Emerald

Exactly, that's why women are unwise to cater to the desires to men who aren't seeking relationship. That's why I recommend to women to only go out with guys from their social circle and to screen out any guys doing cold approach.

That's true. It's not a logical thing. If I felt strongly enough to want to merge with and make love with a guy after knowing him for a day, I'd do it. I follow my feelings and intuition about these things. The problem here, however, is that my merging emotions don't set in that quickly. It literally takes me a few months to really feel it in the intensity I need. It's always been that way. That's the whole point. Women are motivated by emotional stimulation to be with a man. And pick up creates generally sexual feelings which are about 1/3 of the puzzle. But it doesn't create the more heart-centered feelings. This must be experienced through getting to know a man over time and recognizing how well he fits with you. Chemistry and compatibility can only really be known over time. And this is the other 2/3 of what I need to feel those ripe feelings of yearning desire. It's very different from what you experience in a hook-up with a pick up guy. The pick up guy, if he's really good, can give you some fun sexual experiences. That's about it. And if a guy is starting out on that foot, I recommend screening him out because he probably won't take the time to court you properly. He'll ditch you after you don't give him sex right away.

If you're begging on your knees, you'd lose a high quality man. High quality men aren't interested in women who are needy and who aren't a challenge to them. They will not stick around if you're communicating low value in yourself and relying too much on him. A man with lots of insecurities, wants a woman desperate for him because that's the only way he feels secure in the relationship. And so a smart man who is full of insecurities would not get me to beg on my knees, because I'd pick up on his insecurities right away. They're actually pretty easy to notice if you get to know someone for a while.

This is the problem. You're defining things in terms of sex, when sex isn't the biggest priority from women's POV. I've had random hook-ups with guys I've just met in the past. And a common denominator was that the experiences were all emotionally lukewarm... all loins and no heart. I was just seeking novelty in most of those hook-ups because I was young and looking to have some sexual adventures. But that gets old quick because it's mostly empty. And other times that I hooked up were just purely out of loneliness and a desire to be touched and appreciated for a night. Those were just some sad times for me. But would I really want to be involved with those guys in a relationship? Not at all. And would I consider those guys "high value" guys? They were okay as people, but most of them quite "low value" from a relationship seeking perspective in terms of compatibility and not really being good husband/father material. Basically, if a guy leads with sexual intent, he's probably a good one to keep in the hook up category... if that's what you're into. But most women aren't into that, and don't get that much stimulation from hooking up. It's pretty lukewarm. So, it's high risk/low reward from our perspective to jump right into it with a guy. That's not as to say that a woman will never do that. I have a handful of times. But from experience, I an tell you that it's just not that good and honestly not worth the risks.

Women do value emotional stimulation on the baseline reptilian brain level. This is why I recommend being disciplined and unreceptive to a man who doesn't meet your standards of investment. And this isn't hard usually. Just show disinterest and he's usually gone in 30 seconds or less. If you're not discerning about who you give your time and energy to, you'll end up with some guy who knows the tricks enough to push the buttons of the initial attraction phase... but is a bad longterm investment in terms of giving you the more satiating loving emotions that can develop in a relationship.

Yeah, that's another component of that. If a man only goes for women who say yes to sex right away, then that can be a sign of low standards and low self-esteem for the woman. Women who know their worth and have an abundance mindset, have no need to give into sex with a man who's rushing her if she's not there yet. She will take her time until her sexual desire for the man feels ripe enough to be satisfying to her on all levels... which takes a few months of getting to know a guy for that to happen. That's why I recommend the social circle method. If you have that bond first, you won't have to wait as long to reach the boiling point. It's also a red flag if a guy ditches out because he wasn't patient enough for me to feel ripe for sex with him. It's also a red flag if a guy requires sex before commitment. I'm not a big one for telling women they should wait until commitment for sex. I would say to avoid being arbitrary about sex, because you want the sex to happen when it feels right to you. It should always be intuitively and emotionally catalyzed, otherwise it's just unnatural. But it's much better from the woman's POV, to require commitment from a man before the relationship turns sexual.

The pragmatists are the inhabitants of fantasyland. Their fantasyland is very useful to them. That's why it's so hard to convince them it's not true. They're like a kid who brushes their teeth because their parents taught them the tooth fairy would be angry and won't give them any money for dirty teeth. It's very useful. But also very false.

It's just that they don't know how female sexuality actually is, but they believe that they do. And these guys usually have insecurities about female sexuality and female love, so it's threatening for them to empty their cup of "knowings" for a bit and to actually listen to a woman. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment... You're a guy who's kind of nerdy and hasn't had a girlfriend all through his high school and college years. And this impacts his self-esteem when he sees his fellow male peers having these experiences. And he feels totally out of control of this facet of his life. And then, sometime in his 20s, he finds pick up. And he learns all these things that are effective for him. And now he has control over finding sex and getting dates and he doesn't feel as powerless. And because it has given him some power and control, he decides that what he has learned about female sexuality is true. And that his way of approaching things is best for him and for all women... as a rule. So, when women say "Actually, I don't respond to that. That's low value attention." He will ignore that and say, "No! All women respond to that." Meanwhile he's ignoring all the women that have rejected his advances with the same mindset of "Actually, I don't respond to that. That's low value attention." And he will just chalk up the rejections to simply being part of the game, without understanding that most women don't respond to pick up. And he doesn't allow himself to realize that his success that he's had with women sexually is owed more to some women having lower standards for male investment than it actually has to do with what works for all women. And this is because, if pick up doesn't work on ALL women, then this man again feels powerless and out of control of female sexuality and female love. It again, feels to him like an enigma that he can't solve or control. But that's the thing about female sexuality. It is a force of nature... like the ocean. And you can learn about how to surf the ocean by noticing basic patterns but the waves are not something that anyone can control. So, a lot of guys who are into pick-up are wanting to learn how to surf. And this can be really helpful for navigating the waves of the ocean. But a guy who feels insecure and out of control, will stay in the calm and shallow waters where it's safe and things are in his control. And this is doing pick up and finding the low hanging fruit. And then, he gives himself a trophy for being a great surfer. But a woman doesn't want a man who is a master of the shallow waters. A woman wants a man who is willing to challenge himself and surf the big waves because a high value man is a man who penetrates deeply on all levels and who is willing and able to experience a woman's medicine fully without needing to control it.

It is that... because it's frustrating to see men be so misguided about what an attractive man is that they try to emulate mediocrity because they think that mediocrity is exceptionality.

Yeah, this tends to be an issue with so many guys. They feel like they understand women's sexuality because they've "learned" a lot about it. But they're actually projecting masculine sexuality onto female sexuality and getting our motives, desires, and biases all wrong. But yeah... same here on the bad boys = rotten McChickens in the trash.

Exactly this!

Thank you. I’m sure that if/when I’m ready for something in the future, I won’t have issues with finding a compatible guy. Though the thought of relationship is unappealing to me right now.

Now, rejection is par for the course. You can expect some rejection. But if you exist within this wider social circle and you’ve done 10 approaches within your circle within a short period of time, this is probably a strategic mess up. You can only approach strangers with that frequency without getting a reputation. So, if you’re doing warm approach with women and not cold approach, then I would guess that the rejections are coming from acting to quickly on your feelings before you’ve gotten clear signs of connection and interest from her. If you wait and get to know her for a bit platonically and wait for these signs of deeper interest before revealing your feelings and intentions, then your rejection rate will probably drop quite a bit because you’ll be more selective about when you make your moves. A man who behaves by cold approach rules in a warm social circle, will communicate low value and lack of social attunement. So, you may be applying the rules of cold approach to a warm approach scenario. So, I would change your strategy to one that’s slower and more selective. In pick-up, there are certain rules for approaching women that don’t work as much with women you see on a regular basis. For example, with pick up and cold approach, the advice is to lead with romantic/sexual intentions. But when you see women on a regular basis who exist as part of your wider social circle, I recommend adopting a default platonic orientation to the women in the group. This conveys something about your value, as it means you’re not needy or too sex-focused. And it also shows that you can have friendships with women, which is a sign of emotional maturity and balanced priorities in a man. Warm approach is trickier and takes more discernment and time. It also gives you fewer options. But it is the best way to find a compatible romantic partner. And it’s also what women like best.

For sure. Patience, emotional mastery, and discipline are super important for cultivating a high quality life. This of course is true for both men and women in any context. But it’s especially true for women seeking relationships. If you want a really good one, you’ll have to be disciplined enough to hold out for what feels best and not just pretty good. Of course, it’s much easier to hold off for better if you feel abundant in you opportunities. But if you feel a sense of scarcity, you might just be tempted to eat your one marshmallow right away instead of holding off for more.

Yeah, it’s best to hold out for the good stuff, which does require some emotional mastery and discipline. It’s kind of like the experiment they did with the little kids and the marshmallows. They would put 3-5 year olds by themselves in the room with a big marshmallow while telling them that they can either eat the one marshmallow now or be patient and hold off on eating the one marshmallow and they will be given another marshmallow later. And most children would at first try to not eat the marshmallow but would fail. A small percentage did hold off until later. And these same kids are now adults. And they found that those that were able to hold off on the marshmallow to get the second one, now have a lot more successes in their adult lives. Though, of course, this quality can also be cultivated. But good things come to those who wait. This is especially true for women looking for a male partner. If it’s fast and easy, it’s unlikely to yield the results you want.

Yeah, it’s not so much about doing pick up in and of itself. I’d probably do pick up for a while if I was a guy. The problem is more with guys aspiring to mediocrity, because they mistakenly see mediocrity as exceptionality because mediocrity leads to more mass appeal. Think about the most popular restaurants, tv shows, movies, music, etc. Much of it tends to be very mediocre because most people have mediocre tastes. And I see cold approach in this light. It’s a way men can advertise themselves to the most average audience of women with the most mediocre tastes. But as a woman who, given the choice between a mediocre experience and nothing at all, I will choose nothing at all because I have no sense of scarcity. A more interesting and gratifying experience will always present itself if I’m patient. This is why I recommend to women to be more selective and more patient. Don’t settle for canned. Hold out for something organic to arise.

He could avoid being McDonalds... As long as he’s not trying to be McDonalds. And the issue is often that men feel like McDonalds guys are the most desirable and highest quality guys because of the high patronage as men (like restaurants) value high patronage. And so they seek to be like McDonalds or be McDonalds. And as a woman who is bored with McDonalds, I see it as a shame. What’s useful about pickup is learning appetizing dish presentation and effective branding and advertising strategies. But keep in mind that a high quality restaurant probably won’t be advertising themselves using the exact same strategies as McDonalds does. McDonalds will probably go for the cheap, fast, easy, and satiating angle of advertisement. This is the type of strategy that guys who lead with sexual intent use... and it’s an effective strategy for the restaurant. But a fine dining restaurant will advertise in more subtle ways and communicate quality of experience over simply speed and convenience. And my recommendation to women is to avoid restaurants that use fast food advertising strategies.

Yeah, that’s a good extension of the analogy. Basically, a caveat emptor to patrons about the long-term health risks of eating at McDonalds... and also to watch out for misleading advertising strategies that present to food to look more appetizing and better quality than it actually is. But also, on the qualitative level, to encourage patrons to cultivate a more mature palette and refined tastes so that they can really go deeper with their exploration and appreciation of food... instead of just settling for McDonalds.

Hey, it’s a good business model for them. And you’ll get tons of insecure restaurants, who gut the entire menu and theme of their restaurant to become a McDonalds franchise. Some great Mediterranean place in a bad location... boom, sold out to become a McDonalds. Nice Vegetarian restaurant without the advertising savvy to know that most women won’t be interested but that hippie women will love them... boom, sold out to be a McDonalds.

Yes! Chads target the emotions in the same way that McDonalds hamburgers target the tastebuds. I mean McDonalds tastes pretty good, to be honest. I see why it’s a popular restaurant. It’s a fast and easy way to satiate hunger and get the dopamine firing. But if someone says McDonalds is their favorite restaurant, I’m going to seriously question their taste. And if someone wants to “settle down with McDonalds” and eat there daily, I will warn them that it’s bad for their health in the long run.

Perfect name! Sure lots of people eat at (Chad) McDonalds. In fact, it may very well be the most well-patroned restaurant in the history of humanity. And then you get all these other restaurants (men) trying to be more like McDonalds (Chad) because they assume more patrons means that the food must be higher quality from the patrons’ perspective. I mean, if McDonalds didn’t have really high quality food, then it wouldn’t be so popular... right? And since restaurants (straight men) don’t patron other restaurants, they can only assume that McDonalds has to be the best one. And so when patrons (women) tell these restaurants (men) that we’re not that into McDonalds (Chad) and that we prefer some one-of-a-kind mom and pop restaurant that absolutely puts McDonalds to shame, they simply don’t believe them (us). And then they site the numbers... because men are biased towards seeking abundance and think the most well-patroned restaurant must be the best one. But the fact that McDonalds has more patrons doesn’t communicate anything about the quality from the patrons’ (women’s) perspective.

See this is the issue with these distorted but useful viewpoints. Men operating off of this framework, tend to make the mistake of thinking that guys who are the 5-star dish guys are the McDonalds hamburger guys... and that the McDonalds hamburger guys are the 5-star dish guys. And so you get lots of men aspiring to being a McDonalds hamburger which has mass appeal but is ultimately unhealthy, lukewarm, and mediocre. And that’s just not as emotionally stimulating from the female perspective. It’s also not strategically wise to invest in if you’re looking for a fulfilling relationship. Those men that are typically called “beta-male providers” by men operating off of this framework are the alphas in most women’s value system. Women generally want a long term relationship. It isn’t something we just settle for when we “can’t” get random sex from some random pick up artist. And that’s because we can ALWAYS get random sex from some random pick up artist. McDonalds is ALWAYS available.