Emerald

My issue with your viewpoint isn’t that it’s extreme. There’s plenty of extreme viewpoints that are better than the moderate position. My issue is that your viewpoint is inhumane and doesn’t belong in the contemporary world. Infanticide is murder and an affront to bodily sovereignty. So, there should be no legalized killing of someone who isn’t capable of consenting. And that’s true no matter how painless the killing is.

That’s because people naturally pair up when they’re around one another. And things like looks and status and all that other stuff fall to the background when you develop a connection with another person like that. Women are often more social. And in social circles, you will find someone who is mutually attracted to you. It’s honestly not that difficult to get a partner. Just be social in a circle of people that you interact with frequently and something will eventually spark up.

Thank you ?

Unfortunately, hot girls aren’t even loved for being who they are. They are admired for being hot by men who want to use them for their own selfish aims. Hot women are ‘loved’ by men like a slave is ‘loved’ by their master. And if she makes the mistake of accepting one of those opportunistic guys as a partner, she will be left in 10 years for a younger model. Hot women (if they’re not super discerning with the men they keep company with) get the least amount of unconditional love of all women. And hot women have difficult lives too. They work and go through things like everyone else. And to say that they don’t need to develop character is just false. If a woman is under that impression, she will pay dearly for that mistake.

If you could imagine an inverted world where men were the ones being pursued by women, and women were always throwing themselves at men… and women were also stronger and more aggressive than men… then you’d get a more accurate sense of what it would be like to be a woman. You’d walk down the street and be sexually harassed by hyper-strong women your grandmother’s age. And starting at age 13, hyper-strong women of all ages and levels of attractiveness would just see you as a semi-sentient walking penis and conceptualize you as a pawn to meet their own sexual needs. And some of them would even be aggressive about it and grope you without permission. And because they’re much stronger than you, you can do little about it. And if you tried to tell people about it, half of society would tell you that you were lying or asking for it. And tons of women would get together and create philosophies about how men’s only value is their penis and their ability to be a sperm donor. Whole political systems would even be constructed around that idea. And you’d be all through your life bombarded by the idea that your sexuality is your only value. And you’d internalize it to some degree because you’ve seen that message reflected on a daily basis since early childhood. And then, since you’ve been brainwashed to see your value as your sexuality… as you aged and lost your physical attractiveness and stamina for sex, you’d be devalued by society. And you’d struggle to find an identity as you aged. Honestly, I used to be so jealous of men in terms of dating and relationships. Just develop yourself and you’ll be golden. However, many men don’t realize the advantages that they have because they only have a two dimensional idea of what the female experience is. This is why many men are not actually capable of sufficiently appreciating a woman outside of the role she plays in relation to himself. Men often imagine the experience of the most attractive woman they can think of and they imagine that she’s never been younger and will never be older. And because men’s obstacle is developing attractiveness, they conceptualize that women are able to open doors for themselves with just a smile. But life is hard for everyone. And they don’t understand how shitty the experience is of being bombarded by men who want to use you for their own selfish ends. And yet, a sizable minority of men still end up worse off than women somehow, because they got wrapped up in victim’s mentality and didn’t understand the privilege of having control over their sexual desirability… and of being conceptualized of as a human being separate from their sexuality. For women, our sexuality and our nature is constantly being weaponized against us to disempower us… sexually, socially, and politically. If you were suddenly a woman, you’d be in for some very unpleasant surprises.

The line I draw is bodily sovereignty. And I draw that line absolutely. If there is a baby in the womb of the mother, the baby relies on the mother’s body for its life. But the mother still has absolute bodily sovereignty. And so, the power over the decision to abort or not, sits with the mother. And she can make that decision for any and all reasons because it is a decision about her own body. Every single person is the absolute god-emperor over their own body. But with great power comes great responsibility. When you have the power over life and death (as all pregnant mothers do and should under the law), then it’s very important that you know that the being that’s growing inside of you is alive and sentient once it gets past the first couple months. It’s important not to self-deceive and say it isn’t. But once a child is born and the cord is cut, then they are no longer under the dominion of their mother’s bodily sovereignty. And they have their own absolute bodily sovereignty.

I disagree with anti-natalism because it mis-attributes the many global issues to over-population and it puts the onus of blame for things like climate change onto individuals instead of onto systems. And it poses the solution “just don’t have babies” to issues that require more complex solutions. The reality is that most anti-natalists probably didn’t want babies in the first place. So, they probably didn’t stop themselves from having babies to help the climate. It’s that they didn’t want babies and saw one of the perks of that decision as being that it puts less strain on the environment. And then they developed an ideology around that decision as more and more nosy people tried to pressure them into having children. I don’t believe anyone actually makes the decision to not have babies to save the climate. This is why the rhetoric of anti-natalism will always fall flat. But the issue isn’t over-population, it’s the way that society operates that makes it such a burden on our planet. And there are many structural changes we could make to curb things like climate change. Also anti-natalism and concerns about over-population can and often have led to Eco-Fascist eugenic arguments.

I firmly disagree with eugenics.

I totally disagree. Babies are absolutely conscious and capable of feeling. And so are babies/people who are mentally disabled or deformed. If you’ve ever been around a newborn and interacted with one, you would know this. And if you’ve been around special needs kids, you’d also know this. Abortion exists in large part to avoid infanticide and to assist in family planning. In times when women didn’t have access to abortion or birth control and their husband was understood as being in charge of their sexual behavior… and they didn’t have enough to feed their family and they already had a bunch of kids, they would sometimes snuff a new baby by leaving it to the elements. Killing the baby was many women’s only path to avoid having to take care of an unwanted child. There was one chilling account that I heard of a woman who was raising kids in the 40s (before birth control and abortion was widely available) saying that once she got past her 5th pregnancy, she’d just shove the baby’s mouth full of soil and leave it in the woods. And fetuses are definitely alive and conscious too. So, the “fetuses aren’t conscious” arguments to allow abortion, just isn’t true once a few months of pregnancy have passed. So, abortion is still tragic. But I understand that worse things would come if it weren’t available as an option… like a huge uptick in infantide cases. And I’m a bodily sovereignty absolutist. I view the individual as the sole governor of their own body. And it would be a violation of that principle to force someone to carry a child to term. So, it would be a violation of bodily sovereignty to deny someone access to abortion. And once the child is born, it would be a violation of bodily sovereignty to commit infanticide. The whole argument about whether the fetus is conscious is a red herring. And it can lead to people coming to the same infanticidal and anti-disabled conclusions that you have.

This is my main point of disagreement with you. It’s unwise to be so confident that America has developed beyond the threat of Fascism… or authoritarianism more generally. This is the unsinkable ship fallacy. All it requires is an erosion of the systems we have in place and a populace that is mobilized by a demagogue and a well-oiled propaganda machine. And there has been plenty of erosions of the system in the past 7 years. And the propaganda machine is very well oiled. And you underestimate how powerful having a demagogue in office as the moral leader is. It can take otherwise accepting people and water the dormant Fascist seeds in them. During 2015 and 2016, Trump often posed himself as a demagogue during his campaign. And he said things like “Mexicans are rapists” and “build the wall” and “Muslim ban” etc. And this rhetoric played a part in why he was so popular. And when Trump first was elected, I had a family member of mine coming over for Thanksgiving. And we had talked briefly before about hoping Trump didn’t get it a few months prior. This person has always been pretty progressive minded. And then, she came over and I was hoping to mutually vent with her. And then, when she got there she told me that she voted for him. And this person who has never said anything negative about Muslims before and even instilled the value in me of being accepting of others, spent a significant portion of the visit arguing with me that we need to put Muslims on a registry and give them special IDs. And she thought we should keep Muslims in special detainment areas until “we figure things out”. This was her parroting the Fascistic rhetoric that Trump used that helped him get elected. And this was such a truth bomb dropped on me about how powerful the threat of Fascism really is. I had always assumed that it couldn’t happen now. But in that visit, I saw a microcosm of how it could and would happen under a demagogue who wanted to mobilize people in that direction. You have to understand that a large portion of the populace (like that family member) are dormant Facists. And I don’t just mean Conservatives. The family member I’m referring to, never had Conservative values. You don’t need a Conservative orientation to be sucked in by Fascism. It’s a combination of psychological/emotional factors that makes a person susceptible to a demagogue. It’s the psychological condition of feeling powerless in your life and trying to find some authoritarian leader outside of yourself that’s going to fix things. And it’s the desire to find someone to blame for that powerless feeling and thinking that making them powerless will bring back your power. As long as people aren’t connected to their own power and sovereignty, they will always seek it in authoritarian leaders.

Were you joking about me bullying you? It’s hard to pick up on facetious jokes through text because the tone doesn’t carry through this medium very well.

I didn’t bully you. I just said you were wrong and explained why I thought you were wrong.

Show me the research. Edit: Also, that 80% would probably be weeded out from consideration for hormone replacement therapy through the protocols that are in place in the medical institution. For example, one thing that doctors look out for are tells within the language the person uses to talk about being trans. So, if a (born male) teenager is consistently talking about it in terms of “I am a girl”… vs consistently talking about it in terms of “I wish I was a girl”. The latter can be a tell that the person is dealing with other issues. But there aren’t many kids/teens on HRT. Like I said, it was under 5000 kids in the U.S. as of a few months ago. That’s less than 100 kids per state. But the kids who get it have been determined by a process of working with medical professionals as being in need of that treatment. And that likely means that they were dealing with some pretty serious issues as a result of gender dysphoria. It’s best not to assume you know better than trans people and the medical professionals that work with them. The medical professionals aren’t just ideologues trying to shoehorn in an agenda. If you’re aware of this research, they probably are too and probably already take it into consideration in their diagnostic criteria.

I haven’t looked at any double-blind studies. I’m not sure that those kinds of studies could even exist in this case…. because you couldn’t actually create a control group who gets placebo hormone replacement therapy. You kind of have to go by surveys and case studies. So, I’ve seen surveys, and heard lots of anecdotes. It’s very common to hear stories like, ‘I was miserable and depressed but then I transitioned and it was like a weight was lifted off of me.’ My husband’s friend who is trans said that, before she transitioned, she was dealing with alcohol addiction and all sorts of other problems. But when she transitioned, she no longer struggled with it. And she’s doing quite well for herself since I met her. And you hear these same kinds of stories time and time again. And the survey statistics I’ve seen match up with these anecdotes. My view is that I will listen to trans people about their experiences. And I will listen to medical professionals who work directly with trans people. I don’t tend to put much stock in other people’s perspectives on this issue because they tend to be uninformed and operating off of lots of misunderstandings and fear-based gut reactions.

Of course, there’s bound to be occasional cases of a drag queen at drag queen story hour being a pedophile… just like there will be occasional cases of teachers and babysitters and others who work with kids being pedophiles. Unfortunately, careers and events that are kid-centric will always be infiltrated by the occasional pedophile. But that’s no reason to think that the LGBTQ community has a higher percentage of pedophiles compared to straight/cisgender people. As far as my current view on top and bottom surgery, it would make sense to make people wait until 18 for these more invasive procedures. And I don’t think they should offer the surgeries in the 17 and over category until 18. Many trans people can’t even afford the surgeries anyway. So, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to make people wait another year. That said, I say this tentatively because I know there are some really bad cases of gender dysphoria. And if it’s causing a real mental health hazard to avoid surgical intervention, then I would be open to reconsider my stance on a case by case basis. But I do think that the medications should be available to those who show consistent signs of being trans over a period of time.

The official treatment for gender dysphoria is social and/or medical transitioning. And it’s the official treatment because it’s highly effective. What you’re saying is to ignore medical experts and do less effective forms of intervention… which could lead to the kid committing suicide. Would you rather the child commit suicide or would you rather them receive the care that they need?

Again… my argument has never been that we need books about sexuality and gender in schools. I don’t feel strongly about that in either direction. Kids will be fine either way. I’m fine if the books are there. And I’m fine if the books aren’t there. Kids already know a lot more about genders and sexualities than the average adult, simply because they are growing up in this generation. I’m fairly confident that they’ll figure it out. My issue is that DeSantis is being authoritarian because of the laws he is passing for the purpose of influencing young minds. And the fact that teachers are having to worry about getting a felony for having the “wrong book” in their classroom. It’s not really about the type of books he’s banning… it’s about the fact that he’s banning them and using the threat of really intense punishments to enforce those bans.

Trans people are not an ideology… just like gay people are not an ideology. Some people are just gay. And some people are just trans. And I have listened to many stories from those who detransitioned. About 5 or so years ago, I got curious about the perspective of trans people. And I was watching a lot of trans YouTubers to learn more about their experiences. And a handful of them were talking about their detransition stories. And this was at a time before detransitioners were a mainstay in the anti-trans movement. And it wasn’t framed as a harrowing experience (not that I’m saying that that experience couldn’t be a bad experience). It’s was more of a “this was part of my journey” framing. They were just telling what happened and why they detransitioned. And there was no anti-trans message imbedded in their anecdotes. And beyond anecdotes… statistically speaking, the de-transition rate for trans people is around 2%. And I certainly have empathy for people who go through that. But as with most things in politics, it’s a railroad problem. Are you going to prevent 98% trans youth who often have suicidal ideation as a result of gender dysphoria from accessing puberty blockers and potentially hormone replacement therapy… to prevent 2% of trans youth from having to go through the process of detransitioning? Let’s not understate this… that there are more kids’ lives at stake by preventing access to gender affirming care. Also, when it comes to kids and teenagers who actually get access to hormone replacement therapy, the number (as of a few months ago) was just under 5,000 kids in the United States. That’s about 100 kids in each state. It’s hardly the epidemic that everyone’s framing it as. So, it isn’t a situation where they’re prescribing these drugs willy nilly to anyone who asks for them. And there are already medical protocols in place to determine over a period of time whether or not the person is actually trans. In the Norwegian model, the person is monitored for consistency over the course of a couple years, then the doctor may prescribe hormone replacement therapy. And I’m sure the U.S. has similar protocols. So, I recommend that you do what I did a few years ago and get a more holistic understanding of trans issues before you go into panic mode.

Yes, definitely cut loose and have fun. Be social like you would with any other person. Build rapport through laughing together and relating to each other in conversation. Women respond most to having a friendly human connection with a man with good conversation, banter, and mild to moderate flirtation. But as you escalate things physically, the most important thing you can do is to read the subtle sub-communication that’s happening. It’s the body language and how she responds to your touch that will give you the sense for whether or not to advance a step or take a step back.

I can see the similarities there in how they’re seeing a smaller left-leaning pattern and extrapolating it out to historical instances of left-wing authoritarianism. And if the left actually had substantial institutional power, they’d be correct to sound the alarm when lefty politicians over-stepped or started doing the authoritarian dance. And I’d criticize a left-wing politician just the same if they were banning books and creating laws that charge teachers with felonies for having books that had ideologically divergent material in it. But the reality is that there is no governmentally entrenched left-wing authoritarianism in America. America is fundamentally corporatist. And left-wing politicians and policies would be a huge threat to the status quo. So, when right wingers sound the alarm about left-wing authoritarianism, it’s usually some kid with pink hair that has very little political power. Or its them calling Biden a Communist dictator when he is definitely a Capitalist and never actually does anything particularly authoritarian. But the far right has actually gained a pretty significant foothold in the American government over the past 7 years. So, it isn’t far-fetched at all to be concerned about right-wing authoritarianism.

Once I see evidence that it causes issues for kids, I’d be willing to change my mind. So, I would need to see some studies on the impacts of how knowing about gender identities and sexualities impact kids. Otherwise, all I have to go off of is personal anecdotes. Given my experiences with my own children and with other people’s children in my time as a teacher and substitute teacher… in comparison with my childhood… the younger generation seems to be in a somewhat healthier place relative to the topic of gender and sexuality. And the social contagion fear just isn’t actually playing out. Kids are about the same as they’ve always been. Only now, instead of a school only having one trans kid, a school has like 3 trans kids. But with regard to what you said about books… in the school district that my kids go to school in and that I used to work in, all elementary classrooms have a shelf or two full of books for kids to read. And in language arts classes in middle and high school (and some electives) there are also shelves full of books. Also, these laws would also apply to the school library and the media specialists that work in the library. So, lots of libraries have also been gutted because of the same law. And these books were always meant to be freely chosen and were already being curated by the media specialists. And for many children, this is their only access to books. So, don’t frame my argument as “OMG! We need gay books!” That’s not my argument. My argument is that this law is purposefully vague and authoritarian… and is being used to influence public education to set up a situation where it’s easier to mold impressionable minds in the direction of certain political ends.

Number one, no one under the age of 18 is permitted to get bottom surgery. So, no child is having their genitals chopped off. Also, Nazis often used the “protect the children” rhetoric to justify what they were doing. And I’m sure many of them even thought that they were protecting children. But the thing that makes Fascistic ends more likely is all the false rhetoric around the LGBTQ community “grooming children”. Grooming means readying the child to be taken advantage of sexually by an adult. It’s a way of accusing LGBTQ people of being pedophiles. And this implication can make lots of otherwise accepting or indifferent people want to harm gay and trans people when they hear these lies. And it’s very dangerous for trans and gay people politically as well. We can see this by the sudden uptick in anti-trans bills.

When there’s a policy on the books where a teacher could get a felony for having the wrong book in their classroom, this is going to make most teachers weed the books out completely… even if no one ever gets charged. And this sets DeSantis up with all the power to create a state sanctioned book list, which is what teachers will have to pick from to fill their shelves safely. And this gives DeSantis quite a bit of power to shape young minds towards any agenda he wants to push. And they could even selectively apply the law to whichever situations they wanted to, given how vague the law is. Not saying that he will do those things. But it’s important to recognize that these are potential next steps in his overall political dance. Authoritarianism is like a 10 step dance and (historically speaking) he’s done a couple of the early steps of it. That doesn’t mean he’s going to go all the way to 10. But doing the first couple steps should be enough to prick up people’s ears. And it isn’t pricking up people’s ears… which is troubling to me. We’ve gotten too used to outrageous political behavior in recent years. So, everyone’s become somewhat desensitized to it. But I think about authoritarianism like this… Think of it like a meteorologist looking at swirling weather patterns in the Atlantic Ocean during hurricane season. They mark weather patterns that might potentially become hurricanes with an x. And some of them become full blown hurricanes and other fizzle out. This is how I view authoritarian behavior in politicians. It’s currently the right economic and political atmosphere for authoritarianism to arise. So, it’s “authoritarianism season”. I see the patterns in DeSantis, and I mark it with an x in my mind. He might fizzle out into a typical politician or he might escalate in his authoritarianism. Only time will tell. But it’s important to point out when a politician starts showing the patterns that have historically led to authoritarianism. And I’d rather run the risk of over-reacting than under-reacting. But to your other point, I suppose that I just have my doubts that kids are being taught that much about gender fluidity in schools. It seems like a ginned up threat that’s not actually happening in a substantial way. I heard some random school district in California was doing some minor version of it with some unicorn worksheet thing they were making available to students. But I would suspect that this is rare… and probably non-existent in elementary school. But honestly, kids these days already know about there being different gender identities from simply existing in the year 2023. It can’t be hidden from them. And it doesn’t really seem to trip them up much from what I’ve noticed in my kids and the kids that I’ve taught. A couple years ago, when my daughter was 9, she went through a whole phase where she was really interested in knowing all the different genders and sexualities and all the flags that correspond. It was with a very similar energy to when she was really into learning Japanese. Or right now, she really likes this game with singing monsters. It’s just one of dozens of phases that she’s gone through. And honestly, having a broader language and vocabulary to figure yourself out, probably illuminates things more than it muddles them To give an analogy… Most places only have a few words to describe snow. But in the Inuit language (the native Alaskans), there are 30 words for snow to describe all the different nuances. It makes more sense to me that adding more language around gender and sexuality would be more illuminating and help young people figure themselves out.

Brilliant Marianne Williamson interview on abc News…

Here’s my recommendation of what I’ve generally liked being on the receiving end of… I like it when a guy gives me an excuse to be closer to him (or at times, I’ve created the excuse). For example, you could say, “Hey, let me show you this cool thing on my phone.” Maybe bring up a music video that you like that you want her to see… or maybe some photos of something cool you did. Make sure it’s something that can spark a few minute long conversation at least. This gives her an excuse to sit really close to you for an extended period of time. And if she’s interested in getting physical with you (making out or sex) she will probably get as close as she has plausible deniability to do so. And if she does sit very close… right next to you to where her legs are within an inch or two of yours… you can relax your leg and let it gently rest against hers as you talk about what you’re showing her. Give yourself some plausible deniability in this. Make it to where she’ll know your intention if she’s interested… but not so obvious that it creates pressure or awkwardness. And if she pulls her leg away, de-escalate slightly back to the platonic/friendly frame. But if she lets you keep your leg there, (if you’re out in public) then scoot even closer and continue the conversation with your leg touching hers. And you can escalate further physical contact, like touching her hand or putting your arm around her. This will create anticipation if you’re out in public, which will heighten her desire. Anticipation is the best aphrodisiac from a woman’s perspective. But if you’re already alone with her you could also escalate this physical touch into a kiss… which could lead to sex.