Emerald

And this is what his Leo dreams are indicative of...? Also, if you're claiming that Actualized.org is a cult that recruits people, then why haven't I gotten my invitation to drink the Koodlaid. I think people get too conspiracy-theory crazy, and start making things up about various teachers, gurus, self-help people. Everyone wants to think that there's some huge "man behind the curtain" conspiracy. But in the case of Actualized, I highly doubt it. If it's true, Leo does a terrible job at advertising his way as the only way.

That's funny.

It's not necessarily a disagreement exactly. But there are some parts that don't resonate with me as much at this point in my life, but used to and may again. For example, Leo's admiration of and slight leanings toward asceticism and hard core discipline doesn't resonate with me as it would have when I was a teenager. I find a lot of it helpful, but I resonate more now with cultivating self-love and using moderate amounts of well-rounded self-discipline. That said, it still helps.

Just accept it. You don't control dreams. The subconscious mind does. But I had a dream about Leo once, but he wasn't actually in it. It was really bad. This old couple who owned a diner on an old country road were talking about him, and saying that he just got news that he only had a few days to live. I was really bummed.

"The Book of Not Knowing" by Peter Ralston

I think that the difference is to realize that you really don't know whether or not there is an external reality beyond your subjective experience. Solipsism is a belief that there is not. Enlightenment entails realizing that you don't know one way or another.

Currently, I just use the 100% whole wheat pasta. I haven't looked into very much information about gluten, but I'll definitely check out 'Grain Brain.' Thank you.

Thank you.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 4) Wake Up at 6 am- I got up but my son got up a few minutes later so I had to stay in the room nursing him to fall asleep. He kept waking up when I was trying to put him in the crib, so I put him down for sleep on the bed instead and pushed the crib against the bed so he wouldn't roll off. I'm an escape artist. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - 2010 Calories - Ate all my colors 1/2 raw (Orange Juice, Banana, Black Berries, Blueberries, Raspberries, Strawberries in my 24 oz breakfast smoothie and a serving of red, yellow, orange, and red-green Cherry tomatoes) 1/2 cooked (Hungarian Lecso - Tomatoes and Green Peppers). 56 oz water, 24 oz smoothie, 12 oz coconut milk = 92 oz fluid intake Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - 30 minutes of belly dance workout in the morning. Other things I got done: Meditation - Only 8 minutes before my son woke up Filmed my next video about my spiritual journey thus far. Just got new lighting and voice recorder so I feel pretty good about improving my production quality. Edited my video and uploaded it to Youtube for private to post tomorrow to public Cooked Chicken, Asparagus, and Pasta Read five pages in "The Book of Not Knowing" Did two loads of laundry Tidied the house Read to My Daughter and Son

Great advice. Since watching other spiritual teachers and talking to people on here who are pursuing enlightenment, I have realized this. But if only you were there to tell me this after I first had my experiences, it would have saved me years of struggling against my ego. I have struggled with a weak ego for years because I haven't been allowing myself to have self-congratulatory thoughts... but the self-deprecating ones were harder for me to ignore. Prior to my experiences, I had a very strong ego but no awareness. Then I had awareness but only resistance to ego. Now I am starting to allow myself to think well of myself without resisting it... but I'm doing it mindfully now. Things are starting to spin in a better direction for me. Thanks.

You have to lose your identification with the ego to truly lose the fear of death. Enlightenment is awakening to your true nature, which is eternal. It is the only authentic way to escape fear of death. All else is a repression and distraction from this fear. When I had my two enlightenment experiences, I accepted fully that Emerald Wilkins would die one day. This would normally have made me feel insignificant and make me ask "What's the point?" But instead, I saw the beauty in the entire cycle. I knew I would die one day and be forgotten by everyone eventually. But I realized that that's exactly what's supposed to happen. But as an integral part of the tapestry of god to which I am both part and whole, my death would be exactly what was supposed to happen. I preferred to live... but if I had to die, I would have had no resistance. These experiences were the only times in my life that I wasn't afraid of death. After them, I fell back asleep, and only some anxiety was permanently eliminated. So, to escape the fear of death, you must kill the ego. Once the ego is dead, there is no one left there to die.

Well said.

If you think about enlightenment as waking up from a dream... think about exploring the paranormal as exploring the weirder, subtler aspects of the dream. You'll never make progress toward enlightenment by developing psychic abilities, past life regression, knowledge of the chakras, etc. But it is a possibility to develop these skills... I would wager. Shinzen Young refers to this as exploring the "power realms." So, think of paranormal experiences and normal experiences on the same level. They are all couched within the dream. But enlightenment is the only way to wake up from that dream, shy of death. Don't let yourself get distracted by them if you're seeking enlightenment.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Yesterday's habits update (Day 2) Wake Up at 6 am- Got up no problem. My son woke up but luckily I was able to nurse him back to sleep and sneak away. Sometimes my baby escape artistry works and sometimes it doesn't. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check (bonus points = under 1500 calories) I'm trying to lose the last 10 lbs of my baby weight. Also, ate all my colors and a lot of raw fruits and veggies. My smoothie in the morning had bananas, strawberries, blueberries, and orange juice (white, red, blue/purple, yellow/orange). Then I had a salad for lunch with spinach, watercress, and assorted colored cherry tomatoes (green, red, yellow/orange). I did still drink a coffee later, but I got a medium instead of a large. Small victory. Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - 30 minutes of belly dance workout in the morning. Keystone habits are all accounted for from yesterday and 2/3 complete for today. I even got some extra things done around the house. I think that waking up at 6 am and exercising first thing in the morning made it a lot easier to be productive and productive minded throughout the day. So, I'm really starting to see a ripple effect and I'm only on day three now. I feel a lot better, because I'm not beating myself up over being unproductive and expecting too much from myself because I didn't get every thing under the sun done in one day. I'm a lot less depressed. I have decided that every day that I complete these three things is a victory regardless of whatever else goes on. Also, about a week and a half ago, I started what I want to make into a tradition with my daughter (and eventually my son when he's old enough) where I'm reading to them from a classic children's book every night. Right now we're a little over half way through "The Wizard of Oz" which is quite a bit different than the movie. This habit is pretty easy to do because we can really only do up to 5 or 6 pages at a time before she gets bored. I'm trying to spend more time with my daughter and give her more positive reinforcement. She's very mischievous and acts out a lot, due to mine and my husband's various neuroses and difficulty being present, so I'm trying to build up her self concept and self esteem to a less reactive one. So, today, instead of admonishing her and saying all the things that she's not doing right, I've been taking the time when she is behaving to tell her nice things about herself. I know that she really appreciates it. I think, over time, this will snowball into her being less likely to seek negative attention, and she'll develop a healthy ego. I'm going to try to get my husband on board too, but this may be easier said than done.

Here is my blog post from my blog this week, all about my realization of how my ego has been getting in the way using self doubt and sexual identity to keep itself alive. The first part if about a dip in motivation I've had over the past month, regarding my Youtube channel and blog. Sexuality and Re-spinning my Self-Concept Hello all! It’s been a while since I’ve been writing because I’ve been dealing with some psychological dips in the road. My confidence got shaken a little bit by self-doubt, wondering if what I have to say is valuable or what qualifies me to even speak on the topic of spirituality. ‘Am I doing something irresponsible by sharing my insights?’ ‘Am I presenting the information the right way?’ ‘Maybe I should wait until I’m further down the spiritual path to share…’ Then I realized that I was taking myself too seriously again. I was identifying too much with my insights, thoughts, and identity. The ego is a sneaky devil that comes in many disguises. It occurs to me now that I should treat my videos and blogs in the same way that I’ve treated my artwork. When I was painting and creating art on a regular basis, I didn’t think “What qualifies me to make this painting?” or “Is this painting valuable to someone?’ I just made it because it was what I wanted to make and if people enjoyed it or didn’t enjoy it… there it was. So, the fruit of my contemplation, insight seeking, and research wants to be expressed. Without an outlet to share, it’s almost unbearable to me. So, even if I’m not exactly Lao Tzu… I won’t fight what wants to come from me any longer. So, I am committing myself to expressing whatever comes in the most transparent way that I can fathom. I will share things that have helped me as I’ve navigated my way through life and share more of my struggles via my blog and videos. I definitely need to do more of that. I consider myself a beginner on the path of spirituality, and I don’t know if my videos and blogs thus far have done a great job at expressing that. So, on that note, here’s some dirt on my psychological state. So, ever since I was a child, I’ve perpetually held some form of a crush. It’s always on one person at a time, who is at a distance from me. In the past, I used to create entire romantic narrative around this individual. And they usually lasted anywhere from 6 months to a year. So, in my spare moments and before going to sleep I would engage in romantic fantasies about this person (whoever it was at the time). When I was under age seven, my fantasies contained a lot of fairytale themes like getting married, dancing, and a true love’s kiss. Then I learned about sex, and those fantasies went out the window. Possibly because sex is a lot biologically closer to becoming “one” with another person than marriage is. Marriage is an institution; sex is an instinct. As I learned more about sex, my fantasies went from romantic to increasingly more graphic. Then a lot more social learning occurred through the media, pornography, my own experiences of sex, social ideas regarding gender and sexuality, and tons of other micro-influences. So, I ended up with some really unhealthy attitudes about what sex means, what it means to be a woman, and what it means to be a woman as a sexual being. I often find myself battling with identifying with ideas that are disempowering to me as an individual. Worrying about my youth fading. Worrying that I’m not attractive. Worrying that I’m missing out on something. Worrying that I’ll never feel sexually satisfied. Worrying about losing social value or attention. So, lots of worrying and lots of ego identification. So, several weeks ago, I was doing Spiritual Autolysis (a process for reaching enlightenment by Jed McKenna) and I had an insight regarding perception. I realized that I had been holding an unconscious Idea that perceptions were actually being detected by some sort of sense mechanism. When seeking enlightenment, you’re trying to become aware of all beliefs and assumptions no matter how true they may seem. So, I awoke in the middle of the night and decided to drop in on my perception. So, I looked mindfully to the tactual sensations within my field of awareness and tried to remove them from the idea that they were being experienced by some nerve endings that are on “my” body. When I did this, it started to feel very strange like my sensations were collapsing in on one another in a field of emptiness. I felt myself “going away” almost like I would imagine death to be. Then, all of a sudden, some thoughts sprung into the emptiness, telling me that my beauty is fading every day that passes. Worrying about losing attractiveness and significance in that way. Then emotions came: insecurity, resistance, anxiety, and a sick feeling. These thoughts pulled me back from the experience. Then it hit me. All of my insecurities about my sexuality and attractiveness are an ego defense mechanism… And all of my fantasies too. They are two sides to the same coin that my ego has been using to keep me identified with my self concept. It has been my ego’s way of surviving. I have always been introspective even when I was a child. I remember being 4 years old in my room thinking about how time works and trying to hone in on the “now.” I remember trying to stop my thoughts. I had always been doing ego deconstruction work. It’s come very naturally to me, even before I ever knew anything regarding spirituality, psychology, or personal development. So, all the romantic fantasies, that I’ve been stealing away to using as a drug to self-medicate with, have been to continue weaving my self-concept. My romantic fantasies and sexual insecurities have been keeping me asleep and away from liberation. The self-concept (ego) has to be constantly woven and rewoven to even exist. This is why meditation is so effective at wearing away at the ego, because when you divert your attention away from thought, it loses power and starts to fade from your memory. Since the self-concept is a thought, taking your attention away from it makes your mind lose memory of it fairly quickly. Kind of like trying to remember a number sequence, you have to constantly be thinking about your “self” to keep it in your memory. This is why you can’t stop your thoughts. It is the persistence of thoughts that keeps your self-concept alive. It is what gives you the illusion of separation from all other things in existence. So, this whole time, I’ve been looking in the wrong spots for enlightenment. So, my solution is starve out those thoughts. For the next 64 days, I will not allow myself to engage in any fantasies, insecurities, thought stories, etc. that relate back to romance or sexuality. When I become mindful of my mind going to thoughts like that, I will put my focus on my sensory perceptions. What I see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. These will be my anchors in reality that keep my ego from spinning these thought stories. Thank you for reading.

Thank you for checking it out and thank you for the encouragement! It means a lot to me.

It's called The Diamond Net and the blog and videos are at thediamondnet.org. Let me know what you think. Thank you. Thank you for the words of encouragement. Best of luck with balancing parenthood and self-actualization, to you as well.

So, it's occurred to me that I've neglected some basic fundamentals of life before seeking the higher forms of self-actualization. So, currently I started a 66 day 100% commitment to install three keystone habits related to the three fundamentals: sleep, exercise, and nutrition. A keystone habit is a habit that creates a ripple effect through other areas of life. It takes about 66 days to truly form a lasting habit. So, here are the ones that I've chosen to focus on: 1. Sleep: Wake up at 6 am every morning, and go to bed by 10 pm each night 2. Exercise: At least 15 minutes of exercise daily 3. Nutrition: Weigh myself every morning and keep a food journal with calories included. Today is day two of my 66 day challenge, and so far so good. It has been helping me be productive in other areas too. I also have a 100% commitment to do at least 1 minute of meditation daily forever. With caring for children, it's disheartening the lack of guarantee of having 30 minutes each day. This will guarantee that I won't fall off track, but my ultimate goal is to do at least 30 minutes daily. So, I'm trying small changes, and I hope that they accrue over time.

I'm pretty sure that he was asking about the logistics of having kids while pursuing enlightenment... not so much getting the kids to meditate or to pursue enlightenment.

There are a few more that I watched too. But I really liked the top one.

What part of Hungary are you from? My husband is originally from Szekesfehervar but moved to the states in the year 2000. Also, I went through and checked out a couple of your journals. I think it's really great that you're keeping them. I've been struggling with basic routines and things like that. Yesterday, I was watching some videos about creating new habits, and it was suggested to start a "keystone habit" that creates a ripple effect through other areas of your life and helps create other healthy behaviors. They recommended focusing on the "physiological fundamentals": sleep, nutrition, exercise. So, I just started a commitment to wake up at 6 am every morning to wake up before my kids, keep a food journal, and exercise at least 15 minutes a day. So, if I get those things done, I win the day. I'm making these a 100% commitment for the next 65 days. I would normally try to implement an entirely new schedule but always ended up getting overwhelmed and depressed when I failed. I think this one will help me a lot in the long run. I'm going to post the videos that I was watching below.

I have a hard time with this. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom, and have been for about the past 9 months. I have a 4.5 year old and a 1 year old. I was thinking that I would be able to carve out more time for meditation since staying home, but that has proven to be somewhat difficult. What I'm doing now, with maintaining my meditation practice is to set the bar low, so I get to keep up with my meditation. I require myself to meditate at least 1 minute a day. As long as I've done that, I count it as a win, that way I stay on track and am not tempted to break the habit. Everything else is extra credit. Of course, my goal is to do 30 minutes or more. But sometimes, I get interrupted and can't get a full half hour of peace and quiet. So, for these times, I just go as long as I can without being interrupted.

During one of my experiences, I had an insight that I had been keeping my emotions "small" in order to keep myself protected from negative opinions and seeming weak. When I had let go of my ego, the emotions bloomed 10 times their intensity and they were all beautiful. It was like a beautiful work of art going on and ebbing and flowing throughout my entire body. There was joy, ecstacy, sadness, rage, lust, peace, and many other micro-emotional shades that were very particular. It was only through contrast with the ego-transcendence experience that made me realize how much I had been confining my emotions to a small window of acceptability and making myself go unconscious to them. It was only through this increased emotional sensitivity and awareness, that I was able to see that my emotions were engaged in a beautiful dance that I had been depriving myself of.

I've seen those names. I was actually wondering with The Son and Rasmus both how they had gotten such a high number of posts/reputation point without my having seen them before. It all makes sense now.

Thank you.