Cepzeu

I've been very 50/50 on this issue for weeks. It's to the point where it is preoccupying my mind most of the day and affecting my work. In brief, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who I could see myself marrying and having a family with. It started when she visited my town a year ago and we have seen each other frequently since. Over the last year it's been less frequent, about once a month. We are both in careers with no clear location guarantee. We both could be moved around the country. I'm approaching 30 soon. The question is whether I break up with her to have full freedom of dating and ease of moving around or whether I stay with her due to the potential for a family with her. I love her and don't want to hurt her. But also I do have options and could date easily, it would just be hard to find someone like her. I feel a bit of resentment towards her, she benefits from the relationship more than me, and I am already moving jobs to be closer to her. The complicating factor is that there is another woman who is interested in me. A relationship with her wouldn't work but I could have a fun time with her. I could also enjoy doing careless "youth stuff". My career meant that I gave up a lot of my early and mid 20, minimal partying/travel/savings, but now I could experience that without commiting to a partner just yet. I feel like my main reasons for staying are that I do love her and I don't want to hurt her by leaving her, but if I was honest I would rather have fun and freedom. She has expressed she wouldn't want me sleeping with other people and would not stay in a relationship with me if I did. There is a lot to add but I appreciate it would make for a very long post. Has anyone had experience with being in a relationship with someone who is a quality person and wife material but wanting to end things to experience more fun and variety in life? @Leo Gura I remember you saying in ome of your videos that you've had many relationships but just ended up feeling like none of the women were good enough for you. I imagine I would have this feeling recurring even if I dated other people. Can elaborate on things in more detail if needed.

My dissonance comes from cognitively appreciating the value of a long term relationship and the black hole of hedonism with the animalistic desire towards hedonism in this area of life. I feel like if I pick the more cognitively developed path of nurturing the relationship and sacrificing for it, I would have a heavy resentment on missing out on the hedonism I could have. Some of my best memories are of spontaneous nights out where things just went wild. I feel bored in stability. I appreciate that I am chasing dopamine.

@WisdomInBooks There was a thread which contained a document that summarized all the 'start here' videos. Search 'Actualized.org textbook' on the forum. Also, welcome to the forum

One of the best books. It's one I reread almost every year because as I gain experience in the real world, increasing layers of depth come out of the book. It's very worthwhile. There are no contradictions in it.

Thank you for all that you do Leo ?

You will understand when you awaken to Aloneness. That's is a mindfuck which may make you severely depressed.

You think that death exists because you assume that when this 'death' happens that you will be in a different state... In a state of 'gone' or 'no longer alive' but the reality is that there is nowhere to go other than here and now. You have never left the here and now and you never will. You are alive forever or in other words you have always been dead and just haven't realised it. Ask yourself. Is it possible that I already died and have been living in a post-death dream all my life thinking that I was actually alive. ^thats not reality exactly but it gets you to consider your current experience. Also, you identify with your body, and you think that you die when the body gets frail and dies. But why do you not consider your fridge to have died when you leave the kitchen ? Or a passing car to be alive and then dead when you no longer are conscious of it. When you 'die' you will realise the body was just like the fridge and car, but that your memories and experiences were tied to it more. You are at a state of consciousness that isn't allowing you to see that you ARE consciousness - for a good reason ?. LOVE

@Yarco thank you very much for that detailed answer! I thought that would be the case since we live in a globalised economy and everything is digital, but some of the first links I briefly scanned during a work break kept insisting on these difficulties. Thank you for the clarification

As per heading. I'm wanting to write a book and publish a kindle version on Amazon. I'm not a US citizen and live outside the US. I've done a bit of research and it seems like if you're not in the US there are a lot of issues doing this easily. Which seems strange. Ayone outside the US published via Kindle and could give some advice? Thabjs in advance

Bring to mind somebody you respect and ask yourself if they would do this.

I don't think Tate takes what he says seriously. The guy fully understands he is a meme. His brother even said on their podcast that Tate enters character mode when filmed. I took the golden nuggets and left all the rest. Lot to learn from him. Wouldn't buy anything from him though.

@assx95 tap on the shoulder then "Hey"/"Hey you're pretty". Any positive reaction, even a small smile or prolonged eye contact means you can escalate. Then dance together/next to her. Tease by going for a kiss then pulling away a couple times. Then makeout for a short time. Then either go for a chat in a quiet area or go for the pull: "let's get out of here/do you like movies/let's grab a bite/ I wanna go home" They are either in a state to pull or not. If not then they won't pull no matter what you do or how much you try to game them. Stop trying to game people, just walk up and state that you think she's cute and dance with her in an intimate way. Your job is to state your intentions and escalate when she allows it. She decides whether you two will have sex, but it's your job to lead to it. If she has already decided you're not having it, do not waste time gaming her, move on, unless you want to befriend her/her circle for later. You do not need to share your whole life story on the dance floor. Be more physical.

Interested to see your review of HU. Tate is massively egotistical and I would never trust that he has anyone's best interests at heart but you have to admit that he has good red/blue/orange content to help kick you into action. His message that no one cares about you and you have to fight for your success actually helped spring me into action and momentum. I over invested in spirituality/awakening quite early and suffer from lack of significant real world development imo despite awakening. Scam or not, his methods of taking over social is an interesting case study worth exploring. But yes, you play with fire if you engage with his content so you must be sufficiently developed to avoid getting hurt.

I have a stage red shadow in the sense that I was very meek as a child and never took on many challenges or strived for anything. While this is changing in my adult life, I still feel like I am missing some healthy aspects of stage red. I happened onto Andrew Tate's channel. He is a professional kickboxer, who is now involved in business. His channel, from what I can gather is stage red/early orange. While this made me want to dismiss it initially, I find that his style of communication is very nuanced and a lot of subtle information is being conveyed below the surface. He reminds me of my father and perhaps this is why I am drawn to his information, as my father was not always present, nor did he convey much wisdom to me as a child - thereby me compensating by gathering life wisdom from Youtube sources in my late teen years. He has a way of communicating which cuts straight to my true feelings. And it reinforced what Leo says about burning through Karma. I'm 25 and while I have experienced awakening and recognise that this life is illusory and that no material thing will ever bring lasting happiness, there is still a part of me which strongly desires animalistic cravings like sex, materialistic pursuits, and power/respect. I have not had these things most of my life and I am cognisant of the fact that I can't meditate my way through this stage. Nor do I particularly want to. I've suffered from extreme shyness all my life and I just want to experience living a fun, chaotic, life. I do recognise that his POV is limited, but I feel he has a 'kick up the arse' style of communication that I really respond to. Life is a game and I have spent too much time thinking about the game and analysing the game instead of actually playing it. While I was rewarded for my efforts with God realisation, I am still stuck in the game. So in a sense, my development returned full circle to where I was when I started the self-actualization journey, but I am restarting it with higher wisdom.

Part of my gut feeling is telling me I didn't push hard enought/wasn't sexual enough. Another part of my gut feeling is telling me I did exactly the right thing by being chill and non pressuring, given calibrating to the energy of the room. Very quickly: matched on tinder. Very positive Convo with good back and forth. Switched to Instagram with her (which I use more often and you can send photos on). Built some more superficial comfort and pushed to meet up in person. Met up around 7pm went for some tea at a cafe, then wondered around supermarket and got some snacks (I like going around shops because you can chat and build comfort without sitting down for ages, it's more fun). Sat in her car and listened to music and chatted. Then I offered to go back to mine to keep listening to music and chatting. She agreed. We chatted until midnight on my bed. All very positive. In terms of physicality, I did some light touching on shoulder/arm throughout night. No hand. Hug on meeting up. Was lying close to her on bed but not cuddling as didn't get 'positive' response. Neutral at best I think. My impression was that I was testing the waters with more physicality but got neutral responses so dialled it back. Also was not feeling that sex would be a win-win. I liked her and we had a great time but I don't think either of us were horny tbh. Regardless it was a very fun night and I really enjoyed it. My problem is that I think with all the pickup theory I've read, it's kinda made me think that I didn't push hard enough. On the other hand, my feeling is that my calibration was correct and that I did the right thing in terms of building comfort and setting up for a future hookup. My frame was to not let myself be the limiting factor and for all intents and purposes I wasn't. She had to go home and complete some documents to hand into work the next day so had a legitimate excuse to not stay the night. It was getting late and I said she's welcome to stay the night. Her response was that she would love to stay but just on another night. Anyway later I walked her to her car. She had a great night and said "I feel like I've known you so long, we had such a deep connection" Next day she messages: "Thank u so much for the amazing company you’re such a cool person! Couldn’t get over how comfortable I am around u and how much ya made me laugh. You ROCK" Am in two minds. One part thinks I let it slip. One part thinks all is well and there is a setup for future hookup. One half thinks the other is a pussy for not being more dominant while the other thinks the first is animalistic/sexually pushy/outcome oriented and uncalibrated. Need some perspective on this.

Hi everyone I am excited to announce a little project I've been working on for the past couple of months. The Actualized.org Textbook! I have assembled a document of summaries of foundational Actualized.org videos based on the "Start Here" section of the website. In addition, there are some extra video summaries at the end. A lot of these summaries were written by me but I would also like to acknowledge that a very major part of the work came from the video summary thread and also some YouTube comments. I would like to thank @Juan Cruz Giusto, @TimStr, @Huz, @Nic, @Hello from Russia, @AleksM, and @Dan Arnautu from this forum for their significant and very helpful contributions. I have tried as best I can to standardise the format, but doing this perfectly would take a massive amount of time. So please do note that the summaries are written by different authors with different stylistic preferences, some with English as a second language. Secondly, there are still small mistakes and probably some typos that I haven't picked up. This document is best suited for: -People who have seen the videos and want brief notes -People who are up to speed with the latest videos and have followed for a while, understanding the conceptual frameworks within spirituality For complete newbies, or people who have recently joined, the summaries may confuse you a little so I recommend you watch the original videos. A lot of the nuance and subtlety is lost in text. Also, This is version 1.0 and I have linked word and pdf attachments to this post. You are free to download them and modify them as you see fit. However, if you wish to update this version (i.e. fixing mistakes or adding in more fundamental videos) for the community, please keep a couple of things in mind: - There is a changelog on the 2nd page, so please insert changes made and also update the version number (i.e 1.1 from small fixes or 2.0 when a significant amount of content is added) - Also, please consider that when content is added, page numbers may not sync up so you will have to update them. Think of this as the textbook for the undergraduate course. - Watching the video is like going to class - The textbook is like all your classes in one place in note form. - To get a good grasp and to orientate yourself you will need a massive theory base at the beginning (i.e an 3-4 year undergrad degree) - Taking action and watching the advanced videos will be like post-graduate study - Doing this work seriously and taking massive amounts of action, and going off on your own is like doing a PhD You need to get the basic theory down BUT YOU MUST NOT GET LOST IN THEORY AND CONCEPTS. Orientate yourself, and go take action (a Masters/PhD candidate does experiments in the lab, he doesn't just sit in lecture theatres) My main reason for assembling this is I see a lot of wasted time on the forum (myself included) of theorising and arguing and advanced people not communicating at the newbie level to newbies. Don't get me wrong, the forum is a great place and many people have helped me here (thank you!) This is my parting gift to the community. I saw that I avoided doing the work by visiting the forum too much so I will be leaving to do the work for the next 5-10 years. My main focus is embodying and fully integrating stage orange, green, and yellow, as well as doing the spiritual practices and planning for psychedelic retreats. Finally, @Leo Gura, I'm so sick of hearing your voice. I've probably listened to 20 of your videos in the last 3 days I only now have caught a tiny glimpse of how much work has been put in by you over the past 5 years. Thank you for what you do! I'll still be sticking around for the advanced stuff Actualized Textbook.docx Actualized Textbook.pdf

Too much mind. You are caught in a loop of overanalysis and overthinking. You are judging yourself an others. Read The Power of Now. That is what you need. You are identified with mind, future, and past. You are loveable, and you can express your true nature. You are acting from a place of trying to be someone that you're not. Instead, be who you are NOW and work towards what you want to be. Very subtle difference. Instead of TRYING to be, through thought and mental imagery, BE who you are and FEEL the now and your body. At the moment your mind is like a parasite that has a big sucker on your eyes and you can't see properly. Go to a loud dark nightclub, stand somewhere in the middle of the crowd and just move your body to the beat. Close your eyes. There is no one but you, the music, and the waves of movement around you. FEEL into that and shut off your mind.

This is dangerous advice and I would not be commenting on medical treatment prescribed by a doctor for someone you have not seen in person or examined Leo. If an antibiotic is indicated for use (whether it is in this case or not is unknown) it should be started promptly as bacterial infections can erode non-regenerating tissues and lead to irreversible damage or sepsis. I appreciate that you have your own medical history and also live in the US which makes you weary of traditional doctors but I would be careful using your position of authority on this forum as it may cause harm. Medical advice is never dispensed in an online context because to make a proper diagnosis a patient needs to be seen and examined in person, and a thorough medical history taken.

Please don't take medical advice from an online forum. It is likely that you just have a buildup of fluid in the middle ear because of your viral illness. antibiotics wont help it unless it gets infected with bacteria. Stop trying to pop it, it will resolve in time. Also who told you that you got influenza? You could have a myriad of other things. I don't think they routinely swab for it unless you live in the US.

I've been trying to go out 2-3 nights a week and have been learning heaps about state, vibing, self amusement, and approaching. The thing I'm still struggling with is opening in the loud nightclub. So far tapping the shoulder, or making eye contact and leaning in really close has done it for me but I'm just wandering what other people do. I would say my voice is not naturally loud so yelling "hey!" Hasn't often worked for me, guess that could be something to improve

I'm definitely the type that reads too much theory without taking enough action. I've done some approaches in the past but this was the first one which was towards someone that had absolutely no connection to me, during the day. I.e. a complete stranger who hadn't even made eye contact with me before. She was attractive, so I was keen to approach. It was in a supermarket. She was in one section, and I hesitated a lot, but after about 40 seconds of hesitating I just started moving towards her. She was standing by one of the bins where you can scoop bulk nuts/seeds into a bag and there was some random middle aged guy standing about 2 m from her. "Excuse me... This is kinda random.... but I saw you and thought you were cute, and wanted to say hi" "I have a boyfriend" "ok, bye" I walked off, and noticed the guy had a look like "did that just really happen" and then a split second later he reverted to going about his day. I was on fire after that. Honestly felt on top of the world. I'd recently broke up with a long term gf so had a month of not the best mood. I've decided to just go hardmode and approach during the day, sober, and with no wing. I.e. nothing I can use as a crutch. In terms of teaching I most follow Mike Mehlman's stuff. He is a big advocate of rejection building confidence. A number of things I knew in theory automatically got one tick next to them for 'field experience' - Don't overcomplicate the open. Even just "hi, I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi' is enough - The approach is the success, not the outcome. approaching builds confidence regardless of the outcome. - I have to practice using the 0-1 scale rather than the 1-10 scale. You have to get really good at QUICKLY identifying the people you actually want to approach because.... -The approach window is often very short. i.e. a girl walks past you in town in the middle of the day - you literally have seconds to decide and then do the approach, otherwise the activation energy needed to turn and run back increases as you go deeper and deeper into your thoughts. and eventually that window closes and you lose it. You almost have to be mechanical about it. 1. attractive enough to appraoch? 0 or 1 2. if 1 then walk towards. 3. open 4. if rejected walk away, if not continue convo. Lastly, I was reminded to not try "sell to the unsellable". If she is not interested in you then don't try to convert, instead go and find another who is interested in you.

Update: Second day game cold approach. Saw a cute girl behind a counter in a shop at the mall and hesitated. Went to get my groceries instead, then on the way decided that I just had to go and approach. Walked into the store. It wasn't too busy. Maybe 3 customers. Walked up to counter: Her: "Hey, good afternoon, how are you?" (typical sales talk) Me: "Hey, good thanks. Hey this is a bit out of the blue.... but I was walking out there [main mall foot traffic corridor] and saw you and thought you were really cute and wanted to say Hi" "omg! thank you (smiling and good eye contact).... what's your name? Me" my name's xxxxx... yours? her: xxxxx Me: I don't want to distract you from your important work (half joking) but would you be keen to grab a coffee sometime? Her: yeah! that would be great, I'd love to. I can't now cause Im at work but I would like to do that" Me: Cool, well do you wanna grab my number (I was holding a big box with groceries so taking my phone out would be a pain). Her: sure....[contact exhange] Me; Cool, I'll see you around....bye Overall, I'm happy she was receptive because I do know that lots of people can get some harsh rejections like 20 times in a row, which massively discourages them from pursuing cold approach. But this interaction made me more confident to just approach, because good outcomes can happen. In terms of after-approach: my main goal was just to approach and push through approach anxiety. If I was more advanced I would make sure that our contact exchange was solid in terms of her actually texting me to confirm her number or vice versa if she had given it to me. I don't actually expect her to text me because of the theory of behaviour state untethering. (see Mike Mehlman article about it). Essentially, even those girls who are receptive of the surface will ghost the majority of the time. Also, I dotn think she got my number right when I said it so even if she does text me I wont get the text. Basically, I succeeded because I approached. During the day, sober, direct. I don't actually care whether we go on a date because now I have a palpable sense that approaches can result in receptive/positive conversations (i.e not all approaches by me are creepy). This is reinforced by approaches I made years and years ago at the start of uni, but its good to get this reinforcement in the present day. The result is that I am now more confident to approach because I can envision a positive outcome. Additionally, The honest, direct approach is one of the easiest to make because you dont have to make up a story or some indirect bullshit. WHat I said to her was the truth. I was walking past, I saw her at the counter, thought she was cute, and wanted to talk to her. I don't have to make up some bullshit about what kind fo clothes they sell or whatever the fuck. This interaction has solidified the notion of the direct, masculine, man-to-woman-frame approach.

I see what you're saying but I disagree to a degree. I do not often get attracted to someone just because of their ass or their boobs or their face. For me it's a very specific combination that causes a palpable sense of attraction. Someone can have a great ass but I won't be attracted to them. It's VERY palpable to me. I feel like I'm taking in the femenine energy and it's moves through me like a warm breath when I see someone I'm attracted to. Very few girls meet that criteria. Which is why I'm basically ignoring 99% of girls I pass during the day. It's the same reason 99% of girls will reject or ignore you. Cause they don't give a shit about you, because there is no attraction. Knowing this, you can relax and be authentic. Obviously being vulgar cuts the mystery and playfulness. It's robotic and in a sense disrespectful. No one likes being reduced to a body part. Yeah and obviously no need to say hurtful things. In saying all of that, in certain situations you can be more sexual. It's context dependent. I was at a fancy ball-type party in uni and there was a chick who I knew well but I wasn't necessarily interested in. She was done up to the ceiling and had this deep red lipstick. I was in a playful mood and just walked up and said 'Amy, I Love your lipstick, it's just that cherry on top of your whole look, you look so fucking sexy tonight!' The smile on her face was priceless. And I got a very genuine 'oh my god, thank you so much!' back. Again, not a pickup situation because we were just mates but you could definitely pull it off in certain contexts for someone you're trying to pickup. It's not about what you say, it's how you say it.

@kag101 no worries man! It's all just a fun game haha. I think commenting on environment can be useful in some situations. The reason I'm being direct is because I have been studying Mike Mehlman's game style. Search him up if you're interested. The basic principles is that you should always be maximally forward and truthful because it shows a lack of fear, which shows confidence. Exuding confidence subcomminicates that you have agency in the world and are not afraid to face challenges. You literally command the frame. So if I see a girl I'm attracted to I can be fully honest and go up and say, 'hey I think you're cute and I want to get to know you.' This exposes you to the possibility of rejection. Given that you are willing to face it, it shows confidence ( especially given that you are puting your true self out there to possibly be rejected) Using an indirect opened such as the one you said does not risk your true self getting rejected, thus it is a less bold move. Because it's a less bold move, it's not as impressive a display of your willingness to put your true self out there. Thus an indirect opener is 'weak' compared to a direct, bold open. Notice in your body that it's actually easy to go and chat about some random environmental thing and avoid the scary topic of man-woman communication. Being honest about what attracts you is scary because you face your truth possibly being rejected. However by being bold, the woman actually respects you even if she may reject you. Being direct shows you have balls and are a man going after what he wants. Therefore because being direct and honest is the truest expression of your feelings, your confidence is built regardless of the outcome. Also, being direct is less creepy than being indirect. Because in the latter, you have a hidden agenda. Your act of hiding it on the open to then later bring up more man-woman communication subcomminicates to the woman that you feel like you have to trick her to like you. The feeling of being tricked by a stranger is gross and icky when you think about it. It's sleazy. It's much LESS creepy for a guy to be forward and honest, and then exit the interaction if he is rejected without being depresso about it. If I came up to you and said. 'Hey man, I saw you and your friends having an awesome time at this bar and I loved your energy and wanted to come say hi' you would almost feel bad for rejecting my advance for friendship. However if I can up to you and said ' hey man, that drink you're holding, it's got vodka in it, hey... Yeah vodka is a nice spirit to drink... Dontcha think!??" It's way more creepy because I don't know what you want from me. Like are you trying to be my friend/introduce yourself or what?? Obviously the above is just one example, and indirect can be very effective in a number of situations and can be done in a very calibrated way.

Guys let's not let this spiral into bickering lol. Yeah people can definitely look like creepers approaching. Without social calibration you can look like a freak haha. But that shouldn't stop you trying to become better. Ill try add some more experiences to this thread when I have them.