might feel unprotected because the thing is that "wanting to be protected by a man" is drilled into our female biology through evolution (thanks to patriarchy), so when you see a man having a mental breakdown, it can sometimes inspire fear rather than sympathy, my first thought can be like - "does this guy need a rehab?," it can leave the girl completely clueless, plus with guys you can't say something like, "hey baby, just relax," because some guys don't like to be told what they should do in the moment, so I can reckon that expressing emotions for men can be incredibly harder, since they themselves are pretty confused on how to go about it without coming off looking like a Wuss, but at the same time a man who is too stoic and holding it in might be causing himself emotional harm because he is all keeping it pent up inside, this explain why some men have rage issues, they have unreleased emotions that they couldn't find a venting for and suddenly some day it all comes out like a huge outpouring of rage and anger. I feel like society impairs men by dictating attraction around emotional expression and that's cruel.

Entry5/2 Nothing spectacular happened. Just a slow morning.

I want to know too. Someone please.

You know what. Guys who pretend to be lacking in emotions are more emotional than dudes who act Emo and crybaby. Most guys who do that, it's just an act because they are aware that being vulnerable can attract a woman more easily than being stoic. It's all a show. A mask. A facade. A charade. I could sense from your posts that you're an emotional person. Good for you. The world needs more emotion than logic. Cheers.