Tyler Robinson

Things I learned from Benton - He was an ENFP. He was logical. I think ENFP are a bit closer to INTP. And I'm attracted to ENFP, INTP, INTJ. I'm yet to meet an INFJ. That would be explosive. I don't know how it would be. INFJ are deep people. And I am an INFJ. Benton would need someone who is more sensitive to his needs. Which I cannot be. That I need a more loyal partner. The relationship did not work because We were grossly incompatible Our emotional wavelength was off with him only superficially acknowledging me We were intense and impulsive Lack of loyalty. We were both suspicious. My habitual lying He is too logical I'm too emotional There was little communication. Sometimes I felt distance The intimacy was strong He trusted me but that was only in words There was domination but it wasn't healthy He only partially ticked my needs in a partner. There were other things that were missing I am more dreamy and romantic. Other things I learned from Benton - His passion for spirituality is awesome I learned about respectful communication in a relationship That I can never be with someone who blocks communication. Communication is absolutely important to Borderlines. Any breakdown of communication is a sign that the relationship is a mess and unworkable He underestimated my Borderline disorder and thought that he could manage me. He was very wrong. Because borderlines are highly unstable people. We are not maniacal in the sense we are not going to hold onto something or go raging about it. But we need consolation. We need to be treated like scared kids. We need an overwhelming sense of support in a relationship to feel normal and healthy. Benton underestimated my trust needs. He failed to exhibit trust. He told me that he trusted me. But he would suspect me all the time. So there was a certain inconsistency there. Because the actions did not Match the words. If you told a borderline that you trust them, they would be overjoyed because that's the one biggest thing from their partner - to be able to trust and to be trusted. Trust is the biggest thing a borderline needs in a relationship.

But I have a renewed sense of appreciation for bipolar people. They helped me understand her. I saw that most bipolar people just keep to themselves. They also have a savior complex. They do scrutinize everything way Harder than others. I will categorize most bipolar people as INTP. They are very logical, a fact I don't really like because I'm mostly illogical irrational much of the time. Although it's very tempting for me to want to be around bipolar people in an effort to reconnect with my mother, I should let it go There's no point. I will never get a closure. I will never get the validation I'm looking for. This will only be an unsuccessful half hearted endeavor in me unsuccessfully trying to bond with bipolar people. I think I should let bipolar people go. They simply won't understand my level of irrationality. It's impossible for them. They will find me too weird and absurd and it won't work.. I can't imagine being with another borderline. Because we both will be two irrational people in one place not having a direction. Although emotionally we would understand each other perfectly. Ughhhhhhh. I'm left with no option but to be in a relationship with super narcissistic codependent people because they need a supply and I'll be their supply. They shouldn't be bipolar because then they can flip out on me. They shouldn't be too logical.. But I don't want another narcissist. They are very unemotional . I think I should be with a person who is slightly narcissistic, understanding, emotional and supportive but neither borderline nor bipolar.

I still remember each and every word.. I was in a dream like state. The only thing I could remember were your words. You whispering into me. I feel sick. I feel ill. But your words were the only thing that gave me something to hold on to. Ophraduss Are you going to tell me that life has no meaning? That life is a meaningless frame of space and time. Even in my spirit form we will keep talking to each other through vacuum And now you and I meet in a parallel universe. You have turned into a figment of my imagination. That's where we stay...... Story continues. Somehow you have a calming effect on me. You are beautiful.. There are a lot of lessons I learned from you Benton I think I should let go of my fixation with bipolar people. Just because my mother has bipolar. How does it matter? Does it only matter because she has bipolar? Its fine. Bipolar is an identity. Anything that has identity is innocent. It's anything that is without an identity that should be held to scrutiny. Hmm. Just because my mother has bipolar.... My mother should not be my object of concern. It doesn't matter I should look at this philosophically Why does it matter that she is my mom? Why is this important to me? Because she is blood. Why does a blood relative matter? Because survival matters. We're bonded to our families. So my mother has bipolar is simply another illusion of reality that I must accept as long as I'm bonded to reality. Reality produces trauma and thus I get bonded to this trauma Escaping reality is escaping this trauma. I'm trauma bonded to bipolar people sadly. They remind me of my mom. Although most bipolar people I met were only slightly similar to her. There were key differences. Some of the bipolar people I met were much more matured than her. I like bipolar people because maybe through liking them, I'm showing love to my mother? I don't know.

And then one day you were alive, back from the dead You held my hand. You laid me down. You told me to stay calm. And we were love birds once again in ethereal time. I don't know what I could write about you. Because so much was already said. And then so much was left unsaid. We could have never locked eyes. We could have never made it. And when we did look into each other, we would have never wanted to be separated. You gave me immense love and protection. You healed me at least partially. The words that couldn't escape my lips. And then suddenly one day, everything turned from warmth to coldness. Ophraduss, I have one request. Build me a prison. And punish me and keep me in it. Cut my wings forever. Just let me be there. It's like your vibration still comes to me in waves. I still feel it. Our words had that power. Reminiscent of old times. You have always been in my heart. The same song plays in my mind over and over. It reminds me of our ethereal bond. The way you touched my face. Ophraduss Through your cord I was healing a bit. You held my hand. You said things would be alright. You would appear in my dreams. You were my healer.... I've a strange bond with you. Sometimes I feel like you really cared about me. Sometimes I feel like it wasn't real. I don't know which one. But then you told me it was genuine. Now it feels like nobody can come between us. We are finally one. You see it. I see it. We know deep down that there is no space between us when we touch. This particular chapter of my life has been incredibly painful.

I wish Angelic hands of bipolar people would come to me in death and set me free from my pain. Set me free because the only world I can belong to is a world of love and softness. Is a world where I will be gently laid down to rest. I crave love so badly and in death I will be free. I wish I had died in your arms. That would have been a fitting ending. I didn't deserve life anyway. I sometimes imagine that your love came back to rescue me from my pain. You came like a hawk and swooped over my head, picked me up by one of your talons and took me away to your world of love and protection. I did whatever he told me to. I genuinely believed in the deepest depths of my heart that you were my savior. That's how I looked at you Why didn't you kill me? I wish you could kill me and you wouldn't have to go to jail. I desperately needed to die at your hands.. Because living without you is shitty and awful. Why didn't you kill me and finish it off? You would have put me out of my misery. Your love made me feel like heaven. You were the only person in my life that made me feel like I wanted to be belonged. Then you took it all away abruptly leaving me scrambling for the love I lost. Why this torture? I should have begged you to finish me off. When you said that you wanted to turn my skin into an umbrella, I should have told you to go ahead and satisfy your wicked fantasy. Living without your love is 1000 times worse. I feel awful. I used to feel happy when you used to be around me. When we would talk. When you told me we were one. I felt it. I felt it in my bones. Your love was my ultimate happiness, my ultimate gateway to peace. Your love was my medicine. Your love was my bandaid. Your love was soothing me. I beg you to show me love, even if it is from a distance. I can't cut my cord with you. You're the only guy I ever wanted. I feel like this is on purpose. I still love you. I think God wanted our souls to unite. That's how I feel. I can actually see our souls uniting. Your eyes meeting mine. Your name is Benton. But I'll call you Ophraduss. Ophraduss I think of you everyday. Not realizing whether it was true or not. It hurts everytime. The separation. The separation of our souls. Was it never true? I'll love you till my last breath. I could never have closure. The love that you gave me was my only medicine. I told you that I will wait at the grave. Somehow every word you said to me is etched into me.

God I hate my family. I feel like they are plotting against me. They isolate me on purpose. They try to talk to me and I block them. I blocked everyone a few days ago. Then they find excuses to talk to me. Usually they talk nice and then do shit that hurts me. Fucking psychopaths. They gossip about me behind my back. I'm just fed up with such people. Not even one person in my life ever tried to understand me. Not one person who did not "not violate" my boundaries. I repeatedly requested them to leave me alone. Today my mother stole my clothes. Fucking insane bitch. I wish nothing but hell for such creeps. I feel like my sister is finally going to kill me. She plays a lot of games. She played games with her husband She killed my father. I won't forgive her nor my mother She gaslighted me past week by telling me that it was my mother who killed my dad. But I know the truth. It wasn't my mother although she had her role to play. It was this psychopath sister who killed my dad And they want me to bury it. I can't. I have suffered severe trauma because of this. I can't forget what happened to my dad. I became a liar to escape my mom's punishments. She is a cruel bitch who would abuse and beat me but pretend to be nice in public. I hope nothing but hell for both women. Women are creepy. They pretend to be nice but they actually destroy a whole family. They put on a show like my mother used to do. My mother is a bipolar narcissist and I won't forget the pain she put me through. Now she acts like she cares about me. No. Fucking bitch. Leave me alone and get out of my life. Stop touching and stealing my stuff. If God sends me to hell, I will find peace away from a toxic world, a family I didn't wish to be born into. They are the reason why I got into abusive relationships. They find new reasons to talk to me. But it's not meant for my good. I don't trust these fucking psychopaths who are planning to kill me. They killed my father. Now it's my turn. They purposely picked me because if anything happens to me, nobody will find out. They know I'm alone and weak. That I can't fight back hard enough. So I'm the scapegoat. If anything bad happened to me or if I disappeared from planet earth, it will be because of my family. They will have a hand in my disappearance. Just like they had a hand in my father's death They will make me disappear. They are slowly planning stuff against me. Because they think that I'm not needed I don't have any friends. So if anything happened to me, nobody will ever know. It's best if I'm sent to hell. Because only there, there will be some peace for my wretched soul. I'm having a bpd meltdown again. I just don't like anything. I don't like this planet, this humanity. Everything is evil.. Including me... I was set up. I was designed for failure. I was made to endure child abuse so that I could turn out rotten. My whole destiny was planned to make me rot. I'm going insane I'm evil I'm evil I'm evil I'm evil Im evil I'm evil I'm evil I'm evil I'm evil I'm evil I belong to hell Satan take me Satan please take me. Please kill me. Put me out. I can't take it. I want to be abused over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over . That's where I will find freedom. My freedom lies with an abuser. Only an abuser and a predator will set me free. Satan liked me. He accepted me. He didn't complain about me. He didn't judge me. I want to sleep in his arms. He can abuse me all he wants. All he desires But I feel nice around him. Because he doesn't judge me. If I lie to him, he hits me with a belt. Hard on my soles. And he places a hot rod on me. Whatever he can find to hit me. He has a whole arsenal. I want to lay supine on the floor. And watch as Satan looks at me. He is beating me. And then he wants to fuck me as hard as possible. And punish me again. All of this because I lied to him. He can do this as much as he wants. After some time I feel relief. Because I'm not judged anymore. Then he Christens me as his baby. His muse. His wife. His lover. His possession. I'm his pure gold. He seeks to not give me away to the enemy... I'm his abuse child. I'm his toy. His ragdoll. He can play as his wishes to. In this abusive relationship I find peace. Because only Satan could have not judged me. In a parallel universe, I met bipolar people who weren't mean or bad to me. They helped me deal with my mother wound. They were nice people. They weren't judging me. They gave me affection. They gave me some food to eat. They also placed a blanket on me when I was cold. Maybe these bipolar people even wanted to hug me. I like them. Maybe they became my friends. Maybe they accepted me. It's alternate reality to escape real reality. I had to live in virtual reality. I had to live in parallel universes. I had to live in alternate realities. I had to escape reality because it was too harsh. I yearned and craved for the love and validation of bipolar people. You can't lie to them because they are very pissed off when they are lied to. But I'm a liar. And I can't help it. I wanted bipolar people to love me, to adore me, to want me. To make me one of them. I wanted them to validate me. (because in their validation I saw my mother validating me, so it kinda partially helped my mother wound) If a bipolar guy liked me, I felt better. It meant something important. If a narcissist liked me, I felt better. It meant I was of some use to these people. Yea abusers dominated my life. So I began liking them. It was my only survival. My only cope. STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. IF A BIPOLAR PERSON didn't like me, it would make me feel totally ruined and wrecked. Like I was worthless. I was good for nothing. Shattered. Because they don't like me. Why can't they? I love them because I cannot be without love. All my life I had to love abusers. The only way I knew. Why won't they love me? I'm not bad after all. I could have been so happy with a bipolar person. At least they would understand my mental disorder when no one else would. In an alternate reality, all bipolar people loved me and treated me like a baby. I crave their approval so badly. They didn't discard me. They held me close and placed a sheet underneath me so that my back won't hurt. I feel like joining a bipolar community and spreading havoc. Just letting them know that I have a love hate relationship with them. Just one wretched borderline like me would be enough to displease all of them. Rattle them. Rile them up.. Act ratchet and shit. All of this so that they finally realize that I need their love, not hate and judgement. But I know deep down they won't hate me if I cried to them. They will place a sheet underneath me and make me lay down and watch me. I'll scream like a terrified child. And then they will tell me that they love me and shush me. And maybe they will wrap their arms around me. And check each and every wound on me and slowly nurse me. I'll be crying and wailing my arms, crying even louder as they turn my body over and over and check my wounds. I'm hurt. I'm hurt. I'm wounded. I'm in despair. I'm in pain. They will know that I'm hurting badly. And then they will tell me that everything is going to be alright. And I'll feel heard and understood and accepted. Only if someone had loved me the way I needed to be loved. I would have stopped screaming. The bipolar people I met were slightly better than my mom. Hers is not just bipolar. She is a fucking narcissist, the overt type of narcissist, a total control freak who loves to control every aspect of my life. I know bipolar people can be a bit controlling. But hers is just over the top. And creepy. My bipolar ex boyfriends were controlling. It's ok. I understand that they wanted and needed to control me. I'm used to it. I'm used to being controlled so I don't complain about it anymore. They can control me in a healthy way where I don't feel too restricted or burdened. I won't complain. As long as I can trust their control. A person needs a very big heart to love me. I'm not an easy person. I am too crazy and erratic and insane and troubled. I'm autistic on top of that. To love me is to understand that I'm flawed. To love me is to understand that I am weak morally. To love me is to understand that I don't mean harm. I'm just a petulant child disrupting the whole house To love me is to understand that my anger comes from trauma. To love me is to understand that I'll always be a liar. That won't change even in a lifetime. If I ever stopped being a liar, that would be a miracle. But my heart is made of gold. In my heart there is no Malice. I have never wanted bad for anyone. I have wanted good even for those who hated me the most. If I could trade my life for someone's happiness, I gladly would. There is no darkness in my heart. No jealousy. There is no mal intent. My intent was always pure. My eyes are innocent. My soul is without blemish. My mind is child like. I was born this way. God planted a good soul in me. My karma is blank. But some day my soul will have to separate itself from this existence. I can't take the atrocity anymore. I don't think I am suitable for this world. There is too much competition. I feel tormented. I was born innocent. But I was violated over the next decade after my birth and damaged and left ravaged with all kinds of wounds and scars. My soul had to go through abuse, torment, despair and pain It was undeserved I feel like I was incapacitated. On top of that I was judged for little things. I never had a decent chance at peace of mind. My soul belongs to an ethereal existence. Because I can't deal with materialism. It's just too cruel. I can't deal with a stage orange world.. I'm too innocent for this world. I need to die or be sent to hell to rest in peace

I will use it for my needs and then I use some to set up an organization or foundation that helps people in need.

You won't gain anything from that sort of people. Waste of time.

@Tyler Robinson I will give you an example of destructive socializing. So a year ago, I was approached by a dude who wanted help on his family issues. At first he would constantly send me friend requests and I would deny it because I didn't really know him. Then he began crying victim to me about how I didn't care about his feelings. So I accepted his friend request. Everyday he would tell me about his family. And I would guide and comfort him, I thought this was going to be a great friendship. Then it got darker over time. After 2 months of texting him, he told me one day that he wanted to place a bomb in a place and kill many people. I was terrified and I told him that it wasn't okay to do that. I begged him not to. Because of his admission, I couldn't sleep for several nights. I was very anxious everyday and I lost sleep. I thought of calling the cops but before that I asked him again and he told me that he was being flippant about it. He did not really plan it. I told him that I can't take such things flippantly and that I was too stressed out over this. Later he told me how he had harassed someone with distressing phone calls more than 50 times. I was like wtf dude. That guy who was being harassed had quit their position.. At the same time I was being harassed as well. The style of communication used by the harassing person was similar to this guy so I became suspicious. After some days of thinking and stressing over this person, I decided to cut everything with them. I did not ghost him.. I politely told him that I didn't want such friendship and blocked him after that. It's a perfect example of how someone tried to exploit by acting like they wanted my help. I have reached the conclusion that you can trust nobody. People who are trying to help you or people who are begging for help, anybody can exploit your trust and betray you. It's just destructive socializing. I've found that when you trust people, you can invite all sorts of messed up people into your life. I had no idea he was harboring harmful intent. Hindsight it's hard to tell what to expect and what not to expect. It's all blunder and illusion, smoke and mirrors and a tad bit difficult to decide who to trust. It's a gamble you take. I could have easily trusted this guy and he could have invited me and taken me to a hidden basement and put a bullet to my head. How would have I known. Then I sat down with paper and pen and decided to map out the most common denominator in these vulture like people. And I found that it was low IQ as well as low EQ. But mostly low IQ. And that's how I began to avoid these people. There's a legitimate reason whether you like it or not. You have to cut out such people from your life.

@michaelcycle00@ I made mistakes too but not intentionally. The problem with me is my lack of self awareness because of my autism and my mental disorder means I will act very reckless around people which I did. When I did things with people like lying I did not do it on purpose. Without malicious intent. I did not think through in the moment the consequences in the future. I did not take anything too seriously and then it was taken as malicious intent. I tend to act inappropriate because of my autism. But I never had any specific agenda or motive to cause hurt. Everything happened the way it was designed without me thinking too much. So while signing the contract I did not think too much about the future and the consequences of agreeing to the contract. As a result when I broke it, the person thought I was being a psychopath by betraying them. However it was simply my recklessness. I hadn't thought much while agreeing to it. I'm also extremely forgiving. I can even forgive a person who is trying to kill me. I believe in compassion, not because I am a good person and in fact I am not a very good person at all but I still believe in compassion. And forgiveness too..but forgiveness is like a double edger sword. One side is that by forgiving people, they can easily come back into your life and exploit you again. The other side is that they can change and become good people to you or by forgiving them you are showing humanity which is good. That's why it's tricky. One thing I learned is forgive but don't forget. Don't go back especially when someone repeatedly broke boundaries. Give 2-3 chances, enough, after that just cut them out for good. But throughout these things I learned a lot on what not to do. I avoided things that got me into trouble. When I'm being reckless around people I'm not thinking too much. Then it blows up and boomerangs back into my face and that's when I realize ii fucked up. So it's never intentional. But like I said it's best to avoid people especially people who aren't cool enough, Judge and shame too much, people who don't try to connect with you. People who don't put a decent amount of effort in gaining your trust. But there are no guarantees. In fact I'm more wary of people who try to gain my trust because it almost always ends up with me being betrayed somehow. I see their true colors later. Socializing is like a gamble. You're exposing yourself and it can go either way, good or bad or really ugly. There is no formula that can work. The only thing that works in my opinion is time. Give time. The very first signs of Drama and unnecessary allegations and false victimhood - immediately cut out. Any judging, blaming, shaming, cut out. You come to know a little later not before so give time. Within a few weeks you realize what you're dealing with. Mostly people who bitch a lot and complain about your behavior should be the first one to go. My biggest mistake was (in hindsight) is that I trusted people who complained about me right from the get go. I thought I can still win them. No. Once a whiner always a whiner. If they show early signs of whining, they are not cool. They are going to betray one way or another. They are not looking for unity or deep friendship. They are already showing that they don't trust you even if you didn't do anything wrong.. Immediately cut them out. Don't look for approval. Approval is a dangerous drug used by the narcissist to keep you hooked. You want their approval. So you do everything to impress them, they are still not impressed because they will never be satisfied until they abuse you. If they act dissatisfied or unimpressed, don't look for their approval. Just drop them. You seek their approval because of low self esteem and they will block you or ghost you. And keep you confused. They don't give a fuck about how you feel upon ghosting. also I would like to mention that people who make you sign contracts are really fishy people I was told to sign a contract where the person told me that they would be my therapist but in exchange I need to give all kinds of personal information. They asked me very Intrusive questions about my family. They told me that they will not tell anyone if I sign the contract. For once I became suspicious and told that person to gtfo. What a relief. Such people are looking for something which is not good. But thank God they are out of my life. I really don't have a perfect solution on how to Deal with people. One of the best solutions is communication. A person who refuses to communicate is not trying to resolve issues or build bridges. Cut them out. You'll suffer a lot in life with such people. Invest your time and energy and emotion into people who are at least ready to communicate. These are healthy people, because they don't want drama, rather they want resolution and unity. They want to work things out rather than turn their back on you. They are interested in keeping it. They most likely won't betray and are looking for harmony. Not all though. I have come across people who have tried to communicate but their communication is more about self righteousness and argumentation rather than harmony and understanding or respect. They use communication as a weapon to create more frustration. They use communication to manipulate. They use communication to gain information. They use communication to hurt you rather than understand you. They take the communication in a negative direction. These people, I have observed, are very Obsessive. They will try to interrupt all your work, ask you nonsense questions, break your boundaries, they will call you anytime. You become their punching bag. Avoid such people. Make sure that the communication is healthy and not purposeless unempathetic communication, it's abusive. @Tyler Robinson

@michaelcycle00 I'm not trying to say that I'm perfect. I'm far from perfect. I also hurt people by lying to them. I am bit psychopath in that sense. But just because I am not perfect, I don't deserve to be thrown around like a ragdoll and emotionally exploited. It's best if I stay far away from people for good,in that sense Leo is right, socializing is not only making you stupid but could be harmful. The one strategy around it would be to socialize from far and not get too involved with anyone. And not put emotional investment. And only put emotional investment when that person has consistently shown trust for many many years. I can't really vouch for this because I trusted someone for more than six months by emotionally investing in them and they betrayed me. So I really don't know what to advice. Just use your gut maybe. I have seen someone being betrayed after two solid years of trusting. So I am not really aware of the right solution. Just stick around with people who stick around.

@michaelcycle00 one of the best ways to avoid such people is to detect signs of victimhood in such people. If anybody plays victim, then avoid. That's what those two people did to me. Also people who help you can be abusive too. Two people who played victim to me and two people who tried to help me. All four were abusive and exploitive. They had one thing in common. They were all low IQ. Maybe they did all this unconsciously. So this is how it went. 2 people whined and played victim by telling me how another person was abusing them. One made me sign a contract which I did. Another made me go attack another innocent person which I did on their behalf because they told me all these stories how they were abused. And they encouraged me to attack. I got into savior mode and went after the person who abused them. Afterward the other person told me that such thing had never happened. They showed me evidence. Then I felt betrayed.. I apologized to the person I had attacked. The second person did the same trick but made me sign a contract. They spoke very sweetly to me and I'm such a sucker for sweet talk. So I believed that them. They told me that everything was for good reasons. I had a great friendship with the other person. This second person kept feeding me a lot of garbage for months and months and I began to realize that something might not be true. That's when I broke the contract and told the other person about it. Instantly the second person blocked me calling me a psychopath because I broke their contract. I could see their manipulation. Next two people were who spoke sweetly to me and told me how much they love me. One person ghosted me because they didn't need me anymore. It was out of the blue. The other person, they manipulated me and then used me as a punching bag for their needs and issues. I realized that any person who is helping me might also have an agenda. Only one person out of the four was high IQ but he was a fucking narcissist who played his game well. Now I try to avoid three types of people during socializing - 1) people who try to get too close to me super fast, I can feel that they want something out of me and it's probably not something nice. They give me creeps. Because something is not right. Why they want me so bad? Earlier I used to believe them. Now I don't trust people who come close to me. They are first to be off my list. I know it's no good if they want me too badly. 2) people who bitch to me and gossip about how someone did this that to them. These people are feeding on my "savior" personality. I generally become like mama bear and get protective of people who are abused. But I think I have been exploited because of this. I was fed lot of stories upon stories and after believing them I was told to protect these people. Which I did and got into a lot of trouble. Because those stories were made up. 3) people who try to fix me or help me. These are very dangerous people. They come to me telling me how much they care about me and make me emotional. Afterward they start playing games. Then they take advantage of my weakness and start exploiting it by treating me badly. I met one high iQ man and although he was a total psychopath he wasn't that bad. He did not take advantage of me. He helped me without harming me. He also had an agenda which I came to know about in the end. But he was at least civil with me. So high IQ are a safe bet. They don't exploit or start shit. They don't twist things. They don't play victim or try to help. They keep proper distance and don't get too close. At least nobody is exploiting in the name of helping. So I think socializing with high iQ actually benefited me great deal. They did not exploit me and I also got to learn from them. Although some of them can be narcissistic, but that's okay, you can filter out those ones. There are lots of high iQ people who are not narcissists. Choose those.

Because I have dealt with low consciousness people and only I know how much that can hurt. I'm not demeaning them. I'm pointing to out what they do. You're thinking that I'm insulting them. Pointing out how I suffered because of someone's actions is not the same as demeaning them. I usually do not prefer to say bad things about others or to others. But if someone has caused me deep pain and suffering then I am going to dish out some precious things to them, why not. And you can say that I'm doing the same thing that they are doing. But this is precisely the reason why you should avoid them, because they reduce you to their level of bad behavior. It's like they gossip and then you are forced to play their game in order to deal with them. In other words they bring out the worst in you. In order to deal with their attacks you have to attack them. Obviously it will make you look bad. But that's the whole point. If you cut off these people out of your life, you won't need to become like them. Like I said I'm not interested in demeaning them but I am forced to attack when I'm under attack. It's like you have to punch someone finally when they don't stop punching you. So the solution? Just cut them out otherwise you will begin to engage in the same behavior you criticize them for which I was doing right now. Nah. Delusional and fools are not the same. Maybe same for you. Not in my mind. Fools is a derogatory way of referring to someone. It means you consider them worthless. But delusional is not the same. Delusional does not mean they are worthless. A fool is unconscious. A delusional person is not unconscious. They are well aware of what they are doing but choose to do it anyway because they think they are doing something good in the world, meanwhile achieving the opposite. They really believe that they are better than everyone. They are not better than anyone. By calling someone a thief, I don't become a thief. I am simply calling a spade a spade. I don't know their reasoning. But I know that they are generally humble about it. They don't brag about how intelligent they are. That's the last thing they do. I'm not an intellectually gifted person.. I have been diagnosed with autism. I have been repeatedly targeted and labeled as a "fool" by these so called intelligent people. But from my personal experience of dealing with intelligent folks, they never called me a fool. Granted they didn't call me intelligent and I'm not that smart, you can see from my replies that I'm not smart. But at least I wasn't called a fool. And these were highly intelligent people. That's why I said that highly intelligent people don't go around calling others fools. That's not a sign of intelligence. I think from my experience I only wish to deal with highly intelligent people. You're making a mistake. You're conflating intelligent with intellectual. It's one thing to score high IQ and be intellectually gifted and another thing to be truly intelligent. Like Leo says intelligence cannot be measured by IQ. Although intellectual people are also nice to hang out with, I would be careful about intellectual folks with narcissistic qualities. I have had my fair share dealing with the types you are referring to. And they took me on a hell ride completely abusing my trust. I can spot them. Easily. You only have to see their boasting and you know right away. They keep telling how much they are contributing to the world. I had the misery of dealing with these highly intellectual narcissistic types and they made me sign invisible contracts to shut my mouth. And I like a loser signed the contract allowing the abuse to go on for months. Finally I broke the terms of the contract. I don't know what I was doing or why I took me so long to break the contract. But finally I succeeded. I learned a lot of lessons, first not to sign such contracts with people. I was like a donkey being lead on. I admit that I am not the wisest in the crowd. But I'm also not a fool. I did out of emotions. I was made to believe that I am protecting someone. I was exploited for months and months until I began to suffer physically and finally told the other person about the contract. And I got freedom that day. It's very difficult for people like me because I am too autistic. My autism is what people take advantage of. But I'm not going to deal with such people again. I'm only going to talk to intelligent people like Leo. Because such people don't exploit me. They understand my weaknesses. They don't call me a fool for my weakness. They don't set up traps for me.. One sign is that they will not dictate me on how to do or what to Do. They don't treat me like a donkey. They are generally protective of me. I'm safe with such people is what I observed.

That's awesome.

Leo why?

Low consciousness people are very predatory. Dealing with them is a source of lifetime of torment. Once you have the misfortune of running into them, there's no catching break. They'll always hound you and make sure you suffer, that's why I call them predatory. They're the apex predator in the crowd and they will use every opportunity to sadistically abuse and exploit you. These predatory people have a Karen mentality where they simply cannot have someone who is trying to go about with their lives. They will call 911 on a black man who is doing nothing but simply standing in a park. Such predatory people exploit those who are weak or vulnerable in order to play victim every chance they get. They actually act like victims but in reality they act too entitled and privileged and unable to see their entitlement because they are narcissistic as hell. They will destroy your life by constantly hounding you. They will find you wherever you are and look for an opportunity to attack your Vulnerability. They will scour through your personal life to find that one piece of information that they can use against you, fucking predators. They are like child abusers and use your naive innocence to abuse you and when they are confronted they will go back to their victim playing nonsense. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And this is a fundamental characteristic of these low consciousness predators.. They will invent stories upon stories to set you up and when you actually look into the details, you'll realize there was hardly anything that such a big fuss was made out of. How to deal with low consciousness freaky predators who are always hell bent on ruining your peace of mind - First is that you learn nothing from them other than that you were too naive to trust them in the first place. That's always your first and only fault. This is probably the biggest learning lesson. You can't simply avoid these people since you don't know how to detect or screen them in a crowd. But you could still use some ways to deal with these people and their frustrating nonsense if you are dealing with one. Keep an eye out for the following toxic traits: Jittery, nervous energy. Constant whining and complaining Clinginess and dependency Criticism, usually aimed everywhere Negative or cynical worldview And in extreme cases, abuse The most important point here to remember is how these people constantly whine about the same thing or person over and over and can never get over it. They engage in constant complaining and whining. We all have our down days. But when it comes to toxic people, the blues are a constant rain cloud. And they want everyone to be just as wet and miserable as them. If you never see emotions other than anger, sadness, and jealousy, it is best to steer clear of that personality. Low consciousness people can never be happy for others even if that other person has long moved on and doesn't want anything to do with them. But such low consciousness predators simply cannot see others moving on or being happy. This is a hallmark of such destructive behavior Trust your gut- if someone makes you upset and uncomfortable, make some space. You can see it, even feel it, in your interaction. Once you get the feeling of awkwardness around these people, just believe yourself and move away. You can always tell something is off and you know when something is off, and you know to avoid such people. One indicator is that they will suddenly ghost you out of nowhere and you'll be left clueless. The problem with such people they can never have relationships with true emotions. That's why it's so easy for them to be so cold towards you, they are so hollow from inside and they lack empathy for your emotions and its totally visible in their narcissistic ghosting behavior. These people hardly ever change, even if they do, they simply do it for social approval.. They never own up how they screw up things in a dynamic. It's always the other person's fault. They are very narcissistic so they will find every opportunity to one up you. Instead of trying to collaborate with you they will engage in stupid toxic rivalry with you. Because for such people stupid rivalry is more important than learning something new. These people have nothing unique or original about themselves. They closely stalk and follow members of their own species to even copy their writing style or their disorders. They constantly have this poor me attitude and they will always find something new to add to their poor me arsenal. They will never call themselves a narcissist because it hurts their pride. Anything that makes them look like a proper victim to the public is actually good. Do you know someone who finds the darkness in everything? Much like your parents on Thanksgiving, misery loves company. These people will always complain about something, never see the good in anything, and claim they hate everything. It's exhausting just thinking about it, which is why they'll try to drag you into their little pity party. People with very negative worldview will often be competitive about their misery, trying to outdo other people's sadness. This is the worst. When you talk about your problems, they go back to talking about their problems trying to outcompete you. Again the vulnerable narcissist.. They are always looking for people to pity meanwhile acting like they are trying to empower others. Watch out for people who constantly, even gleefully, talk about their failures and sadness. Anyone who criticizes the failures of others, or seems overly cynical, might have a toxic personality worth avoiding. They will never take responsibility for hurting you. Forget about closure or apologies, they will simply come up with excuses like they were drunk or they were high on drugs for all the abuse and pain and suffering they put you through. It's like a woman who rams her car into another vehicle carrying a child and ends up hurting the baby and her "poor me" excuse is that she was simply drunk instead of taking responsibility for the hurt and damage they caused. But their sense of entitlement is so severe that they can scarcely comprehend the amount of damage they cause to other people, instead they will try to find a way to escape their accountability and get away with it with lame fucking excuses like "being drunk." it's always about how they are so innocent. They will constantly prey on your flaws, your mistakes, your scars, your wounds, they will rummage through even the most minor insignificant details of your life to find something on you and paint you as a target so that you get humiliated by everyone and they can sit back and watch the whole thing go down meanwhile pretending like they don't like drama. This is like a person who watches a house burn up in flames, comes around and pours gasoline and immediately runs away and comes back and makes it look like they had nothing to do with it. They are always the prime participants in a drama but when it gets too much especially when it begins to come in their direction, they begin to backpedal their way out of it. Basically they are shit starters but always claim they had no part in it. You can never be Vulnerable or open to them about your flaws. They will use this as an opportunity to put you down and basically prey on you so that you suffer. Instead of being forgiving, they will relentlessly use your flaws to prey on your sanctity. They are never forgiving. You can see this video that explains this kind of Vulnerable toxic narcissism. If you run into a problem with such people a year ago, they will use something that happened over a long period of time, be totally unforgiving and constantly bring up that and maintain a permanent grudge against you and use that to attack you over and over. They just cannot ever give up.. They can never forgive. Like Grande suggests, they will victimize you over something that is insignificant and happened over a long time ago and use that as a weapon against you to continue tormenting you. Like I said they are vicious predators. Feel lucky and celebrate if you are free from their vampirish clutches.. They never let go. The video that explains how unforgiving these vicious predators are.

Also low consciousness people have a "poor me" attitude. They take others disorders and attach it to themselves in an effort to play victim to a larger crowd.

It's generally the low consciousness people who like to demean others and call them fools. Because their fingers are always pointing outwards. Also low consciousness people think too highly of themselves. In fact people who are highly intelligent tend to doubt themselves very often and are generally humble because Humility is a very potent sign of a highly intelligent sane person It's the delusional types who always like to believe that they are somehow above the crowd. And these people copy others style and even follow them around but pretend like things are the other way round. They're like the housewives who constantly complain about how they don't like drama but exactly go looking for it by inserting themselves deliberately into other people's personal lives, stories and conflicts. Also low consciousness people love to gossip about other's lives and can't get enough of it. And when shit hits the fan and smacks them in their faces, they begin to backpedal and hide themselves in embarrassment because they simply can't have the Humility of being challenged on their drama.

Yea long rest breaks. But sitting at home doesn't feel like a break. There's work and chores at home. The real break would be taking a vacation to some nice beach place for at least a minimum of 3 weeks and feel energized, sadly you need a shit ton of money for retreats and vacations, not for the ordinary or the middle class.

Yes I agree with you that alternating patterns of socializing and taking breaks definitely helps. Too much of anything is bad as they say. My question to you is - when do you feel like you want to go solo or take a break from socializing? What prompts you to do it? A specific situation?

If you lived in self isolation for too long, it can hamper critical social skills and this shouldn't be taken for granted..

The people who consistently call others narcissists are narcissists themselves. The only thing they lack is a mirror. How obtuse. For a hammer, everything and everyone looks like a nail. Do they really try to let go? Not really. Low IQ folks almost always contradict themselves and always fail to see their own hypocrisy. Such hypocrites can cause too much drama in your life and so it's best to be free of them. I agree that such socializing can completely damage you, not just make you stupid. Once you learn how to stay away from such people completely, you can be away from their perilous ways and get time to focus on your growth. Also its always dumb people who try to compete. Intelligent people don't weaponize rivalry.

Have a great day when you wake up. You're doing great by keeping a consistent journal practice. I hope you enjoy this wonderful video. It's packed with great information on life and well being. Sending you all my positive energy. 6 ways to be in flow with your life .

You mean like this right.

@Leo Gura Leo if you talk to high IQ people you're going to be enriching yourself a lot. You have simply tricked yourself into believing that socializing dumbs you down. It's similar to books Leo. If you read shitty books, it's not going to be useful, you have to read books that are high on signal to noise ratio. That was the whole point.