Emerald

You mentioned in an earlier thread a line that went something like 'what do I need to rape girls to get laid?' Given that that's twice that you're bringing up rape, please do not use this line of reasoning that you're entertaining in this thread to muddy the ethical waters for yourself to justify raping someone. In a court of law, these intellectual logic gymnastics will not work as a good defense.

I've definitely told my partner similar things before when I'm stressed/overwhelmed or I want to have some fun and lose my agency for an hour or two. But if it were an ongoing dynamic, it wouldn't be fun or relieving. It would just be hiding from life and stagnating... not truly blooming.

It might seem harsh, but look around the world. And you will see that it's just a practical safety concern. You would think similarly if you were a woman. There's so much misunderstanding that so many men have about women... and when you misunderstand something, you will fear and harm that something. And it's not a mistake that women recoil at men who openly talk about these thoughts and feelings. It's just a smart move. What's worse is that the men that think like this are so certain that they're correct. They're like a full cup that can't be poured into. And they get mean and gang up... and they let their true colors show when you challenge them on it. So, it's genuinely good for men to communicate as loudly and proudly as possible what they're thinking about women. It's better if they tell on themselves. But of course what you say is true about them saying "Don't tell women x." and then "telling women x" as they're saying that. It's just a a game to big themselves up as the 'logical ones that know better and can handle harsh truths'... but it's just a mixture of a lot of them sucking their own dicks and licking their wounds together as a salve for their own loneliness.

I have my own community.... a YouTube channel with nearly 70k subs. And I don't school them. It would be an irresponsible to relate to them in that way as people are incredibly impressionable. So, I'm incredibly careful about what I share with my audience and how I share it, as I know it can cause so much harm. And that's why I'm hard on Leo... as he has a larger audience. Yet, he often doesn't consider how much power his words have over his audience. So, no. I don't even have the urge to school my audience because my audience is full of bright deep-thinking individuals that I see as my equals. I only come on here to argue at willing targets... because I sometimes require a safe space to spar with people. It's all in good fun. But I would never do it on my own platform as it could really harm people.

I don't agree with that. It's important to know how a sizable portion of the male population are thinking about women. If you don't know it... you can't sort for it?

Well said.

I'm addressing this to multiple guys on this thread who seem to think that "such a woman answer" is such a zinger... Stop being dicks. You're not clever.

And which cartoon character are you?

Leo has a lot of really deep perspectives on many topics... but women, Femininity, and relationships are topics that he's fairly shallow in his understanding of. But that's mostly because he's not really interested in exploring the topic more deeply... as he doesn't see the value in it beyond basic pick-up stuff. I just wish that he wouldn't speak on it like such an authority when he understands to little on the topic. I would leave him alone if he wasn't doing that.

I literally said this earlier int he thread... and how taking responsibility for learning from these kinds of situations is important. But that's different than blame and judgment. I just think you like to argue for no reason.

Which one am I? Tom or Jerry?

Why do you have to be sexist about it? Just stop being so judgmental all the time... and you might learn something.

I don't see it as a binary scale like that which is meant to be consistent. It's more like modes to be shifted in and out of so that it feels good to both partners... or even colors to paint with. And I guess that there are some people who really want some kind of a bdsm dynamic to play out in all parts of their lives... like the people who like to live as each other's pets and slaves and stuff like that. But to me, the power deferential is only enjoyable if it's a pattern interrupt from the otherwise egalitarian relationship. Otherwise, it just feels stagnant and boring... and stifling. But regardless of what people prefer, you have to have the foundation of commonality and friendship to have an intimate relationship. Otherwise, it's just a power dynamic.

Yes, I'm aware of that phrase and what it means.

I don't really view anything that happened in the past as a mistake truly.... because it's all been a learning experience and it's just part of the great curriculum that God has given me to sharpen my sword on so that I may do the great work. But it would certainly be a mistake to make that decision again... now that I know better. First time's a lesson... second time's a pattern that must be worked through.

You were originally... and only softened your stance and re-explained it to sound more neutral when me and someone else called you out for victim blaming. You said that people in abusive relationship are irresponsible frogs in boiling water. Can't you be honest and admit that that's a judgment?

That's precisely what I mean. You're not actually viewing her in a truly subordinate position or like she's a child.

I've been in an abusive relationship, and I've learned from it without judging people who are still stuck in them. Learning and taking responsibility for what's in your control is very different than judging yourself and from victim blaming.

That screening should ideally happen before giving the guy the time of day, as you don't want the feelings to set in before you've gotten to know about him without the rose-colored glasses. That's why I only ever go for guys that I've already known platonically for some time. That way, when the good vibes and emotional spikes happen, they're happening with a guy who I can be happy with longterm... and not just in the honeymoon phase. I've made the mistake before of choosing a partner based on purely chemistry and feelings... and it's no good. Now, I don't recommend coming into it with "checkbox mentality". You just need to get a clear-headed idea of if he will be a suitable and compatible longterm partner before getting attached. Ask, "Could I live with this person for my entire life and be happy?" and "Would he make a good father?" Like you can have chemistry with guys that would be a solid "no" for both of these questions. And that's why it's important to only let yourself flirt with and buy into feelings for guys that you would say "Yes." to both.

Or you didn't know until you knew... as most people don't. It's not helpful for you to judge yourself.

This is quite a judgmental and un-compassionate reaction to something that can happen to anyone. And weren't you in one before? I seem to recall you mentioning that (some years ago) you were in a toxic relationship. I suppose you're not in it now. But still, your reaction is lacking in the understanding of how human psychology functions in these kinds of scenarios where one's life is already intertwined with an abuser. Also, both men and women end up in abusive relationships where they make up excuses for their partner. I've seen it in life and in my career as a coach. And as someone who has been in an abusive relationship when I was in my teens, it's difficult because you end up intertwining your life with that person that it becomes so difficult to leave. For me, I genuinely believed he would kill himself if I broke up with him. Nearly 16 years later, and I'm pretty sure he's still alive. But I really felt I would have blood on my hands and that it was my responsibility to love him unconditionally and keep him alive. And I constantly threw myself under the bus to try to make that relationship work, as I though that's what unconditional love meant (it was before my Ayahuasca experiences). But after the fact (if you heal and develop more discernment), it makes you a lot more selective with who you choose to spend your time with. But I would not shame anyone who finds themselves stuck in such a relationship because I've been there before. But yes, you must incorporate logic in order to properly screen for dealbreakers and to select a partner you can be happy with longterm.

I am actually quite typical in my attractions to men. It's just convenient for you to frame me as some uncommon woman who knows nothing about female sexuality... as (deep down) you know I am correct.

I've seen that Teal Swan video too. So, I already know her perspective on that. And I agree... depending on the degree. I seek containment from my partner and my social circle more generally as it gives me context to bloom. But containment is very different than what Leo was talking about.... which (again) is the actual thing I'm arguing against. So, this "We should all treat each other like children" is just moving the goal posts and trying to get me into an argument that I'm not actually arguing against.

Gender differences are important to be mindful of... especially with sexual dynamics. But it requires more of a subtle delicate touch than a sledgehammer.