Emerald

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Posts posted by Emerald

  2. Posted

    18 minutes ago, werlight said:

    Let me tell you a story .. imagine you are playing a game of hide and seek .. and you are hiding in the dark. You found a very good spot were no one can find you. They search and they search .. and they just cant find you !!

    Suddently you hear beautiful music of love coming from one of the seakers..

    You turn around to hear this amazing music and you see that this music of love makes the seakers awareness radiate pure light !!  upppss !!! suddently its not so dark any more ..

    Then you look at yourself and you see that this music of love is also making your own awerness shine !! .. 

    Now. Finally. The seeaker can see you !! You are shining in pure light ..

    Ok so I hope I made it clear.. but just in case I didnt. Let me explain what happens.

    "Awerness radiates/shines light when it vibrates as love"

    So TURN ON YOUR LIGHTS !!

    This is the big secret.. this is how you turn on the lights.

    Great analogy. :) 

  3. Posted

    So, last night I was doing Spiritual Autolysis and came out with a really great insight about "perception" that had been getting in my way.

    I realized that I was thinking that sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch were perceptions in the sense that they were being sensed. But maybe "perceptions" aren't perceptions at all. Maybe they just exist as they are. Maybe they are (for want of a better term) the thing-in-itself.

    So, after I had this insight, I went to bed and woke up at around 5 am. I was awake, so I decided to do some empirical investigation while lying there. I focused on the sensations of the body and tried to experience them free from my concept of what a perception is.

    As I became aware of this, I got this "void-like" feeling like my perceptions were empty and falling in on themselves. There were only sensations and my mind was a bit more distant from me. 

    Then fear came up and the thoughts started becoming louder and pulling me out of the experience. The thoughts were invoking ideas of insecurity about my looks and my life situation. So, I got distracted by the insecure thoughts, and snapped out of it. The ego used these thoughts to keep itself alive.

    At least I now have a first-hand experience of how the ego uses insecurity to sustain itself.

    Any thoughts?

  4. Posted

    1 hour ago, Jan Odvarko said:

    Was it Ayahuasca?

    Is it the kind of grasping that the "closer" you think you might be, the more you're grasping for it?

    Well said.

    I'd say the more aware you are of your suffering, the better you can work to liberate yourself, because you can now put your finger on it. Your pain will, in my opinion, greatly boost the process.

    Yes it was Ayahuasca.

    It's grasping in the sense that it is seeking happiness through future enlightenment, instead of practicing unconditional love and acceptance of the present moment. It is hating the present moment, and wishing for a better future moment.

    I would agree with this last point. Ultimately, I know that my Ayahuasca experiences have caused a lot of trouble for me. I don't want to see someone else make the same mistakes. That said, the suffering and awareness of enlightenment has become very useful to me in many ways. So, I believe that it will eventually work in my favor.

  5. Posted

    1 hour ago, werlight said:

    Jan and Emerald. Please let me help you ?

    The only way to enlightenment is love. Let me explain why this is the case. Enlightenment is experiencing your essence or true nature. Your true nature is being (pure I AMness). So how do you find being ?

    First you need to know what you are looking for .. so let me tell you.

    Being is a vibration of energy and it IS at a certain frequency. The frequency of being IS the 
    frequency of pure Love, pure Joy and pure Compassion combined. It's a nice cocktail.. jaja
    If you want to experience being you must tune-in with that frequency. You have to become IT.

    Being can not be understood or described by the mind. This is why you cannot think your way into enlightenment. Being has to be experienced by our feelings and our senses.

    Being is all around us but we can't see it. It is hidden from us. The reason we can't see it is because we are looking for it in the dark. Let me tell you how to find it.

    Imagine you are in a dark room and you want to find something in the room. What do you do ?

    You can sit in the room waiting for the thing to somehow move and hit you (this can take 5000 hours or more) or you can crawl and try to feel it with your hands but this is a big big room ( this can also take 5,000 hours or more) or there is a third option !!!

    Simply find the light switch and TURN ON THE LIGHTS in the room. No more need to spend 5,000 hours. It appears immediately. It was right in front of you !

    But we all know this stuff !! .. The problem is that nobody knows where the light switch IS or how to turn it ON !! 

    Do you want to know how ?

    This is precisely the idea that keeps presenting itself to me over and over in the past few days. I've recently made some great breakthroughs with the perspectives of the other people on the forum. So, now that I've whittled down what is actually true and what is just a belief, the only thing left to do is to accept and love what is.

  6. Posted

    1 hour ago, Jan Odvarko said:

    I'm curious @Emerald Wilkins, how do they stand in your way?

    Would you say these two experiences gave you some long lasting benefits? Has your perspective permanently changed from that moment? Do you feel more at ease with your life after having experienced the truth?

    These experiences were catalyzed by a shamanic tea that physiologically acts on the brain structure responsible for creating the ego identity. Most people don't have enlightenment experiences from drinking this tea, but I did both times I tried it. So, they weren't permanent, but I did get a glimpse of what it is like to be enlightened. They were the most beautiful hours of my life.

    So, coming back to the average perspective, with abstract knowledge and memories from having experienced ego-transcendence, there have been many drawbacks. Number one, I have spent years trying to replicate the experience, so it is grasping for a future moment. You can only achieve enlightenment by accepting the present moment. Number two, it gives me a false impression that I know what it is like to be enlightened. I do not. The experiences are now only a memory and because memory is a thought, it cannot comprehend the enlightened paradigm. It doesn't translate. Number three, after the experiences, I made many foolish decisions because I was trying to apply the insights I remembered from the enlightened state from the non-enlightened state. Wisdom is a living, breathing, ever-changing thing. What is wise now, could be foolish five minutes from now. Number four, I'm a hot mess now. I've had the best and now everything else feels grossly inadequate. I'm acutely aware of my suffering. I can't buy into reality fully but I also haven't successfully transcended ego. It's like being stuck in limbo.

    So, there are many drawbacks. This is why I don't recommend using psychedelics or other entheogens.

    If there was one thing that my experiences gave me is that I don't have to exercise any faith that enlightenment is real. I probably would have given up on enlightenment had I just approached it out of curiosity. It's a pretty intense process.

  7. Posted · Edited by Emerald Wilkins

    Boil down what you perceive. You perceive only sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, and thought and only in the present moment. All else is belief, which is only ever the content within a thought. When a thought comes up just perceive that it has come up. Don't identify with it or try to stop it. It isn't you. It doesn't come from you. You have no control over it. Just notice it come up and focus on another perception to keep yourself from being mired in its content. You will notice that your awareness it outside of your thoughts. It's the difference between being caught in a trap and watching the trap. 

  9. Posted

    Get there early and start a nonchalant conversation with one woman. Gauge for her response. She'll probably already suspect you're interested because women get approached all the time. But keep it nonchalant and gym-conversation related for the first few conversations, because you don't want to seem like someone who goes to the gym to meet girls. Then, after an adequate acquaintanceship is struck, weave in some flirting. If her response is good, ask her if she'd like to go for coffee some time. Just keep advancing and gauging her response. If she seems receptive take a step forward. If she doesn't, take a step back. It's the mating dance. She invites, you approach. 

  13. Posted

    21 minutes ago, Avi said:

    @Emerald Wilkins Is enlightenment a feeling? I'm just curious. 

    I don't know. I had two experiences in the past where I transcended my ego. They only lasted a few hours a piece. All of my information is based on memories of that experienced cross-referenced through research that I did later to give context to my experiences. 

    That said, I would describe it as a deep realization of the truth which creates complete peace of mind and freedom from fear. It is also accompanied by access to wisdom that is otherwise obscured by the illusions of the self and the ability to love unconditionally. It is also a feeling of connection with all of existence, that you are a part of the fabric existence and the entirety of existence at the same time. 

    But these are just memories at this point. They stand in my way. So, it's probably best to try to forget the description that I just gave. 

  14. Posted

    8 minutes ago, TruthSeeker said:

    At the end of the day there is an appearence of multiplicity in the world. It might not be real and there might not be other beings and my assumtion that there are other beings are wrong and its all one etc etc and thats are true essence etc etc. BUT at the end of the day there is a fake appearence of multiplicity and that my friend is WEIRD. 

     

    My whole point is that the fact that there is such a thing as the human experience is weird IM NOT ASKING FOR RATIONALIZATION OR ASKING WHY IM JUST POINTING OUT THAT ITS WEIRD! :)

     

    It's very weird. 

  15. Posted

    7 minutes ago, Helge said:

    I am addicted to beauty

    I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. 

    My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now.

    Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

    Ask yourself what it is that you want from being so beautiful and be brutally honest with yourself, even if it doesn't paint you in a good light.

    Here are some questions for you to ask:

    -Do I want to be attractive, to attract a mate? If so, that makes sense. Do you feel inadequate for that person, if you are deemed unattractive? This could be fear of rejection. Then explore your past and feeling regarding fear of rejection.

    -If it doesn't have to do with attracting a particular person and you just want to be attractive in general, ask yourself why. Why is it good to be attractive? What value does it hold for you?

    -Do you have any fantasies relative to others finding you attractive? If so, what happens in the fantasy? How do people react to you in the fantasy?

    -Do you want social approval for being attractive? If so, what kind?

    -What is your perception of unattractive people? Do you think it makes them less worthy of some sort of attention?

    -Describe to yourself your self-image and ideal persona.

    When you inquire into these questions, it can reveal a lot to you about your own insecurities. Most are based upon unconscious attitudes and beliefs that you hold about yourself and others.

     

  16. Posted

    11 minutes ago, Arik said:

    Oh, I have / had a big problem with that myself. I'm not at the point where I completely accept everything and just be the flow itself but I made some good improvements. I started out with being totally frantic and neurotic (as I see it right now) and at this point in my life I'm pretty chill most of the time and a little neurotic and frantic when "important" stuff happens.

    So, here is basically what I do to get better at this:

    Every time I feel as if I cannot accept either the present moment / myself or whatever is happening to me I concentrate very deeply into that feeling. I locate it in my body (for example fear often sits in my stomach) and I just observe it. If I can I lay down on my bed and feel really into it, doing some self-hypnosis to getting to the root of it, I do that.

    I don't try to get rid of it, but I just feel it and so kind of accept that the "non-acceptance" is just there. This typically helps me to get out of my head and relax myself a little and overtime this is my key for holding my shit together. xD

    I agree to everyone saying that you don't need any technique and just let it be. That's all right. And I agree that we are all awakened but don't see it and so on. But in reality @Emerald Wilkins I know for myself that there are situations in which you need a technique to get on with your life. So, that's what I do.

    In the long-term I cannot agree more to @Jan Odvarko. Strong determination sittings are responsible for my fastest and deepest gains in that field.

    Thank you for the advice. :) 

  18. Posted

    1 minute ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

    @Emerald Wilkins Thus far, this has been my approach as well. It seems easy once you're in a more limiting position to think "man, it's so easy for them to just drop it and go." But before I put myself in this position I had NO idea. 

    I am 25 and my son is 2. So, I'll be an early empty nester too. 

     

    Same here. My problem is that my heart and libido are lovers of present-moment passion and not long term happiness. They conspire against my brain in the most saccharine-sweet ways. So, my husband and I got pregnant when I was 21 out of plain old irresponsibility. Ha. But I guess that was what was supposed to happen. :) I'm 26 now, and I have a 4.5 year old daughter and an 11 month old son. I love them very much, but I find myself lacking the zeal and passion for motherhood that most mothers seem to have. I hope that I'm doing right by them, but I'm probably screwing them up like every other parent does. It's a bit depressing that I have such a difficult time just enjoying and being present to what's happening in my life. I fear I may one day look back and think that I really missed out on the joy of watching my children grow.

    So, my advice is to make sure that your heart and libido aren't leading you away from long-term happiness, in the decisions you make.

  19. Posted

    47 minutes ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

    Why For all you parents out there, I'd love to hear how you find balance. Up until this point I have felt I've done a pretty good job finding time to fit in my meditation and personal development. Yesterday Leo commented how I need to throw the idea of a "normal" life under the bus. I 100% understand and get what he's saying and I agree for me personally but as a parent I struggle with the following: 

    • What will be the consequences of not allowing any T.V or shit food in my house? Will he go crazy when he's older and this will backfire? As of now I allow both in moderation.
    • Will it affect my son not to do that traditional societal norms? 
    • Things like, play dates, sports etc. the typical soccer mom things that I consider "normal" are what I am referring to.
    • If I were to follow my own path, it would probably include leaving his father. Now I have created split custody, is that really what I should be doing as a parent? It feels selfish, like I should wait until he's older.

    This is something I struggle and think about every day. How do I find the balance between walking my own path and creating a bad ass childhood for him? While I do think that living in a cabin in the woods would create an amazing childhood for him, I worry about him integrating later in life. I wonder how I can go on the heros journey without completely feeling like my parenting is being sacrificed. 

    My therapist once said something along the lines of, "who are you to decide what path your son walks on"... Which is true, I hear it. But I cant help but think of the struggles that will come for him if I choose to follow my own path.

    Any advice or perceptions welcome on this, even if you're not a parent.

    I'm right there with you. In fact, when Leo was talking about making major structural changes to his life and his reservations about quitting Actualized.org. I was like "Just Go! Do it now before you have a kid. The only person's life you have to fuck up is your own. Be radical!"

    But I know this feeling very well. I've considered leaving my husband before too. But the problem isn't him and isn't the limitation. It's lack of acceptance. It's my wishing reality were something other than what it is. It's the contant crazy-making thoughts of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

    I have no advice to give. Personally, I have decided to remain settled in my situation, and do personal development here and there until my children are old enough to care for themselves. If I had no kids, I'd be doing a ton of meditation retreats and nothing more.

    But the good news is that I'll be empty-nesting in my early 40's, so then I will do whatever I want and not waste a second of my time. But until them, I am going to try to accept my limiting role as wife and mother, while slowly growing myself a little every day.

  22. Posted

    1 minute ago, Jan Odvarko said:

    Strong determination sits helped me a great deal to develop this ability of surrendering to the situation. When the pain reaches its climax and you can't stand it anymore, you have basically two options - either surrender to it or end the sit. When you surrender and  open towards, suffering disappears and you can observe the pain detached. It doesn't harm you anymore.

    It's something that one can practice to keep developing this ability to surrender, rather than a quick technique to be used on the spot.

    Sedona method worked great for me too, and that's more of an on-the-spot technique. I can also highly recommend the book.

    I was thinking about using this for cultivating acceptance. Thanks. :) 

  24. Posted

    10 minutes ago, Epiphany_Inspired said:

    What are your favourite things about being an INFJ, and what do you need to overcome? For me I like our "dream it, make it happen" quality best and our desire for a meaningful impact on the world.... but like Leo's video on the subject, my perfectionism plagues me... really holds me back from actualizing my awesome visions... it is one of my biggest demons....

    My favorite thing is being very intuitive and being able to express that intuition through action taken through the J function. I like the enigmatic nature of the INF aspects but the ability to express through the J function. My least favorite thing is getting caught up in the internal world and having few people to relate to because they don't share the same zeal for contemplation and inner exploration.