Tyler Robinson

I'm fast moving on with my life. No time to lose.

I'm gobsmacked and surprised that people don't see their own predatory behavior. Who will show them the mirror? Is there any accountability for being so directly condescending and disrespectful to others and also acting authoritarian at the same time? What have your parents taught you? Would you appreciate if someone did this to your family members and they had a mental breakdown? Where is consideration and compassion in all of this? How about being an insensitive prick and actually owning it?

You can't force someone to talk about their personal life when they aren't comfortable with it. If I were to ask someone a question I would ask them politely and I would also add something like - hey you choose to speak about it if you are really comfortable or else you might not want to and I won't ask you any further. Isn't this the way you show respect to a stranger while asking them something personal. And if you don't have the manners to communicate, then just don't. Stop being a total scumbag. Stop being so intrusive and malevolent and also defending it.

My head is spinning. I just can't write. Today was an anxious day. I'm feeling traumatized and stressed I didn't want someone to ask me questions. It was pathetic and emotionally abusive. Like wtf?????????????????? This person in the dating section just wouldn't stop asking me questions about my virginity. What nonsense people come to this forum. They see a woman and they find some way to trigger her and all the victim blaming and gaslighting, because it's her fault somehow. How rude and disrespectful to directly and publicly ask a person about their rape, virginity or sex life. People write in their journals because they feel a degree of privacy and anonymity since you are not directly engaging with anyone here. When you read someone's journal, try to respect the person whose journal you're reading or don't bother reading. Don't weaponize someone' journal against them. People write journals in public because they find it better to vent it out that way. Responsibility lies on you to respect a person.

Rape is so complex. It's more of a taboo and less of a crime. I wish it was like a crime. But rape is the only and I say it with emphasis that rape is the only crime in the world where the victim feels more punished than the perpetrator. The perpetrator is punished and people will forget them. But the victim will never be forgotten and will be constantly reminded of being a rape victim. They will always be given questionable looks. In a way rape feels like a permanent curse. Because nobody will believe you no matter what.

And then there's a problem of rape fantasies. I can't tell if it's because of the rape or not because of the rape. Sexual assault definitely adds to promiscuity.

I was sexually assaulted so many times that I can't even keep a count. I got used to it. I became immune to it.

There are just so many aspects to rape. A female opening up about it is the bravest thing ever. Of course I don't expect men to understand it. At the same time the only thing that comes with rape is shame. So many aspects and assumptions about rape are so severely loaded and tied to traditional expectations of femininity. These make rape(as a phenomenon) even more outrageous and complicated than it already is. With rape you always have a catch-22 problem. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you don't talk about rape, then people assume that you don't have any trauma. If you talk about rape, then you have to be ready to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions. If you talk about rape as in that you didn't resist enough, then men assume that you were probably enjoying it or it wasn't rape at all. If you talk about rape as in, you resisted very badly, you are considered a good woman. There are just so many infinite layers of female morality baked into rape that it's just the most disgusting thing. How are you even supposed to be yourself with so many moral traps set around you? If a woman doesn't report rape then she is asked why she didn't report it or that she must be lying because it's inherently assumed that any pious woman will report a rape when it happens. And if a woman reports rape, then she is asked evidence. Then it's like opening a whole can of worms, because that's where the nightmare begins. Now you really have to go through it all over again to make sure the rapist is punished. People don't understand how shame works.. For example, when I was raped, I blamed myself. This is just ingrained in the female psyche. You you you you you must have done something wrong to attract rape. Why does it not happen to other women? You must be slut. Thousands of questions running through your head and the enormous fear of slut shaming is what causes the internalization of blame. You feel ashamed of yourself for having trusted the rapist. You feel like you deserved it because you didn't enough to protect your feminine dignity. You feel stupid. You feel like shit. You feel like you are unworthy. Especially if you are already struggling with low self esteem. You feel like crap. You cry for days and days and try to wash it off your body. You feel like your own body is a sin, a crime, a crime to be a woman. You feel dirty inside. You feel dirty outside. You feel like you aren't a woman anymore. You begin to battle your own womanhood. You feel like you don't deserve to live. You live in regret and shame.

I think rape is probably the most complex phenomenon in the world. I don't expect men to understand what rape actually is. And men shouldn't even try understanding it. The male psyche will never be able to understand rape. There are just layers and layers of complexity, more complex than a Rubiks cube.

Discussing stuff about rape is extremely difficult. It's not something that people should discuss especially males, especially in a insensitive way.

Being shamed for my rape. Being shamed on my virginity. Being victim shamed and victim blamed hurts way more than rape itself. Rape is a physical event that leaves a bad memory which can be forgotten over time But what remains is the constant torment of social shaming and that's psychological abuse and this psychological abuse is way more traumatizing than the actual event. Having to justify yourself over and over, having to describe your situation even when you feel deeply uncomfortable, having to respond to uncomfortable personal questions over a situation people have no clue about, is the single most traumatizing and disgusting thing. I feel suicidal right now for being shamed.. The real problem is much bigger than rape. It's this fucking pathetic society that doesn't allow you to live in peace and keeps you in a mental prison.

Yes I can. Of course I can. Definitely I can. The public forum is separate from the journals. This is not place for people to gossip or talk shit about someone's personal life. These are threads where you must stick to the topic. Don't flood it with personal gossip. Use pm like I said already. Absolutely not. You are nobody to decide how much information is too much. Who the hell are you to talk about my personal life. Journals are meant for venting personal stuff no matter how personal it is. That's a person's personal space and they can share whatever they want in their personal space, that's what they are meant for. Ask Moderators. You have absolutely zero right to talk shit about my personal life, especially when I made it absolutely clear that I don't appreciate it. You can do it to a person who appreciates being talked about. You can't make me uncomfortable in public. That's aggression. Mods @integral @Carl-Richard reporting this person for constantly triggering me about my personal life which is none of his business. I don't appreciate his constant aggression to me.

Sweat off my brow!!!!

Disclaimer to you and others who are always hyper curious about my personal life - I don't appreciate being talked about in public. I don't like attention. I'm not some celebrity or role model. Sure my actions might seem attention seeking but that's just a wrong impression they create. I have zero obligation to justify my virginity or any personal detail to you or anyone. My personal life should not be your business. Just because I choose to answer a question, I should not become fair game for gossip. I reply to OP and stick to topic. My personal life is not the topic here. Use the pm function if you want personal stuff and stop violating me publicly. You were called out by user @petar8p before for intentionally triggering me with pointless personal questions/assumptions. My personal life is nobody's business and should be off limits. I'm entitled to share whatever I want in my journals and nobody is supposed to decide what is true or not. It shouldn't even matter to anyone whatever I want to write in my journal - that's my personal space. Don't use journal as ammunition for gossip or character attacks. I'm not pretending to be a virgin. I'm a virgin. I'm not standing for some kind of a virginity test here. My journal is a compilation of my fantasies. Some of the experiences are real, some are not. I write in a state when I'm not totally lucid and things become real. It's because of my mental illness that I escape into dissociation and Derealization states where reality meets fantasy or everything becomes real. I'm not fully conscious when I'm writing and it's sometimes my subconscious writing it. They are an outlet of my unfulfilled sexual desires and my therapy for my sexual repression. Regarding the rape which is highly sensitive to me, I was raped with an object. That's still rape. I did not experience penetration.I suffered sexual trauma at different times in my life and the journal is used as a coping mechanism to relive my sexual trauma from the past as well as for my sexual repression. I want no further investigation/gossip/attention on my personal life. I am not obligated to provide any justification to anyone really. Nobody's business.

I'm a virgin. I always had a strong attachment to virginity. It sucks when I know the person I'm dating is not a virgin. Like a sinking feeling in my heart. Can relate to how you feel. It's your preference and there's nothing bad about it. However it will always limit the number of people you can choose from, so more time and effort.

Kanye is mostly about creating sensation. His art is mediocre. His ticket to fame is equating himself to trump

Everything started with demoting Nahm.

Where do I begin To tell the story of how great a love can be The sweet love story that is older than the sea The simple truth about the love she brings to me Where do I start? With her first hello She gave a meaning to this empty world of mine There'd never be another love another time She came into my life and made the living fine She fills my heart She fills my heart with very special things With angel songs, with wild imaginings She fills my soul with so much love That anywhere I go, I'm never lonely With her along who could be lonely? I reach for her hand, it's always there How long does it last Can love be measured by the hours in a day I have no answers now, but this much I can say I know I'll need her until the stars all burn away And she'll be there How long does it last Can love be measured by the hours in a day I have no answers now but this much I can say I know I'll need her 'til the stars all burn away And she'll be there

Calmer. Gentler. Softer. Warmer.

Lady parts you know.

Becoming my fast favorite. Wow this was nice. Kinda practical and slow coaching. Helped me deal with my shadow. If you have shadows related to success than this can be a good one.

https://www.actualized.org/forum/staff

I'm currently addicted to - Orange juice Drinking alcohol Coffee Animal documentaries

Pretty much like me. Oh I forgot you are INFJ. Hi! Hello!!!! Fellow Emo

The only thing that makes me feel good is thinking about David