Buba

I have been doing insight meditation like this for more than a year: I sit on the edge of my bed. Close my eyes. And observe my breath either in abdomen (how it rises and falls) or tip of my nose (how breath touches the tip when I breath-in and breath-out). That is it. I only observe. But Daniel Ingram made me confused and doubt this technique. He says look for three characteristics. How? I can only observe, if it does not show me three characteristics, what kind of effort can I make? Thanks beforehand.

So is Leo sad that he has not attained enlightenment?

This is Leo’s self-inquiry technique: “”“Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience. Notice that objects do not actually exist. What is an object really? In actuality, all you have are ever-changing sensations. Not objects. An object implies a static thing, but there are no static things in direct experience. Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is changing every second. Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is actually just a series of sensations. And all sensations are subtly vibrating and morphing all the time. Notice that when you blink your eyes, whatever "object" you were looking at, literally disappears. Notice this literally means: "that lamp you were looking at ceased to exist for a second." Notice how the mind actively fudges direct experience to create the illusion of static, persistent objects, but that in fact there are no objects. Every time you blink your eyes, the entire visual world disappears. Become deeply conscious of this until your old paradigm of a static physical reality starts to break down. Notice also that you as an object also do not exist.””” As I understand in my direct experience there are no static things. But in objective reality there are. When I close my eyes, other people see those objects. If I saw an object and when I closed my eyes my mind told me that there is an object although not in my direct experience, why is it bad? It serves me. If my mind tells me there is an object, I can avoid it in the darkness and not get hurt.

I was exactly like this one year ago. I did not feel myself. Depersonalization, derealization, fear, panic attacks, depression, agony, dysphoria and etc. Was a real hell. I had no hope. I thought there was no chance to recover. I gave up meditation. Started antidepressants again. (I had used them before). My parents forced me to go to work and that was a good thing. I went out of my "Enlightenment" thoughts and started to get involved in life. And... when I was coming home from work walking and felt bliss, peace and the things which were making me suffer, such as meaninglessness, emptiness were now giving me bliss, freedom. But it was temporary for several days. Then same life (before Dark Night) restarted. Now I am reading Daniel Ingram's book "Mastering the core teachings of the Buddha". He says there are stages in Vipassana. Dark Night is the one you are experiencing now. He recommends keeping practicing. This is from his book:

So how can I see arising and passing? With Just observing with patience so it reveals itself? Or to make some type of effort?

Thank you very much. In the case of above-mentioned guy, I saw that even if you go bravely and practice properly, you can end up being mentally disabled.

I am scared to end up like this. That is why I am slow in practice.

Because of depersonalization, the impaired sense of me. In normal depression I never had it. In which stage (Daniel’s map) are you now? I am scared to go hardcore and not be able to handle the mad mind. Is not it possible to go slowly in order to be able to cope with less intense consequences?

Thank you for clarification. Yes I am reading Daniel Ingram’s book. I had a very intense Dark Night last year. Some people said you cannot have Dark Night without awakening, Leo said you cannot have Dark Night with 20 minutes daily meditation. But as I am reading the book I see I had Dark Night. And it is coming back as I restarted doing meditation. But I never had awakening, I never saw vibrations. I have been meditating on and off for 2 years maximum 20 minutes per day. I read enlightenment exercise N#6. And I think is not it good that my mind makes up static objects, because when I close my eyes I still know where objects are and it can save my life?

Thank you guys. I am not even sure if I have Dark Night Right now I am reading Daniel Ingram's book "Mastering the core teachings of the Buddha".

I have had depression before and was on antidepressants. When I started to meditate I was unaware of its spiritual meaning (buddhism, enlightenment and etc) and started to do it just to decrease my depression (heard it helps). Then I found this forum when I searched google how to meditate properly. After asking my questions about meditation here I investigated other topics as well. So after meditating for 4-5 months (20 minutes everyday) and doing very small self-inquiry my mental state started to deteriorate. I almost stopped anti-depressants (with the advice of doctor) and thought the deterioration was linked to this issue. But now I see I may have Dark Night of the Soul. Because I feel horrible emptiness and meaninglessness. What can I do to escape this state or should I just wait, it can pass only by itself? To be honest I dont want enlightenment, I just wanted to improve my psychology. I read reports of people who have been stuck in Dark Night of the Soul for years. It is scary. Because I have attachment to my loved ones and to life. I just want to live an ordinary life. Now I dont know what to do. I am not even sure if I should rely on spirituality or on science (medicine). I have zero motivation, bad appetite. I searched google but did not find practical advice what to do in such a situation. The reason why I dont want to chase enlightenment, because I am afraid of being stuck in the middle. I would prefer mundane life over such a risk. I cant even meditate because I think it may make my state worse. I am so desperate right now. The only thing I do, I try to be in the now. And I try not to follow my thoughts and bring my focus to something.

Guys, thank you very much. To be honest I am surprised to your answers, because I thought spiritual path would cure my mind, daily meditation would remove my emotional pain. Some people say dark night is temporary, one needs to keep practicing to pass through dark night to light.

I am not sure if it is dark night of the soul. Because I never had awakening. After several months of daily 20 minutes meditation (observing breath), I got severe depersonalization, derealization, meaninglessness, emptiness, fear and etc. My life is overall good. I have friends whom I love and trust. I work, but dont like my work. I have hobbies, I like sport (though dont do it regularly). I quitted alcohol, cigarette in the end of 2017. My self-esteem is very low. I fear uncertainty. I fear I am losing my mind and will do something horrible or stupid. I also have fear of embarrassment. What if I do something weird and people will think I am weak. I dont like myself. Because I think I am incomplete, a loser, who could not live the life he wanted. I have complex related to girls. I feel unwanted by them. I have been swallowing antidepressants for 5 years. So even before dark night I was suffering. But dark night is a bigger horror. Medication does not help. Psychotherapy (I dont know if I ever took proper one) does not help.

It has been more than 1 year: Restlessness - Cannot relax, cannot focus, cannot sit for a long time without moving. Fear - on and off, sometimes very intense as if I am going to lose my mind. Depression - not so strong, but sometimes gets strong to the point I dont want to leave my bed. Anxiety - all the time Meaninglessness, depersonalization - sometimes. Headaches, dizziness - sometimes. So when I opened this topic I was in a very bad situation, all of the above-mentioned symptoms were very strong and constant. Therefore I stopped meditation and resumed to it after 5 months. So these symptoms are starting to get strong again. I work and if I get to that horrible point again like I did a year ago I will not be able to go to work. Is it possible to continue meditation, but to keep functionality? Is it possible to decrease meditation induced horror?

İ could not find this video.

Thanks guys. Wish you lots of enjoyable sexes.

I have had premature ejaculation for more than 10 years. I started doing kegel exercises for 4 minutes twice a day 5-6 months ago, but no improvement. What to do?

Thank you very much for your answers. I dont have Phimosis or frenulum. Is rewiring something to happen through meditation and mindfulness, or is any method else needed?

How are you now?

Thank you very much. Wish you all happiness (which is also something dual, but allegedly comes after enlightenment).

Good deeds are the opposite of bad deeds. Love is the opposite of hate. Bliss is the opposite emotional pain. So why are these promoted in spiritual path? Why are called as aspects of enlightenment? How does being moral contribute to spiritual path?

Thank you, guys, for your replies. All spiritual books, whether old or contemporary - written by Westerners, mention morality as important aspect of spiritual path. And it contradicts with non-duality. I see trying to be moral artificial.

I have a tension in my body and restlessness. It started with this path. I was told, these are temporary, but it has been a year I am in dungeon, neither enlightened, nor grounded on ego.

Only if I make it a hindrance?

Ok, is trust in God a hindrance to Truth? I am an atheist, ex-muslim and when I experience a horror in this path I find myself chanting some islamic words.