Emerald

Is your name Pygmalion?

It’s best to avoid this issue if you can. But things do unfold in interesting ways.

A bit gossipy… but I’ll bite. I’m not so sure where the Leo and Teal Swan thing comes from. I’ve seen this on another post too. But for some reason, I don’t get the sense that they’d be into each other. I feel like there are some similarities between them… but that those similarities would actually create an incompatibility.

You don’t seem to really understand Stage Blue then. Southern Baptists are not Stage Purple or Red. They’re pretty solid Blue. And the other side of my family are New Jersey Catholics… they’re much more Orange than Blue.

Half of my family are Georgia rednecks, and most of them are pretty solidly blue. There are rednecks who are red. I know many of them too. My hometown is very much red, blue, orange. But most rednecks that I know are blue. My Grandma Wilkins was raised in the Georgia hills in the 1930s. Her father was a Baptist preacher and her mother a stay at home mom to 11 children. My grandmother had to drop out of school at age 8 to take care of her brothers and sisters. And she is one of my favorite people. And she’s definitely a straight arrow. Church on Sundays. Never drank a drop of alcohol. Never smoked. Was only with one man her whole life. And she and her church lady friends will let you know if you’re stepping out of line. She won’t beat around the bush either. She’s also tough as nails. And she never was reserved. My grandfather was very quiet from what I understand. He died before I was born. But everyone always joked that he was so quiet because my grandma never let him get a word in edgewise. And these dynamics are not uncommon in a lot of the stage blue people that I’m related to and that I know personally.

That really isn’t true. It’s just what you fear to be true. Just socialize and you’ll easily get women who are interested in you, who are around your level of attractiveness. Now, if you have some crazy high standard where you can only date super-models, then yes… that would be a scarce situation. But if you’re content with dating women who are the girl next door type who are the average kind of pretty (which is most women)… you can meet these women by being social, and eventually one will be interested in you who you’re also interested in.

This is just insecure men constructing narratives that confirm their greatest fears about women.

It was is the textbook that I read when I was a freshman in college in Intro to Teaching 101… which was almost 16 years ago. That was the first time that I knew. But it’s something that all teachers know. It’s really basic info about the teaching profession for anyone who’s ever been a teacher. But I did Google “what percentage of public school funding is federal” and “what percentage of public school funding comes from property taxes” You’ll find the information there.

If you are in Stage Yellow… then going for a Stage Blue woman isn’t going to work because of the incompatibility of those perspectives. And even if it did, Stage Blue women are still people. And people have a natural will to power. And people don’t follow their values fully. As someone who was raised in a small redneck town where tons of people are in stage Blue… I can’t help but laugh a bit at the notion that stage blue women are feminine and submissive. It takes a great deal of authoritarianism to make women of any phase actually submit their will. And since my hometown wasn’t very authoritarian, I can tell you that the stage blue women there make a lot of similar choices sexually to women in other stages. In fact, many of the stage blue women I’ve known became moms in their teens. And I can also tell you that stage blue women are usually very tough and very practical. And they network with lots of female friends to consolidate social power within the confines of the society’s norms. Think of a gaggle of judgmental church ladies and the kind of soft power they wield at church and in the community. This is very common in stage blue women. They covertly consolidate power through networks of female/mom friends. And stage blue is a patriarchal stage, so all the femininity is cut away and hidden under lots of rules. There’s usually not much room for softness in a stage blue family or society. It’s all about duty. Also, if you meet a stage blue girl who’s under 25… don’t be surprised if she quickly becomes stage orange or green. Dating a very young woman usually means that she’ll keep growing while keep staying the same.

As someone whose formal education is in k-12 education, one of the first things you learn about is how schools are funded. So, federal funding (which isn’t quite equal either) only accounts for some of the funding. I think it’s about 30% if memory serves. The majority of the funding for public schools comes from property taxes… not federal funding. That means that, if you live in a poor area… your schools won’t be funded very well. And if you live in a rich area… your schools will be well funded. Having worked as a substitute teacher in all the high schools in my district and most of the elementary and middle schools… all the schools here are pretty good. But the schools in the North side of the country are SO MUCH nicer and better funded than the ones in the South side of the county. And that’s because the wealthier people live in the North. And in the poorest neighborhood in town, the schools are a bit crummier there than in the other parts of the South of the county. But they’re still decent because my county is the #1 school district in Florida by test scores. And this gives us a federal funding bump. Now, if you take the county above me… which is where Jacksonville is… then you’re going to find a much greater disparity between the wealthier and poorer schools. Edit: I overestimated on the federal funding. It looks like it varies from state to state that it’s usually in the 10-15% range. But I’m not even sure that this gets distributed evenly.

Hey ?

? Being from a small redneck town where everyone knew everyone… everyone was hooking up with everyone else. And even the least socially graceful and least attractive guys that I knew were having no trouble getting girlfriends and hooking up. There was a really creepy guy that my friends and I knew back in high school that looked uncannily like a walrus. He’s probably the least attractive guy I’ve ever encountered because of his looks/personality combo. And he was still having girlfriends and hook ups…. Just because he was social. A lot of guys don’t socialize and just listen to horror stories on the internet. And you got regular guys thinking that zero women will be interested in them.

Attraction is the challenging aspect for men. Neither path is easy. But if I had to choose into a life based on who I thought had it easiER in terms of male/female dynamics, I’d choose to be male. Though, I would suspect that most men wouldn’t understand why and might even take offense to this. But let me first say, that there are a great many things about the female experience that aren’t obvious from the outside looking in. There are dynamics that you have to live in for decades to even begin to understand. And these are things I couldn’t possibly sum up in this post. But also, because men’s primary challenge is attraction… they may not understand that there are other problems that aren’t specifically attraction related… and even huge problems that come from being the pursued. For women, being able to attract comes with both blessings and curses. There’s so much objectification with all of this. Many don’t even see you as human. And many men hate you for being attractive to them. And the whole conundrum makes your sexuality complicated… it’s quite confusing. It can give you a love-hate relationship to the whole gamut of sexuality. And in the male path it is challenging to develop the skills of attraction…. but you have control over this element of your life. And I used to get very jealous that I never got to develop myself this way. There’s a lot more that women have no control over improving. Women have to die many deaths that men never have to die. Such is the seasonal and surrendering nature of the Feminine. And many women get stuck in arrested development because they don’t let themselves die enough Women are like deciduous trees. And men are like evergreen trees. And if I were to choose into life based on beauty, I am understanding with age that the deciduous life is the most beautiful because of its many deaths.

Which young women have you encountered in your personal life who are cold? Is it young women you’ve seen on the internet? Or is it young women you’ve encountered and had conversations with in real life? I look around, and I see very little difference in temperament between young people now and young people 10 years ago when I was their age. Social media makes everyone a bit more isolated. But there’s nothing in the temperament of young folks that stands out to me.

First off, being a woman simply comes with tons of options just by the nature of being a woman. So I honestly don’t think online dating has made that much of a difference in women’s standards. Attracting potential partners is mostly an issue that men have to master. While the thing women most have to master is becoming a highly intuitive sorter and selector who can accurately separate the wheat from the chaff as it pertains to who she invites into her life. And if a woman is doing online dating, this suggests to me a dearth of options in her day to day life. So the selectivity bar is probably already on the ground. Women’s primary means of finding a good partner is through intuition with face to face interaction. And there’s a zillion little micro-expressions and gestures to read off of a guy to see if he’s going to be a good fit or not. So, dating apps are terrible for this because all you’re seeing are still pictures and words on a profile. And the vibes just aren’t clear. Women need to feel the vibes to know if a guy is a real match. Otherwise she’s just making logical decisions about partners based off of “on-paper” qualities. So, online dating isn’t that good of an option for women… even though I’m sure women get more attention on dating apps than men do, as is the case in real life. But again, attraction was never a woman’s issue… sorting is.. Women actually benefit the most by having a strong social circle and meeting men through that social circle. This helps you sidestep a lot of unsafe guys… and you can see how a guy behaves in platonic scenarios. And when women have a strong social circle, they can be much more selective and find more compatible, higher quality partners by using their intuition to find men who resonate with them.

Two qualities… attunement and personal sovereignty. Attunement means to have empathy and to attune to your follower’s wants, needs, boundaries, and feelings. And it’s a personal commitment to make decisions in the favor of the greater good as a true public servant. And personal sovereignty is just like attunement… only you’re attuning to your inner world instead of attuning to the outer world. This means attuning deeply to the love in your heart and what you want…. not what the world tells you that you SHOULD want. It’s about staying rooted in your own center without outsourcing your personal authority to anyone else. This means that while many experts may serve as advisors to the king/queen… the king/queen is the only executive that gets to make decisions. And the king/queen is you. All decisions you make must be made by you… not by someone else. It’s about ALL decisions coming from the inside from the truest and most vulnerable place… and not some external set of rules or mandates… and not some other external authority figure.

Careful. If you’re successful at motivating yourself in response to trauma… then it might be difficult to heal it without totally losing your motivation. I used to unconsciously motivate myself primarily with fear of inadequacy and self-hatred. And my self-discipline was iron clad. No one I knew was as disciplined as me. Then, I became conscious of how my motives were based in shame and self-hatred… and I couldn’t do it any longer. This is especially true since healing much of the deeper issues. And my motivations totally tanked because I was used to hating myself into action and I couldn’t do it anymore. And even now (over a decade later) self-discipline is much more difficult to cultivate because I associate it with coping and shame.

I never disagreed with that. Good looks and a nice body are definitely helpful for attracting women. I was just saying that your frame from before was suggesting that men need to be some kind of Ubermensch to attract a woman. And I was saying that that isn’t true. And I’m emphasizing that in case you feel like you have to be some kind of perfect specimen to attract women… which is counterproductive thinking. Also, in your last post you framed things as men and women “settling” for mediocre partners. But I don’t just mean that women will SETTLE for you if you’re mediocre and don’t live up to that Ubermensch level. What I mean is that (even if you’re just a regular guy) the woman would PREFER you just as you are as her number one choice, simply because you are you and you’re who she likes. Also, a lot of the guys you listed as being attractive are a bit questionable in my eyes.

For over-25s…. Looking for sex and intimacy… and as a way to temporarily get rid of loneliness. For under-25s and late bloomers… as a way to gain experience. And for young guys in particular and guys/women who have self-esteem issues, it tends to be about status and validation seeking.

You don’t have to be a Superman to get a girlfriend… and the requirements are even less for hook-ups. Just be social in general and if you’re a regular guy that doesn’t come off as unsafe, you’ll meet women who are interested in you. I’m originally from a little redneck town where there are lots of little social circles. And even the least attractive and most nerdy guys in my social circles got hook-ups and girlfriends before they left their teens.

I’d wager to you that women’s standards are about the same as they’ve ever been. And honestly, I am surprised that cold approach on the streets works at all. Before I knew it was a thing and I would get cold approached, I was always wondering if cold approachers on the street ever had any success at all. The thing that’s different here is that people are so online that they don’t build healthy social circles. This is where natural attractions can bloom… and most women prefer this warmer and more organic style of attraction. So, why would a woman who already has her eyes set on Dave from next door, go for some random street approach guy? It must happen sometimes. But I never understood it. That said, I can see going to clubs and finding someone there, because that’s the setting where hook ups happen. But you should be aware that most women aren’t going to give the time of day to a guy on the street because those types of approaches happen all the time. Day game from guys is kind of like spam in your inbox or the perfume sales people at the mall… you’re probably not going to trust it or take it that seriously because you realize that you’re just part of a numbers game and that you’re being sold something.

That’s true. Lots of people doubt that the opposite sex is capable of love. And the reason they doubt is because it is what they fear… being unlovable. And it puts external reasoning onto their pre-existing feelings of shame and unlovability. Also, because there is mystery in knowing how women function from the perspective of men… and how men function from the perspective of women… we project our fears of confirmation of unlovability onto that mystery. For women, it’s something like “Men are not capable of love and are only interested in appearance. And once I age and/or lose my beauty, I will lose my utility to them and they will leave me for a more attractive woman.” For men, it’s something like, “Women are not capable of love and are only interested in money and status. Women will pretend to love you for their own Machiavellian reasons, but will leave you for men who are more masculine or higher status.” And because there are people who exist who will actually do these things, it can be registered as further evidence that love from the opposite sex is an impossibility.

Women and men are both capable of love. But that isn’t just according to me. It’s just true. At our very core, we ARE love.

The truth is that both men and women are human beings capable of both positive and negative actions. And some people are more trustworthy than others. And this is true in any group in similar measure. So these narratives that frame women as cold heartless monsters that chew up the hearts of men is a false narrative that’s simply intended to demonize women and amplify men’s insecurity and anger. And it paints a good guys vs bad guys narrative where men are the good guys and women are the bad guys. And this soothes and vindicates men… whilst also creating deeper problems for them that will bite them later on down the line.

Do you really think that there are scads of women lined up to be with a guy who has 19 other girlfriends? A woman would have to be very insecure to put up with this. And the vast majority of women aren’t that insecure. Most women are monogamously oriented and want to be a guy’s only partner. And even polyamorous women wouldn’t be cool with this dynamic because it’s so lopsided.