Buba

It happens so automatically, I cannot figure it out.

Even before I got acquainted with meditation and etc, I saw that sometimes I was very clear about life and was sure that this new paradigm will last forever and I will be happy, but the old Buba was back soon.

In order to escape enslavement of mind I focus on sensations - generally visual ones. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, where I feel I have to do this or that, achieve this or that, otherwise my life is miserable, I am unworthy and etc. The pain is so strong I instantly start to think and try to prove that these thoughts, feelings are absurd. So to break this pattern I try to focus on sensations and be in the now, no matter how painful it is. So you say, Observe how the mind resists and holds on to simple dualisms. Discover why your mind does this. What purpose does it serve your ego, mind and body? How can I discover it? Solely with observation or with intellectual analyzing as well? Does not intellectual analyzing lead to reinforcement of ego/mind-body? I believe in my thoughts and emotions so much that I just cant make myself not believe in them. "I could have become a perfect person, but I did not, now it is too late, I lost the life" and the like. They prevent me from being in the now. What can I do?

It looks dark night will accompany seekers until the end point.

Thank you, Arnold. Great contribution.

Have a look

Does Dark Night accompany spiritual path until enlightenment or does it stop occurring completely at some point before enlightenment? According to Daniel Ingram there are insight stages one of which is dukka nanas. And after completion this stage, we will go through them again and complete many times. So it turns out, there will be a lot of Dark Nights, which is discouraging.

Thank you, Nahm. I am reading Daniel Ingram's book. He says making effort to see three characteristics of sensations, including emotions. How can I make such an effort? I always only observe sensations.

Being in the now, meditation induces fear, depression, sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. I dont understand anything. But I still do it, because I have trust. Sometimes Existential Crisis is so severe that paralyzes me. I take step back for some time. Then restart being in the now process. I dont understand anything. My body says stop, my mind says stop, my parents and friends say stop, people on internet say stop, but I trust in few people who say go on. I dont know what I will see and if I will be able to handle what I will see.

If less than 5% of it makes us shit pants, then how will we digest the rest?

Thank you winterknight, I would appreciate it. If psychoanalytic fails, what is the second option for Dark Night, Existential Crisis, Fear?

Thank you, Nahm. I am trying to do it and it leads to Existential Crisis

It is very dangerous. Making it a goal will even lessen the chances for relationships. It will decrease the creativity and create a tension. And may be it will bring relationship, but of bad quality, less authentic, non deep. Such a goal will also make a person use other people.

I dont know my OCD theme clearly. I have a mission in my mind which I should accomplish. Until I do it I am incomplete, less a person, unworthy, and life is not right. And it is so real, gives me a sense that it is not OCD, but what I really want. It is my life mission. It sometimes changes to something else. For example last year it changed to "enlightenment obsession". "I have to attain enlightenment, otherwise I always be unhappy, incomplete and etc". And I often sink in my mind to prove my brain that these desires are absurd and should not make me unhappy. But I guess I decreased the amount of reassurance I get from my mind. But then I feel depersonalization, meaninglessness and etc.

I have been visiting psychotherapists for 6 years and there is zero effect. Can I learn psychoanalysis myself and apply it on myself?

And what are your compulsions?

He saw that everyone he loves is an illusion. It is solely a dark night. How can psychoanalysis help it?

Thanks. Do you have any coping mechanisms for Dark Night of the Soul? For example for Paul?

What is your OCD theme?

Hi, brother. Your case is very similar to mine. I really never cared to chase after girls that much. But when I was around 22 I started to compare my life to others' in terms of dating and felt incomplete and unworthy. May be did my best, may be did not to find a girl, but could not. Felt depressed. Did not know that it was so difficult. But seeing other people succeeding in this I felt even more depressed, incapable, freak. It is in my mind for 24 hours. The only advantage of Dark Night of the Soul is that cravings for girls, feelings of unworthiness in terms of girls disappear. Not even disappear, but seem so ridiculous, abnormal. But when I fall back, they also come back. What I can recommend is face those painful feelings, dont discuss them in your head. Just look at them and say yes. Let them burn you. I believe in the long run it will help. I have not got rid of them yet, but I think only with this method I can break the cycle. Good luck. I love you.

Yesterday when I was in toilet, I looked at the door and did not perceive it as a door, but as a part of something infinite. It happened so quick, in an instant and was not pleasant at all. Then around after an hour for an instant I thought I was a girl, or may be did not know if I was a girl or a boy. It also happened very quick and definitely was not pleasant. I meditate for 20 minutes every day. Never have been on a retreat. Maximum amount I have ever meditated was 50 minutes (20+30).

Thank you very much. I am reading the book of Daniel Ingram. He speaks about investigation three characteristics, true nature of sensations. He speaks about making effort to do that. How to do that? When I meditate I just observe. Should I just keep observing until three characteristics reveal themselves or is there any specific technique?

Do enlightened people daydream? Fantasize?

As I understand in my direct experience there are no static things. But in objective reality there are. When I close my eyes, other people see those objects. If I saw an object and when I closed my eyes my mind told me that there is an object although not in my direct experience, why is it bad? It serves me. If my mind tells me there is an object, I can avoid it in the darkness and not get hurt.

Why did you do this?