Buba

I am so tired of suffering which is going on for 14 years. And every time new issues arise which increase the burden. Meditation was my hope to be happy. I don't believe in hell after life or reincarnation. So I contemplate suicide. There is no point in continuing it. I disgust myself. I hate God (if there is). I just want to disappear and not to be part of anything. Not to reborn, not to be part of God, just not to exist. I hope everything will end after my death.

So even years of meditation will not bring this bliss, peace, feeling valuable? I know people who are not enlightened, awakened, but don't feel incomplete and easily accept whatever life throws at them.

I dont see any beliefs. I just feel the unworthiness. It depends on people. In some people I value their existence, they just be and I love them. Whatever they do I will always love them.

My mind does not understand it. Is not there any practice to reach it? I have seen people who even dont know what is meditation, but feel valuable. They are not compelled to do anything to feel valuable. The value is always there. When somebody succeeds he feels valuable. But it is temporary, and fades quickly. You should always do something to feel valuable. But some people feel innate value, they dont feel compelled to do something, to succeed to feel worthy. The value is always there.

So release of repressed emotions can really make a person feel better and even cause the birth of actual self. There are tools for it: psychoanalysis, psychedelics, shamanic breathing and etc. But what about energy healing? Can somebody who has mastered it, use his energy to cause another person to release repressed emotions involuntarily? Are there any other alternative tools besides energy healing? Can it be done on children, as it is difficult to do psychoanalysis on them?

So is this energy healing thing bullshit?

Can energy healer help to release repressed emotions?

Go to psychoanalysis. But be ready for everything. You dont know what you have repressed and you are scared to feel those repressed emotions.

My niece has developed a false self and I can see it clearly. Is not it a good idea to bring forth her real self? How can I do it? In childhood it should be easier and less painful. No? How can I help her to release repressed emotions?

Unfortunately it is not OCD. I started to go to psychoanalysis in November. Several weeks ago he implied I could be passive gay, I was shocked and scared and asked him “am I passive gay”, he answered if you were passive gay you would had already done it. I felt relief. During this period first time in my life I fantasized a man fucking my butt and how we kissed and I acted like a woman in this fantasy. And I enjoyed it very much. On 10th January I told psychoanalyst about this fantasy and he implied again I am passive gay. This hit me very strong. It was devastating. I went home and felt a burning sensation around my anus. It was a thirst for a dick. I became very depressed. When I focused on those sensations 2-3 emotions released which made me feel a woman. Even my manners became feminine after releasing those emotions. I felt a real horror. Psychoanalist said keep going, release emotions and live the horror. But I had a resistence. I did not want to become a gay. Releasing those emotions clearly were making me gay. I started to feel the eneegy of men, I did not want them be close to me because of these weirdness. Last time psychoanalyst told me that I had repressed my passive gay feelings violently. So I have to release those emotions, which obviously will make me gay. But I dont want to be gay. I still have little hope that I will wake up and see somebody invented a medicine to stop homosexuality. That would be such good news. I am not against other people being gay. I know gay people whom I respect and have good relations with. I am against myself being gay. I want to believe in miracles that somebody would save my ass. Energy healing, medicine, whatever.

If being gay and heterosexual were the same thing for me, if I was not scared of being gay and did not care, that would be pure happiness. I would not even question my sexual identity. But I am not there and I am scared.

I wonder why people are surprised that somebody is disturbed by internal gay feelings. Some pedophiles also are disturbed by their internal pedophile feelings and beg God to take those feelings away. Not because of fear of prison, but they also feel guilty and disgusted. I feel disgusted because of my internal feelings and would like to change it. But people are surprised that I want to change it. It is impossible, but still I had hope and asked people here if anybody knows how to stop it. Gays actively oppose any research on this topic, calling it “homophobic”. But Everybody has a right to not want to have these internal feelings. Some gays dont want change, some want. These researchs are very important.

Internal feelings are genuine, but body not? You may want to change body, but to want to change internal feelings (which theoretically possible) is not normal? And what about pedophiles? They are attracted to children. So it is ok? It is genuine internal feeling, there is no need to be disturbed about it.

But people become woman with surgery and why is it considered genuine?

I know it is beyond human’s control, I know it is not a disease. But I dont want to be gay. I dont want to be attracted to men. This is collapse of my world. Some people are born man and then they change their sex with surgery to become a woman. And people say it is normal. But when somebody wants to change his sexual orientation, he is lynched, “accept your gayness”. If science was not hampered by people who opposed the idea of changing sexual orientation with medicine, if such research topics were not banned because they dont fit in current liberal political rhetoric, science might have already found a medicine or the like to change sexual orientation.

I feel that femininity in my body, I see it is real. I see over therapy I release repressed gayness. It is very obvious. Unfortunately, it is not just OCD.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. Please guys, still if you know any method, medicine, surgery, ongoing research and etc to stop homosexuality, even at the expense of my general sexuality, share it here. I know I seem weird to you. But to be attracted to men really harms my connections, communications, my social being.

Girls. But I feel over time it changes as I release repressed emotions.

I fantasized passive sex with a man and enjoyed it. yes I have OCD since childhood

Thank you very much, guys. I will try to accept myself. I dont have any other option, anyway. I hope this self tormenting voice will shut up. By the way if I really become attracted to men over terapy and releasing repressed emotions, can I just accept feelings but not act on them? Will it create another conflict? I feel the emotions myself It is not just blind trust in psychoanalytic.

I go to psychoanalysis. He said I had repressed my passive gay feelings and wants very hard. Then I started to release them and with every release I felt feminine and gay. So it is not OCD. I always dreamed to love and marry a girl

I am 32, and always felt and acted like a heterosexual. I always liked girls very much. All my relations with people are based on my heterosexuality. Now when I feel something weird in the presence of a man whom I know for years, I hate the life. I have never thought such a thing could happen. Let other people be gay. I am ok with them. But I dont want to be gay. For example I would rather live an ordinary life than to live an enlightened life in a monastery. Because I like to live my life. I enjoy my connections. Gayness destroys those connections. I am angry at people who dont let science work on gayness and find medicine to change it if somebody wants to change it. Millions of people want to change. Are there any scientific projects which aim to find a medicine or the like to stop homosexuality? I would devote my whole life to such a research.

What kind of life will I live if I dont marry, have kids? I hate God. He breaks the rule of Nature. Man should not be attracted to a man. I am becoming gay, releasing repressed emotions. I see it clearly. It is not a joke. My mind cant handle such a radical and disgusting change. I hope there is no reincarnation. I pity my parents and relatives. It will be a shock for them. There has never been a homosexual among my relatives.

If I go to therapy they will say it is OCD, and I will have a conflict to whom should I believe. @bejapuskas All my friends are heterosexual and despise gays. @Salvijus I would prefer to be asexual rather than bisexual.

I never got anything from therapy and medication. Nothing at all. Psychoanalysis on the other hand is very powerful. But dangerous. What we repress we dont see at all and are scared of very much. I cant accept myself. I still find men disgusting to make love with in reality. But I guess releasing repressed emotions it can change. I am in a trap. I really dont want to be attracted to men. Men are my brothers, my tribe. I hope God will have mercy on me.