Tyler Robinson

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It's not a job application. What you lack is acceptance. Dating is simple. Only certain types of personalities are attractive. Others aren't. Basic biological preferences don't deviate much from the standard. Others who don't fit this category simply end up wasting their time. There is nothing wrong with them, just that they are not conventionally attractive. It's not a job application, it's a beauty contest. Those who don't have the look should not apply,, this applies to both gender. So it's not tough at all, all that an eligible person has to do is just walk and broadcast themselves. And those who are too desperate but lack the charisma looks etc should compensate in other ways like a sense of humor or good nature or high achievement. Sometimes people are attracted to fame or success. However most attraction is very primitive, natural and biological. And you can't challenge or criticize this, it's how it is. Not being able to accept it is your shadow side, your insecurity. There is nothing wrong with attraction. And it's not hard at all. As long as you accept and learn this, you will be less critical and resentful of it the way you do now.

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Entry49/17 Yea I totally understand why Leo fell in love with his predator. I fell in love with my rapist. These things cannot be judged.. My head is throbbing with pain right now. Fuck. I. Just don't want to argue or debate about sex anymore. To. Each his own. Omg. I'm. Dog tired. I. Can hardly type..fuck losers who trigger. Me

Entry48/17 My ex partners were into kink just as much as I want but they had no history of trauma Millions of people have sexual kinks. It's just a random biological thing like sexual orientation. On the flip side, it could be that you have never sufficiently explored your own kinks and this could be in part due to religious shaming and suppression, especially if you're raised in either catholic or Mormon kind of families those families tend to shame kinks. In my experience. Kinks tend to have their origin in puberty and the way you used to arouse yourself during those periods of your life, especially if you were a teen reading romantic novels or fantasies, those can serve as breeding grounds for your future kinks. For example, I used to read a ton of romantic novels during my puberty days that involved capture fantasy etc. So I developed Dom sub rape fantasy related fetishes. There's nothing special or psychologically unusual or sinister about it. It's simply established mental patterns that arouse you, which you created on your own depending on how you handled your arousals in your puberty years.

Entry47/17 The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of wack.

Entry46/17 He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. At times I felt cared for. Because he did not kill me. He let me live. He even cared when I was dizzy and thirsty. The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of whack.

I wanted to create a mega-thread on all philosophers from ancient history to present day. And share their philosophies and principles. Also sharing independent philosophies and different philosophical trends that dominated cultures. First starting with Soren Kierkegaard.

Entry45/17 So.... I was at a party last week March. And my friends got some cocktail mocktail stuff. I was very thirsty because it's summer time the most cruel time for me. So drank what they gave me. There was a guy I had been familiar with whose name is Robson. (name changed for privacy). He was laughing with me, making some jokes. As the night went on, I was losing my sense of self. And I began to laugh and giggle wildly. Hazy memory. I'm still suffering. Then he kinda pulled my arm and gestured me to walk to his car. He told me that he will show me something. I kinda laughed and agreed to walk with him. He kept walking and dragging me by the arm and this continued for a long time. At some point I felt I was far away from the crowd that he had isolated me from. I could not see those people anymore. This guy Robson lived in the Beehive National Park. That's where all of this went down. He then dragged me by my arm and took me to his car. Once inside the car, he offered me a drink and I drank. I was too thirsty and tired from all the walking. I was sitting in the back of the car. He came to the back and began to touch me. He pushed me down on the seat and began to remove my clothes. I resisted and kept struggling my way out. I tried getting a grip on the door knob but my hands couldn't reach there so I kinda slid my body a bit upwards and now I could get a full grip of the handle, I turned it and the car door flung open because of the weight of my body. I got out with great difficulty but now my head was spinning. I began to walk and kinda run but slowly. I was tripping. So I tried running faster but my vision was blurry. When I ran I stumbled upon a tiny rock and kinda fell because of some obstacle.. He came behind me. I was on the ground, laying on my stomach. Hurt and tired. I could see his feet when I looked down at my feet. He had shoes. He was wearing a hoodie/like a blue Grey checkered flannel and a black shirt inside. I kept kicking his feet with my shoe in an attempt to frighten him. But my kicking was like bunny kicks, it had no impact on him and he seemed to be smiling back at me. I was nervous and my heart was pounding.Then he lifted me slowly by my arm and then took my whole body into his arms (like carrying someone). And took me back into the forest.I could see thick bushes, big trees and all leaves on the floor, it was dark in the night. I could barely see anything. Then he lay me on the floor of the forest. I could see flashes of light that illumined his face in the night. He then asked me if I needed something. My heart was still pounding. I gave him a blank stare. I was in an inebriated state so I couldn't move my body. I was exhausted, tired and hurt from all the walking and running. He got up and left me alone for a while. Then I saw him coming back from the distance carrying rope in his hand and there was a shiny silvery object in his other hand. As he got closer I realized the shiny object was a big knife. He sat near my feet and began cutting the rope with the knife. He cut the rope into small pieces. He then threw the knife and it landed next to my body. He proceeded to tie my ankles with the rope. I was feeling hurt because it was so tight. Then he suddenly got on top of me. Then he looked into my eyes. I was in and out of consciousness. He began kissing me. I kept pushing him off. I pushed him hard with my hands and arms. I was struggling to get out of his grip.I grabbed the knife and kept shoving in into his face and he grabbed my hand really hard. He began smiling my hand was shaking and I couldn't get a grip on the knife, I dropped the knife and he immediately grabbed the knife and flung it far away. He then took his right hand and grabbed one one of my wrists. My wrists are tiny. So he reached for the other wrist and grabbed both of my wrists with his one hand. With his other hand he kept unzipping his pants. I could feel his penis on my body. He then inserted something into me. I felt something going inside. I raised my head to see what it was. It was a green bottle. I began moaning. After a while, I was feeling very thirsty. I told him that I needed some water. He got up and left. I was feeling weak. He came back with a water bottle. He gave me some water to drink. Then he got back on top of me. He began to choke me by placing his hands on my neck and tightening his grip. I began to feel dizzy.He then lifted me up, like made me sit back up. He placed me on his lap and kept rocking me back to consciousness. Then he asked me if I trust him. I said yes out of fear. He then hugged me tightly, extremely tight and began to feel my chest by pressing his chest against it. My heart was pounding. He then said that I was lying, that if I really trusted him, I wouldn't be shaking in fear and my heart wouldn't have been beating so fast. Then he whispered and told me that I should not lie to him.I asked him if he was going to kill me. He said no. I felt a bit relaxed when he said no. Then he untied my legs. Picked me up and carried me to his car. He placed me in the back of the car. I was exhausted and moaning and was half sleepy. He drove the car for a few minutes, maybe half an hour. I had no idea where he was going. He kept glancing back at me periodically during the time he was driving. Then he drove to a spot deep into a backroad of gravel and dirt and stopped. It was surrounding the edge of the forest park. He then got out of the car and got into the back and sat next to me. He caressed my face and told me everything would be alright. I asked him if he had raped me. He said that the only thing he did was kiss me. Then he got closer and pulled my face and began kissing my lips and gave me long kisses multiple times. I was completely frozen with fear because I thought he was about to rape me. I didn't protest, I thought protesting him might make him violent and aggressive so I kept quiet He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it.

Entry44/17 I should have said - either you marry me or no sex. Men crave hotness in the moment, women crave commitment. It's hard that way. Because both aren't wired for the same end goal. But a woman's heart is better. I see meaning, deep spiritual, in monogamy. There's sustenance and a display of love to the one who should receive it. I simply cannot see love in poly. When reading this It reminded me of this paragraph in the book Integral Relationships. ? FEMALE FEAR — MALE SHAME DYNAMIC The biological differences between the sexes also lead to the primary emotional reactions of fear in females and shame in males. Fear (typically fear of abandonment) arises in her when she experiences an emotional disconnect, usually after the initial chemistry is gone, or if she worries that he falls short as her committed protector and provider. Her fear is triggered when their communication breaks down, if he shows an interest in other women, if he reveals weaknesses, appears incompetent, complains or worries about his job, becomes unemployed, engages in addictive behaviors, or gets defeated. In her efforts to get him to reconnect with her emotionally, to receive reassurance of his support, or to improve his performance, she often starts to withhold sex, and to nag, criticize, challenge, humiliate, compare, or passive-aggressively ignore him, without having a clue how she is undermining their partnership by doing so.83 If he does not respond in a favorable way, she is quick to lose her faith and to accuse him of not listening to or understanding her, and of being insensitive, emotionally unavailable, passive aggressive, or in denial, which mayor may not be the case. Her efforts to re-connect and to support him to perform better only push him further away so that he can avoid her ongoing emasculations 84 and hide his primary emotion of shame for not being good enough to make her happy. Instead of providing her with the connection, emotional safety, strength, and reassurance that she is longing for, he may get angry at her, start to work longer hours, try to make more money, spend more time with his buddies, engage in his hobbies, embark on a spiritual path, or become whiny and depressed.85 She, on the other hand, does not know how to inspire and reward him by showing empathy and to appreciate him for the things he does (even if they are little) by recognizing/praising and having sex with him, which would often open him up to provide her with more of the support, love, and reassurance that she craves.86 Both partners are then prone to discuss their unhappiness and frustration with members of the opposite sex outside their relationship who show more empathy. Such behavior is called emotional infidelity and is obviously a slippery slope, as sexual infidelity lurks right around the corner. Because of their different evolutionary conditioning, he is usually better equipped to handle her emotional infidelity as long as she does not cheat sexually on him, while she can be forgiving about his sexual infidelity as long as she is assured of his love, financial support, and commitment toher.87 If you experience the fear-shame dynamic in your love relationship, you may be able to turn things around by listening to your partner’s fears and concerns without guilt and without getting defensive or withdrawn, and by reassuring her of your love, loyalty, and support.88

Entry43/17 Then he came to me. He looked at me. Then he asked me if I was okay. I was still feeling awful and trembling and I began to weep. He got closer. Are you okay. I told him that I am not okay. That I needed to calm down. He looked back at the officers and signaled them that I needed alone time. Then he put his arms around me and asked me if I wanted to come to his house for some comfort. I said okay. He walked me to his house. Then I sat on his couch. He gave me water in a tumbler. I drank the whole of it, gulped it till it fill my throat. I kept weeping and sobbing. Then he sat really close. I bent my head and then rested my head in his lap and kept crying. He placed his Palm on my temple. And kept patting me gently. And I kept telling him that I needed his protection. After some time I told him that I'm hurting. He asked if I was hurting physically and I said yes. He asked where. And I told him that my back was hurting bad. He lifted my blanket that covered my back and he saw the spot on my back where I had been bleeding and he said that it was a lot of blood on my back. He slowly pulled me up and made me sit straight and told me that we needed to go to the hospital emt as soon as possible. I relented. Then we sat in his car and he drove me to the nearest ER. He was waiting outside while they did some stitches on my back. Hooked me on pain relief stuff. And then send me home. He drove me back to his home. And then he made me sit and offered me some milkshake.. And cookies. He had cooked some stuff and he offered me that.. I ate like a chipmunk. Then I orgasmed. Wasn't the strongest orgasm. My orgasms have gotten weaker over the past few months. Not as intense as last year. Probably because of life events impacting me negatively. I don't feel the same anymore. I feel like I was exploited for my strong orgasms. Relationships that existed only for sex meanwhile I was expecting love at the end of the tunnel. I am tired of being used like that. Now I feel like a used doll. Overused for sex with not much love or care in return. Yea the men who I dated that I shouldn't have. It feels bad in retrospect. I think a woman should have a rule. Either he should own her or no sex I should have that rule. Because I belong to the stage blue Bible belt kinda girl. I always wanted to be a wife. But I guess all of these are fantasies of the female mind. Oh you fool. You believe a man will be with you forever. What if you bore him kids and he left you for another petite girl at his work. Life is so fickle. Suddenly you could be a single mom who is raising kids of a man who wants nothing to do with her, and then you are termed baggage by general society. The man that you did so much for doesn't give a fuck anymore, it hurts collective womanhood, women can see that wound passing around. It's not just one woman's wound. Women seriously crave monogamy, it's a woman's heart.

Entry42/17 Eric I don't know what to say. It's like your presence overwhelms me. I love you. I'm feeling sentimental. I had a dream where I was hurt. I was hurt in the back. I was bleeding. My house was being searched by paramedics. And then Eric just came. He entered the front yard. Stood near the porch. Spoke to the officers, there and then looked at me. He had been fighting since a few days. He was living next door. He had been accusing me of shit. Now he wanted to blow up shit telling nonsense to the officers about me. Then he saw me across the lawn. He could see me standing there barefoot and trembling and shaking and crying. He came towards me. I shook my head and looked at the ground. Of course I couldn't see him in the eye. He looked at me sympathetically and asked me if I was okay. Eric could mutate into an older version and a younger version. The older being slightly fatty and grumpy. The younger being fit and skinny but tough. The one that raped me in March in a forest. And this version where he was my neighbor.. And being such a c*unt to me..

Entry41/17 Eric, you and me are so good together. I love the cuddling and coodling. I'm trying hard to forget Jim. I want to be your wifey. Yay. Eric I don't know what to say. It's like your presence overwhelms me. I love you. I'm feeling sentimental.

Entry40/17 Oki I have 3/4 now. They have all been reduced to this. Anthony (sweet) Eric Sheppard (the only one) Vincent the tattoo guy Rob D (the guy who never leaves me alone) I really like Vincent. I said I would want him my whole life. How long is it going to last? I have made up my mind that only Eric truly fits the bill. Even if I have to love someone, I cannot really do it without them reciprocating it in half measure at the very least. So Vincent is the sort of guy I love who doesn't love me back enough. it's decided. It's Eric. I'm upset. Jim will never truly own me So I have to come back to Eric Eric you're the only one right now. This is turning into a competition between the two of you. I don't know. You love me. Although I'm not too deeply connected to you.. Whereas with Jim it was the deepest connection I ever had. But Jim just doesn't care.. Meanwhile you do.. But you keep disappearing sometimes. You're dominating. But Jim was a juggernaut.. He could really put me in my place, full stop. He had a hold on me. But anyway. I kinda feel like Jim doesn't love me the way he used to. Eric, what can I do. I'm. Upset. Eric is my current boyfriend. I lub lub you. I'm sorry I said an awful lot about jim. It was a phase I was going through. Now I belong to you.. Mmmm.

Entry39/17 I'm focused right now on well being. I wish you had owned me and then killed me. I'm still in love with Rob D.

Entry38/17 I just need your hands caressing my butt. If you did that to me, I'm all yours Just come closer and kiss me.. Look into my eyes, serenade me. With your passion. Tie me up to those poles and bars. Slowly and gently touch my bra and drag it down. Eric you're magical. You make me feel like a woman. Your naughty smile kills me everytime. Fuck me harder as you get closer. No space between us. Flick my hair to the side and place your palm on the side of my cheeks below my ears, pull me closer into your face and rub your lips on my cheeks and lips and put your tongue, twist it inside my mouth till I begin to orgasm to the rhythm of your fingers and lips, make me yours this moment and kill me with your moves. Cmon make me wet and I want to cum for you. We need to be dying in each other's arms. Why to waste any space, any time, make me yours, I'm waiting my prince. Get cozy and make me sick and drunk in your love, I'm feeling sexed up, ready for your slapping and pushing. Push yourself harder till you're deep within me while I moan and bicker, whimper and whisper, till then keep forcing yourself into me, this is a struggle I don't wanna resist, I might get sore with pain, but I want pure pleasure, pure in-dicktment. I was thinking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I was thinking of atomic bombs I was thinking of supernatural forces, the world, psychic energy deep reserves God's infinite energy that beats evil. Eric I'm kinda feeling dull. My whole body is giving up. It's raining here. Like a hailstorm. I feel the sounds on the roof my house.

Entry37/17 You should ask me these questions (I'll chat with you later when I find time) Did you eat? Did you sleep well? Were you anxious? Did you have nightmares? How did you feel? Eric, I belong to you. I feel like reporting every little detail to you. I want to sit on your lap....... Yippeeeeee And I want to eat ice cream with you. You treat me like a kid and I like that. I want that cow emoji I like how I can be a kid around you. Eric I would love if you do those things to me. Just touching my bare bum. Rubbing your skin against mine. Your hands I mean. Your hands are so strong and so soft. Your skin makes me feel warm