Emerald

Haha I'm glad the video was helpful. It can be difficult to spot the underlying causes. But I can clearly see now, in retrospect, how my life circumstances were setting me up for obsessions to occur.

I've had two intense romantic obsessions in my life, and both had deeper causes than I was aware of while in the midst of them. I share my personal insights on obsession in this video. I hope that it is helpful.

I'm glad that you dodged that bullet. My husband, who is Hungarian, was in his early teens when it collapsed. He said things were tough for a lot of older people who were used to Communism. But the situation in Hungary after the collapse pales in comparison to what was happening in Russia, due to the fact that the Hungarian government mellowed out quite a bit in the 70s and 80s. Long story short, I'm glad that you didn't end up in a child gang or some other crazy stuff like that.

I don't see how this relates to what I said. Can you clarify?

Well, I think it depends on what you feel when you listen to it. So, if it makes you feel empowered then it is positive. However, you want to be sure not to mix the empowered feeling with the negative meanings in the song. So, if you feel empowered by the music but the lyrics say "do cocaine!", then be sure to separate out the idea "do cocaine" from the feeling of empowerment. I was always a big fan of progressive rock, grunge, and other hard rock genres. It made me feel on top of the world, which was important to me as someone who had always been walked on it life. So, I found a healthy outlet for my anger, an anti-dote to powerlessness, and an expression for my darkness and strangeness in these genres. However, some negativity did come along with these musical tastes due to the fact that I had a very strong ego and I romanticized certain negative things or convinced myself that I liked things that I didn't because of my identity that was very much shaped by my musical tastes. So, I don't think there's anything inherently negative with enjoying metal and it's important to be honest and not resist what you truly enjoy. However, just be sure that it doesn't feed into an unhealthy ego- identity, and that you can separate out the wheat from the chaff.

I'm sure evangelical religious people feel the same way. But on the receiving end of evangelizing, people feel uncomfortable with people trying to convert them over to a new way of thinking. It's best to give up on it and lead by example. Those that are suited for it, will mostly silently appreciate your example. But it's best to let go of the desire to introduce the lifestyle to close friends and family.

Hopefully this helps your understanding. My top four roles are: - the socially awkward - the intellectual - the good person - the lady (contradicts the first one, but I still have it) Here are the reasons why: - The socially awkward: I adopted the first one at a young age, due to not fitting in in school and out of fear of being perceived as mentally challenged. My older sister is mentally challenged, and I used to freak myself out with ideas like "What if I'm so mentally challenged that I don't know it, and everyone is just being nice to me and lying to me and telling me I'm normal." If this were true, I knew I was in for a life of patronization and sugar-coated ostracism. It's silly that I'm still so messed up over this one, but I still have some degree of this role playing out in my adult personality. I have to always police my behavior because I'm afraid of being perceived as off in some way or even creepy. So, my mask is the trying to seem normal to avoid being seen as awkward but coming off as awkward anyway as a self-fulfilling prophecy. This one is frustrating. - The intellectual: This role was adopted in response to the previous fear. And my mom was very happy to have a non-mentally challenged child, that she really made me believe that I was the most intelligent child on the planet. And I was lavished with praise by her for being intelligent. I realized later that this was not so, and that my intelligence is still within the norm range, but that I could still have this identity if I worked hard for it and valued it. I eventually came to associate being intellectual with being mysterious and sexy. I have always had a strong desire to be accepted and liked and admired so this mask is in place to make me seem more interesting and alluring. Plus, I've always liked the idea of adding value to myself through intellectual pursuits. - The good person: I learned at a very young age that misbehavior of any kind was punishable in emotionally extreme ways. My mom withdrew presence and love at the onset of any and all misbehavior for longer periods of time than a small child can handle. Also, even though I wasn't raised in a religious way, I was still instilled with the belief that God was always watching for misdeeds. And that people who do bad things go to hell and get tortured forever. This really informed my worldview, and I used to judge people in terms of who was going to hell and who was going to heaven. Every time I went into a cemetery, I would look at the tombstones. The graves with tombstones that stand upright were people going to heaven, and the graves that were buried close to the ground were going to hell. So, it was always a struggle between life and death to be good. I have no recollection of what it is like to be anything other than a good person. So, I have a lot of repression of my more destructive drives. I also have a lot of sexual repression as I was taught that sexuality was even more taboo than violence. - The lady: I adopted this role later on, but it serves a similar purpose to my other identities. It exists in order that I might be admired by others and seen as good and interesting and mysterious. Early in my adult years, I came up with the idea that I was only attracted to older men, specifically straight-laced mature gentlemen. So, in order that I might get the type of attention that I wanted from this demographic, I adopted the mask of the mature young lady who has refined tastes and is sophisticated. But there is also an erotic connotation to this identity. Despite (and perhaps because of) my sexual repression caused from the above identification of being a good person, this is a really strong identification that I have. I have never felt truly satisfied with my sex life (for psychological reasons largely based in my childhood), so this mask feels like I will find sexual satisfaction through it. Unfortunately, this doesn't work because it always puts my sexuality in third person. Like I will become sexually satisfied through satisfying my parter. But this never really gets at the heart of what I truly like, and makes my amatory life very formulaic and contrived, as I experience it as an idea set in the third person but never fully in the first person. Also, the awkwardness that I have comes in direct opposition to my desire to be a mysterious proper young lady. These two go together like oil and water.

Well said. I think there's a lot of spiritual bypassing in circles of people seeking enlightenment due to a misunderstanding of the truth of no self or the illusion of Maia. So, people set aside real world concerns and political concerns because they assume they are not relevant because 'it's all Maia anyway', and they neglect the awareness of the broader context in which their lives occur or seem to occur. But this sort of higher spiritual wisdom is not really applicable or effective in these scenarios and just acts as a shield from reality. Just another ego defense to guard from the unpleasantries of mundane human life. The reality of the matter is that we have to remain vigilant and informed, and focus on practical solutions to potential abuses in political power (and all the potential scenarios that stem off of these abuses) that may be coming down the pipe for us. Sometimes practical wisdom is far more applicable than higher wisdom. Also, relative to what you wrote more recently regarding the specific role of Spiral Dynamics, I've had similar thoughts. I think that the collective works a lot like the individual human mind. Right now one of our collective Shadows is rising up into conscious awareness in the form of divisiveness, racism, and xenophobia. It's a difficult thing to come to terms with, and is nasty like turning over a rotting log. But now that we're aware we can actually address these issues, and hopefully get past them in a much deeper way than we ever have. I hope that it will bring us closer to the next phase of human evolution. Spiral Dynamics gives me a bit of hope for this. But I anticipate that it will be very difficult and bloody in the mean time as so many people are going to be caught completely off-guard, due to buying into the unsinkable ship fallacy.

I'm right there with you. I think people are assuming that America is an unsinkable ship, and that people who are cautious (like you and I) are just conspiracy theorists with tin foil helmets. They fail to recognize that this type of thing has a ton of historical precedence. It happens all the time with humanity. As far as humanity goes, longer-standing empires have fallen and democracies have (on occasion) given way to dictatorship. This is definitely a different sort of situation with Trump and he's displaying an alarming number of Fascist tendencies, so it's wiser to make preparations and be made fun of for "over-exaggeration" than to be caught unprepared in a major upheaval with no reserves or plan B. Now, if nothing happens, it's cool to live life like normal. But it's important to know the warning signs and to get out while the getting is good. Just ask the people who opted not to go to the lifeboats on the Titanic... Oh wait... you can't.

Maybe, but I'm not too sure. There are many rationales for existence (which is already suspect) that postulate that God creates finite human existence to be able to know the experience of living with ego. But this is just a conjecture that I only loosely entertain. Haha. My bad.

I don't think this would work exactly. I believe there is a very strong environmental conditioning aspect to becoming unenlightened. But I would almost say that a large part of this is simply instinctual and practical. For example, if someone didn't refer to a baby by name under the rationale of not strengthening ego-identification, this would no be very effective and would likely create a sense of "why do I not have a name" in the baby as they grow. I don't think it would be too healthy.

Well, the human being aspect of God is seemingly traumatized. Of course, there is never actual trauma to God. But it's experienced as human trauma. Perhaps this is what the Bible meant when they referred to humans having "original sin."

Oh, for sure. Don't try to get a child to the point of enlightenment. That would be disastrous. I thought you were asking for insight into childhood trauma for yourself. If it pertains to raising a child with minimal trauma, then consistency, stability, and building a positive self-image is key. You can do this by giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities to give them a sense of self-efficacy and personal control. Have a strong family bond, where they know that their family situation isn't going to shift around on them. No bad habits in the home: no smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. Get them involved in their community. And above all, prioritize their psychological health and well-being over all other concerns (beyond physical needs, of course).

Here's how I understand it. Imagine that there you are infinite... but do so in a way where you can imagine it visually. You are a huge cheese wheel and this cheese wheel is infinite and it is what you are. Then, you experience human life you come to the conclusion as a baby that you are not the cheese wheel but just a small crumb of cheese within the cheese wheel. You are specifically this very small part of the infinite cheese wheel and nothing else. This is you as a baby. Then, as you go through your baby-hood and childhood you sustain traumas, where you begin to identify with less and less and less of that crumb of cheese, as these parts are difficult to identify with due to emotional pain. So, as an adult, you end up 1/5 the size of the crumb of cheese that you were as an infant. Maybe some people sustain more trauma, and end up 1/10 the size of the crumb of cheese. Maybe some people end up with less trauma and end up being up to 1/2 the size of the crumb of cheese they were when they became a baby. So, you can try (with difficulty) to reintegrate and get that crumb of cheese back to 100% of what it was when you were born, through Shadow Work and other such techniques. And this will greatly increase your quality of life. But never forget that the most dramatic trauma and most dramatic repression happened when you disidentified yourself with the infinite and said "I am a finite being who ends at the barrier of my skin who will perish one day and be forgotten." This is the biggest repression and misunderstanding that creates the most profound and ongoing subtle suffering.

Our plan is to do an emergency vacation for a couple months to Costa Rica (not sure which city) since they don't require a tourist visa from U.S. or Hungarian citizens (my hubby is Hungarian). Then, we will make other relocation plans from there, while we're on vacation. The spiritual teacher I spoke to has already moved there, so I figured it's probably a safe spot to go for a little while to make further plans. I was also looking into Chile, but I'm not sure about it because it's located near a major fault line.

I have a story to tell relative to Trump and getting out of Dodge. I got to spend some time with a fairly famous spiritual teacher earlier this year who is known for having psychic abilities. I was in a small group of about twenty and people were asking the teacher questions. One lady, who (like myself) was a major Bernie Sanders supporter, asked the teacher if Bernie Sanders would become president. They said no and that Donald Trump was set to win the election because ("from the perspective of the non-physical") he would make the system collapse quicker to bring us closer to a new era with a better system. They said that Donald Trump would be involved with Vladimir Putin and that they would start a war with China (and maybe North Korea- if memory serves) , and this would become WW3, although it would end up in history books being credited to George W. Bush and be seen as a continuation of the military conflicts that he started after September 11th. They said it would be a time of great suffering for most people on the planet, and that the only safe place to go would be Central and South America. So, when I heard this, I was still in denial. I really wanted Bernie to win the primary and eventually the presidency. So, I was bummed about that and not really taking the prediction seriously. Though, as things have unfolded, it's like literally going down a check-list. Everything has been true so far and I see how the other predictions could easily come to fruition. So, I have my sights set on a few countries in Central America or Northern South America, as my go-to for if things go south. Also, I plan to invest my tax refund into gold and the Yuan (which doesn't have the dollar as its reserve). I plan to stock up on plenty of non-perishables too, when I get my tax refund also. But, I'm still planning for if things don't go downhill as well. If things are fine, my family and I will stay and life will go on like normal. But if these things happen, we will leave immediately: 1. Trump threatens nuclear war with any country 2. North Korea does anything with nuclear weapons toward another country or America (not Trump related but still...) 3. Trump gets the power to start gathering small militias in order to "fight terrorism" because of (fill in the blank) future terror attack. 4. Any sign that something like the Japanese Internment is happening or about to happen (the laws are still on the books that allow this) 5. Trump's rhetoric normalizes violence and discrimination to a point where it's visibly noticeable in public places. (i.e. You go to Walmart and it's a given that you're going to experience this once or twice)

I was literally just thinking about this a few minutes ago. I think this is a likely probability for the future as well.

It's pretty interesting the studies they've done on split-brain patients. There were some instances where someone's left hand would be doing an action that the person wouldn't be rationally aware of, like unbuttoning their own shirt.

Well, the attraction would still likely be there. But you wouldn't be able to lie to yourself about not wanting to be in the situation. I was in a relationship with this guy, Jeff, for four years. I was with him from age 16 to age 20. I had this idea in my mind that I wanted to marry him, have kids with him, stay together for life, and that I loved him more than anything. But life with him was difficult. He was manipulative and had anger issues and smoked weed all the time. He was always getting arrested and I was constantly stressed out. But the degree to which I was capable of convincing myself that I was happier with him than I had ever been, was profound. I wasn't able to see how much he took advantage of my loyalty to him. I couldn't bare the thought of letting him go. Then I tried an entheogen, which catalyzed my first experience of ego transcendence. I was musing about how beautiful everything was, and he came up and held me and told me he loved me. I sensed a disingenuous air to his "I love you" that was suddenly super clear to me and I realized that my response of "I love you" was just as disingenuous. And I realized in that moment that I had been sacrificing all of my happiness for the relationship and that I was lying to myself and enslaving myself to the idea of 'forever.' I was just afraid of breaking up. I didn't want to be near him. There was a part of me that hated him. I never knew any of this before. It took an enlightenment experience, to see through my own bullshit. So, you might (or might not) still be attracted, but you won't be able to bullshit yourself into staying in a bad situation.

Unfortunately, surgery is the only thing that really works. You can't tone the breasts through exercise like you can do for other parts of the body as muscle isn't the thing that holds breast tissue up in the first place. However, while she's lactating, if she needs to wear something that might make it more obvious that her breasts are not as perky, she can pump earlier in the day so that the baby can drink the milk from the bottle. Then, she will become slightly engorged on the milk later on, which will make the breasts really full until the next time the baby nurses.

Well, I think it's good that you're asking yourself these questions. But my thought is that, because you're considering this, it's more likely that you're just passionate about the things that Leo talks about. When I really resonate with someone, I tend to dream of them and think of them often. I tend to develop what I call "platonic crushes" on them. So, I feel attracted to them in a non-romantic kind of way in the same intensity that I would have a romantic crush. When I feel this way about someone, I know that I'm listening to something helpful to myself in some way. It's like my emotions and mind are telling me "Yes! This is exactly what you need right now!" So, it's okay to have very strong positive emotions about a teacher. But on the flip-side, you must also recognize that teachers are just a mouthpiece and that you may go out of resonance with them eventually at different points in your journey. So, it's okay to feel a sense of love and admiration toward a teacher but it's very harmful to be attached. So, if you have a platonic crush on Leo, it's probably because you see reflected in him a part of yourself that wants to grow. Follow your intuition and emotions, and you won't go wrong. But do so in a detached way, and know that it's never been about Leo but only about yourself.

I just finished up with "The Science of Enlightenment" by Shinzen Young. It was really good, and I enjoy his writing style. His personality comes through well in the text.

I believe the problem becomes that enlightened teachers forget exactly what it was like to be unenlightened. So, they teach from the enlightened perspective and take for granted little details of difference between the enlightened and unenlightened paradigms. So, they may miss how the average person may interpret their meanings.

Given the nature of my experiences of ego-transcendence, I would say that it definitely made me more compassionate not less as I was aware of my emotions on a much deeper level. My joys and sorrows and lusts and angers were recognized as being so many shades more complex, and they carried a deep intuitive wisdom to them as the sensations swept freely through my body. The overwhelming amount of love that I had for everyone and everything was absolutely riveting. Though I could clearly recognize my murderously destructive drives and their consistent profound impact on my view of the world, there was also an out-pouring of compassion toward all life and a deep respect for the fragility of this human experience and the sentient experience in general. I would be careful not to sneeze at compassion, as somehow unrelated to enlightenment or as some sort of soft coddling that degrades the fabric of society through indoctrination. This view has likely come about through indoctrination into a society steeped in emotional resistance and ignorance. We tend to get ridiculed and ostracized for being emotional because we have a great many unwritten social rules around emotions, causing us to ignore that entire facet of our reality. Experience ego-transcendence first. You will likely see that compassion is key, and that emotions play as big a role as they've always played. But in transcending the ego, we no longer have need to ignore or repress them.

I can't speak to Byron Katie's perspective because I have not heard or read very much from her. But I have heard these types of criticisms of her work before. I think there is a fine line (on the intellectual level) between transcending a negative situation through a realization of oneness/ accepting 100% responsibility for your life and blaming yourself for things you did not deserve or cause and engaging in self-flagellation. For someone who speaks to large groups of people, who are likely not enlightened, this doesn't seem like it would be the appropriate advice to give. Many people will mistake the meaning, and will end up making unwise decisions from it. For the average person, they need to hear "You did not cause your abuse. Get out of the situation now. Don't blame yourself. There are options." To say, "you are the cause of your abuse" may be true from the perspective of oneness (as if there is only one, who else could cause or create anything?), but most people have not experienced this... so this just becomes intellectual fodder that fogs instead of clarifies. An enlightened person knows the Truth... but a true master knows what to teach to whom from exactly where that person is.