Emerald

Update on starving out romantic/sexual thoughts, fantasies, and insecurities. So, thoughts occasionally have been coming up and I've been applying mindfulness to keep myself from getting involved with them. The sexual fantasies are easier to let go of, because I was always engaging in them purposefully and voluntarily. There have only been two times in the past week where I got involved with them for a few minutes, but was able to become mindful. Slightly more difficult to let go of are insecurities, but even those aren't too bad. The negative emotions make me mindful fairly quickly. I realize now that he most difficult fantasies to let go of are super subtle "admiration fantasies." These aren't even necessarily romantic, but involve people that I know thinking well of me and admiring me for x, y, or z trait. Today, I was listening to Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" and got the urge to learn to play it. I know how to play the guitar, and I used to be a street musician when I was in college, but I haven't touched it in years. Nonetheless, I still got involved in a fantasy that I learned to play it and happened to (humbly of course ) play and sing it for a few of my former co-workers, who were intrigued by the fact that I knew how to play it. They admired me for having an eclectic interests and knowledge of how to play an instrument on top of being able to draw/paint, knowing a lot of things, etc. So, the fantasy tells me that I want significance and novelty in the eyes of others. I think I like this fantasy because it makes me feel valued for my positive quirks, and gives me a sense of standing out in a crowd. It causes and us/them dualistic mindset where everyone else has to be vanilla so that I might be interesting. It's very clear my ego wants this scenario to happen, so that it can feel good about itself.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 9) Wake Up at 6 am- I woke up at 6 am very tired because I was up late "talking with the Easter Bunny." I was debating getting more sleep but stuck to my guns. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 129.4 lbs. I ate 2380 calories today... not too bad for Easter. Colors: Mixed Berries (Red/Blue/Purple) Banana (White) Orange juice (Orange) Broccoli (Green) Water - 62 oz; Chocolate Almond Milk - 4 oz; Coconut Milk - 12 oz; Smoothie - 12 oz- Fluid intake= 90 oz Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - Slacking a bit. Will do 15 minutes of yoga before bed tonight. Other things I got done: Meditation - 1 Minute Celebrated Easter with the family Read to the kids Cooked Chicken, Broccoli, and Potatoes Tidied the whole house All things considered, for it being a holiday, I was reasonably productive. Luckily my kids took a nap at the same time in the middle of the day, so I was able to catch up on lost sleep. I didn't get to my Spiritual Autolysis though, and I only did the bare minimum of my meditation practice. Tomorrow, I will write and post my blog, and make outlines for my Tuesday filming session.

Thank you.

You have to increase your awareness of the thought stories that you tell yourself about yourself. If it is the content of a thought about a separate "you" and you feel a sense of pride, this comes from ego. But don't repress this tendency. It is quite natural that it comes up from the egoic perspective, and it need not be suppressed. Just apply mindfulness to it, and deconstruct all the ideas that go into your identification. Also, love the one who gets a big head from being the "spiritual me." This will enable you to see the ego in action, and you can use it to help you deconstruct the false sense of self.

First, Increased awareness of what your first hand experience of reality in the present moment consists of before all of our concepts, beliefs, and frameworks are applied to it. Recognize thought stories as thoughts stories. So, it is a subtraction of knowledge, not an addition. For example, when learning how to paint realistically, you must be able to perceive of visual reality as a collection of shapes imbued with colors as opposed to delineating the world based on concepts and labels for your own utility. So, if you're painting a chair, you forget your concept of what a chair looks like and forget that you're painting a chair, and simply depict the shapes and colors in your field of awareness in the present moment. Also you must couple this non-conceptual awareness with unconditional acceptance and recognition of the completeness and perfection of the present moment. No shoulds or should nots. Just acceptance of your thoughts, emotions, and perceptions in the present moment. You can only wake up right now. There is no future enlightenment. There is no process or path or plan. There is only recognition of what is in your reality right now.

Thank you for stalking.

It would be good for self-knowledge and self-actualization, but not enlightenment. Now, on one hand, it's easier to transcend a strong ego that knows itself and thinks well of itself. But frameworks of any kind are antithetical and can work at cross purposes to enlightenment, and only add to the list of assumptions and beliefs about the self and reality that must be deconstructed for a breakthrough to occur. But frameworks are fun, and can give you signposts along the way for many areas of psychology. They clear up confusions and simplify psychology so that it is more understandable. I really like the Jungian Framework myself. But because of the conceptual nature and simplification inherent in any framework, it will never yield enlightenment. I think a lot of people criticized the picture for this reason. But if someone got outright mad, that's just unnecessary.

I didn't know that last bit. That's very interesting.

Thank you. My mom uses apple cider vinegar and swears by it.

I don't like getting a tan either... not that I cold even tan if I wanted to. I just kind of burst into flames when I go outside. So, I stay very ghosty, but I think it works for me. :) This is contrary to my culture's ideal, which generally prefers tan skin. I tend to think people look best with their skin in its natural, un-sunkissed look; whether a person is white, black, or anywhere in between. I think it makes all people look more radiant. But this is just an aesthetic preference. So, it is likely just a preference for you, so you most likely aren't brainwashed. But cultural norms can have an unconscious impact, so if lighter skin is seen as 'better' where you live, you may have some unconscious conditionings. But you can't unlike what you like. So, I would just accept your preference and be mindful of your feelings and attitudes regarding that preference. As you pull that apart you will get a clearer idea of why you prefer un-tanned skin.

I admit. Leo does have a somewhat narrow way of viewing femininity, womanhood, and female sexuality. But I think he does his best, since all he has to go off of is books and interactions with women. It's really not very nice to judge him for this, because so many people are struggling with repressions and wounds regarding this issue. Also, the vast majority of people don't know the full depth and breadth of the feminine principle and relate it to only a few traits: beauty, motherhood, emotional sensitivity. Feminine repression and misunderstanding of masculinity and femininity are some of the most beguiling issues that modern people are dealing with. But he could stand to be more open minded in this area, and also to embrace more of his feminine side. But it becomes difficult to let go of a masculine (or feminine) identity that has reaped you so many social/sexual/reproductive benefits, especially when it was once a weak point that caused a lot of problems with self-esteem. It becomes empowering to think about women (and men) in a narrower way, because it gives you a target to hit and clear signifiers of worth. It gives you strategical advantages in the dating game. But there are so many gradations and shades of masculinity and femininity in each and every person, that to fit into only one of these energies becomes a crippler of authenticity and a major repression of either energy. My impression is that Leo intellectually understands that all people have masculinity and femininity, but practically and experientially neglects this and tends to see it more as a genetic accident then as a natural part of human expression. He still thinks that polar masculinity and polar femininity is preferable to androgyny. He still polarizes the genders because of his strong sexual identification as a masculine man. This is echoed by a societal trend that urges men to repress their femininity and disdain all things feminine except female beauty and sexuality. It's easier to ignore shades of gray when they invalidate an identity that you hold. My guess is that he'll eventually work through this as he continues with enlightenment work.

Not quite. The incongruence of perspective would be similar. But your feelings about that incongruence wouldn't be as much of a burden from the enlightened paradigm. The incongruence would not be understood as expressly negative. It would just be as it is, and the enlightened person would adjust accordingly without judging the phenomenon... even though they'd probably prefer to be understood.

It's Ouroboros, the serpent eating its tail is one of the oldest archetypal images known to man. It is symbolic of the eternal cycle of renewal in the world; how death and destruction beget life and creation. As in, when plants die, new ones grow in its place. New generations come, and older generations eventually die.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 8) Wake Up at 6 am- I woke up 10 minutes late because I forgot to set my alarm. Luckily my husband happened to get up around that time, and asked me if I still wanted to get up. I was able to do 33 minutes of meditation this morning before my daughter got up! Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 128.8 lbs. I ate 1715 calories today. Woohoo! Under 2000 calories. Colors: Blueberries (blue/purple) Banana (white) Cooked Cauliflower (white) Cooked Spaghetti Squash (yellow) Orange juice (Orange) Kiwi (Green) Peaches (Orange/Yellow) Water - 16 oz; Chocolate Almond Milk - 18 oz; Smoothie - 16 oz- Fluid intake= 50 oz; I definitely need to drink more fluids, especially water. Now that I see this, I'll make sure to drink some before bed. Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - 15 minutes dance workout Other things I got done: Meditation - 33 minutes Replied to comments on my channel Filmed my next video - unfortunately I decided to reshoot because I didn't care for the way that I presented the material. But that's okay. I'll call it a practice run. Finished editing the thumbnail for my next video Read to the kids Tidied the kitchen and living room Washed Clothes Today was fairly productive. I was happy to get a full half hour in for meditation. Will attempt to fit in Spiritual Autolysis tomorrow, which I will share on here. I didn't care for my filming session today because I was rushing a bit and not concise/organized enough with my message, so I'll save the topic for Wednesday and release an extra video in the coming week. I'm trying to stick to my two videos a week and one blog. So, I'm still in the catch-up phase. I plan to begin filming one day a week, on Tuesday for both videos and to make Sunday my writing day where I outline what I'm going to say. Then have a more consistent schedule for social media marketing, research, and the like.

You can't get to enlightenment using any framework. This framework is a mind map, and enlightenment is waking up to the nature of your true self in the present moment. This reminds me of the Graves model a little bit, and it can be helpful for a general guideline to monitor your personal development progress. But it has very little to do with enlightenment. You get to enlightenment by seeking what is true fro you in the present moment, while deconstructing all falsely held beliefs, concepts, thoughts, models, frameworks, etc. Through extreme acceptance of what is. So, to take these traits and try to reach them like goals is getting the cart before the horse. Just seek what is true for you beyond thoughts, beliefs, and frameworks. Enlightenment is a lot closer to you than this chart. Enlightenment is not like other goals that you can set and then reach. You must work on raising the consciousness, deconstructing beliefs, and putting yourself mentally and emotionally in the right conditions for a breakthrough to happen. But there is no process. Like a seed sprouting, it happens all at once. Remember, you can only become enlightened in the now. You can't become enlightened in the future. It is only now that you can wake up.

Yes, in the sense that they don't have an ego (self-concept). Most animals don't have the capacity for abstract thinking like we do, so they aren't battling constant thoughts. But they objectively are less self-aware than us. So, they are open like the enlightened, but are not aware of their enlightenment like we can be. I was watching a video about a man who had an enlightenment experience after sitting and meditating next to a frog. He told himself that he wasn't going to move at all until the frog moved. So, the frog sat there for hours, as still as a statue. He was going nuts internally. He started to contemplate why it was that the frog could stay still so easily but that he was going nuts staying still. He concluded that the frog and him both were like empty rooms. The only difference is that his empty room was filled with voices and sounds urging him to move. So, animals have the openness and emptiness aspect of enlightenment. But they are not aware of their own enlightenment.

No. Enlightenment is simply the realization of your true nature beyond your concept of self. It actually removes all false affectations and neuroses while bringing you in touch with wisdom. It could be described as becoming normal and wise. Most people may not understand what you're going through on the way there, and you won't be able to share much of your wisdom with most people in life. But this is why Zen Masters were notoriously reticent with their words and actions. But if you reach enlightenment, you won't be overtly concerned with other's opinion of you. So, that won't be a bother. But if you're worried about being able to function in society, have no worries. There are enlightened people, and they all seem very normal. There is no outside indicator for a person being enlightened. They do look happy though.

Thank you. It was my son's birthday yesterday. Mine is in April. But thank you for the words of encouragement. By the way, are you Rasmus? or someone else?

Thank you.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 6) Wake Up at 6 am- I got up and my kids stayed asleep. It was my son's birthday today, so I stayed up late wrapping presents last minute, so I was a little bit tired. I did my exercise and meditated for 12 minutes before being interrupted by my daughter waking up. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - Morning Weight= 129.0 lbs. I ate 2450 calories today. I wanted to keep it under 2000 today, but eating out with my family and birthday cake made me meet that budget quickly, then I was still hungry for real food afterward. So, tomorrow, I'm going to get on my game keeping to my calorie budget. Colors: Blueberries (blue/purple) Banana (white) Cauliflower (white) Spaghetti Squash (yellow) Artisan Lettuce (Green) Tomato (Red) Orange juice (Orange) Strawberries (Red). Water - 40 oz; Chocolate Almond Milk - 16 oz; Cappuccino- 16 oz; Fluid intake total = 72 oz Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - 30 minute belly dancing workout. I got half way through it in the morning, but finished it in the evening. Other things I got done: Meditation - 12 minutes Replied to comments on my channel Set up video ads for my two most recent videos Celebrated my son's birthday Brainstorm for my newest video My mom went home today after my son's birthday party, so it should be a bit easier to keep my habits consistent and be more productive in general. It has been more difficult the past few days to keep up with my basic habits having company and planning for my son's birthday and Easter, but I've been skirting by.

On the practical level, a feeling of low self-worth can come from not acting to your fullest potential. So, there are practical methods for getting yourself to where you want to be in the "doing" realm. However, actual worth doesn't even exist. Worth, meaning, and value are factually not a feature of external reality but merely a feature of the human mind. So, value is only in existence from a particular person's subjectively held beliefs. For example, if you believe that being religious is something of value, you could potentially conclude that anyone who doesn't follow that religion doesn't have value. If you believe that being (black, white, Asian, etc) is something negative, then you could potentially conclude that anyone who falls into those categories doesn't have value. But all of this is subjectively derived based upon individually and culturally held values, and doesn't point to an objective value in reality. Much like human beings put labels of worth on objects in the store, that is only a subjectively derived value. There is nothing about a gallon of milk that actually equals $4.39. It is based upon our socially accepted currency and belief of its worth. It is the same for labels put upon humans. But the objective reality, is that everything just is. This sounds abysmal from the average perspective because we're so used to assigning labels of worth and worthlessness upon people, objects, events, ourselves, etc. But when you become conscious enough to what reality consists of and where reality springs from, you realize that you are priceless and no value could ever be assigned to you because you are a manifestation of something infinite. You are both part and whole of the fabric of reality, and are loved from every direction even if it isn't apparent right now. You are valid and lovable simply for existing, and so is everything else. Everything is always in perfect order, and you are part of that perfection. Don't ever expect anyone else to see your true "worth." Love doesn't come from other people seeing your worth. If a person hasn't done a reasonable amount of consciousness work, they are going to be too unconscious and afflicted by their own conditionings to see anyone's true value anyway. They're caught up in worth game. But if you become conscious of yourself beyond the labels you place upon yourself, you can truly love yourself regardless of what you do, how you look, or who you are. Even if you had spent your entire life murdering people, it can't make you invalid. But the higher self, also has ways of practically guiding us to where we need to be. Sometimes that entails producing negative feeling-states to move us in a better direction and away from actions and relationships that don't suit us and toward ones that do. So, in this case, it's important for a person to give themselves a kick in the ass, stop moping, and actually do something valuable with their life. But paradoxically, the things we do can never make us any more or less significant or valuable. We're already infinitely valuable. But there are actions that create a happier, more fulfilling life.

No, I just use the basic store brand. I normally use it as the base for smoothies, so that I can get a lot of raw fruit all in one go. But I've been thinking about switching to using juiced whole oranges as the base instead, so that I get the fiber from the membranes while subtracting any additives like sugar and other processed ingredients.

I'll check it out later today.

Keystone Habits and Practical Life Update- 66 Day Challenge Today's Habits Update (Day 6) Wake Up at 6 am- I got up, but had to stay in bed to see if my daughter would fall back asleep. She didn't, so I didn't get the alone time. Keep a Food Journal of everything I eat with calories accounted for - Check - I ate 2810 calories today. It's occurred to me that I probably eat too much every day that I don't keep track. Maybe my metabolism is actually amazing, and all I have to do is keep a consistent 2000 calorie diet to reach my goal weight of 120 ( my pre-pregnancy weight). I'm currently at 128.8 lbs. Colors: Tomatoes (red), Mixed Artisan Lettuce (purple, green), Cooked Cauliflower (white), Strawberries (red) Cooked Spaghetti Sqash (yellow) Orange Juice (orange) Exercize 15+ Minutes a Day - I woke up an immediately started preparing for my mom's arrival, so I didn't exercise until this evening. Other things I got done: Meditation - Only 1 minute Replied to comments on my channel Cleaned and tidied my entire home minus the screen room Wrapped my son's presents Prepared Spaghetti Squash in Creamy Tomato Sauce and Roasted Garlic and Parmesan Cauliflower Another less than optimal day, but at least I'm making myself more aware of my habits. I will try to maintain a 2000 calorie diet or less from here on out and monitor my weight to see how it is effected. I've lost 57 lbs so far (including baby) since I gave birth which is one year tomorrow. Doing this I would keep a 1500 calorie budget, and I would lose weight quite rapidly. But I never tried to just monitor my calorie intake, exercise, and weight while not on a diet. So, this will be an interesting experiment.

Very nice work. I especially enjoyed the complexity of the creatures. They go way past the first thought. My husband's cousin writes offbeat short 3 panel sci-fi stories and collaborates with different comic book artists for a weekly web comic on his website "Observatory Comics." He started doing it a little over a year ago, and he's been featured in Heavy Metal Magazine and one or two other publications. He also recently won an award where a publisher chose his graphic novel anthology to be published. He's always looking around for new comic artists to collaborate with. Here is the link for his site: http://www.observatorycomics.com/ If you like the work and you think you might be interested in being involved in the project, I can send him the link to your Deviant Art and see what he thinks. I'm not sure if it's a paying gig though. I think he gets volunteers for the most part, but he may compensate a little bit. That I'm not sure of though. Also, I'm an artist myself, although I haven't done much over the past several years other than what was necessary for my job when I was working as a high school graphic design and painting teacher. But since I've been staying home, over the past 9 months, I haven't done much of anything in the field of visual arts. I actually created the logo for the website I linked up above.