Tyler Robinson

Philly — everyone loves you Janessa. Janessa/TYLER /ME — Does Donny Uncle love me? Philly — maybe he does. Janessa/TYLER /ME — he is so strict with me. As though I did something wrong. Philly — he loves you. He cares about you. You'll always be a virgin. Nobody wants you to be a mother. Nobody thinks you should be one. You are Angelic and innocent like a child. Janessa/TYLER /ME — I am scared. I don't know. I don't want to be a mother.. I want love. Philly — it's ok. You are just a child. Janessa/TYLER /ME — I want to know what love is. Philly — that's exactly what love is. Just knowing it. It's an experience like any other. Like childhood. Like a season that comes and goes. You are too pure for it. You were made perfect. In God's love. You were chosen for God. You were chosen for higher things. You were chosen to experience ethereal love. Spiritual love. The love of an animal. The love of God. The love of a true friend. The love of loyalty. Love is an essence of motherhood and friendship. Love is devotion. Love is Purity. Love is morality. Love is compassion. Love is mercy. Love is understanding. Love is unforgettable. Love is protection. Love is ferocity. The one who loves you won't leave you stranded. You don't feel satisfied because sexual love is shallow and will never be enough for you. In you there's a deeper yearning. What will satisfy you is spiritual love.

Philly — Janessa, you deserve that love. Janessa/TYLER /ME — will I ever meet my soulmate? Philly — Janessa this is your home. Don't dream about a man. Those things happen in the movies. And in your dreams. In reality there is no prince charming. No knight in shining armor riding a horse. There's only communal love. I don't want you to be heart broken. You are lovely, innocent, virgin. You are perfect as you are. I don't want cannibals to destroy you. You need a real soulmate. Not some guy who has a cursory interest in you and forgets you later. You'll go nowhere. You will stay here. You will be with people who care about you. You will stay a Virgin. And everyone here will protect you.

What if I like a guy because I'm feeling horny for him but I don't like him once that feeling is gone? How will I know if I genuinely like a guy?

Philly — Janessa/Tyler, do you have romantic feelings for me? Do you love me the way a woman loves a man? Janessa/TYLER /ME — NO. I don't feel anything. I have no romantic feelings for you. None. Philly — why can't you love me? Janessa/TYLER /ME — I just don't. I don't know why. (sad music plays in the background). I don't feel that way about you. You don't attract me. Philly — I see innocence and Vulnerability in your eyes. Do you like a guy here? Anyone? Janessa/TYLER /ME — no.. I don't like anyone. I don't feel anything. I just don't. I'm sorry. Philly — you don't need to be sorry. You don't owe anything to me or anyone. But... Janessa/TYLER /ME — but what? Philly — you're so innocent Janessa. (gently stroking my arms), I like your innocence. Don't you feel like a girl, you're 16. Don't you feel horny sometimes? Horny for a guy? Janessa/TYLER /ME — yea. Sometimes I'm wet in the middle of the night. But that's it. I want.... Philly — what? Janessa/TYLER /ME — I want love. I want love. Umm.. I want... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I want a guy. And then I don't want him anymore. It's like my body is playing with me. Mind games. I feel confused. I don't know if I can really love a man. Truly the way he would want. Sometimes I want to be grabbed. I want to be loved. Drowned in a man's love. And then I'm no longer interested. What does love feel like? Philly — you're too young. Love is true. You Will feel love only when someone truly loves you. Someone who really wants you. I have felt that love for you.. Janessa/TYLER /ME — I don't feel anything for you. I feel fear mostly. I feel like I need to please you or else you would kill me. Philly — I won't kill you. You know that. But I will never get your love. You'll never love me. I'll always be your Daddy. Janessa/TYLER /ME — Maybe. I feel safe with you. I feel this is my home. Philly — do you want a man to love you? Janessa/TYLER /ME — yes. Yes yes yes yes. I want to be his baby. Maybe such a man exists. But then..... Philly — then? Janessa/TYLER /ME — I'll constantly fight for his attention. There will be fights. We'll drift apart. Philly — hmm. Will you love him! Janessa/TYLER /ME — only if he loves me too. Philly — how will he show his love? Janessa/TYLER /ME — I want him to be my friend. I want him to be with me. All the time. I want him to look into my eyes and smile. I want him to tickle me. I want him to share everything with me.

If you ask me what's the message of my story. The answer is — there is no message. There's only deep meaning in it but no message..

I'm not promoting anything other than reality. You're trying to sugarcoat reality by using masks of toxic Masculinity and femininity. You don't understand that survival is brutal. You can create utopia in your mind but life is always unfair. The world is unfair. Everything is unfair. Instead of sugarcoating to satisfy your mind, adapt to circumstances. No relationship survives where the woman does better than the man. Learn to gain practice experience instead of spouting off theories. In reality women are programmed to rely on men for survival. It's nature. If it's toxic, yea it doesn't align with the principles of humanity. But so does anything else including rape, abuse, crime, murder, divorce, death, disease, disability and everything else. There's so much economic disparity in the world. Is that fair? People eat meat. Is that fair? Why should dating be fair? Every aspect of life is determined by human nature. Is human nature fair? You're trying to change something that is unchangeable. It's almost like saying lions should stop eating flesh and start eating leaves and grass. But a lion is not programmed for that. However you can argue that a lion is promoting toxic Masculinity by attacking a deer. But that's what lions are supposed to do. That's how they survive. It's indeed unfair and biased and hurtful to the deer, against ethics and morality. But does a lion give a fuck about your morality.i don't think so. Humans might be better than animals but we aren't completely free of our animal nature. Remember we have a reptilian brain. We cannot control hunger, thirst, sleep, these cannot go away with modernity. A child sucking his thumb is not going to go away with modernity. Your taste buds won't change because of modernity. Your lungs still need oxygen. They are not going to switch to carbon dioxide because of modernity. What I mean is that certain animal aspects of our human psyche remain static and won't change despite leaps in technology. Survival aspects are deeply coded in our DNA. They are a part of our reptilian brain. These aspects aren't pleasant, moral or ethical. But they are what they are and shouldn't be sugar coated. If you don't reality the easier way you will only learn it the harder way Millions of women depend on men. It's their reality. Just like millions of people are poor. You can't change these things nor can you blame these things. A woman needs a man for her survival and security. She is attracted to men who can provide her better. If you told me to pick a man out of a row of 20 men, I will most likely pick a guy who looks more masculine, taller and stronger, better looking with a stronger jaw and a better BMI. I won't feel attracted to shorter weaker timid looking men. Even if those men were nice to me. It won't matter because they simply cannot generate attraction in me. But why should I be shamed for something I feel naturally. That's just my biology. You can't shame someone's biology as long as it's not criminal. We want basic ethics in society to ensure that innocent people don't die. But we cannot remove all layers of our biological programming because it's simply impossible. You'll have to wipe out everyone. It's like saying get rid of people who masturbate to porn. Think how many people you would need to eliminate. Our humanity is combined of both human and territorial aspects. These territorial aspects are the reptilian parts. That's why women are attracted to bad boys. You can reprogram this slightly. Make her want a bad boy who is slightly better than a caveman. But you can't change her completely and make her want a passive timid guy. There's nothing healthy in this world. People are addicted to coke and junk food everyday. Only certain aspects are healthy but everything cannot be perfect. You can tell a child to stop playing video games. But you cannot tell him to stop eating candy. What I'm saying is you're trying to achieve the perfect recipe for humanity minus all toxicity. But that's ridiculous and very idealistic. Nothing will ever be perfect. Most people are average on the scale of consciousness. Nobody is too animalistic nor is anyone a perfect Saint. It's best if you drop idealism and embrace reality and stop sugarcoat brutal realities.

Then Philly's ghost kissed me on my forehead and apologized for raping me. And he said — "I'm sorry I could do nothing for you. I'm sorry I raped you. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I know I was wrong. But nothing can change whatever happened. This was your fate Janessa. I didn't do it. I was just someone who had to. Do it to you. You're unfortunate. You'll never know beauty or love. I'm sorry. But you can't know beauty. I am sorry you were never accepted. Your own mom ditched you. Janessa.. Janessa rest in peace. Close your eyes. This life never understood you. You were a good girl. But this is life. In death you will find the peace and love that always eluded you in life. Rest in peace. "

And Philly's ghost came closer and closer. He held my face and said — "Janessa/Tyler, I raped your body. I raped your soul too. Janessa take this money. Your mom needs money Janessa. Your mom needs money. That's why you don't leave me Janessa. You will never leave me because your mom needs the money I send her. You will even get used to this and after that you'll never feel like leaving me. You will never be free of me. I raped your soul. " And a voice calling my name kept echoing — Janessa, Janessa, Janessa, Janessa.... Tyler Tyler Tyler..... Slowly fading.

Then once again I see Philly's face in front of my eyes. Philly looking at me and saying — Janessa/Tyler why are you so innocent? Nobody gives a fuck about you. Don't you know that by now. I'm the only one who cares. Don't fight me Janessa. And his face slowly begins to melt and fade away as I'm reminded of my sexual abuse once again. Once again I'm reminded that I will have no control. I will have no desire. I. Will have no life of my own. That I'm just a doll in the hands of my rapist and abuser. That he can do whatever he wants. And I'll be able to do nothing to stop him.

There are times when I feel suicidal, when I'm reminded of my abuse and how worthless I am.

I got warning points because some guy was trying to trigger me on this forum and I retaliated him. I don't know. I just did whatever my heart told me. I got angry. When someone is intentionally trying to trigger you, you feel like giving them a mouthful. How much can you take?

Philosophy done for the sake of pure understanding of reality and Absolute Truth, regardless of consequence. Philosophical inquire free of history, named individuals, and famous philosophers. An impersonal collection — a catalogue — of all possible ideas and concepts that could explain reality, evaluated purely based on their merit, freely edited, reinterpreted, and blended to create the best possible understanding of reality. Some examples of pure concepts within philosophy: The concept of God The concept of solipsism The concept that everything evolves The concept that all dualities collapse into unity The concept that mind and matter are entangled The concept that science is a cultural construction The concept of strange loops The concept of no-self The concept of stages of ego development The concept that the universe is intelligent The concept of self vs other The concept of infinity, totality, everythingness, or oneness The concept of self-deception The concept of projection The concept of bias The concept of The Social Matrix The concept that capitalism skews scientific research The concept of survival shaping who you are The concept that Love is not a human emotion but metaphysical oneness The concept of recontextualization The concept of Absolute Truth The concept of going-meta The concept of bootstrapping The concept of radical openmindedness The concept of asking powerful questions The concept of relativity The concept of deconstruction The concept of systems thinking The concept of holism The concept of making distinctions Open-source. No individual has claim to any ideas as "his own". Ideas and concepts are treated as Universal, belonging to the Universal Mind. No debating, no arguing, no proving, no debunking, no ideology. No appeals to authority. Eliminate all authority figures. No credentials, no certificates, no PhDs, no Nobel prizes, no institutions, no bureaucracy, no experts. Ideas stand or die completely on their own merit. No funding conflicts of interest. No donors, no grants, no sponsorships, no corporate backers, no political backers, no fundraisers. No political ambitions or seeking of power. Absolutely all assumptions are questioned. Everything must be explained from scratch without any appeals to authority, history, status, cultural norms, or morality. Focuses on The Big Picture and takes serious the possibility of answering the deepest existential questions rather than technical minutia: What are the right and wrong ways of doing philosophy? What is reality? Where did reality come from? Why is there something rather than nothing? What is Consciousness? How to live the best life possible? How to construct the best society for the good of all? Radical skepticism. No topic is off-limits for questioning. But also, not privileging skepticism over other perspectives and no turning skepticism into a dogma. Skepticism must also question and doubt itself. Endeavors to see reality free of all bias. A profound appreciation of and study of self-deception. The studying and documenting of all the sneaky and tricky dynamics and patterns of the mind. All the ways the mind fools itself, with mechanisms such as projection, denial, rationalization, confirmation bias, confabulation, demonization, scapegoating, double-standards, cherry-picking, fear, moralizing, judgment, etc. Mastering the trickeries of one's own mind. No dogma, no ideology, no group-think. All answers must be derived from scratch for oneself as though you were the first person in existence to discover them. Focused on profound personal contemplation. Integrity and embodiment: your philosophical conclusions must affect and transform the way you live life. Theory must influence practice and practice must influence theory. Radical openmindedness Truth & understanding as the highest value. Clarity, simplicity, and directness as high values. No academic jargon. No convoluted or arcane writing. Explanations of reality must be phrased so simply, clearly, and directly that a teenager can read it and understand it. Cut out all human bullshit, games, drama, pettiness, squabbling, rivalry, etc. The ultimate goal is General Omniscience: The complete understanding of reality at the highest level. The goal is NOT the elimination of suffering nor the maximization of happiness. Cultivation of one's intellect, cultivating it like a garden. The love of Intelligence for its own sake. Self-education. Taking full responsibility for educating yourself rather than expecting others to give you the answers. No worshiping or name-dropping historical figures like Plato, Descartes, Kant, Hegel, Marx, The Buddha, etc. Every idea must stand on its own merit. Practice of meditation, yoga, and other non-linguistic modes of training the mind. Mandatory requirement of experimenting with psychedelics. A commitment not just to try psychedelics a few times, but using them as a serious tool for philosophical inquiry, and not quitting just because you have a few difficult trips. Research into and personal exploration of non-ordinary states of consciousness, mystical and trans-human states of consciousness. Emphasis on self-reflection and going-meta. Exploration of radical worldviews and perspectives. With a commitment to never to strawman or demonize any view. Fearlessness, courage, and personal sacrifice in pursuing Truth. Radical Holism: no siloing or over-specialization. Integration of many diverse fields. Not just traditional philosophy but psychology, sociology, history, science, religion, spirituality, mysticism, New Age, self-help, and whatever other fields are necessary to reach the ultimate understanding of reality. Pure Philosophy includes all the above and no one field gets to dominate or bully all the others. No guess-work, speculation, or belief. Inquiry must be based on direct experience, personal consciousness, empirical observation, or genuine insight. Integration of thinking, feeling, and non-linguistic awareness or "being". Neither of these is demonized nor prioritized over the others. Appreciation for the immense mystery of reality/nature/Consciousness. No naive attempts to demystify reality, quantify reality, or to make it "scientific". Integration of science and religion/spirituality/mysticism. A deep study and awareness of the stages of ego development. Acknowledgement that individuals, organizations, cultures, and societies evolve from lower to higher stages of development. Science, religion, morality, art, etc manifest differently at every stage and manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways. The recognition that academic philosophy is fundamentally broken because it does not pursue Absolute Truth, Awakening, and Omniscience, and is in denial that these is the proper and ultimate aim of all philosophy. Construct-Awareness: recognition that the mind, in some profound way, plays an active role in constructing reality. That mind and reality are fundamentally entangled. That the philosophy/scientist and his investigation of nature are fundamentally entangled. Pure Philosophy claims that there is a right and wrong way to do philosophy, based on the metric of Awakening and realization of Omniscience or Total understanding of reality. The way you know that you did philosophy properly is by the fact that your consciousness rises high enough to understand that ALL of reality is a construction of your Infinite Mind, that you are God. The ultimate achievement of Pure Philosophy is the realization that you are God, that you are Infinity, and that reality is Love. This is not to be confused with dogma or belief of any sort. Nor is this to be considered a subjective personal "philosophy" that one has adopted or invented. Taken from Leo blog.

I just don't want to talk. I received warning points for retaliating someone who was purposely trying to trigger me. I'm just upset. Unfair forum standards.

Then what is love? Please tell me.

I felt like Philly's ghost was looking at me and saying — this is just lust Tyler/Janessa? I was teary eyed looking at him..... And he said - you won't be happy with George Barkley. You feel like you are in love? But that's your horny pussy speaking girl. Once that season is over, you will not want him any more. And I kept screaming — How do you know this? How do you know this? How do you know this?

I'm. So mad right now I could break down

Some mod should lock this thread and be done with it.

@Carl-Richard you gotta admit this thread looks like a train wreck at this point. As empty as cymbals clanking. No? There's no kiwi here to eat. Where's the juice + Even Leo cannot put life into this thread. It's dead Lmao.

I masturbated 2 days ago and my orgasms were so powerful that I could actually feel my G spot. I felt aroused. Deeply. Omg i squirted so badly. It was the highest peak of my horniness. And suddenly it all vanished quickly. It went as it came. It was like popping a bubble. It just went. And since then I haven't been feeling horny again. I don't know when I will feel horny again. But this was amazing. I think half baked orgasms tend to perpetuate for a while as long as the G spot isn't fully activated. You keep feeling horny for days even if you don't masturbate and the feeling lingers. Until you actually reach full climax. And then the horniness apparently disappears on its own like a thinning cloud.

Why do I want a man only when I'm horny. And not when I'm not horny. It's like I forget him completely if I'm not feeling horny.

Elon wishes he could own the whole world and turn it into a right wing rabbit hole.

Elon Musk wants free speech. Owns Twitter.

And I decided to let go of shame and tell Barkley what I wanted - I said to him — I need your love, your masculine energy. I want to feel your love in my bones, in my breath. I want to feel your passion for me. I want your affection. I want to be loved. I want to belong to you George. Forever. And then I had such intense orgasmic feelings for George. I wanted him to fuck me as deeply as possible. My body just feeling and wanting him. I was drunk in love.

George Barkley wanted me the moment he laid his eyes on me. One day he called me to his palace and told me that he couldn't live without me. He would die if he didn't have me. He was emotional and almost on the verge of tears He told me he would give up his life for me. And that his life won't be worth living if I didn't belong to him.. I was mad at him. I didn't want him. I never thought of him. I used to always act snobbish with him. Always challenging him. Always challenging his guts But that day changed me. I could see his love for me. I could see his passion. I let him kiss me. He asked me if I accept him as a lover. And I softly said "yes." He was being so loving, I couldn't say no. I ended up giving my heart to him. I could die for him. And then he asked me if I would spend every night with him. And I said yes.. And he said that he would give me all the wealth in the world. And I said I don't need money or wealth. Then he asked me what I wanted. And I just could not say it. I wanted to but my lips began to quiver in shame and fear.. How could I drop my shame and tell a man what I really wanted?

I'm just a worthless creature.