Emerald

Personally, I don't even think they're more stereotypically Masculine than the average leftist guy. I think that's just a stereotype that's widely believed. Think of Sam Seder, David Pakman, Cenk Ugyer, David Doel, Destiny, Hasan Piker, Vaush, etc. All of these guys are either equally Masculine or more Masculine compared to Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Nick Fuentes, Dennis Prager, Dave Rubin, Andrew Tate, etc. I don't sense any difference in the average level of Masculinity between these two groups of guys. They're all kind of medium level of Masculinity... except Cenk Ugyer, Hasan Piker, and Stephen Crowder who are a bit more Masculine than average. And if they weren't directly vocalizing their ideologies and talking about politics and everyone went in blind and you had these two groups of guys to observe and you could observe the way they speak and act, I don't think most people would rank the right wing group as more Masculine than the left wing group. The Masculinity of right wing guys is kind of like the emperor's new clothes in that way. Unless you've specifically been taught to associate Masculinity with right wing ideologies, you wouldn't read them as more Masculine than the next guy.

It's probably an expedient business decision for him, because he's a very Masculine guy who probably has a mostly male audience. Plus, for a Spiral Dynamics perspective... Most men who tend to strongly value Masculinity who have some Stage Yellow qualities tend to resist Stage Green. So, in significant ways these guys end up stuck partially or mostly in Stage Orange because they are still valuing Orange values, even if they do have some Yellow perspectives. And Trump is the definition of Stage Orange.

I think it has to do with lacking an understanding of the archetypal distinction between the Masculine and Feminine... and seeing the Feminine as antithetical to the Masculine as opposed to a necessary component of what makes an attractive and well adjusted man. The esoteric Masculine without the esoteric Feminine makes someone a "brain-in-a-jar". (aka a robotic hyper-nerd) The esoteric Feminine without the esoteric Masculine makes someone a "blob-on-the-ground." (aka a lazy couch-potato) And of course, neither of these polarizations into the Masculine and Feminine make a person attractive. So, there is a misconception that a man need to be only Masculine, and that the more Masculine a guy is that the more attractive he will be. But the Feminine is what enables us to have emotional intelligence, social acuity, connection to the body and instincts, etc. as all things of the body, emotions, and social connection are in the Feminine principle. And this is what makes a man come across as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the world. But because there is a distinction between the cultural associations with Masculinity (which includes A LOT of archetypal Feminine qualities) AND the esoteric Masculine (which is pure raw Masculinity), so many men keep doubling down on pure Masculinity and becoming more and more socially maladjusted, nerdy, and weird because they have repressed their Feminine sides, which is what makes us more down to Earth and human. So, these guys who seek to be Masculine and to repress their Feminine sides become total "brain-in-a-jar" robotic hyper-nerds that come across as a bit disconnected, lofty, and alien. And of course, women don't like that. And these hyper-Masculine nerdy guys believe women don't like them because they're not Masculine enough, when the problem is that they're hyper-Masculine and not integrated with their Feminine side enough. And they keep doubling down on Masculine polarization and making themselves more and more nerdy and less and less socially and emotionally attuned. And then, what's the solution? Clearly they're not Masculine enough... so they keep trying to subtract the Feminine and add the Masculine. And that doesn't work. And then, what's the solution? Clearly they're not Masculine enough... so they keep trying to subtract the Feminine and add the Masculine. And that doesn't work. And then, what's the solution? Clearly they're not Masculine enough... so they keep trying to subtract the Feminine and add the Masculine. And that doesn't work. And then, what's the solution? Clearly they're not Masculine enough... so they keep trying to subtract the Feminine and add the Masculine. And that doesn't work. And then, what's the solution? Clearly they're not Masculine enough... so they keep trying to subtract the Feminine and add the Masculine. And that doesn't work. etc.

Of course. I didn't mean that guys wouldn't want to be Masculine and value those things. What I meant by "Are you sure?" is "Are you sure that these right wing guys are ACTUALLY Masculine?" They don't come across as any more Masculine than the average guy in Walmart.

Are you sure about that? On average, these right wing guys don't come across as any more Masculine than the next guy. The only one I can think of that's Masculine is Joe Rogan... and he's not even the most ideologically right wing guy. Most right wing male figures are just ideologically fetishizing their views on Masculinity. But that doesn't actually translate to them coming across as more Masculine. Like, I can't even think of a right wing guy other than Joe Rogan... or maybe Steven Crowder that come across as more Masculine than the average guy. It's just like a if there's a woman who ideologically fetishized Femininity... it wouldn't make her more Feminine. You can see a slight example of this with trad wives that have an ideological attachment to the idea of traditional Femininity. Unless they're influencers that play trad wives on TikTok, most of them are not paragons of Femininity just because they subscribe to that ideology. Some are truly the opposite and use their beliefs in trad Fem ideology to try to gain male validation, which doesn't actually translate to more Feminine allure in these men's eyes. Masculinity and Femininity are not things people can add to themselves just by believing an ideology that puts Masculinity or Femininity up on a pedestal. Think about Ben Shapiro, Nick Fuentes, Charlie Kirk, Matt Walsh, Andrew Tate, etc. Matt Walsh and Andrew Tate are in the 50th percentile of Masculine vibes where they're dead on average... while Ben Shapiro, Nick Fuentes, and Charlie Kirk are slightly less Masculine than the majority of men.

It really depends on if you're good at active listening, asking questions, and holding space for people's answers... and reflecting their answers back to them in your own words. The better questions you can ask, the better coach you will be. And the more you're aware of yourself, the more you'll be able to pick the best questions to ask.

The rules for social calibration depends on the context. And the "Overton window" of social calibration arises organically as an emergent property of the context. It isn't something decided consciously by any given person, though individuals can influence this Overton Window. It's just that (in every social context, from workplaces to countries to nightclubs, etc.) a culture intuitively arises based on a myriad of different factors that are so multifaceted that it would be very difficult to parse out.

Why is it inconceivable to you that people (including myself) actually think he's a Fascist that will rule as a Fascist? Have you never opened up a history book? Do you not know the warning signs of Fascism? Do you believe that it's impossible to happen in the contemporary first world? Do you not realize that the systems of checks on his power has already been significantly eroded since the last time he was in office? Let's just be honest and call his rhetoric what it is... Fascist authoritarian rhetoric. And when people tell you who they are, it's unwise not to read the writing on the wall. When he says things like immigrants are "poisoning the blood of the nation" (Hitler quote) and that he wants to do a mass deportation... and engages in all sorts of rhetoric to sew fear in the "other".... what makes you think he won't act on that if it's politically possible and expedient for him? And he himself isn't necessarily a Fascist ideologue... but he need not be to rule as a Fascist. Fascism is the way to rile up the populace because a LOT of people crave and clamor for authoritarian Fascism so that they have an all-powerful father figure to obey and a big group of scapegoats to take their anger out on. Trump himself only cares about power and unquestioning fealty to him. And one way that he can get more power and fealty is by ruling as a dictator. And given that his powerful influential compatriots are people who are on the far right, it isn't an unfounded fear to believe that he will rule as a Fascist dictator. And currently, the Supreme Court has ruled for presidential immunity. And the plans in Project 2025 are geared towards Unitary Executive Theory and having Trump stack the government with Trump loyalists, so that he doesn't have as many checks and balances on his power.. And look around the world. You will find Fascism rising everywhere. It's honestly silly that you don't believe people when they tell you they're concerned about Fascism. I can believe that you don't think he's a Fascist, because people always doubt Fascism until it's too late because they think "It can't happen here". But I can't believe that you don't believe others think he's a Fascist.

In the recent election, a majority of Americans chose the Fascist candidate. And Fascism is winning out over Neoliberalism all over the developed world. So, we cannot look at the recent American turn towards Fascism outside of the global context of rising Fascist sentiment. And some of this can be chalked up to worsening economic conditions, and the tendency for people who feel scarcity to revert back to ethno-nationaism and tribalism and to demonize the "other" in hopes of monopolizing the resources for themselves and their families and communities. And demagogues and stories of the unfair treatment that the "other" is supposedly getting adds a spark to the kerosene that is scarcity. And it provides a simple scapegoat to a more complex problem... or a problem that involves power structures that our out of the control of the peasants. For example, if a boy is getting beaten by his dad... rather than trying to stand up to his dad, he finds it much easier to beat up his baby brother because this is where the boy feels most powerful. It is in relation to someone less powerful than him. Thus, Fascism tends to give the illusion of empowerment to the most powerful (though still disempowered) peasants against the least powerful peasants. And it is a divide and conquer tactic where you get the powerless peasants to demonize their neighbor and feel powerful by pushing others down from them in the hierarchy. So, this is one element that is responsible for why the majority of voters in America decided to choose a candidate who openly talks about mass deportation and how the immigrants are "poisoning the blood of the nation", etc. But another element that I think is a deeper fundamental pattern within humanity is that there are feedback loops of expansion and contraction. And when we contract too much, the forces of expansion come in to balance things out. And when we expand too much, the forces of contraction come in to balance things out. And currently, the world has expanded so much in such a short period of time. And we carry all the knowledge in the world in our pockets. And we're so much more free than we have ever been. And now, the forces of contraction are coming in to limit us again for a time. And this top-down authoritarianism is placed their in lieu of us consciously choosing our limitations with our own sense of sovereignty. But there is also trajectory that moves us constantly in the direction of more love and expansion. And the contraction is meant to help with that. It's a bit like being in labor. The baby is able to be pushed out when the cervix contracts and then dilates. And the experience of labor is that there is a time of intense painful contraction that leads to greater and greater levels of dilation of the cervix until the birth can happen. And it is not possible to dilate the cervix without first having and intense contraction. Nothing can be birthed if we don't contract, and the "baby" will be stillborn without the contraction. So, I think of this time as a very painful contraction that will ready us for deeper levels of expansion one day... and that this may be what is necessary to move past the macrocosmic sticking point we're in with regard to the much needed progression of our development as a human species. If we are going to solve climate change and avoid extinction, people need to be shaken awake. And anything that keeps the status quo level of expansion won't be able to shake anything loose. But now, we're about to go through a very painful time of contraction. And it is best to coalesce together and plan for the greater expansion that may come in some years or decades to come.

I was hesitant to share this with anyone before Election Day, as I believe it's important to speak into existence the outcome that you want. And I didn't want to manifest another Trump presidency... in case there's something to making predictions and speaking predictions into existence. I can be a bit superstitious that way. But I had toyed around with idea that Trump may again be president because of an experience that I had in my most recent medicine journey from March of 2024... and the general theme of it. The theme of my medicine journey was limitation and embracing the contracted nature of human existence. So, it's very wrapped up in connection to the Earthy and the Feminine, which means embracing the finite life... which are always a big part of my journeys. And I had to many times affirm that "I'm choosing to be limited" as there is a pattern in me that is always obsessively moving towards expansion of knowledge. And my biggest neurosis is my appetite for infinite knowledge, which stemmed from a God Complex that I developed at the age of 3... and feeling like I can't trust God or my parents... and that I have to be the one that's perfect and in control. And in all of these insights about the value of limitation, there was a visual that arose that transmitted to me as a clear intuition the function of dictatorship within the context of human societal evolution. It was a multi-colored neon contour line image of the contiguous United States on a black background. And all the states were outlined as well as the outside barrier of the country. And standing in front of the contour line image of the US, there was an image of a contour line drawing of a man (in the same neon colors) who was very powerful and larger than the country itself. The man looked a little bit like if you mixed Vladimir Putin with Elon Musk. And upon seeing this image, I knew he was supposed to represent a dictator that rules over a country. And the intuition that was transmitted was that the function of a dictatorship is to limit people when they don't have connection to their own sovereignty enough to consciously choose to limit themselves in the ways they truly wish to be limited in their heart of hearts. There are so many archetypally patriarchal societal values that amount to the idea that contraction=bad and expansion=good... as we are very Masculine principled that way. Expansion is the Masculine side of the polarity, while contraction is the Feminine side of the polarity. And societally, we love the idea of expansion and hate the idea of contraction. And in the rejection of Feminine principled values like contraction, limitation, and finiteness.... and in the inability to value and choose our limitations that we prefer from a place of Feminine empowerment and sovereignty... a tyrannical un-integrated Masculine force comes in and forces everyone into a powerless lesser Shadow Feminine position of abject limitation where we are disconnected from sovereignty. So, it was clear in the journey that I had to choose to be Feminine and choose to limited in order to continue exercising my own sovereignty. And I kept saying "I'm choosing to be limited." and "I'm choosing to be Feminine." to cut away from the infinite knowledge I was exposed to on the journey because I really didn't want the burden of infinite knowledge I had always been seeking to gain more and more certainty... for the sake of safety. And without this sovereignly chosen limitation and contraction, the forces of nature coalesce and give us a dictator to do the dirty job of limiting and constricting us... albeit with plenty of damage and tyranny along with it... and in a way that strips us of our sovereignty. And it has popped into my head from time to time during the election cycle that the Ayahuasca may have shown me a dictator to indicate that Trump would become president and rule as a dictator. So, if you guys could consciously choose to integrate the Feminine value of contraction and consciously limit yourself in the ways you really want to be limited, this may be quite valuable in the prevention of big destructive macrocosmic problems that dictatorship causes. And really... what is the underlying principle of our economic system but infinite Masculine expansion on a finite Feminine planet? So, if you find yourself hyper-valuing expansion and maximizing knowledge, strength, talent, responsibility, power, doing, achieving, earning, etc. to the exclusion of mystery, weakness, ordinariness, surrender, and being... then you may want to consciously integrate these values to let yourself off the hook so that external forces don't need to do it instead.

Marcus (aka story-Leo) is even wearing the uniform, eh?

What used to motivate you to go towards your life's purpose, back when you were motivated?

OMG! That's hilarious! @Leo Gura Hey Marcus. Do you want to be a character in my special story?

A big part of the Feminine principle is sovereignty... with its Masculine principled counterpart being leadership. Leadership is the ability to lead and influence other people, while sovereignty is about self-governance and centering in ones own power and responsibility. And of course, you need both if you want to be a great leader... though dictators only have the leadership part without the sovereignty (and they suck of their followers' sovereignty like a hungry ghost because they lack their own). And there are three keys to sovereign power which is less about the power to dominate or lead others and much more about the power to go towards what is wanted and away from what is unwanted. Here are the three keys to sovereign power... Discover what you REALLY want in your heart of hearts. (This is 90% of the battle and the hardest part) Become aware of the levers of power you have at your disposal to bring about what you want as well as which levers of power are not at your disposal. Be bold enough to utilize the levers of power you discovered in step 2 which are at your disposal AND agree with your own ethical compass, so as to bring about your wanted outcome or to get away from what is unwanted. So, a big part of connecting to the Feminine is to develop enough sensitivity, intuition, and self-trust to discover what you truly want in your heart of hearts and to use your own inner subjective compass to navigate toward what is wanted (and away from what's unwanted.) And one thing that gets in the way of our ability to know what we want and what we don't want, is what our mind believes that we SHOULD want... or that we have to do in order to "earn" or "deserve" what we want. The concept of "earning" and "deserving" is antithetical to Feminine sovereign power because it relies on the illusion of an external authority figure who sets standards we have to measure up to. It makes us project reality onto the masks that our leaders and rule systems wear, when they're actually just the man behind the curtain. So, in relation to my post... there is this sense that many people share because of our Masculine-principled cultural values that "I SHOULD want expansion because expansion is better than contraction." or "If I'm going to be good enough to deserve _____, I have to expand and become more than what I am." But these are not a reflection of sovereignty, nor is anything with the sense of "have to" or "should" or "should not"... or a sense of needing to justify one's self relationally to external people, leaders, and systems of authority. These are a reflection of the illusion of an external standard that must be matched up to. It is believing that the man behind the curtain is truly a wizard, instead of following your own inner compass. And it is an abdication of personal sovereignty and responsibility onto external people, rule systems, deities, etc... which decanters us from our Feminine sovereign power. But when we discover what we truly want in our heart of hearts, we will find that there are naturally ways we want to expand and ways we want to contract. And when we find those ways we want to contract and act from it, this is part of the integration of the Feminine side of the Feminine value of sovereignty. And vice versa, when we find the ways we want to expand and act from it, this is part of the integration of the Masculine side of the Feminine value of sovereignty. So, with regard to this post... it is recognizing the boundaries and limitations you want to have (not that you SHOULD want to have) that enable you to connect to your sovereignty. In Thelema (Occultism), there is a quote that goes "Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." And this quote is antithetical to everything most religions teach as most religions see our sovereignty and will as inherently negative and bad... which is a reflection of patriarchal religious values that put humanity into opposition to our nature (which is our Feminine side... aka Mother Nature.) For example, the concept of original sin puts us into an inherently non-trustful state with our own sovereignty. And this has evoked in humanity a very combative domineering relationship with Mother Nature and the Feminine in general over the millennia. So, there is a lot of mistrust in our own nature and the statement "Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" because we have been conditioned through thousands of years of religion and philosophy to believe we are bad at our core and that our sovereignty is inherently devilish... and to see the Feminine sovereign nature as inherently evil (evil = Eve-like). But I have seen that this is just a result of our coping mechanisms, which doesn't reflect our true will. And I have seen in my journeys that our will is always 100% benevolent, though ignorance, traumas, and circumstances can cause our will to be mangled and disconnected from our deeply loving core. It is only when our will because twisted away from our truest deepest will that what starts out as benevolently-intended becomes harmful. So, a big part of Feminine sovereign integration is to work through all the barriers to discovering our truest deepest will and from expressing our truest deepest will. And a big part of that is to get rid of the sense of should, should not, have to, deserving, not deserving, earning, etc. AND instead becoming as conscious as possible of what you really want in your heart of hearts. And if you dig deep enough and become aware of your truest deepest will and get in touch fully with your Feminine sovereignty, you will find a deeply conscious and loving Masculine spirit rippling like a current through your nature. And only then can you be a truly conscious sovereign leader.

You're welcome! On another level that doesn't have to do anything with my medicine journey, I've seen in the people who are looking most to Trump as a cult-like figure that they also tend to be on the shakiest ground with regard to their own sovereignty. And sovereignty is the ability to be aware of what you want and to act from it while also taking responsibility for the ripple effect of your own actions. So, it is a full centering within ones own power and responsibility where those things are both equally high. And people who are really de-centered from their own sovereignty are always looking for someone who appears certain and powerful (who almost never actually is) to glom onto so that they can relinquish the burden of power and thus abdicate personal responsibility for their own actions. So, the less sovereign a person is, the less powerful and responsible that person will be open to being. And they will look for a cultish figure to give up their power to so that they have someone to take responsibility for their irresponsible actions. For example, during the Nuremberg trials so many Nazis on trial gave the excuse "I was just following orders" as the reason why they did the heinous things they did. It was very rare for anyone to take responsibility for their desires to kill and torture the ones labeled other. Probably many never admitted it to themselves that they had such a propensity for evil in them and that they enjoyed the act of harming. Instead, they felt comfortable because they could always just blame Hitler or the Nazi party itself for their crimes against humanity. And of course Hitler was responsible for all this issues too. But it was average people who allowed themselves to be willingly weaponized by him that did the vast majority of the dirty work. And people will convince themselves that "the father will take the fall for me" which further emboldens them to follow the siren song of their murderous lesser devils.

I had thought about JD Vance as I was writing it. But it definitely didn't look like him. It was like an 80% Putin look-alike. So, a very stern and somewhat angular face... while JD Vance has a rounder face and not as stern a countenance. I interpret it more as symbolic because I sensed this image of the dictator was meant to give off Putin vibes but not actually be Putin. And Putin is who I think of when I think of a modern day imperial autocrat. I have seen Peter Thiel once before. I'll have to look at him again to see if he's reminiscent of the figure I saw in my journey.

That's scary. But at the same time, the thing that I've seen in my medicine journeys is that humanity will not go extinct and is moving in the direction of love and greater levels of world peace and unity. And something huge has to shift that isn't currently happening in order for the human race to transcend the current state of things and continue. The reality is that Kamala... and even a progressive like Bernie Sanders... would just preserve and prolong the current political structure. It's kind of interesting and funny that being a Bernie-style leftist is the most conservative thing you can do. It's the way to most effectively preserve our current societal structure by tweaking it to make it more livable and sustainable. And if I were choosing, that's what I would pick because I don't want to crash and burn with all these so-called conservative shaking the entire political system apart and shaking apart the nation in an attempt to be hyper-nationalistic. It's just too dangerous, and I fear for my children and my husband. But since now there is no other option, my hope is that Donald Trump's tyrannical reign is relatively short and just chaotic enough to shake the majority of people awake and spur them into action.

I see we have a seasoned erotica writer in our midst.

Yep. I don't need to hear about how Johnny plowed Susan's fuzzy snap dragon.

Haha. I think I could write some good erotica if I focus on all the psychological dynamics between the characters. I'd just have to avoid all the weird synonyms for body parts that erotica writers use when they over-focus towards the physical element of sex. And yes, I'd say it is a bit like being forced into the Beloved archetype as it is about being rather than doing. And to have your agency stripped away locks you into the Beloved position where you can't even access doing-ness of your own accord.

I've thought about this question before. And I have some interesting perspectives on it. Now, I wouldn't call my fantasies rape fantasies... though I'd say my fantasies of this nature are rape-adjacent fantasies. I have never have been much turned on by the idea of some stranger in the bushes taking advantage. These things aren't themselves exciting to me as you don't control who does it... and I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who would do it. And a guy who would lurk in the bushes is definitionally unattractive from my perspective as he has low standards of ethical behavior and doesn't have to overcome his moral code to push his will onto me... as his moral code is already weak. That's probably why I don't have 100% rape fantasies as these logistical realities block my mind from fantasizing about it without thinking about "Yeah, but this guy is a weirdo with low development and faulty moral compass." So, the realism in my fantasies prevents me from a 100% rape fantasy. Like I can't allow myself to imagine a situation I would have attraction issues with in real life. Like, I can't imagine a sexy rapist whose personality I want to experience that way. That said, there can be a vulnerability that is felt in these types of rape and rape-adjacent, agency-loss fantasies. And this vulnerability requires surrender to a force that's bigger and stronger than you to happen. And a rape fantasy explores a type of extreme surrender and letting go where your agency is ripped from you, and you're left feeling raw and open like your soft under-belly is exposed... of which reality doesn't give you as many opportunities to experience where you don't have to fight forward because of being in a very fast-paced Masculine principled society. And experiencing this surrender is like if your sense of autonomy and agency suddenly goes into retrograde. But since the rape fantasy is a fantasy, you are also the orchestrator of the entire thing as it is going on 100% in your own mind. You are the puppet-master that's totally in control of the fantasy. Like both the rapist and yourself, in the fantasy, are like your personal barbie dolls that you are controlling and making them interact a certain way. So, a rape fantasy is an interesting scenario where you are TOTALLY 100% in control of the rapist, but vividly imagining the rapist ripping all the control away from you. So, you get the safety of the control of the fantasy AND the illusion of the loss of control and the vulnerability and rawness of that illusion. But like I said, I haven't really had rape fantasies for the reasons I've mentioned above about the rapist not having a moral compass to overcome. The fantasies that I've had are more like extreme dominance fantasies where there is a total submission and relinquishing of personal agency and an unconditional receptivity to and absorption of any and all decisions actions (sex-wise and mildly violence-wise) that my male partner enacts upon me.... and giving my male partner all the agency to have executive control over me within the sexual context so that I can experience surrender, trust, anticipation, vulnerability, and surprise, which is not possible when you're controlling and orchestrating the sexual scenario. And so, he can experience leadership, dominance, confidence, validation, freedom, self-trust, a feeling of being appreciated and trusted/respected, and a sense of Masculine power and desirability. And being in that space of unconditional receptivity to the whims of my partner pushes some really emotionally charged buttons that are felt sexually but also in the heart space as there is a sense of merging with him and sublimating my will into his for a time. And there comes this general feeling of being open for life to be. And there is an excitement of the idea of seeing him overcome by his own instincts to where he connects to his own inner-scoundrel despite being a warm, kind, and caring man who is conflicted about allowing himself to be a scoundrel. (Hence why I can't get turned on by the idea of being raped by an actual rapist, as the rapist doesn't have as many ethical boundaries to overcome to allow himself to be a scoundrel with me. I wouldn't actually be creating a positive transformative experience for the rapist.) But in my allowing space for a man of high ethics to get in touch with his inner scoundrel, is where I get to feel the power in the real life situation of the enactment of this fantasy, as it allows space for my partner to tune deeply into his own will without having to tip toe around mine... where he may typically have a tendency to tip toe around the wills of others to avoid feeling like the "bad guy". And this unconditional surrender enables me to have the power to be a kind of mediatrix that both tempts him towards his lesser devils because of his desire but also provides him space to be in touch with and integrated with the dark parts of himself that he may feel ashamed of... and for him to receive validation (sexual and otherwise) for those parts so that he can integrate the libidinal spark of allowing himself to temporarily be the "bad guy" who ties the woman to the railroad tracks. And in this process, I get to ride the wave of his personality... while also experiencing parts of himself that he otherwise doesn't have space to explore and deepening the intimacy in turn. So, there's a lot of interesting kind of dynamics there that I can see play out in a rape fantasy... but that (of course) wouldn't be the way an actual rape is experienced as there is no safety or power feeling in being victimized that way.

Hello Everyone! I do an Ayahuasca ceremony once per year in the Spring. And I just had my yearly Ayahuasca ceremony a couple weeks ago. To preface this, it has been revealed to me in previous ceremonies that the purpose of my life is mercy. And that I came from a point of God's consciousness that felt totally overwhelmed by the infinite. So, it created Emerald as an imperfect, ordinary, finite being as a vacation for God's consciousness from the perfect, extraordinary, and infinite. And along with these insights showed me that I (and all of the finite) is a precious gem in its eyes as it is through me (and other finite beings) that beauty and meaning can be derived. Another thing I had learned in previous ceremonies is that there is a generational trauma pattern that goes through my matrilineal line around betrayal. And this has created a dynamic in my mother, myself, and my daughter where we all feel like we have to have perfect knowledge... because we don't trust God, the universe, ourselves, or anyone else. So, we must have the omniscience of God... because of this lack of trust so that we can avoid the betrayal that we expect at every turn (from our mothers and from God itself). And this presents itself in different ways for all of us... but the trauma is the same. My mom convinces herself that she's absolutely right and will sacrifice everything so that she can maintain the idea that she's correct and therefore righteous. I am never certain that I'm right or righteous about anything, so I've spent every spare moment of my life compulsively questioning everything about everything ad infinitum in hopes that I can finally find the truth... only to find nothing solid to grasp. And my daughter will never guess at anything unless she's 200% certain that she knows... so it takes here about 4-5 times longer than her peers to finish her school work. Here is what happened with the medicine I went in with the intention to forgive my mom for the ways she's hurt me. My mom is a very fabulous mother to children under the age of 8. She's attentive and really sees the child as a special apple of her eye and she will do anything for them. And this was the treatment that I got until I was 8 and she was my favorite person in the world... shy of maybe my paternal grandma. And that's when I started to develop a mind of my own that wasn't exactly like hers. And this began to trigger the fear of not possessing infinite knowledge. And (to avoid getting into too many details) led her to become tyrannical and infantilizing at first to try to keep me in her narrative... trying to keep me from growing up. Then, eventually (at age 12) when she saw that she couldn't control me and I was challenging her logic, she cut me out of her life and I went to go live with my dad. And she didn't talk to me for a year or two at a time at various points during my pre-teens, teens, and earlier adulthood. So, I wanted to forgive her because I'm still angry and hurt by this... given that it was a total rug-pull and pendulum swing. And I've been expecting that of God ever since... and continuously questioning everything so that I am not blind-sided in case all of reality and everything I think I know was actually a trick of the devil.... and eventually it will be revealed that I've been in hell the whole time and all the direct experiences of God's mercy were all just a trick. I've experienced God in my medicine journeys many many times... and I always convince myself afterwards that it could just be an illusion... even though I believe it's real deep down. I'm just always spinning my wheels with a lack of trust and constant questioning... expecting a betrayal from God. So, in this medicine experience... I woke up to God with me as an extension of its consciousness (as it often presents itself in my Ayahuasca journeys). And it exposed me (as it had done a couple times before) to infinite knowledge. And infinite knowledge in a finite being is hell... and is a large part of why God decided to manifest part of its consciousness as Emerald in the first place because part of its consciousness could not handle the exposure to the infinite mind and infinite heart. And when I was exposed to the infinite knowing, I had to actively choose to forget the infinite knowledge and to choose to be Emerald again and again. It was showing me that the birth of meaning and beauty comes from choosing finiteness. And if you can choose between being finite and infinite... it's wisest to choose to be finite. And when I was choosing to be Emerald I was going through the labor pains of birthing myself and the entirety of the world into existence as the finite. The labor pain was experienced as part of God extricating itself from the infinite to become finite. And I had to keep doing this as I would lose connection to the finite and slip off into the chaos of infinite knowing. And I'd have to trust God that it would choose to re-manifest Emerald again. And it communicated to me (I was also it so it was like another being was talking to me... but also like I was talking to myself)... and it told me that I can choose to trust it. And it was very understanding as to why I wouldn't trust it because the ways it works aren't easy or possible to grasp from the perspective of a finite being with a finite mind. But it said that I could choose to trust it. And it showed me how I/it manifests everything in my life with my own permission. And that I could trust myself to not subject myself to needlessly tragic circumstances. And that any negative circumstances that I have decided to manifest thus far have all come for the purpose of manifesting future positive outcomes. And it mentioned that the reason why some people experience intense tragedies is because it is part of the things they've come to learn and experience in this life... though it also specified that this is not always a compassionate truth to share when someone is deeply suffering. So, I could choose to trust God and myself (which were one and the same) to not have the universe do a sudden heal-turn and subject me to needlessly hellish circumstances and that I didn't have to be hyper-vigilant and know everything to avoid the heal-turn. It also showed me that I chose the whole entire dynamic with my mother... and that there was nothing to actually forgive. At a certain point in time, it showed me the reason for authoritarianism, bigotry, hatred, ignorance, and other forms of pettiness. The reason why is because most people don't value finiteness and limitation. And in lieu of consciously choosing to limit ourselves... we manifest authoritarian patterns that create unequal power imbalances. (my mom's infinite knowing tendency is a microcosm of this... but it plays out macrocosmically as well). And this works to stave off the chaos of the infinite and the suffering that entail... but it creates the suffering associated with constriction and repression. So... it was showing me that sovereignty and limitation are important to incorporate in the proper balance. That way, we don't fall over on one side of the horse and drown in the chaos of infinite knowledge and don't fall over on the other side of the horse and have our sovereignty squelched. It was also showing me (as it has before) how valuable and precious the finite is from the perspective of the infinite. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And because God is infinite... the infinite is an infinitely heavy crown to wear. And the reason why God can do so effortlessly is that it has TONS of complex mechanisms for fragmenting itself and distributing the weight of the crown. This is ultimately where Emerald came from. This part of God's consciousness was overwhelmed by the crown. And so, it manifested Emerald as a very ordinary woman to hold a small portion of the crown from time to time. I'm certain the same is true for all finite forms. And it had shown me in a previous ceremony the consequences of identifying with extraordinariness and specialness and how existentially heavy and disconnecting that is. And then, when it re-integrated me with the ordinary, it was like all that weight got distributed to all of reality. So, in this ceremony it showed me how to hold the crown and pass it around to alleviate the weight of the gifts that I have been given. And this went from me recognizing that, during my ceremony, I was healing the world. And I proudly wore the crown for a moment. Then... I realized that I was actually just a side character in the whole story and that the random guy journeying next to me was healing the world. Then... I realized that it was actually the Yawanawa tribe that was healing the world. And I kept dispersing the crown across the whole net of humanity to disperse the weight of the crown... which is also important when it comes to having an experience of being God. You are God.... but then... you are also just a small side character in God's story. Then, this went on further... and I realized that my whole entire life was as a side character in one of my client's lives. And that all of my life purpose was just to serve that other person. Then... it shifted to me being a side character in one or two of my other client's lives. Then, it went to me being a side character in the guy next to me's life. And it was releasing all this pressure as I was embracing the anonymity and humility of the experience. Once I started to come back down where I was more in tune with the Emerald Aspect than I was with the God Aspect... I started to look at all the people journeying around me around the fire. And I was overjoyed to be surrounded by all these people. And I felt all this appreciation for all the people in my life. And it was a further solidification of the notion that, it is only through finiteness, imperfection, and separation that things like meaning and beauty and relationship can be experienced. At this point, I had totally forgotten the infinite knowledge and saw it was wisest to choose to be Emerald, to choose to be finite, to choose to be ordinary, to choose to be imperfect, and to choose to be feminine. (as I had to keep saying all throughout the ceremony) To give an analogy... if God is the peacock and I am the peahen... the peahen is drab and dull and ordinary from our perspective... but it is the most beautiful and precious creature on Earth from the perspective of the peacock itself. And in this sense, all finite beings are the peahens. And this allows us to experience an imperfectly beautiful and meaningful story. There was also a realization that the line between life and death is slight... and beyond that I could see all these other Emerald-related timelines I could live. And it was clear that I could live as Emerald for a zillion lifetimes if I wanted to as God could spin up my life any time it wanted to. So, that also let me know that I didn't have to worry about ultimate loss and having to die and facing the chaos of the infinite again.

I haven't been tagged in any posts from you that aren't peppered with ad hominem attacks about me. Every single post you've tagged me in has been full of personal attacks. And you've been posting lots of other posts to other people on the forum that are near-obsessively taking personal jabs at me. And I come here because I like to debate. I see this forum as an intellectual boxing match. And I enjoy sparring with people who have different perspectives than mine. I delight in a heated disagreement. So, I would love to debate with you on the merits of your argument. That's why I'm bending my own rules a bit and taking the time to tell you my boundaries and why I've not been engaging with you. And my rule is that I'm not going to engage in anything that's below the belt. Bad faith debate tactics are one of my bigger pet peeves because it prioritizes winning and being right over having a good debate. And even beyond this format, I just don't engage with people who are disrespecting me because it wouldn't be a self-loving thing to do.

You'll catch more bees with honey rather than vinegar. I'm bending my rule a little bit right now in responding to you. But I just don't read or engage with perspectives that are overtly disrespectful or peppered with ad hominem attacks. If you want me to engage you in discussion on the merits of your arguments, you're going to need to speak to me with maturity and respect... and like both you and I are adults.