Emerald

No… don’t fake it. Have it be something you genuinely want to show her as a human being talking to another human being. It’s part of developing intimacy to share something interesting with her. And it’s not just to check her bodily reaction for the sake of confirmation. It’s to give HER an excuse to sit next to you and get physically closer to you. And for you to read her cues and subtly escalate the situation into physical intimacy. So, it’s all about connecting and building fondness and intimacy. As a woman, this is one of my favorite types of escalation to be on the receiving end of. And that’s because it’s very subtle and lends to anticipation and lots of opportunities for sub-communication. It also gives the woman a lot of control over the escalation of the physical aspect. So, it feels non-intrusive. And it is an indicator that the man has a degree of subtlety and social/emotional awareness that many guys lack.

I’m not judging. Many fetishes take their roots in traumas and deeper psychological undercurrents.

What you can do in these cases is to create a more innocent form of physical contact. That way you don’t feel like you have to go from 0% to 100%. So, let’s say that you’re in the same room as a girl and you want to get closer to her… Look up something interesting on your phone that would take you over a minute to tell her about. Let’s say that you and your friends went on a trip somewhere cool and you want to show her the pictures from that trip. And you’d invite her over to check out the pictures. And if she’s interested, she will probably take that opportunity to sit very close to you and lean in because you’ve given her plausible deniability. If she’s not interested, she will find a way to create space so as not to give you the wrong idea. And if she is interested and does sit close, move your leg slightly to make slight contact with her let. But do it such the you have plausible deniability. Nothing that feels too deliberate. If she’s not interested, she will move her leg away to make room for yours. But if she is interested, she will keep her leg there and might even move slightly closer to subtly and deliberately communicate to you that she likes it. Then you can be more deliberate about the physical contact that your leg is making against hers. And even if you’re talking about the trip, the sub-communication that’s happening there is obvious at that point. And she knows that you know and you know that she knows. And from there, once you get enough signals… you can make deliberate eye contact and if she holds it, you can lean in to kiss her. So, I wanted to share this hypothetical scenario to give an example of how to inch closer without having to make a big leap. And in the club it’s even easier. If she’s dancing with you, you can initiate subtle physical contact at first with some degree of plausible deniability. Then she will lean into in or pull away. And if she leans in, then you escalate further.

When I was younger, I was primarily motivated by a desire to impress the guy I was interested in. And it added this libidinal charge to all of my endeavors because I would imagine him being intrigued and impressed by me. He was always like a muse figure. And it was very effective at motivating me. But I realized later that this libidinal charge was coming from a deeper well than just the desire to impress the object of my affections. It was actually coming from a deep desire for communion and oneness in general. It was always a spiritual drive. And I suspect that your desire to impress women is likewise coming from a spiritual urge. Can you notice that?

Hi ? Good to see you!

a. Very young people do develop quite a lot. b. Development isn’t contingent upon people reading Actualized threads or knowing anything about Spiral Dynamics And regardless of gender, an incompatibility of perspective and development is going to create issues. Traditionalist women won’t be interested in a very developed man. She won’t even be able to recognize his development as a good thing. She will be interested in men who are at the same phase as her who share their values. The same is true for traditionalist men to developed women. In terms of SD, Stages Green, Yellow, and Turquoise people look like degenerates and weirdos to Stage Blue people. And Stage Blue people look limited and closed minded to the stages above them. So personality development and perspective will absolutely matter to both men and women. Men can’t just be with any random woman and have a happy relationship. I know this from being a life-coach and knowing plenty of men who feel like their wives and gfs can’t even see them.

This isn’t true though. If you’re not on the same wavelength as your partner, then this is going to create issues and incompatibilities. For example, (to use Spiral Dynamics as a model) if a stage blue 35 year old starts dating a stage blue 25 year old… the 25 year old is probably going to progress quite a bit while the 35 year old won’t as much. So, if the 25 year old develops to stage Orange or green, this will become a very difficult relationship where the 25 year old outgrows the 35 year old. And they will go seeking for a more compatible partner who is more on their wavelength. Personality and consciousness level proximity is very important for maintaining a relationship with someone… romantic or platonic.

I’d say that’s a fair assessment of progressives

The key word here is SAY

You said that personality doesn’t matter to men… only to women. This is not an “unfounded leap” You we’re the one that said it. Don’t try to backpedal now and pretend that you didn’t.

But does she know that you don’t value her personality? I guarantee you the adorable texts would cease if she realized that you saw her as fungible.

It definitely is boring to imagine such a one-sided relationship as it’s not even a relationship at all. It’s just a man and his doll. Pygmalian and Galatea If women are wise, they’ll avoid the Pygmalions of the world and leave them to their blow up dolls.

That sounds incredibly boring

Does she know that you actually see her as Galatea? I can’t imagine that she’d like that you see her personality as unimportant.

Channeling your anger at external situations toward productive work is one thing. But using trauma for motivation is a totally different animal. It can create a situation where people become motivated only to run away from retraumatization. And atrophy and lose sight of positive motivation. And it becomes dangerous to heal from trauma because your whole motivational process is scaffolded upon your trauma. I used to be motivated mostly by fear of my own self-hatred. And I built my discipline and motivation “muscles” up in relation to self-hatred. And now, since healing quite a bit of my self-hatred, I’m still trying to find ways to be as disciplined as I used to be. But I associate self-discipline as a coping mechanism and as a sign that I still hate myself. So, it creates quite a bit of turmoil. My view is that its probably best not to build your motivational strategy on a foundation of trauma.

Is your name Pygmalion?

It’s best to avoid this issue if you can. But things do unfold in interesting ways.

A bit gossipy… but I’ll bite. I’m not so sure where the Leo and Teal Swan thing comes from. I’ve seen this on another post too. But for some reason, I don’t get the sense that they’d be into each other. I feel like there are some similarities between them… but that those similarities would actually create an incompatibility.

You don’t seem to really understand Stage Blue then. Southern Baptists are not Stage Purple or Red. They’re pretty solid Blue. And the other side of my family are New Jersey Catholics… they’re much more Orange than Blue.

Half of my family are Georgia rednecks, and most of them are pretty solidly blue. There are rednecks who are red. I know many of them too. My hometown is very much red, blue, orange. But most rednecks that I know are blue. My Grandma Wilkins was raised in the Georgia hills in the 1930s. Her father was a Baptist preacher and her mother a stay at home mom to 11 children. My grandmother had to drop out of school at age 8 to take care of her brothers and sisters. And she is one of my favorite people. And she’s definitely a straight arrow. Church on Sundays. Never drank a drop of alcohol. Never smoked. Was only with one man her whole life. And she and her church lady friends will let you know if you’re stepping out of line. She won’t beat around the bush either. She’s also tough as nails. And she never was reserved. My grandfather was very quiet from what I understand. He died before I was born. But everyone always joked that he was so quiet because my grandma never let him get a word in edgewise. And these dynamics are not uncommon in a lot of the stage blue people that I’m related to and that I know personally.

That really isn’t true. It’s just what you fear to be true. Just socialize and you’ll easily get women who are interested in you, who are around your level of attractiveness. Now, if you have some crazy high standard where you can only date super-models, then yes… that would be a scarce situation. But if you’re content with dating women who are the girl next door type who are the average kind of pretty (which is most women)… you can meet these women by being social, and eventually one will be interested in you who you’re also interested in.

This is just insecure men constructing narratives that confirm their greatest fears about women.

It was is the textbook that I read when I was a freshman in college in Intro to Teaching 101… which was almost 16 years ago. That was the first time that I knew. But it’s something that all teachers know. It’s really basic info about the teaching profession for anyone who’s ever been a teacher. But I did Google “what percentage of public school funding is federal” and “what percentage of public school funding comes from property taxes” You’ll find the information there.

If you are in Stage Yellow… then going for a Stage Blue woman isn’t going to work because of the incompatibility of those perspectives. And even if it did, Stage Blue women are still people. And people have a natural will to power. And people don’t follow their values fully. As someone who was raised in a small redneck town where tons of people are in stage Blue… I can’t help but laugh a bit at the notion that stage blue women are feminine and submissive. It takes a great deal of authoritarianism to make women of any phase actually submit their will. And since my hometown wasn’t very authoritarian, I can tell you that the stage blue women there make a lot of similar choices sexually to women in other stages. In fact, many of the stage blue women I’ve known became moms in their teens. And I can also tell you that stage blue women are usually very tough and very practical. And they network with lots of female friends to consolidate social power within the confines of the society’s norms. Think of a gaggle of judgmental church ladies and the kind of soft power they wield at church and in the community. This is very common in stage blue women. They covertly consolidate power through networks of female/mom friends. And stage blue is a patriarchal stage, so all the femininity is cut away and hidden under lots of rules. There’s usually not much room for softness in a stage blue family or society. It’s all about duty. Also, if you meet a stage blue girl who’s under 25… don’t be surprised if she quickly becomes stage orange or green. Dating a very young woman usually means that she’ll keep growing while keep staying the same.

As someone whose formal education is in k-12 education, one of the first things you learn about is how schools are funded. So, federal funding (which isn’t quite equal either) only accounts for some of the funding. I think it’s about 30% if memory serves. The majority of the funding for public schools comes from property taxes… not federal funding. That means that, if you live in a poor area… your schools won’t be funded very well. And if you live in a rich area… your schools will be well funded. Having worked as a substitute teacher in all the high schools in my district and most of the elementary and middle schools… all the schools here are pretty good. But the schools in the North side of the country are SO MUCH nicer and better funded than the ones in the South side of the county. And that’s because the wealthier people live in the North. And in the poorest neighborhood in town, the schools are a bit crummier there than in the other parts of the South of the county. But they’re still decent because my county is the #1 school district in Florida by test scores. And this gives us a federal funding bump. Now, if you take the county above me… which is where Jacksonville is… then you’re going to find a much greater disparity between the wealthier and poorer schools. Edit: I overestimated on the federal funding. It looks like it varies from state to state that it’s usually in the 10-15% range. But I’m not even sure that this gets distributed evenly.