Emerald

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like my channel! It definitely is like that. And it's important with having an audience and the power that comes with that to detach somewhat from things like praise... and criticism as well. Really, that's the double-edged sword where the degree to how seriously you take one of those is the degree to how seriously you take both of those. But it's sort of like in the Wizard of Oz... instead of seeing the man behind the curtain and realizing their own power... people can get caught up in the illusions of "Oz the Great and Powerful." And there's value in playing the role of the Wizard of Oz, as long as it works in service to others realizing their own power... like how the Wizard of Oz helped the Scarecrow realize he was intelligent, the Tin Man realize he was heart-centered, and the Lion realize he was courageous. (which was clearer in the book than it was in the movie) But that takes a lot of responsibility and the development of good judgment to play the role of Oz the Great and Powerful in the instances where necessary without getting caught up in the illusion one's self.

Yes, I've noticed that. And while I really enjoy her work, it's not a helpful quality to have for a teacher to revel in adoration from fans. It just adds to the illusion of being some different kind of human being. And it causes people to disown and project their own power and sovereignty onto the teacher that does that. She'd be a lot more effective if she were to take praise with a grain of salt and re-direct people to recognize their own power and specialness. Also, I don't know how she stands it. I have a modestly sized YouTube audience (a little under 70k subs), and I met with a coaching client a couple of years ago. And he was putting me up on a pedestal and calling me "Goddess" and stuff like that. And I just felt bad for him as I could see his vulnerability. And I felt really uncomfortable with having that kind of "superlativity" projected upon me. So, if people are giving me too much praise, I'm just like "Oh no! I'm doing a bad job at empowering people and helping people embody their own sense of sovereignty!"

Well, takes one to know one, I suppose. Even in childhood, I used to fantasize that I was a supernatural being... as I was always trying to set myself apart from others. Part of that was a reflection of a difficulty with belonging... of being different in a bad way and feeling outcast and disconnected. And the other was this driver to be different and superlative in some way... and to diverge either in quality or in kind from others. And my adolescent identity followed suit with that... as I was always trying to be a special snowflake and avoid common humanity. And that embrace of my inner alien and the pride in my divergence enabled me to develop a lot of special skills and qualities that I otherwise wouldn't have developed. But the re-integration of ordinariness has been at the heart of my inner work since 2021... when Ayahuasca showed me how everything I had ever wanted is on the other end of integrating ordinariness. The medicine kept bringing me back and forth between two states... One state was my usual MO, just exaggerated... which was polarization into extraordinariness to the exclusion of ordinariness. And the sense of disconnection and alienation was very palpable (a feeling I hadn't been cognizant of since childhood). It was like being a puzzle piece that had gotten taken up out of the puzzle and was floating in thin air, with all the weight of existence resting squarely on my head and shoulders. Then, the medicine would bring me back into the integration between both extraordinariness and ordinariness... and I felt connected with humanity, with nature, and one with the universe at large. And the existential weight was lifted from me, and I could relax and exist in this highly connected state. And the plant teacher kept toggling me back and forth between these two states until I understood what it was showing me. Then, it put me in this "scene" that was like I was at the precipice of connection... almost like a line. And I had all these ordinary collective phrases flitting through my my mind like: community, family, church, relationship, etc. And I felt this deep aversion to all of these words, as it was always what I was trying to avoid. But I sat there shaky on the edge of the decision to enter the realm of the collective ordinariness... but fearful to do so. So, I know that one of my biggest growth arcs comes with the integration of ordinariness... as it frees me up from being the nail that sticks out and bears the entire weight of the universe. But it's difficult after 25+ years of consciously trying to be an alien and feeling such a strong aversion to all things ordinary and average.

Did you feel called out or something?

Yes, I agree with that assessment.... and I think this difficulty respecting people comes from a lack of appreciation for ordinariness. And it's challenging, I think, because she has a lot of great points about how people tend to use humility to avoid their own greatness... and to try to be "good" whilst sacrificing so much potential. And there's a lot that 90% of people could really benefit from hearing, because people's identity of humility can and does hold them back from their full potential. But for someone like Teal Swan who has such a strong polarization into extraordinariness and such an aversion to ordinariness... it creates this difficulty just relating to people on a common, eye-to-eye level. It's like disliking humanity to the degree that you try to become a special and beautiful alien.

The lack of a maternal incubator probably wouldn't work out well for the babies... as there is likely more to gestation than just the brass tacks physical needs. It's similar to how, if a baby doesn't get physical contact with a parental figure, they will fail to thrive and even die... even if all their other physiological needs are being met (sustenance, warmth, etc.) Think of "lab babies", like the Rhesus monkey experiment... only the human fetuses would be the test subjects. So, I honestly don't think babies will ever be produced in a lab from conception to birth. But if that does happen, I suspect it will only be sought by mothers who either have no other choice... or who are afraid of pregnancy. And it may prove to be unethical anyway for the reasons that I stated above.

I'm also American. And most people here are in Stage Orange. Many are also Blue. And many are also Green. Also, Donald Trump is literally the poster child for Stage Orange. So, that definitely isn't true that we can't get a Stage Orange person elected. And Barack Obama is most certainly Orange with a smattering of Green. And Bush was Blue/Orange. So, we've been all over the map with it. But all these leaders have led in an Orange way. Also... the idea that "society will never be green" is similar to someone 200 years ago saying that human beings will never fly. It seems evident to us, because we're not used to such a world. But things are always changing.

I agree. I wouldn't put a Spiral Dynamics lens on that persay... as it's not really about the paradigms of the people in these countries. It's clearly just empires serving their own interests through acts of warfare. And as long as an empire has Stage Orange weapons of mass destruction and the leaders are adept at dominating within a Stage Orange frame, they can establish dominance even if the society they preside over is heavy Blue. And Israel is part of the same empire coalition as the United States. And it would make sense to me that Israel was established as an ally to prevent the coalescence of an uninterrupted Arab empire. So, I just don't see this as being a situation that can be explained well through Spiral Dynamics as it's just an empire trying to prevent the coalescence and strengthening of a rival empire.

There will always be people who want children. It's just that when people are given free choice over having children, most will choose to have 1-3 children OR no children. That's just part of the nature of general human preference. But in a world without contraception, sex education, or female sovereignty, people end up having way more children than they prefer. And this is necessary for the population expansion that happens between Stage Beige and Stage Orange. But that which goes up must come down. And expansion isn't always good... nor is contraction always bad. It's just the Yin and Yang of things. So, sometimes the population flows... and sometimes it ebbs. That's the way of the development of our species. And right now the population MUST start dropping or we will render the Earth unlivable. And in this sense the issue of Climate Change will somewhat fix itself as the human population contracts over the course of the coming generations. And it seems to me that the population drop is just nature playing itself out through us... as we are also part of natures feedback systems. Now, of course, there will be challenges in dealing with such a contraction.... just as there were challenges in dealing with population expansion. But to me, the birthrate dropping just feels like a natural part of human development once we start cracking more and more into Stage Green. We just don't think about the human collective as being a part of nature. So, we don't get surprised when manatees collectively migrate for the winter. Nor do we get surprised that certain nut trees collectively produce nuts only every few years. Yet, we feel that the human species as a collective are exempt from being a force of nature that goes through unconscious species-wides cycles that vary in terms of timelines.... as we feel separate from all that. But consider that the contraction of the human population is a necessary feedback loop that arises when the human collective starts to develop in ways that could become cancerous and overgrown... leading to ecological problems and potentially impediments to the ability of the "hive of humanity" to survive.

This statement got me thinking about something with regard to patterns with Teal Swan... as I've been watching her channel for like a decade now. And it is a shame as she does seem to struggle with surrender.... yet very much prefers a more polarized (man dominant - woman submissive) dynamic in her relationships. She seems to obsessively look for it, even.... like a bit too fixated. It's like one of the main hang-ups she seems to talk about in her work. I think her biggest impediment to the type of relationship that she wants is because she's too polarized into Yang qualities like strength, capability, extraordinariness, divergence, greatness, etc. And she's not very well integrated with Yin qualities like vulnerability, limitation, ordinariness, commonality, humility, etc. (this is also the reason why she draws so much ire from the general public) And it's the Yin qualities that one must integrate to be "submissive" in a relationship... but beyond that, those are also the same qualities that one requires to have a human-to-human connection with anyone, even in just a friendship capacity. Even men who are resistant to those Yin qualities will struggle with connection, as polarization into extraordinariness creates a feeling of alienation... and of being outside of nature. So, this set my mind in motion a bit... It could even be that the level of intensity of her desires for submission could come from her lack of integration with ordinariness... and a conscious rejection of humility (as she consciously sees humility as an unquestionably negative thing). So, she goes looking for that through the outlet of a romantic relationship. But of course, none of those romantic relationships suffice because it's a reflection of her own repressed desires for commonality and humility. But she seems to have this impression that, if she can find the "right" man, she can experience the Yin experiences she longs for. And that requires a lot of humbling experiences to be receptive to.... which she is always experiencing a lot of and is resistant to.

Yes, that describes him well. It's ether that his emotions and bitterness holds him back from applying his intelligence to more constructive things. Or he's a really sincere-sounding grifter who knows how to construct narratives that are soothing to men with insecurities about dating and relationships.

I still don't see how your post correlates with what I said. Are you saying that the sex workers that I was reading about a decade ago were lying about some of their Johns treating them like therapists? Or are you saying something else?

I've seen a few of this guy's videos, and they really just exist as a hug box for men who are insecure in dating/relationships. His formula is basically this... "Here's an explanation of how men have all the power and how women are inherently powerless compared to men. And men are blameless... while women are to blame because of character flaws that are baked into their nature. And women are wisest to just settle for what they can get because they're powerless, and if they don't realize this they will die old and alone as cat ladies... and they'll deserve it." And he frames this as general advice towards men and women. But in actuality, the target audience is 99% insecure guys who feel soothed by these narratives as it gives them a scapegoat to put the responsibility for their dating problems onto. But it just holds them back from taking personal responsibility for their dating/relationship issues... and paralyzed in a state of cold comfort that "at least women will get their comeuppance."

That answers my question. It's a scarcity mindset thing.

What is this in reference to?

That tracks with some of the anecdotes that I was reading. Some of the stories that I heard were of men calling up at the phone sex hotline, not to talk about anything sexual... but just to talk about their pain and grief. So, I could totally see a guy trying to get that for free from a courtesan.

I thought you guys were talking about sex workers for some reason, and I forget why. Well, at any rate... it was a fun fact!

I have noticed the same thing. I suspect this could be just naturally the way men are, generally speaking. But I'm sure that cultural norms have a lot to do with it... as sex and fighting/anger are framed as the only 'manly' options for emotional expression and catharsis.

I was just asking you why you prepare yourself to date immature women... and whether it's preference or scarcity thinking. Personally, I haven't found it difficult to find mature men or women. They do exist... in spades. So, in my mind, I wanted to know why you're preparing yourself to date immature women... when you could just raise your standards and sort those women from consideration. Sure, someone could always fall in love with an immature person. That could happen to anyone. But my question is more along the lines of why you made the earlier statement around expecting to date immature women and planning and preparing as such. To me, it just came across as an indicator of scarcity mindset and preemptively not sorting out immature women from your dating pool... or as an indicator of a preference to date immature women.

You're welcome!

Of course the primary value of going to a sex worker is sex. But when I was in my 20s, I went down an internet rabbit hole of learning about the realities of phone sex operators (mostly) and other types of sex workers. And apparently it happens so often that many of the men who go to sex workers and call phone sex operators are looking for a therapist they can get sexual with. I also personally know a courtesan who has told me similar things about some of her clients. I'd imagine that it was like when I went to New Orleans about 10 years ago. And I bought a 20 minute psychic reading, and I totally related to that lady as a therapist rather than as a psychic. Surprising even to myself, I wasn't even that interested in the psychic stuff once the reading got going, despite being really interested in getting a psychic reading before that. I just couldn't help going into therapeutic territory because I didn't have any other outlet at the time to talk to about my struggles. So, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if sex workers commonly experience the same kinds of things.

That's just not true. When a woman is in love with a man and hasn't yet developed self-respect and boundaries, he can get away with murder because she's so attached to him. And you don't need to be some "alpha" guy for that to happen. I let my first boyfriend (who I was with for 4 years ) get away with a lot of things that I would have ZERO tolerance for now... and that's because I loved him and was attached to the relationship. And I didn't want to even think about it ending. And my first boyfriend was nowhere near alpha. He couldn't keep a job and was like 5'6" tall. He didn't work out and he was missing like half of his teeth because of poor dental hygiene growing up. But I fell in love with him when I was 16 and he was 17. And I held onto that relationship until I was 20 despite him being a total ne'er-do-well.

It's very important in the initial phase to be more nonchalant and hands off. So, practicing non-attachment and giving the woman space is important, as it creates less pressure around the situation and gives a container for the chemistry to naturally flourish. Think of it a bit like if you planted a seed in the garden... and then you keep digging it back up again and again to see if roots are starting to grow. That's the kind of thing you want to avoid by taking your mind off of her and putting most of your focus towards yourself and what you have going on. You just want to plant the seed and mostly forget about it, while watering it here and there with banter. Then, when the seed has sprouted and taken more stable root, you can start gradually giving more attention to the relationship and investing more and more over time as that is what grows the sprout into a tree. But that's only if it gets to the point and you and she actually want a longterm relationship. That will likely be many months down the road. So you don't want to rush it. Instead, just keep your focus on yourself and give her space. And gradually progress it over time.

While it's true that many women fall in with a toxic guy at some point in their lives, it's just as as easy for a "beta" guy to be toxic compared to an "alpha" guy. So, the idea of "non-toxic beta" versus "toxic alpha" just isn't really true. And that idea tends to lead into the "nice guy" phenomenon, where a guy starts believing that he's a nice guy... and gets bitter because the woman he likes isn't interested in him.

It could be one of several things... She's a bit flaky and fickle. And the hot and coldness is just part of the way she operates. She's deliberately being hot and cold to get you more interested in her. She's deliberately being hot and cold towards many guys to get many guys interested in her. She's interested in you enough to flirt with you but doesn't want to pursue anything deeper. She has a naturally flirty personality but shuts it down if she sees someone interpreting her flirty personality as a sign of interest. But regardless of why she might be acting that way, you'll want to let the whole thing go and avoid overthinking it. Just interact with her nonchalantly and be playful if the interaction flows in that direction. You can also ask her if she wants to hang out again sometime in the next few weeks or so. That works especially well if you're getting together with some other friends and you invite her along as it's more casual.