Emerald

That’s not quite what I meant by what I said. What I mean is that (biologically speaking) that women and men’s EARLY dating strategies diverge to ultimately get to the same goal. And that goal is to create suitable family structures to raise children in. And this can be monogamous or polyamorous depending on what’s more adaptive. The main requirement here is stability. If a man just runs with the pluralistic early dating strategy and forms lots of shallow bonds and impregnates tons of women…. this impedes his ability to co-create a suitable family structure and be a good father to any of these children. And in nomadic times, this would probably mean death for the woman and child. So, the shallow wide pluralism of the EARLY courtship process becomes maladaptive to the ultimate biological goal of raising new human beings and building strong families and communities… if it’s not transcended once a deeper commitment is formed.

These are more in the realm of credibility, trust, and admiration… which are conditional. These are important to be selective about as it helps you discern how to practically orient to each person in your life. I define respect as the recognition of the inherent sacredness and unshakable validity of all beings… which cannot be lost. And so, if I cherry-pick who (and what) I show respect to… it automatically brings ME out of integrity. And that is because integrity is about being in alignment with Truth. And the recognition of Truth and the recognition of unconditional love are one and the same thing. And with this, we can understand the forces that shape people’s shortcomings and the fundamental fragility of the human experience. So, I don’t worry too much about what other people do in practice in terms of what they consider deserving or not deserving of respect. When I hear people talking about how their respect isn’t given freely, I know that that person’s paradigm will cause issues for them, because they will judge others… and that external judgment will make thrm judge themselves more harshly and thenfeel shame and fear losing respect in their own eyes. And if they have this type of judgment and see certain people as unworthy of respect, then this is coming from their own disconnection from the Truth.

So, the way you’re defining respect is someone giving up power to someone else? The issue here is that it would be a bad idea to respect anyone in that case… because it disconnects you from your own personal sovereignty and capacity for self-governance. This is why the world is filled with sycophantic people who are always looking outside themselves for perfect leaders to tell them what to do. But no human being is a perfect leader. That’s why it’s unwise to give up power to that person. But you can surrender to causes and forces that are greater than yourself. And you can play a role within the greater system.

Sometimes you can really just observe common patterns in people. It isn’t always a projection. And calling a spade a spade is valuable. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck… it’s probably a duck. And it can be of great benefit to simply be frank and straightforward about it, instead of hedging and tiptoeing around things… especially on this forum. That’s why I come here to practice more severe compassion. It’s the perfect environment for frank teachings because that’s the way Leo has cultivated his audience. Also the reason why I know about this pattern is because I’m human and have had similar types of defensiveness in other situations. Collective scapegoating and judgment is a very common thing for people to do to cover their own vulnerabilities. So, when you acknowledge it in yourself and then see it in others, it’s pretty obvious. Plus, there’s a huge epidemic of men who are caught up in unconscious viewpoints that are harmful to both themselves and women. And so, when I see someone who is caught up in resentment towards women, I seek to break them out of unhelpful mental binds that diminish their power.

Men and women can do both polyamory and monogamy quite naturally. In most societies, monogamy is how we live. But there are cultures where one man has multiple wives. And even some cultures where women have multiple husbands. But overall, I think this apparent divergence of men as polyamorous and women as monogamous has to do with our early dating and attraction strategies… but both are leading to similar goals in the long run. And that goal (biologically and historically speaking) is to create suitable family structures to raise children in. So, men will have to cast the net wide to create a funnel to find a suitable partner. So, men have a pluralistic early dating strategy that’s wide and shallow. While women’s strategy is to sort out all the unsuitable guys and be picky and find the best fit. So, women have a monistic early strategy that’s narrow and deep. But most contemporary men and women prefer monogamous relationships. Men may fantasize about having sex with many women. But most men wouldn’t like the realities of an actual polygamous or polyamorous relationship. So, most men have to choose between singleness and shallow wide plurality OR relationship and deep narrow monogamy. Only some men genuinely resonate with deep narrow polyamory.

A person must earn trust and admiration. And it is often that trust and admiration get confused with respect. In my experience, it is wisest to respect all sentient beings unconditionally regardless of identity. The Sanskrit word Namaste means the God in me sees the God in you. So, to say that there is some person that isn’t worthy of respect is a blasphemy of sorts. It’s something that’s not rooted in the deep truth of unconditional love. But with regard to trust and admiration, which are conditional in nature… I don’t see identity as being something that makes someone trustworthy or admirable. Trust and admiration is earned through merit and good character… not identity.

My answer is that respect should be given unconditionally to everyone. That doesn’t mean trusting everyone of course. Not everyone has trustworthy character. But to respect everyone recognizes fundamentally at all beings are unshakably valid and are part of the infinite tapestry of unconditional love… regardless of their shortcomings.

My guess is that a significant portion of dating and relationship advice that’s geared towards men is counterproductive. I’ve heard some things and known right away that the guys who take the advice will struggle with forming relationships with women. Like the Andrew Tate kind of stuff… it’s not actually going to get you success with women. It will actually chase most of them off. And many PUA type entrepreneurs want to create a revolving door where they can rile men up with stories about how they can be so successful with women with their methods. And they share this with a dose of misogyny to make the man feel better about himself just for being a man. So, it becomes a self-soothing echo chamber. Then he buys some course or product and tries it and is unsuccessful. But he returns to the Andrew Tate-like guy to grouse about women rejecting him and to self-soothe. And he buys another product, attends another seminar, etc. Then he goes back out and is unsuccessful. And he comes back to the self-soothing echo chamber. And eventually after all that failure, he ends up in some Black Pill entrepreneur’s funnel who will convince him that he’s hopeless and worthless. And he’ll then pay money to have these Black Pill entrepreneurs rate his face for signs of ugliness and other such monetizable trauma responses. The whole thing turns into one big grift to extract money from men and to continue extracting money from them by keeping them purposefully unsuccessful. If men actually became good at talking to women, these guys would go out of business. So, they convince men that their methods work when they don’t. And they brainwash them into believing things about women and relationships that aren’t true or helpful. And if a woman tries to warn this guy that his paradigm is off… these entrepreneurs have those bases covered. They’ll say, “Don’t ask a fish how to catch it.” And this inoculates the victims of these schemes from ever questioning their paradigm… because the paradigm (though unsuccessful) weaves a story for them where they can feel superior and better than. It gives them a shield from their soul sickness.

You seem to be under the impression that women are in a more powerful and privileged position to you. And you seem to feel envious and resentful towards women because of this perception. And so, you’re creating these posts to further shadow box with the imaginary women in your head. And these imaginary women in your head are implying that you’re less worthy of respect somehow. I know you’ll probably deflect my observations again and say that I don’t know what I’m talking about. But it’s such a common issue, and it can be spotted quite easily. All this woman-focused resentment is just a protection mechanism to avoid your own feelings of shame and to self-soothe. Can you notice that you’re making these posts to try to diminish the power of these imaginary women who live inside your head?

Don’t be such a glass cannon. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

I’ll actually answer the prompt now… These are the qualities that I ascribe to great women… Personal Sovereignty (Queen Archetype) Intuition Sensitivity Wisdom Empathy Connection Social Accuity Creativity Decisiveness Good communicator Conscious Integrity Centeredness and unshakable confidence Community oriented

Great video about a Japanese concept that explains masculinity. It’s the explanation I’ve heard that’s most in alignment with how I’ve experienced Divine Masculine both in and out of my Ayahuasca experiences.

Your whole list revolves around how men react to women’s qualities. It’s not really based in any practical solutions, as you claim. It’s the positive quality… then grousing about how women usually don’t measure up to that quality… and then the consequences of men disapproving of the women who don’t measure up to that quality. You may want to check your shadow motivations. In response to the great man thread, you created an entire thread to complain about women and imply the threat of losing men’s approval… under the guise of general personal development advice. And you asked specifically for male opinions… when the other thread was for anyone to reply to.

I’m not so sure about the quality of this test. Sometimes I wanted to choose both or neither answers. I ended up getting a 16… but I feel like I could have easily gotten a 12 or a 20 if I just chose slightly different answers that would have also fit. Edit: I retook it twice… I got 11 if I erred toward the more modest answer that resonated and 24 if I erred toward the less modest answer that resonated.

@bloomer Autism doesn’t mean that someone is ‘retarded’. Many Autistic people are quite intelligent. When I was a teacher, I had students in my classes who were on the Autism spectrum who you’d never guess that they were on the spectrum. The only reason I knew is because teachers get notes on their roster about any diagnoses or accommodations that the student has. And if you are on the autism spectrum, the only difference is that now you know about it. And it’s better that you know about it because you can better create accommodations and coping strategies for yourself by knowing what others on the spectrum do.

That would indicate to me that the polarities weren’t really integrated. This process of integration of feminine and masculine is subtractive not additive. It’s about dropping resistance to both energies and allowing what naturally comes and not letting ideas and identities get in the way. And for most men, that’s going to be mostly Yang/masculine energy with some Yin/feminine energy. If there was the idea that you have to make yourself act more feminine or somehow get a 50/50 balance of both, this is not integration. The mind can’t do the integration. It can only step out of the way. It’s about allowing the natural dance of Yin and Yang to happen within you and not micro-managing it with the logic-mind’s notions of masculine/feminine. And this internal dance produces lots of libidinal energy that can be channeled in a variety of different ways.

The power differential equalizes and the true polarity can be recognized. It’s like the Yin Yang sign… the light side (masculine) and the dark side (feminine) are equal. But they are also polarized. And everyone’s masculine/feminine ratio is different, so optimum polarization comes from finding someone with a complementary ratio.

The root cause of it is the polarization into the masculine side to the exclusion of the feminine side. The entirely of humanity (including women) has this issue collectively. But men are particularly susceptible to this polarization because they are taught that in order to be valid, the have to live up to certain standards of masculinity. And with this pressure, men try to be more masculine and they try to suppress the feminine in them. And they become ashamed of the feminine in themselves. So, the shamed feminine side goes into their Shadow. And this creates an intense disgust toward the feminine. But it also manifests as an intense longing for the feminine. There is the part of them that wants to resist the feminine at all costs. And there’s a part of them that wants to integrate the feminine at all costs. But the kicker is this… All of this dynamic gets played out externally. And they project their rejected feminine side onto women. And women become so powerful in men’s eyes for this reason. She represents his rejected feminine side. And so she becomes the demon angel up on the pedestal, judging male worth. And object of intense desire…. But with the power to bring about intense shame. And this can snowball too… Men reject their feminine side to meet masculine expectations and avoid shame. And they see women as the arbiter that can either redeem or condemn them through acceptance or refusal to integrate (which is interpreted externally as having sex). And so men respond to this by further polarizing into the masculine and rejecting the feminine… which intensifies the projection and the perception of women’s power. And me respond to this by polarizing into the masculine and rejecting the feminine…. And so on and so on. So, the solution is to integrate the feminine side. It’s counterintuitive, but it is the only way to stop projecting tons of power onto women.

First off, I didn’t say anything negative about men in the whole post. I really am just saying what’s evident to me about an emotional pattern that men are experiencing and how men and women are reacting to each other as a result. But I am differentiating between things like surrender/receptivity and submission. Submission in the way that I’m defining it here means to forcefully self-diminish to fit into a rigid role…. Whereas surrender and receptivity are a more expansive state of letting go. The former is additive where the latter is subtractive. But insecurity in a man can lead to lots of unsafety for women. The weakling and the tyrant are two sides to one coin. Plus, once a woman is secure in herself, insecurity in men becomes unattractive. So, it’s not usually a conscious decision at that point. So, it isn’t really defensive because it’s so automatic. The insecure guy just doesn’t ping on the secure woman’s radar.

The alternative is to recognize the humanity in the other person, and how the desire for love and the feelings of shame (combined with ignorance to the humanity of the opposite sex) create misunderstanding and feelings of unnecessary hatred and bitterness. And once you see this, you can line up with people who are also on that wavelength and simply won’t be attracted to those who are still in the power struggle. And the reason the power struggle looks misogynistic is because it’s a dynamic of collective scapegoating. This is where an individual feels ashamed of themselves and projects that shame and judgment onto another group to feel better about themselves by contrast. It’s the self-aggravating and simultaneously self-soothing of judging the other as lesser and we become the greater by contrast. And usually men will say things that relate to looks/age, competence level, social role, stereotype, etc. to criticize women or make them feel diminished in importance in some way.

I didn’t realize that

Women who don’t feel powerless to men have to realize some things… here are a few… 1. Men are NOT unfeeling creatures that are incapable of loving. Consciously or unconsciously, men crave love very intensely just as women do. 2. Love and lust are two different things. And while most men fantasize about tons of hot women, they don’t fall in love that way. And most men who get tons of sex with hot women end up finding it empty after a while. When it comes to love, it’s all about how you make him feel. 3. Men are not actually that picky when it comes to looks… and if they are really picky about looks they’re probably that way to stay on the surface level and avoid the vulnerability that comes with love 4. Some men will say they want submissive women that are self-diminishing because they don’t feel confident in themselves. And they don’t feel good enough to be with a confident woman with high self esteem. And the reality is that men universally respond with love the most to confident women who challenge them in positive ways. But if a woman has low self esteem and listens to what the guy says, she may try to self diminish. This actually makes her less compelling because she isn’t challenging. And this enables the insecure man to feel comfortable with her because he feels superior by contrast. He won’t fall in love with her and she won’t have any power over him because of that. It’s just an easy-going relationship that he’s not invested in. So, you have to learn this as a woman to recognize your power and that the best men will want you at your best. 5. Misogyny is actually a reflection of fear and insecurity toward women. Secure men are at peace with women. 6. You cannot lose lovability. It doesn’t expire. 7. Most of the time, men are more scared of you than you are of them.

Some women do feel powerless to men. And these women will often play power games because that’s how people cope with feelings of powerlessness. But if you observe without bias, you’ll notice that men are grappling with this issue significantly more than women are. And it’s not because of anything women directly did usually… it usually comes way before anything like that happens. You have entire communities of men (Red Pill, Incel, MRAs, MGTOW, etc.) that exist mostly so that men can either wallow in their feelings of shame and powerlessness relative to women in the case of Incels and Black Pill… or fight and vent against their shame and powerlessness in the case of Red Pill, MRAs, MGTOW, and some facets of the PUA community. And in each of these communities, there is both an obsession and hatred towards women PRECISELY because these men feel totally powerless to women. And women do this on a smaller scale in reaction to all of this. You’ll find little mini-communities of bitter women grousing about men. But it’s nowhere near on the same scale and it’s usually reactionary in nature. There is no equivalent “womanosphere” to the manosphere because women don’t feel as powerless to men as men feel to women. And we collectively aren’t as compelled to create these self-soothing echo chambers. But it isn’t just guys in the manosphere that have this problem. Those are the moser extreme cases where the shame and powerlessness is the most intense. Most men, in varying degrees feel shame and powerlessness in relation to women. And misogyny (from mild to severe) is a common coping mechanism that’s employed to avoid those vulnerable feelings.

That’s not actually true. Leo does seem to genuinely value love and relationships. And while not against pick up and one night stands, his goal seems to be to help young nerdy guys break out of their shell and meet women… and grow in that way.