Tyler Robinson

Those withdrawal symptoms are scaring the shit out of me. This is not good. Although you feel the benefits. It looks like way too much risk. I would never take it if I were you in all honesty. It looks dreadful.

Past three days I have been a horny motherfucking toad.

Precious. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is truly the best thing in the universe. Watched it a 100 times already.

My usual experience has been that the people who always acted like they wanted to help me were always the ones who preyed on me first and foremost out of everyone else. They made me feel secure. They did everything for egoic reasons. These are narcissists. I can never trust people ever again. Especially those who act nice and polite and sweet and try to gain access into my world.

At the end of the day, there's only one thing that is left - an epiphany.

I fell for this so many times. Nothing comes out of it. But the mind craves for attention. It craves for affection. It craves for support and love.. It craves for someone to understand and hear me out, like a true friend who actually cares. It craves for attachment, belongingness like a child craves for a parent. It craves for love and acceptance which it never truly receives or enjoys. Such is the sad state of humanity that those who need money never find it and those who truly seek love never receive it. Your innocence, your immaturity and your trust is exploited..

Today I feel suicidal again. This forum should have been a source of help and empathy. It has been a source of torment rather. I hate mean comments and they really upset me. Whats the point of asking for help. There will be another rude comment. It can really set you back and bring you down. I don't wish to go back to the same predators who fed on me. It's vicious. It's a cycle that keeps feeding into a loop where I feel sad and vulnerable and I end up succumbing to pressure and then the person who is supposed to help me starts preying on me. And then I give into those people who don't really have the best interests in mind for me. They are not really interested in knowing what works for me but rather hammering their own self righteous opinion down my throat.

The more I cry, the more I breakdown, nothing is ever going to actually work. I will end up feeling wasted, drained and another week of depression will set in. I've been preyed on horribly to the point that I don't trust humanity anymore. I'm wary of the online world. I trusted people and they betrayed me in the most unthinkable ways. I was on the verge of suicide and I was extremely lonely. Angry, sad and depressed. Those were my emotions. I felt like a whore who was prostituting herself day after day so that a Pimp would allow me to live. I sometimes just don't want this existence. Whatever emotional support I ever got, it always came at a huge price. It's unbelievable what I was put through

I'm soaking in all the joy that Eric has brought to my life recently. He makes me feel alive. Fruitful. Blessed. I belong to him. I felt horny as fuck yesterday.. I wanted Eric to fuck me.. And I wanted Ancient Egyptian music playing in the background for a heightened effect. Dude I'm your wifey. The chemistry between us is intense. I wanted to be licked. Last time he thrust so deep inside me. I felt nice afterward. I asked him how many times he would want to fuck me every week. And he looked a bit confused. So I told him that I want it at least twice a week.. And he sort of nodded and kissed me on my neck. It's a blessing truly. Everytime I'm in his arms. I feel this intense powerful connection. Nobody can rob these feelings from me For some reason this is kinda memorable.

Even if Eric did this to me, I didn't take it too seriously. I know he sometimes feels insecure around me. He thinks I talk to other men or I flirt and it makes him worried or tensed And I always go back to assuring him that my heart is with him no matter what Other guys can't steal me from him. He is too sweet for me to ever think of any other guy. You are gor - jee - ous in a male kinda way. I love you way too much to think of anyone else

Yea this shit feels weird. I have observed this phenomenon with men and by now I'm quite aware of this (very sure this is the case) that men always want a "taken" woman. They want a woman who is someone's girlfriend. They won't go too far if she is a wife But I guess a girlfriend is fair game since her man hasn't yet married her. Like why do this? There are so many single girls you can hit on. Why do you always want a girl who is someone's gf? Why you wanna steal her from her man? Is it because it makes you feel better inside that you had your hands on another man's woman? It's disgusting..

So my bf texted me as someone else, a random stranger. And tried flirting with me. He did this to test if I'm loyal to him or not(that's what he told me later). I told the random stranger (that is my bf posing as him), that I have a bf that I wish to remain faithful to. He openly confessed about it later and I really did not feel disgusted. Just amused that he would pull something like that. He apologized and he felt sorry for not trusting me enough and testing my loyalty in this weird way. Do you think he is being weird? I didn't mind it that much or probably I wanted to hide my disappointment and still keep it cheerful. I don't want him to feel bad or get mad at him. I know guys can sometimes feel like that about their gf and it's okay, I don't want to feed into his insecurity by challenging him. A friend of mine told me that they would break up or get totally mad if the same happened to them. That got me quizzing if I'm being too lackadaisical. He is very guilty about it and he can't stop fussing about it constantly. He brings it up and then keeps apologizing. I told him it's okay and no worries. He is feeling a bit sloughed by the whole situation. I don't know what I can do here. I care about him deeply and I don't want him to feel like I'm disappointed in him.. I think he wanted to call me a slut and find an opportunity for it. I'm laughing because he got caught. Don't mess with my energy. I see through shit.

I have truly madly madly deeply fallen in love with Eric. He is the one for me. Recently people have been stealing me from Eric. It feels weird.

Have you ever been bedazzled by someone that you met? Totally bedazzled??? Yea I have been after I met Eric. I didn't want to meet anyone else. I am bonded to him. Secretly Eric gives me husband vibes

Chinese Culture has always fascinated me

Yea I know I was born in ancient Rome. I was a Roman in my past birth as I distinctly remember. I wish there was some form of amalgamation between Roman and Chinese culture. And then I'm in absolute love with three other ancient cultures. Namely Native American Egyptian Celtic/Norse and Witchy Pagan

I'm not going to change a thing about this. I love this.

Looking back I made stupid mistakes too. But if those mistakes never happened, I would have probably remained blind to a huge dose of reality. Reality hits you in the face when you act stupid, it's one way of wisening up. I wish there was a better terminology for people who keep repeating the same mistakes and never learn. I feel sad for such people, yet I would not call them stupid, I would say they have deep psychological trauma and problems that's producing a recurrent pattern in their lives that they feel unable to control/maneuver. They need some serious therapy,help, attention, love, compassion to get them out of their deep trenches.

A beautiful Chinese painting brings healing to my heart

I might be a bit reticent in my communication but you know how you make me feel when I'm horny. You're cruel. You know it all too well. Right now I feel like you're inside me. And masturbating to me is not enough at all. I want more hun I felt exasperated

Boiling it down to - Having Self Compassion in all Situations big or small Venting as much as possible Focusing on honest self expression Invoking the joy within through exploration and writing. Different avenues of positive engagement Cultivating a beautiful garden in the mind and heart Gain emotional mastery. Your voice is your power. Your words are your power. Your fluent expression is your power. Everyone can inhibit public expression. But nobody can inhibit personal expression Seek solace in personal expression and Vulnerability. The solution lies in self expression and not in communication A tactful way with words Positive engagement - writing about alternative stuff that captivates your interest like ancient cultures. Negative engagement - being completely honest with self, psychoemotional processing of current and past garbage, incineration, Vulnerability, not being hesitant in saying things frankly, venting and throwing it out of the system, letting out all the hurt and pain bottled up inside, throwing out all the anger and frustration and not holding it in, giving back if anyone abused/mistreated me and not swallowing it, retaliating it as much as possible and not absorbing other's asshole behavior and rudeness, clap back at unnecessary shaming and throwing it out, not guilting myself for no fault of my own.

I've constantly, more often than not, fallen off the wagon.

Lots of elements here - So basically it all comes down to this - singing your own merry tune even if nobody is listening. - Find a healing space in your own brain - finally cracking the code to suffering - solace and comfort in one's expression. After all even the devil can't stop that one. - going on and on, on what the heart wants. I will call this the heart song. - cutting chords is the best thing I ever did Boiling it down to - Having Self Compassion in all Situations big or small Venting as much as possible Focusing on honest self expression Invoking the joy within through exploration and writing. Different avenues of positive engagement Cultivating a beautiful garden in the mind and heart Gain emotional mastery. Your voice is your power. Your words are your power. Your fluent expression is your power. Everyone can inhibit public expression. But nobody can inhibit personal expression Seek solace in personal expression and Vulnerability. The solution lies in self expression and not in communication A tactful way with words Positive engagement - writing about alternative stuff that captivates your interest like ancient cultures. Negative engagement - being completely honest with self, psychoemotional processing of current and past garbage, incineration, Vulnerability, not being hesitant in saying things frankly, venting and throwing it out of the system, letting out all the hurt and pain bottled up inside, throwing out all the anger and frustration and not holding it in, giving back if anyone abused/mistreated me and not swallowing it, retaliating it as much as possible and not absorbing other's asshole behavior and rudeness, clap back at unnecessary shaming and throwing it out, not guilting myself for no fault of my own.

Why did I even add a b? Shut the fuck asshole.

So what should my focus really be?