Tyler Robinson

To err is human, to forgive is divine. I'm not trying to be a Saint in this relationship. But sometimes you need to let go for the other person to have room to grow. He loves me at the end of the day. This is the first time he made an error and hurt me. It happens. He also confessed to me about it and I admire his honesty and frankness about it. Now when someone shows remorse and confesses their wrong doings to you, you should be accepting and forgiving rather than punishing. What do you think of this? Punishing him would be like preying on his wrongs. For growth there should be margin for error and room for improvement. He made an error in judgement. He is not perfect. He is only human. He did what humans do. He was full of fear, jealousy and insecurity. Don't we all have such moments in life? Is it reasonable to punish someone for a moment of fear? He gave into his fears.. He confessed to me after all. If he thought I would dump him after hearing that, he wouldn't have confessed. That means he trusted me with his honesty and Vulnerability. It would be incredibly unfair for me to break his trust, disregard his honesty/vulnerability in admittance, judge him and then punish him by dumping. It's like your partner came to you and confessed that they cheated on you but are willing to make amends and you still judged them and went ahead and broke up with them. That's incredibly harsh and unforgiving. Where's my love in all of this? I should show him love when he wants to be honest and come clean. I should see the good in the bad. He did wrong in not trusting me. That's the bad part. But the good part is that he was honest about it. I admire that. He did not hold back and let me know. He is already feeling like shit. He is frightened, anxious and nervous and absolutely vulnerable at this point. He feels like he will lose me over this or that I won't ever forgive him. It would be incredibly predatory of me to take advantage of his mistake. If one person does wrong, the other person should not feed on the wrong. He will feel like a total idiot if I dumped him now. I should have mercy for his emotional state. He didn't do it on purpose or Mal intent or bad spirit. It was a fuck up on his part. Good that he admitted to it. Imagine how embarrassing it is to admit your mistakes to someone and let yourself down in their eyes? It can/could feel like pure torture. It takes incredible bravery and honesty to do that. And then be punished for it would feel like terror. I don't want to kick him when he is already feeling down. That's why I'm giving him space and room to understand what he did, realize how it hurt me, process everything emotionally and learn to trust me and give him a chance to get over his fears and insecurities. Obviously he is flawed. But why should I expect perfection anyway. If I dump him now, it will absolutely traumatize him. I don't want to devastate him like that. That would be very uncompassionate. Yes it was disrespectful and deceitful and very cheap to pull that kind of a stunt. Not gonna lie, what he did hurt me a lot. But it's finally in my hands to forgive or not to forgive. I think I will choose to forgive. We are both in an emotionally panicky state. I'll let it go and give him space to understand his mistakes and let him heal his insecurities. He doesn't deserve to be treated so unfairly. Just something he did out of jealousy and insecurity. He was testing me. But it blew up in his face and taught him a lesson. He is feeling very guilty and I should let lt slide and not add more to his guilt. If he really cares, he will wisen up and try better to maintain trust. If he gets cocky he might take advantage of my mercy/forgiveness and pull some other nonsense again thinking that he will always be forgiven and let go. Well it won't go down well if he keeps on with his shenanigans and at that point I'll serve him an ultimatum.

Ok I get you now. I'll contemplate on this.

Why does he need to do all that if he trusts me? And if he doesn't trust me, I would be incredibly hurt. Isn't that obvious that lack of trust hurts A deeply fulfilling relationship should have a strong base of trust.

Can you explain to me all of this again? I'm really not following your line of thinking. It's very confusing.

My fear is that he doesn't trust me. And I can't do much to help it.

Can you please elaborate? I didn't get you. What are you trying to ask?

You're allowing yourself to be a pushover. You are literally letting someone walk all over you. You need a ton of work on how to manage people. It doesn't matter that he is your friend's friend. If your friend cares about you, you should be comfortable telling them that you aren't pleased to have this director dude around and set a firm boundary where you meet your friend without him being there. They can meet him separately without you and do the same with you.. It's case of placing firm boundaries. A no is a no. What you need is being strong in your conviction and boundaries. It's your emotional well being and you are entitled to it. Put your foot down and don't meet the director person again. Don't work for him and meet your friends separately without him.. There is simply no good reason to tolerate this nonsense.

You don't understand the depth of my desire or passion for you. You should feel it in my vagina.

@LSD-Rumi I will need some time to be decisive.

I'm in a state of emotional turmoil and a moral and emotional dilemma. And somewhat moral/emotional panic. The situation has left me harrowed and emotionally drained. Trying to process whatever happened. Lot of strife going on inside me in the moment. Part of me wants to dump him immediately out of sheer disappointment. Part of me feels like I should wait and not rush to a quick decision and give him time Another part of me feels like dumping him is merciless and uncompassionate when he is feeling like shit and was honest in admitting it. Almost like I would be punishing him by dumping. He is emotional over this and I should care about him too, not just myself. I don't want to shock him. The situation is delicate.

I need to do a bit of ranting to get things off my chest.

Such a thing doesn't exist. Look for a reasonable respectful partner where you both contribute equally to a relationship while maintaining a high level of respect for each other. Humans are rarely capable of unconditional love and this inconvenient truth has to be embraced although the joy of a relationship can still be experienced with people who aren't exactly fitting the description of a soulmate as long as they maintain respect, love and understanding in a relationship.

I have a 24/7 security at my house so zero break-Ins. Two years ago I lived in a hostel. You know what happened? A robbery. The housekeeping couple living with the owner broke into my locked room(when I was at the gym) and stole my blender, a phone charger, stuff from my backpack and 3 pairs of brand new expensive stilettos (each worth $160). I had bought them for my birthday just a week before they were stolen (the first time I got myself heels) and had never used them. It made me so mad, I immediately left that place. This is what happens in shared housing. Even my doormat was stolen by the girl who was sharing the house with me and she would constantly act clueless when asked about it. I was at the end of my rope dealing with such people shamelessly stealing all my stuff.. I have severe social anxiety so I don't go around knocking on people's doors asking them to return back my stolen stuff. Neither did I file a police report because I just didn't want to deal with the mess and drama.. I was too anxious.. I simply cannot survive in groups of people - they will prey on me and eat me up.. And I'm non confrontational and autistic. I just choose to not stand up for myself which makes it easier for most people to prey on me and get away with it. I don't confront most of the time. But this attitude can seriously cost me if I were to live in a commune. Most people will figure me out right away and start acting nasty with me knowing fully they will get away with it. That's why living with people needs some real big balls and the ability to socialize and influence, which I apparently lack because of my autism. Now you get the idea why people want a stable owned home? Now I live in a high end place with a privately owned home and security so no robberies since moving into my new home

@Ethan1 you're daydreaming. Retreat costs are exponentially higher than your monthly rent. High end retreats. Owning a home is a stable financial decision. What happens when you are in the hospital or in another city and somebody comes and occupies your silly tent. How do you provide a stable roof for your kids? Heck even in privately owned apartments, there are robberies, home invasions and frequent breakins. That's why people own guns, security Alarms and live in gated townships. Housing comes with taxes, records, documents of ownership, signatures, court stamps and notarized papers. It's no joke. It also comes with insurance if you have enough money. Does a tent come with an insurance? Most people pay rent because they can't afford owning a home. Even in leased apartments, there's a system for electricity and plumbing and house repairs, most of the costs are borne by the landlord and that's why tenants rely on the landlord, they aren't paying rent for nothing. If anything happens, it's the landlord's responsibility, including security. A home is not just a home, it's also a secure place. You have a house alarm, an address that law enforcement can visit if you need help, it's made concrete and solid so nobody can simply bulldoze it at will. Even the government cannot snatch it from you if you legally own it. What you're suggesting is fine for single Bachelors or vagabonds who are used to living out of cars and suitcases. But once you have a small/large family (even a bare minimum of 3 family members), you gotta have a stable roof, a proof of legal ownership, constant proper supply of gas, water, electricity and access to basic utilities in the middle of a city. Renting is already complicated enough with renters, roommates, tenants, landlords often getting into huge fights over the pettiest of issues. And you're talking about shared housing? You really imagine that people won't fight ever? You will need to bring together Eckhart Tolle's followers if you want to create a zero fight zone. Because most humans aren't that high consciousness to maintain this ultra idealistic level of harmony you're fantasizing. Your idea is (its idealistically beautiful) not suitable or sustainable in the long term because you can't create enough autonomy in a commune no matter whatever benefits you ascribe to it in the sense of cheaper costs and shared living. It's based on this fantasy that humans are okay not having absolute autonomy. If you carried out a survey and asked most people about their housing aspirations, the most likely answer would be - a huge bachelor pad in the middle of California or by the beach. People want something big that they can flaunt or boast about to their friends and a tent in an Eco village is not one of those things.

Not true. I humbly disagree. My Father was not a good lover but a great parent. Mixing parenting with how two adults act around each other is like mixing students with good grades with employees who perform well at work. That doesn't gel together. Lot of students just don't have employable skills despite good grades and would make very poor employees. These are two diametrically different situations that need very different skill sets Parenting is a very complicated skill that most people aren't good at because they have neither the manual nor the skill for it Relationship and parenting are contextually different and need different brain wirings. That's why most couples fail. Although a good parent is someone who can also be considered good at relationships in general because they have the required maturity and intelligence, though most relationships thrive on mostly lust and attraction, having a matured partner takes a lot of stress off a relationship but cannot guarantee success. (although your cute post shows a beautiful amalgamation of masculine and feminine connection, it has nothing to do with the title of the post)

@Ethan1 Oh, I thought it meant stunningly handsome. Nevermind.

If you're very strong, that is.

He is generally sweet. He can be judgemental sometimes. But I escape his hammer skillfully every time. Clever me. He is not that bad. Sometimes fucks up but apologizes later and settles it. I, for my part, am an extremely non judgemental person in relationships. Most of the time I act like a fly on the wall, nothing really bugs me much as long as a person cares enough to talk it out.

This perspective is important. My perspective here is probably incomplete and not fleshed out entirely, but i thought i'd give it a shot. Pronouns have a grammatical function, they are literally pro-nouns, meaning they are grammatical fillers used to replace names and nouns. It only makes sense for pronouns to be a limited group of words, so that they are used at a high frequency and everybody knows them. If you want to be specific about the thing or person you are talking about, the name or noun is the more precise choice. It can obviously be tedious to repeat a person's name a billion times throughout a conversation, which is why pronouns were invented in the first place. Having more than about 10 to 20 different pronouns or so kind of defeats the purpose of the grammatical medium...so either get rid of them, or acknowledge that pronouns are meant to be a very imprecise and abstract category. I believe that we need to strike the right balance in this regard. People want to be respected for who they are and that's part of the LGBTQ empowerment. Their standing up for their identities and for the first time owning their inner and outer diversity is a big step up for most of them, and the public performance and acknowledgement thereof is a central part of this. However, i would argue that an excessive demand for other people's respect and validation is a bit of a shadow side of the LGBTQ community. It's powerful that they begin to introspect their identities, and naturally they do find a lot of inner diversity, subtle and conflicting energy forms, masculine and feminine energies opposing and collaborating within themselves. But it is neither practical nor necessary to force people to acknolwedge your identity in every conversation you ever have. That's like wanting your boss to acknowledge that you don't like coffee or the colour blue but do like earl grey tea and a pale shade of purple when that is actually completely irrelevant to the conversation. In other words, a category is useful in that it always always always reduces things down to one or a few shared characteristics. If we were to be 100% accurate, we would not be able to communicate at all, because every single thing (or worse, every holon) in infinity would need its own name. The power of language lies in its ability to abstract and conceptualise. While we can definitely adapt language to our social needs (....also, the more we investigate something the more disctinctions we make and the more labels we invent for it....), especially in this case, given that gender is quite important to our current society, we should remain aware that there are limits to this. After all, you can respect a person for who they are, without all their identity aspects and preferances being known to or verbally acknowledged by you. In this specific context, i personally think that it makes much more sense to focus on pronouns that emphasise our shared identity as "human", rather than going down the rabbit hole and feeling like we need to invent a new label for every subtlety of expression and energy that we find within ourselves.

@Judy2 I was really enjoying your journals. I wish you would write journals again.

@Ulax thanks a ton. I'm ending it too..

There are a ton on YouTube you know. Just type cult in search. You'll get a million. Very deep experiences. You will learn a lot. Also look into pyramid multi level network marketing schemes. They are similar cult type dynamics and a lot of it is pure scam.

I'll take your suggestion into consideration. Thank you.

No. Leo told me this if I correctly remember. I kept that in mind. (Leo told me not to be a part of a hippie commune or similar groups because these so called organized groups are ripe for abuse, Ego games and cult dynamics. Most hypocritical people being part of such groups. That's what his opinion was when I asked him about it.)

And I was being sincere in letting you know that invalidating others feelings can come across as manipulative. I meant no harm to you. I was only suggesting you. That's the only respectful way I could have taken. Did I ever signal any disrespect to you, then show me? But you took it hostile at least initially? You're suggesting that someone else on the same thread should show compassion to a comment that was dehumanizing to them. Yet in the same breath you can't show compassion to me? You immediately judged me and took my comment in a hostile way and then when I tried to explain you a bit more, you realized that it wasn't as hostile as it initially seemed. That means it was only a shift in your perspective. Maybe you judged me as hostile, because your parent probably communicated you in ways that has made you think that anyone who criticizes you in a straightforward way is being hostile to you? If you healed from your trauma completely, you probably would have seen my comment in a more compassionate manner and realized that I was telling you something about invalidation a behavior we sometimes unconsciously engage in without ill intent. I don't think I got compassion from you though.