Emerald

I've read it and it's wonderful. I did a video review of it. If you're interested, here is the link:

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't share too much with anyone. Reticence will be necessary in most of your interactions regarding this topic. If you feel like conversing regarding enlightenment, you can use this forum for that or interact with others on the same journey. Just think about how much you've had to explore to be able to understand the things that you now understand. Most people don't even see the benefit in this, and that's valid too. It can be unnerving that your wife doesn't get it, because it's very often a lonely, uncomfortable process. But keep in mind that you can only become enlightened in the present moment... the content within that present moment is arbitrary. Your family isn't holding you back from enlightenment... this is an illusion. One that I've grappled with myself. This idea is an ego-defense to keep you from waking up. Your thoughts say, "If only I had time... I need time to become enlightened... it takes years... etc." But it doesn't. It only takes one moment because there is only one moment. On the more practical level, it's important to tend to the gardens that you're responsible for. You only have one family and only so much time. Accept everything in your life the way it is. Trust your pain and discomfort. Don't resist what is. Push forward. Non-resistance and unconditional love toward whatever is, is a necessary ingredient for the paradigm shift of enlightenment.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Yesterday's Habits Update (Day 11) Wake Up at 6 am- I woke up. I was tired because I stayed up late. I meditated for 22 minutes but it was difficult to keep myself focused because of sleepiness. I've been having a hard time keeping a 10 o'clock bedtime because I've been jam-packing my to-do list. Thanks to my husband, I was able to catch up by taking a 2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day. I should do a better job at prioritizing and planning my days by deciding which activities I'm going to do at which times. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 129.4 lbs. I ate 2225 calories today. Colors: Banana (White) Orange juice (Orange) Green Beans (Green) Strawberries (Red) Water - 32 oz; Coffee - 12 oz; Chocolate Milk - 12 oz; Orange Juice - 12 oz Fluid intake= 68 oz; I definitely need more water intake. Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - I did 6 minutes of yoga this morning after I meditated. I will finish the rest of it after I'm done with this post. I should set a clear window of time to do my exercise within. Like, I have to begin exercising by 7:15 and finish by 7:45. Otherwise, it interferes in my day. Other things I got done: Meditation - 22 Minutes Cleaned the whole house with dishes, laundry, etc. Picked up some things at the produce stand Cooked dinner I got a lot of things done at the house today, but my sleepiness and catching up on sleep cut into my more creative/personal development type goals. It felt like a productive day because I finished a lot of practical things, which is good. But I have to split my time better and a lot more energy to my more long-term goals. My daughter went back to pre-school today because Spring Break just ended. So, that gives me about 2 hours during the day where things are a little more chilled out. I should start training myself to use this time for my more creative work, because I have a tendency to use this time to just chill out. This can really help me get into more of a groove with my creative work and not be rushing and compromising the quality.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Yesterday's Habits Update (Day 10) (I'm posting a day late) Wake Up at 6 am- I woke up. I don't remember the details of it. It must have been pretty good because I was able to get a full 30 minute meditation and do 20 minutes of exercise before my daughter woke up. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 130.4 lbs. I ate 2100 calories today. Colors: Mixed Berries (Red/Blue/Purple) Banana (White) Orange juice (Orange) Tomato (Red) Artisan Lettuce (Green, Purple) Water - 48 oz; Smoothie - 12 oz- Coffee - 12 oz; Fluid intake= 72 oz Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - 20 minutes Other things I got done: Meditation - 30 Minutes Tidied the whole house Wrote and posted my blog Read to the kids I can't remember everything that I got done because this is a late posting. But I'm always happy on a day where I get 30 minutes of meditation done.

Very well said.

I was fired too. I spent 10 years of my life pulling myself up by my bootstraps to become a teacher. Last school year, when I was 8.5 months pregnant my superiors called me into their office letting me know that they wouldn't be renewing my contract next year because I "didn't fit the culture of the school." Because a teacher in their first 3 years in Florida can be let go at the end of the year for any reason and no reason, this really screwed me. No hiring administrator is going to take a chance on me because the teaching field is so competitive. So, over the past year, I've been getting used to this and hoping to "fail forward" as your name says. But it's been difficult because I was providing almost 2/3 of our households income. It really sucked to have my career dashed at the age of 25. But I've been doing a lot of personal development things and staying home with my kids.

That's very true. I tend to get caught up in the map a lot. I think it's because I'm afraid on some level of just being. I've always been cerebral and somewhat disassociated with other aspect of reality because I was always scared of my vulnerability to death, loss, and strong unpleasant emotions, so I tend to habitually wall myself off in my head seeking solace with concepts and thoughts. With the only exceptions to this being some moments in my childhood and my two enlightenment experiences that I go on about. It was the only time that I didn't have to seek anything at all. It was all there already and perfect. There was nothing to seek and nothing to fear. So, this tool is good for awakenings but not the actual detachment/deconstruction part. This just made me realize that these things are different from one another. I had been assuming that these go together as one cohesive thing. But this makes sense. There are some very mundane things that are keeping me tied to the concept I have spun for myself. Attachment to being good, admirable, competent, attractive, intelligent, etc. in the eyes of others and myself. I'm aware of it intellectually and in an abstract way I can see it is very silly, but there is still an emotional attachment there and a feeling of needing to be something to someone else to be significant or worthy of love. I do see that. Since a few weeks ago when you gave me that article, I was able to see that I could also see myself as the container for all of existence and the contents of that container as well. But the emotion about it isn't very strong and I still get caught up in resistance, fear, and small minded concerns. During my second enlightenment experience, I felt like I was thinking my thoughts outside of my head. I can now look right in my experience and see that my thoughts aren't anywhere inside the head or body. But would I continue along this same line of questioning/observation to further the self-negation or are there any other self-negation techniques that you would recommend more?

I feel like my conceptual understanding of this is getting in the way of my experience. But it reminds me a lot of the process used to draw and paint realistically. Instead of depicting my concept of an object, I paint the shapes and colors in my direct visual awareness. So, it is applying this skill to all of reality in the present moment to detach from all beliefs and assumptions. But I sometimes experiment with flipping my experience to the "I Am" perspective but it doesn't really feel like a breakthrough. Any thoughts or advice?

New blog post from my site - http://www.thediamondnet.org/blog/2016/3/28/spiritual-autolysis-existence-and-non-existence Spiritual Autolysis : Existence and Non-Existence So, it is a “goal” of mine to reach enlightenment by changing my relationship to my self-concept and debunk all the falsely held beliefs and assumptions based upon concepts for making things easier to understand to the rational mind. So, I’ve recently been looking into various processes for questioning and deconstructing my beliefs about reality to perceive what is truly there before any assumptions, labels, frameworks, or concepts are placed over top of reality. So, the idea is to perceive of reality before any thought story is created. To see reality as a newborn baby sees it, only with the developmental capabilities of an adult. This deconstruction process reminds me of when I first learned to draw and paint realistically. When I was 15, I took an art class in high school where I learned to switch from thinking about the things that I was drawing non-symbolically to seeing objects as a collection of shapes imbued with colors. So, instead of drawing my idea of a chair or even thinking about drawing a chair at all, I would just draw/paint the actual shapes and colors that I saw in front of me. Having seen through the illusion of the labels put upon visual phenomenon enabled me to make progress quickly, almost over night. It was like a mini-enlightenment for the visual sense. The process of deconstruction of beliefs that I engaged in as a teenage art student, is the same one that I’m engaged in now, only with the goal of enlightenment. So, I need to turn this deconstructive, non-symbolic awareness and questioning toward my ideas and concepts regarding myself and reality. So, I have been using a process called “Spiritual Autolysis” from enlightened author Jed McKenna. In this process you attempt to write something true and then question it and rewrite it until it is true. It is through this dissection process that we can have a real experience of our own being and be ripe for the breakthrough and paradigm shift called enlightenment. So, here is my most recent Spiritual Autolysis session, to explore my unconsciously held ideas and feelings regarding existence and non-existence. Questions: What is existence? What is non-existence? Write something true regarding these questions... 'Things in existence exist. Things that are not in existence don't exist.' or 'Things in existence are. Things not in existence are not.' My definition of existence- Everything that is. Are there things in existence or is there just existence? Not sure Can there be any thing that is a 'not' thing? - Maybe empty space Is empty space a thing or the absence of a thing? - Seemingly the absence of a thing. But I've never experienced this. Even emptiness from my experience contains air. So, empty space is a concept that I have in my mind, and not a thing that I'm experiencing in the now. Does my concept of empty space mean empty space doesn't exist? No. But it means that I don't know Am I experiencing anything right now that doesn't exist? Not sure What is existence? When something is there Where is there? In reality Where is reality? In my subjective experience right now Where is my experience? No particular place. Places exist only within the content of my experience. My experience isn't located anywhere, because anywhere is a concept within my subjective experience. So, is place a 'not' thing? I'm not sure. How do I perceive of place visually? Visually I experience a flat screen of shapes imbued with colors that I interpret based on my previous experiences in the world. How do I perceive of place tactually? I feel sensations that seem to have length, width, and depth which seem to correspond to the sights that I see because of a lifetime of experiencing them in tandem with one another. Either way, I don't know if my sensations have any special relativity to one another. I could perhaps convince myself that some sensations are bigger, smaller, more left, more right than the others. I could also focus on my sensations to the point where they feel like a universe in themselves. Do I perceive of place any other way? No. Only as a thought story Does place have to have an up, down, left, and right? No. Directions are a concept to make space more understandable to the human mind. Can existence happen in a "place" if none of these directions exist? Maybe. Could I narrow down the location of 'my' experiences to a particular point? No. Does this mean that place doesn't exist? Maybe. Rewriting what's true: Non-existence is. Existence has no particular place. If there are no "things" inside of reality and there is no place for reality, does reality exist? Maybe not. Are my perceptions themselves (not the content of perception) objects? No. Objects are content of the perception and not the perception itself. Asked by jjer94 (a friend of mine on the forum I posted this on)- What is the substance of an object? Do objects even exist? So, visually the substance of the object appears to be light. But light itself is just content within the perception. It's another assumption based upon what I "know" about how color is perceived. Tactually, an 'object' is just a sensation. But the sensation related to my experience of the object has nothing to do with my visual experience of the object nor any other sensory perception of the object. What I have is a flat plane of shapes imbued with colors, perceived by no one that is seemingly floating in nothingness. It could just be a screen with seemingly corresponding sensations that are also floating in nothingness So, the biggest ‘aha!’ moment for me was that place doesn’t exist separate from my thoughts regarding ‘place’. I had always known that space had no up, down, left, or right. This is all relational. So, are the concepts of big and small. An atom and a universe are both infinite. But I had assumed that my reality was located someplace as a point within some empty dark field. That in that dark field at a point where my visual, audio, tactual, olfactory, gustatory, and thought perceptions floating there as things. But now it seems like these are sort of a non-point. Sort of like you can’t really find a point on a mathematical graph because a single point has no height, width or depth. It doesn’t really exist even though it seems to have a location and is mathematically viable. But even this is just a metaphor.

Is it the empty space around "my perceptions" that is aware? Like if I were to focus just outside of my perceptual awareness... into the emptiness that "I" am not aware of.

So, visually the substance of the object appears to be light. But light itself is just content within the perception. It's another assumption based upon what I "know" about how color is perceived. Tactually, an 'object' is just a sensation. But the sensation related to my experience of the object has nothing to do with my visual experience of the object nor any other sensory perception of the object. What I have is a flat plane of shapes imbued with colors, perceived by no one that is seemingly floating in nothingness. It could just be a screen with seemingly corresponding sensations that are also floating in nothingness.

If there are no "things" inside of reality and there is no place for reality, does reality exist? Maybe not. Are my perceptions themselves (not the content of perception) objects? No. Objects are content of the perception and not the perception itself.

Questions: What is existence? What is non-existence? Write something true regarding these questions... 'Things in existence exist. Things that are not in existence don't exist.' or 'Things in existence are. Things not in existence are not.' My definition of existence- Everything that is. Are there things in existence or is there just existence? Not sure Can there be any thing that is a 'not' thing? - Maybe empty space Is empty space a thing or the absence of a thing? - Seemingly the absence of a thing. But I've never experienced this. Even emptiness from my experience contains air. So, empty space is a concept that I have in my mind, and not a thing that I'm experiencing in the now. Does my concept of empty space mean empty space doesn't exist? No. But it means that I don't know Am I experiencing anything right now that doesn't exist? Not sure What is existence? When something is there Where is there? In reality Where is reality? In my subjective experience right now Where is my experience? No particular place. Places exist only within the content of my experience. My experience isn't located anywhere, because anywhere is a concept within my subjective experience. So, is place a 'not' thing? I'm not sure. How do I perceive of place visually? Visually I experience a flat screen of shapes imbued with colors that I interpret based on my previous experiences in the world. How do I perceive of place tactually? I feel sensations that seem to have length, width, and depth which seem to correspond to the sights that I see because of a lifetime of experiencing them in tandem with one another. Either way, I don't know if my sensations have any special relativity to one another. I could perhaps convince myself that some sensations are bigger, smaller, more left, more right than the others. I could also focus on my sensations to the point where they feel like a universe in themselves. Do I perceive of place any other way? No. Only as a thought story Does place have to have an up, down, left, and right? No. Directions are a concept to make space more understandable to the human mind. Can existence happen in a "place" if none of these directions exist? Maybe. Could I narrow down the location of 'my' experiences to a particular point? No. Does this mean that place doesn't exist? Maybe. Rewriting what's true: Non-existence is. Existence has no particular place.

Update on starving out romantic/sexual thoughts, fantasies, and insecurities. So, thoughts occasionally have been coming up and I've been applying mindfulness to keep myself from getting involved with them. The sexual fantasies are easier to let go of, because I was always engaging in them purposefully and voluntarily. There have only been two times in the past week where I got involved with them for a few minutes, but was able to become mindful. Slightly more difficult to let go of are insecurities, but even those aren't too bad. The negative emotions make me mindful fairly quickly. I realize now that he most difficult fantasies to let go of are super subtle "admiration fantasies." These aren't even necessarily romantic, but involve people that I know thinking well of me and admiring me for x, y, or z trait. Today, I was listening to Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" and got the urge to learn to play it. I know how to play the guitar, and I used to be a street musician when I was in college, but I haven't touched it in years. Nonetheless, I still got involved in a fantasy that I learned to play it and happened to (humbly of course ) play and sing it for a few of my former co-workers, who were intrigued by the fact that I knew how to play it. They admired me for having an eclectic interests and knowledge of how to play an instrument on top of being able to draw/paint, knowing a lot of things, etc. So, the fantasy tells me that I want significance and novelty in the eyes of others. I think I like this fantasy because it makes me feel valued for my positive quirks, and gives me a sense of standing out in a crowd. It causes and us/them dualistic mindset where everyone else has to be vanilla so that I might be interesting. It's very clear my ego wants this scenario to happen, so that it can feel good about itself.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 9) Wake Up at 6 am- I woke up at 6 am very tired because I was up late "talking with the Easter Bunny." I was debating getting more sleep but stuck to my guns. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 129.4 lbs. I ate 2380 calories today... not too bad for Easter. Colors: Mixed Berries (Red/Blue/Purple) Banana (White) Orange juice (Orange) Broccoli (Green) Water - 62 oz; Chocolate Almond Milk - 4 oz; Coconut Milk - 12 oz; Smoothie - 12 oz- Fluid intake= 90 oz Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - Slacking a bit. Will do 15 minutes of yoga before bed tonight. Other things I got done: Meditation - 1 Minute Celebrated Easter with the family Read to the kids Cooked Chicken, Broccoli, and Potatoes Tidied the whole house All things considered, for it being a holiday, I was reasonably productive. Luckily my kids took a nap at the same time in the middle of the day, so I was able to catch up on lost sleep. I didn't get to my Spiritual Autolysis though, and I only did the bare minimum of my meditation practice. Tomorrow, I will write and post my blog, and make outlines for my Tuesday filming session.

Thank you.

You have to increase your awareness of the thought stories that you tell yourself about yourself. If it is the content of a thought about a separate "you" and you feel a sense of pride, this comes from ego. But don't repress this tendency. It is quite natural that it comes up from the egoic perspective, and it need not be suppressed. Just apply mindfulness to it, and deconstruct all the ideas that go into your identification. Also, love the one who gets a big head from being the "spiritual me." This will enable you to see the ego in action, and you can use it to help you deconstruct the false sense of self.

First, Increased awareness of what your first hand experience of reality in the present moment consists of before all of our concepts, beliefs, and frameworks are applied to it. Recognize thought stories as thoughts stories. So, it is a subtraction of knowledge, not an addition. For example, when learning how to paint realistically, you must be able to perceive of visual reality as a collection of shapes imbued with colors as opposed to delineating the world based on concepts and labels for your own utility. So, if you're painting a chair, you forget your concept of what a chair looks like and forget that you're painting a chair, and simply depict the shapes and colors in your field of awareness in the present moment. Also you must couple this non-conceptual awareness with unconditional acceptance and recognition of the completeness and perfection of the present moment. No shoulds or should nots. Just acceptance of your thoughts, emotions, and perceptions in the present moment. You can only wake up right now. There is no future enlightenment. There is no process or path or plan. There is only recognition of what is in your reality right now.

Thank you for stalking.

It would be good for self-knowledge and self-actualization, but not enlightenment. Now, on one hand, it's easier to transcend a strong ego that knows itself and thinks well of itself. But frameworks of any kind are antithetical and can work at cross purposes to enlightenment, and only add to the list of assumptions and beliefs about the self and reality that must be deconstructed for a breakthrough to occur. But frameworks are fun, and can give you signposts along the way for many areas of psychology. They clear up confusions and simplify psychology so that it is more understandable. I really like the Jungian Framework myself. But because of the conceptual nature and simplification inherent in any framework, it will never yield enlightenment. I think a lot of people criticized the picture for this reason. But if someone got outright mad, that's just unnecessary.

I didn't know that last bit. That's very interesting.

Thank you. My mom uses apple cider vinegar and swears by it.