Emerald

My husband is 5’8” and I’m 5’2”. To me, he is very tall. He’s like half a head taller than me. You have to understand that, while most women have a general preference for taller men, short women will have a different way of defining tall. Honestly, most women don’t get too hung up on that, as long as you’re taller than they are. But even some women will date shorter guys. So honestly, you just have to work on self-esteem stuff and just keep trying. You’ll have success eventually.

Don’t just lol him. He’s considering suicide. Obviously you’re loling him because you know that he can be successful. But that’s not how a suicidal person will interpret that.

He misread the chart, I'm sure.

It's a chart about who is more likely to be vaccinated. It isn't a chart about men and women. That's just one of the demographics they tested. But it's structured in a confusing way. It's saying that the average Biden voter is 20% more likely than average to get vaccinated. And concurrently it shows that the average Trump voter is 10% less likely than average to get vaccinated. So, the average Biden voter is 30% more likely than the average Trump voter to get vaccinated. So, the statistics about men and women are the women tend to get the vaccine at a rate that reflects the national average (no more, no less), whereas men are 5% more likely than average to get the vaccine. This means, that men are statistically 5% more likely to get vaccinated than women. Honestly, it's kind of a margin of error thing. That means, the chart is probably pretty accurate... albeit structured in a confusing way. But the meaning that the OP derived from the chart is coming from a misunderstanding of the chart. I think he read it to mean that women don't get the vaccine at all because there's no arrow on their statistic. But the arrow just shows deviation from the average.

Do you mean because men are 5% more likely to get vaccinated than women? That's what the chart shows. Does a 5% difference actually mean that?

Okay, that's pretty much what I would anticipate. That's about the dynamic I would like if I were in a dating situation. On the practical level, a lot of it has to do with sussing out if a guy is lazy/unwilling to invest or if he's hung up on small things like a few bucks here or there. Both of these can be a bad sign. So, if he pays for the first couple dates, and then we alternate from there on out, that would be normal. And it wouldn't send up a red flag.

@flowboy Sorry... I don't "go Dutch" No Dutch guys for me. j/k I do understand cultural differences. That said, it does create a certain atmosphere about the date when the guy assumes those roles that I associate with traditional courtship. And I like that vibe. It creates more polarization, which adds to the attraction dynamic. But if I had already developed a platonic relationship to a guy and already knew him and had developed an intimate friendship with him, it might be too formal. It would all depend contextually. With that in mind, if I were on a dating app, I'd probably have a lot more boundaries around things like that. Like, the man not paying would definitely be a red flag. And I would be looking out for more signs of why he didn't. If it's cultural, that's okay. If he's an uber feminist, that's okay. If he's tight on money, that might be okay as long as he has a job and is a stable person. If he's cheap. That's not okay. If he's trying to have as much fun with women as he possibly can without paying a dime. That's not okay.

Yes, that too.

And that's okay if a guy really believes that. But courtship-wise, I prefer a more polarized mating dance where I am the receiver and he is the giver. That's why I like for a man to be the one that pays. I like it when a guy is in his masculine energy and pays on the first few dates, holds open doors, drives, puts in the order for us, etc. It just feels better to me as it makes me feel taken care of. Now, in terms of dating a guy who's very resistant to fitting any gender norms, it's not like I'd immediately disqualify him from my consideration. But it would probably decrease the polarity and attraction a bit. I really respond to the polarity as those elements of the traditional gender roles really resonate with me. But I can also empathize with the viewpoint that gender roles should be dismantled.

That's not what I was saying. I'm good with him questioning gender norms. I was saying that SOMETIMES it's a feminist guy (which is fine) but MOST TIMES it's a guy who's just looking to get things for free.

If a man asked me to buy him ice cream on a first date where he's supposed to be courting me, I'd go ahead and do it because it's super cheap. But I certainly wouldn't go out with him again. That would be a red flag that he's looking for a sugar mama or that he's stingy or broke. I don't even feel comfortable on a date if a man doesn't offer to pay. That can be a red flag as well. Now, it can mean that he's some feminist guy or something like that who is all about breaking down gender norms, which is okay as this shows he lives by certain principles. But most often, not offering to pay for the date, means that he doesn't really want to invest in the woman. He wants something for free. And it isn't about the money. I have plenty of money. I can buy my own food. It's really about him putting his best foot forward. So, I'd honestly just skip that guy. It wouldn't sit right with me.

I would say to just go along with the demands if it's not too crazy money-wise. Get her the ice cream, the hamburger, the fries, etc. But then, just don't go out on another date with that woman. It seems like a bit of a red flag to demand something on a first date. Either that, or you can go on one more date and see if the demanding behavior repeats itself.

The world at large tends to be very masculine oriented. And it isn't always the safest to be in your vulnerable feminine energy. So, when you're with a man who can really hold you give you containment, it allows you (as a woman) to soften and to take the armor off. It enables you to be in your feminine energy where you can surrender and let go. And it just feels really warm and nice. Also, female sexuality is a bit like retrograde. Generally, in day to day life, there is goal orientedness and survival and action and forward movement. And this is what it takes to be able to make a life. But when you're with a man that you feel safe with and are attracted to, you go into retrograde. And your survival concern reverses. And that which feels most secure (in the survival sense) is to be soft and surrendering and to just let yourself receive... when in other contexts, it just doesn't always work out so well.

I'd say that it's a very important quality. A good psychologist must be able to have an intuitive sense for where the person is and how to facilitate their growth.

That's good to have that self-awareness. My advice would be to work on getting up underneath any lifestyle judgments you might have towards others. Judgments are always a symptom of something deeper. So, the way to drop them is to find the root of the judgment and work on that. For example, someone might be dealing with self-esteem issues that make them feel inferior. So, judgments can arise against others to make them feel superior to others to compensate for their feelings of inferiority. So, if this person notices their judgment, they can explore it deeper to find the root... which are the issues with self-esteem that make them feel inferior.

If you (or anyone) wants to become a therapist, there has to be a lot of inner work done in terms of dropping judgments. This means, that no matter what kind of choices a person is making in their lives, you would be aware that you'd make the same decision if you were in their exact position (in terms of nature and nurture). So, the challenge would be... can you accept any which way that people are as a valid starting point for the therapy? This means that, if a person came in whose choices you TOTALLY disagreed with or even abhorred, would you be able to see that you'd choose the same thing if you were them. And then, without resistance or judgment, meet them exactly where they are... all-the-while knowing that the best you can do in any given session is to help them shift one degree in the right direction. Is that something you feel like you can do?

Collapsing the dichotomy of truth and illusion, so as to love and invest deeply in the story of humanity whilst also having an awareness of the emptiness of it all. Being able to realize that all the story is an illusion and yet still deciding to read it anyway simply for the love of it.

There are a lot of men out there who are shut down, and that's unfortunate. Mind you, even women tend to have issues with emotional shut-down. The world is not the best environment for being vulnerable and emotional. We value masculinity and showing that we can be strong and tough. So, it's a bit taboo for a man to integrate his feminine side. That's why you see so many men with that disintegration. The world has done them a dis-service by putting them at odds with their own vulnerability. But as a woman with same-sex attraction as well as attraction to men, I don't really believe that the reason for the same-sex attraction is because women are more in touch with emotions, persay. I'm just attracted to them on a more visual/hormonal level. But I am more attracted to men because of the masculine dynamic. When you find a guy who is integrated between both masculine and feminine side, it's really what feels best to me. If a man hasn't integrated his feminine side, it's not a place where you can feel safe enough to be in your own feminine as a woman. If a man has a repressed feminine side, the only safe thing to do is to hide your feminine side from him. He will orient to women and their feminine side in the same way he orients to his own feminine side... which is quite harsh. So, the emotional orientation makes a man safe to open up around. But it is his masculine side that creates the attraction. But without both of these things, then it's really a moot point.

You're missing it. Women want a heart-centered connection experience with a man who is warm and kind... but also with the capacity for leadership and dominance. So, most men tend to only focus towards the leadership and dominance element. And they kind of fetishize it. And this will be attractive to some women. But in order for a man to strike my fancy, he has to be capable of intimacy. Otherwise, it's super boring.

Intimacy means to have a heart-centered connection with someone. This means being able to see into the vulnerabilities of another and having your vulnerabilities seen. It is a mutual unarmoring. And this can be had in the context of friendship as well. But the thing that makes intimacy so intriguing from the female experience in relation to sexual/romantic relationship, is the intense heart-opening feeling that comes about when the connection happens. It's a very warm and pleasant sensation in the center of the chest. And when you combine the heart-centered warm feeling with the intense sexual feelings of the lower body, this creates a magnetism towards the man who triggered the heart feelings. She will want to be around him to get more of that heart opening warm feeling. And there is a strong element of letting go that can come about that's like a merging with the other person. And when you can see that person deeply and they can see you, there is this feeling of melting.

When the masculine isn't integrated it can become possessive in its quality. So, if a naturally feminine woman does come off as more masculine than what is natural to her, then it's usually due to a disintegrated masculine side taking on a possessing role. Counterintuitively, the best thing for such a woman is to work on having a deeper relationship to the masculine side. Once this happens it will be possible for her feminine side to express more because the masculine side will be able to create healthy boundaries... which in turn make her feel safer and able to be more vulnerable.

It's very important to integrate the masculine side as a woman because it helps you temper the Shadow Feminine qualities of indecisiveness, fretfulness, and vagueness... among others. I recommend integrating the following masculine-principled qualities... Emotional mastery Stoicism Ambition Purpose Assertiveness Strong boundaries Self-focused drives Individuality Intellectuality Discipline Courage Generosity (Giving orientation) Having principles Endurance Having a focus towards something bigger than you that you're willing to kill and die for

Leave the relationship. Abusers rarely change. And I wouldn't hold out on her changing. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you will be abused for the rest of your life if you stay with her. And you are not helping her by staying with her.

Personally, I rarely watch porn. Maybe I’ll feel the urge to do so once a month, if that. Usually, my sex drive goes toward fantasies if I’m single or just not in a space to realize something with my partner. But I also don’t always feel the need to climax. A lot of times, it feels best to just vibe for a long time in the erotic heart centered emotions of the fantasy.