Emerald

You basically have a semi-conscious thought process that talks you out of making good decisions. I didn't have this problem with Veganism because I committed to it completely. So, I gave myself no wiggle room to talk myself out of it, and now it's just the way that I eat. I've been Vegan for a year. However, I still have this thought process when it comes to doing the dishes. I tell myself "I should do the dishes every day." But then, I rationalize it away. I say, "There are only a few dishes in the sink, I'll wait until tomorrow." Then, by the next day, I always have an overwhelmingly large amount of dishes to do. So, my kitchen is always very stressful to clean. So, I recommend adopting Veganism as an identification (temporarily), even if it's your first day as a Vegan. You will be less likely to eat things that are non-Vegan because it will feel dishonest to you, given that you call yourself a Vegan. It will help solidify your commitment. If you tell others it will also give you more incentive not to talk yourself out of it. Also, I can relate to the feeling of powerlessness too. That was one of the toughest emotions that I had to transition through when I went Vegan. However, that's all part of the process of becoming more aware. It's all part of personal growth. You're becoming aware of why you became okay with eating meat (and other animal products) in the first place. Most people have Vegan values and don't want for animals to suffer, but feel utterly powerless to make any kind of change in this issue. So, as children, we sort of resign ourselves to eating things that cause others to suffer. And this is also why it's difficult to transition because the emotion of powerlessness against something so heavy comes back up into the conscious mind, instead of remaining buried in the unconscious mind. So, the reintegration process is pretty brutal for those transitioning to Veganism.

Thank you. I hope that you like the content. It's okay to watch videos for now if you're still getting a sense of growth from it. I had a period of time like this too. I think that it's part of the path. However, a caveat I would offer is that sometimes, with personal development, we can use videos or reading to distract ourselves from facing uncomfortable emotions and tough realities. For me, for about a year, I was really into Jungian Psychology. I would read every book that I could get my hands on. Then, came a time where I had reached a point where it reached a point of diminishing returns simply just to hash and rehash the theory. So, that dropped off and I found myself a series of various teachers (including Leo) that I absolutely immersed myself in their teachings. And I basically binge watched or read anything that they had to offer. But in the past year or so, I find that I can barely make myself watch a full video or read a full book of even my favorite teacher's work. I think it's because there's nothing more on the level of knowledge and intellect that I can learn that's going to help me get any closer to my goal of ego-transcendence. Basically, the teachers and videos and books have helped me get to the door, but now only I can go inside. And at this point, immersing myself in anyone's teachings only serves as a distraction for me to avoid the discomforts of what "going in the door" entails. You will know that you've reached the point of diminishing returns when reading and watching videos becomes something that feels forced and agitating and like it's become another form of meaningless entertainment. However, in the beginning when it's helpful, you will feel a sense of expansion and growth from it and you'll have a lot of "Aha!" moments. So, be sure to always watch your emotions and to take as much action as you can on your goals.

I recommend to look at "Law of Attraction" as more of a law of mirroring. Basically, life will attract to you whatever your "vibration" dictates. So, if you have a lot of inner turmoil, then life will attract to you lots of situations that mirror that turmoil in order that you may become aware of that turmoil and address it. So, the Law of Attraction is already happening to you and it's happening in a way that's perfectly designed for the expansion of the real self (aka God/Universe/Nothingness/etc/) So, the best thing you can do with the LOA is to use it as an awareness tool for things that you need to address. Then, as you become more and more aware, you will flow more effortlessly through the life you're meant to have. And no matter what the circumstances may be, you'll be far more at peace and fulfilled than if you tried to simply manifest whatever you want from where you are right now. Most times, people think that we know what we want, but can be very mistaken. So, to try to attract this or that into your life without addressing what LOA is mirroring to you right now is just going to manifest more of the same problems until you address them.

The ego is the process and product of false identification with things that are not the real self (nothingness, God, etc.). It is what gives us the illusion that we are separate from all other things in reality, when it's really all one unified thing. Monkey mind is a product of the ego-identification process which is designed to solidify and maintain the false identification with the ego-self through constant rebuilding and fortifying of the self-concept and our identification with it.

So, what is your life purpose?

Don't worry. You can always find ways to resolve emotional issues even if they are established in childhood. So, it can get better. One thing that's helped me is to recognize that I'm just part of an impersonal pattern. So, my issues were mainly with my mom, and I've carried a lot of anger toward her. However, I see now that she really didn't see herself as being in the wrong and even was able to convince herself that she has the best intentions for me. I also see that she is the way she is due to her upbringing, and that my grandparents are the way they are due to their upbringing, and so on and so on. Most people don't do intentionally malicious things. So, in seeing this, it's easier to give forgiveness on this level. Once you've let go to a certain degree, you can start to face the emotions head on with awareness. If you focus on how the body and mind work together to create the experience of trauma, you'll get new insights into why the trauma reaction is so tenacious in the first place. If you focus on the emotional reactions that arise in the body with full awareness, it will enable you to process through the most negative stored emotions.

I'm sorry to hear that.

If you don't mind my asking, was your mom very controlling and nit-picky/critical of you?

Thank you for the recommendation. But I'm not too interested personally in Yin and Yang from the relationship/attraction perspective as David Deida writes about. His perspective tends to be focused on creating a polarization of energy between two people to create attraction in relationships. Basically a man pushes his masculinity to the furthest pole, and the woman pushes her femininity to the furthest pole to create maximum attraction between the two halves as embodied by two people. My view is kind of the same but opposite from his. I focus more toward authenticity irrespective of human gender and integration of both Yin/Yang sides without consciously trying to control or polarize them. That way, without resistance, the natural inborn Yin and Yang can shine through in an individual's personality and react together to turn water into wine and brass into gold. The idea is basically to get in touch with your androgynous nature (as all people naturally contain a unique ratio of Yin and Yang from birth) and to create an alchemical attraction reaction within yourself and move toward wholeness and dynamism within yourself irrespective of relationship. Basically, I find it far more satisfying to be sex than to have sex. However, a caveat to my perspective is that you probably won't attract as many people. But you'll attract people that you're more compatible with on deeper levels based on your unique Yin/Yang ratio. So, even though it touches the topic of relationships, my focus tends to be on fixing internal repressions and artificially created imbalances in the individual and in the world. So, I like to look at this polarity in terms of large non-human systems as well. It helps me understand things better and find solutions. Wisdom is what I call the infinite river of divine knowledge that you can tap into when free from the constraints of ego. Intuition from this state can come as clear as a (voiceless) voice. But with the constraints of ego, intuition comes mainly through the lens of the emotions. So, cultivating emotional sensitivity will help you get in touch with wisdom via the intuition which will lead you in the direction of greatest expansion. This is true for relationship attractions as well. However, one caveat would be that it may lead you away from seeking relationship too. Either way, it will be a better feeling to follow what your intuition tells you, even if you think that things should be some other way.

@Emre A thought just came to me that I think might help you let go better. So, you have the ideas that in order to be authentic or good that you also have to be 100% original and uninfluenced by others. However, this is a common kind of misconception in modern culture. It means that even in believing this thought, you are being influenced by the ideas of others. So, the question is, are you going to just follow the crowd like that and continue believing what the others say and living by the rules and morals set by others, or are you going to truly be an individual?

I'm not 100% sure what you mean. Do you mean that you agree with my thought of needing to develop more emotional sensitivity to gain more proficiency in reading the intuition? Or do you think that the issue is a different issue? I tend to view a lot of things in terms of Yin and Yang (feminine and masculine respectively). The ebb and flow of Yin and Yang is what creates the system-like nature of every living and non-living system, including individual people. It's been a helpful roadmap for me in addressing some of my internal imbalances and issues. I grew up in such a way that I valued Yang (masculine) at the expense of Yin (feminine). So, many of my issues were a reflection of this internal imbalance and repression of Yin. It's a very common repression in our society which is very Yang (masculine) oriented. So, this issue is even more common in men as men are punished extra for expressing Yin traits. So, understand that when I use the term "feminine" I don't mean "woman-like". When I say "feminine" I mean Yin. So, intuition is part of Yin (femininity), but everyone has intuition. It's just that, if a man or woman represses their Yin (feminine) side, they will have issues with being insulated from reading their intuition with clarity. So, to cultivate a relationship with your Yin side, you'll want to become more sensitive to your emotions which will allow you to read more nuance into the messages from the intuition. Imagine that your experience of reading your intuition right now is like petting a cat with an oven mit on. You can tell that you're petting a cat and can pick up on the major forms of the cat. You can even tell that the cat is smooth. But you're missing out on a lot of the subtler details of the experience. So, now imagine that you took the oven mit off and started petting the cat. It would feel totally different and you'd be observing a lot more subtle details of the experience of the cat. You would even be feeling some of the individual furs if you cultivated enough awareness and sensitivity. So, my thought is that currently you may not be experiencing your intuition at full stretch due to lack of cultivation of a relationship to your Yin side. So, currently you may only be able to rely on the intellect (Yang) to determine whether or not someone would make a good girlfriend for you based on having certain attributes. The Yang side is analytical and logical, so it will make all its decision based on numbers and rationality. And to the Yang side, attraction is very objective and the object of attraction will be determined based upon the sum of their parts. The Yin side is emotional, and will make its decision based on intuition. For the Yin side, the attraction is organic and subjective, and the subject of the attraction will be based on being greater than the sum of its parts. You need both to be able to make a good choice in partners. One without the other will lead to two different types of disasters. So, Leo's advice for relationship red flags is a good Yang metric to keep around to avoid negative relationships. Though I also advise not to be too nit-picky. Don't expect that there will be any perfect people. Just make sure that the person isn't going to weigh your life down. But in honesty, I don't see Leo as being very proficient in cultivating a relationship with Yin relative to his dating/relationship advice. He tends to fall very polarly on the Yang side. At least this is true when he was making more dating/relationship based videos. I don't know if he's changed since then in that regard.

The brain/mind computer/internet analogy isn't perfect. But you get the idea that the internet isn't located in your personal physical computer. Your physical computer just receives the internet. Now, like I said, the analogy isn't totally perfect as the computer is what allows the internet to exist which may not be the case for the brain and mind. But you can get the idea of how it's possible for brain and mind to be separate things. It's our assumption only that makes us think that the brain is the location of the mind. But if we examine that assumption, we'll see that it may not be the case. To answer you question about consciousness, it's important to be able to see reality as it is without any belief structures that you've learned. We can never truly know if anything is true beyond what we're experiencing in this very moment. This reality could be completely contrived to convince us that scientifically observable facts like "I have a brain." are true, when they may not be. You don't know if your brain exists if you're not experiencing it right now. You just believe it. You don't know if your car exists if you're not experiencing it right now. You don't know if any of your memories really happened, or if reality is tricking you into believing that they happened. That's not to say that these alternatives are true. All of these things may indeed continue to exist even if you're not experiencing them. But we have to realize that we don't actually know anything. This reality could be created for the entire purpose of misleading you individually. Or it could be a mutual reality where many people experience the same thing. But we'll never know. The main takeaway is to accept that you can't know. Then you can let go of searching for the answer once you truly accept that. But you'll probably have to tire yourself out first. Intellectualizing and trying to understand is an addictive thing. But I'm glad that you like my videos. Thank you for the kind words!

To give you an analogy: the brain is like the computer and the mind is like the internet. The internet is not in your physical computer, is it?

In order to be able to find a girl that you really connect with beyond the physical level, you have to cultivate a relationship with your own feminine side. The masculine side in all people can only see a woman (or man) as the sum of her (or his) parts. So, the only way that someone who operates solely under the aegis of the masculine side can be attracted to someone is in a physical way or by enumerating their accomplishments or strengths. But a man who has cultivated a relationship with his feminine side will have more emotional sensitivity and awareness which will give him the ability to read his intuition. Until you develop emotional sensitivity, you'll just be going around in your mind trying to make pieces fit intellectually. The intuition will tell you who you're really attracted to in a deep way.

Well said.

That's okay. Don't feel like you need to respond. But you can use it as a reference when you're trying to put together a grocery list within your budget. You can get an idea of what you want to buy before you go so that you can buy a variety of food within your budget. Now, these are U.S. prices that are specifically from my knowledge of shopping in Florida. So, prices may vary. But it will give you a good rule of thumb.

Okay. That makes sense. It means that there's a cause for why this bothers you. My advice, given that you have BPD, is to try to become aware of when you're getting upset. Then, after you've become aware of your emotional state, you can intellectually remind yourself of how these things aren't harmful. So, if you feel negative emotions when someone misspeaks, then you can pause for a moment and realize that you're experiencing these emotions as sensations in the body. Focus just on observing the emotions themselves. Then, you can go through the thought process as to remind yourself that there is no real problem there. Even with BPD, you should be able to ground yourself enough to get past the tough moments.

Well said.

In the context of my channel, you can definitely see that it was inspired by Leo. And I readily admit to that. I really like his thumbnails and wanted to do something similar but different. So, I decided to do expressive gestures like he does... though he didn't invent expressive gestures either. I preferred it to unexpressive thumbnails and straight on head shots. But I also have a different background and different lettering. So, I have no shame in taking strong inspiration from Leo in this way. It would be inauthentic to decide not to do what I want with my thumbnails simply because someone had already done it. But my channel is by no means a copy channel of Leo's. If you watch my videos, you will see that Leo and I cover some similar topics but in a completely different way. Our perspectives are actually very different. For example, Leo likes to set himself as an example and urges people to sort of get with it and keep up. He tends to appeal to people's idealism. I, on the other hand, like to give a lot of personal anecdotes as to say "here's what I've noticed as a fallible human being." So I tend to appeal to people's vulnerability. But given that you believe my channel to be a copy of Leo's, it means that you're basing this only on my thumbnails. Watch my videos, and you will see a huge difference. But the ego is the thing that thinks it can follow a unique path to begin with. It's the one that thinks it needs to be "the different one" or "the one that stands out." But the only real way to be authentic is to just let your preferences and emotions be what they are without the attachment to "being the unique one." My recommendation is to go back to what I wrote before when you have a clear head and give it some honest consideration. It can be very threatening to tell a person that their differences don't add value or significance to them. There is no amount of uniqueness that will make you more or less valid than you already are. Just do what you feel is right. It's all you can do. Don't even pay attention to what others are doing. The reality is, you are a basic raccoon amongst billions of other basic raccoons. What are the odds that you'd be the one raccoon that really breaks the mold? The point is... "Who cares what a raccoon does... other than raccoons, of course?" So, a wise raccoon does whatever it wants to do even if it's the most basic raccoon nonsense that there is. A foolish raccoon tries to take over the entire world and be the special raccoon. Meanwhile, a foolish human laughs at the raccoon and says, "Silly raccoon. It doesn't even know that humans own the world!"

My interpretation is that you seem to have a limiting and untrue belief that goes something like, "I have to be unique and completely uninfluenced by others in order to be authentic." But uniqueness and authenticity are not the same thing, even if culture tells you so. We tend to equate non-conformity and uniqueness with authenticity. You see this type of logic a lot with many people in the "alternative" crowds who are trying to be unique and tend to look down on "conformists" for being "fake". But they also often fail to see their own kind of conformity and fakeness during the entire thought process. There is no need to break any molds in order to be authentic. You can find that the most average person can be 100% more authentic than someone who strives to be unique. So, I would shift from prioritizing independence and uniqueness to true authenticity. That means that you do whatever feels right, even if someone else (or everyone else) is doing it. It's easy to be the first person and only person to do something, but it's very hard to be the 9th person doing something, if you're the type that tries to stand out. And there really is nothing new under the sun. You'll find a lot of people will only enjoy things as long as it's not popular. Then, once it becomes popular, their feelings change. That's because (first off) they never really liked the thing that much to begin with. They just liked the idea of liking it because it adds to their "unique" identity. And (second) because they talked themselves out of any positive feelings they had about the thing because they don't want to undermine their "unique" identity. They don't want to be like the other "conformists" and "sheeple" that they judge so harshly in their attempts to love themselves through affirming their superiority via the vehicle of uniqueness. Now, don't also fall over on the other side of the horse. There will be emotions that you feel that are genuinely different from most people. So, you must also be brave enough to follow your authenticity through to non-conforming actions. So, you must let your emotions guide you in order to be authentic. Whether other people are or are not doing it is irrelevant. Conformity and uniqueness are just different terrains that your authenticity will likely travel through. Let it go wherever it wants to go in either of these terrains and you won't be confused. You are not the terrain, you are the thing that travels through it.

That's a good point. But I'd imagine that it's not too much different now than it was then. People have never not been people, even if social patterns have changed a bit with the rise in social media.

I'd say that those are good ideas. Introducing them could alleviate her fears if they aren't deep fears. If I were in @electroBeam's shoes, I'd sit down and really talk with her about it and assure her that he won't ever deceive her. He will always be straight forward with his intentions, so she'll never have to wonder. And to not worry about his female friends because he's not interested in them. But I would also set her straight that he will continue to have female friends and interact with women because that's just how the world works. But also reassure her that he'll never do anything to make her feel less in any way.

Yes. Certainly her emotions are exactly as they should be considering where she's at psychologically. I'm not invalidating the fact that she feels that way. But I'm also saying that it's likely for her to try to control the relationship because of her emotions. It's important that she works on herself, otherwise the relationship will be unhealthy. Unhealthy people can't make a healthy relationship.

That's actually not true because it's not based on any real research. It's one of those things that is meant to induce fear in people so they're more likely to buy things. Here's another source that's based in a study... "Many research studies attempt to estimate exactly how many people engage in infidelity, and the statistics appear reliable when studies focus on sexual intercourse, deal with heterosexual couples, and draw from large, representative, national samples. From the 1994 General Social Survey of 884 men and 1288 women, 78% of men and 88% of women denied ever having extramarital (EM) sex (Wiederman, 1997). The 1991-1996 General Social Surveys report similar data; in those years 13% of respondents admitted to having had EM sex (Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001). In the 1981 National Survey of Women, 10% of the overall sample had a secondary sex partner. Married women were the least likely (4%), dating women more likely (18%), and cohabiting women most likely (20%) to have had a secondary sex partner (Forste & Tanfer, 1996). […]"

It's not a nightmare situation that she is jealous. That's just an emotion that she feels. I've felt jealous before. It's a human thing that comes up here and there... unless it's a chronic issue as it is for some. In this case, you should be able to be vulnerable enough to communicate your insecurity to your partner, realize that it's not healthy, and try to let it go. A healthy partner will understand and validate your emotions and will communicate what he feels about it too. However, if she thinks that her emotions of jealousy are justification for placing controls on her partner, then that is a nightmare situation. It will suck her partner's soul dry, especially if it turns into something serious. Life will be a prison, and there will be no peace in life. No one should have to stop doing normal things to make another person feel more secure, and that includes talking to other women. My rule of thumb is that having a relationship should not interrupt the normal flow of your humanity. Your partner should not be the boundary between you and living a full, free, and peaceful life.