Emerald

I'm not a drinker at all. I might have a couple drinks a year. Even when I was experimenting with the Ayahuasca back when I was 20, I seldom ever drank. I just never cared for it much. And I actually recommend abstaining from most/all substances while on the path if you can go it without a glimpse. It caused me such issues in the aftermath that I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. When I did the Ayahuasca, I had never done a hallucinogen before. But I identified with being a stoner at the time. It was a huge part of my identity. So, I really just tried the Ayahuasca because I wanted to add more to that edgy stoner-ish identity. I had always been scared to try drugs like Cocaine and even psychedelics like Mushrooms and LSD... despite really wanting to add those drugs to my identity as well. I wanted to be like a Hunter S. Thompson kind of person who was intelligent and had interesting things to say. But he also was into a lot of drug use and debauchery. It was this image that really moved me at the time. I wanted to be worldly at the time and know the darker and less socially acceptable aspects of life. But, I had only ever smoked pot (and drank a little bit) which gave me a panic attack ever few times I would smoke. But I smoked weed almost every day. So, I didn't even like smoking pot. I just didn't know that I didn't like it because I was so heavily identified with that image I wanted to match up to. As a teenager, I liked the irony of being a pot smoker who routinely broke the law in some ways, but was also on a path toward excellence and getting all As in college and having a strong work ethic. I liked defying expectations so that I could leave an impression. I hated the idea of being like everyone else and blending into a crowd. My main goal in life was to live a life so strange and so awesome that I would be remembered after my death. My life was not important to me... just my legacy. So, I tried the Ayahuasca and I went in expecting some pretty colors and trails, like everyone else was experiencing. But I got so much more than I bargained for. I saw just how empty and hollow all of my identifications were and the fact that they were all contrived to shield myself from experiencing the low self-esteem that my very complex ego structure was built to hide. So, there is no need to do any substance. Alcohol especially won't help you out one bit. I never had one single insight with alcohol. It never gave me anything but numbness and unconsciousness. Marijuana gave me some insights for a time, then it didn't give me anything. Then Ayahuasca allowed me to experience the true nature of self and reality as well as many hallucinations and body high. But I don't recommend it on the path. There are other ways to experience ego transcendence. That's just my personal opinion though. Edit: Yes Ayahuasca and alcohol are TOTALLY different.

I knew nothing of spirituality at the time, and I had never meditated before. I just drank some home-brewed Ayahuasca with a bunch of other people. I did it twice, and I had experiences of ego transcendence each time that lasted a few hours a piece. But I didn't know what it was called at the time, as I wasn't looking to have any kind of experience like that. So, it took me years to even learn the terminology around it to gain more information. All I knew was that the identity I had worked so hard to create was the thing that was keeping me separate from God and holding onto my identity was causing me a lot of pain. But I was completely unprepared and spiritually immature, so I didn't understand the nature of paradox. So, I just believed that I had been 100% wrong my entire life. I had always been trying to succeed in life, but the insights I was getting seemed to invalidate even living a decent life. So, I spent years afterward floundering. Then I found Jungian psychology where I started to learn how the psyche functioned. I immersed myself in that for about a year. Then, several years ago I found Leo's videos about enlightenment. So, I was like "HOLY CRAP! That's what I experienced!!!!" I wasn't even looking for it. Ironically, I just found Leo's videos because I was trying to spice things up in the bedroom. But I've never had such an experience sober. But I'm inclined to think that resonating at the level of perfect love and surrendering to the perfection of reality is what's needed to transcend the ego. And all teachings and practices are essentially leading to that end. So, if anything subtle or overt in your worldview contradicts this, then this is likely impeding progress.

Not quite. If my experiences beyond ego are any indication of what permanent enlightenment is like, then the wormhole to space and traveling 1000 lightyears in an instant isn't really inaccurate. One thing that was very remarkable about the experience of being beyond ego was that it was very subtle and ultra-mundane. I had been in heaven my entire life, but I was too closed off to realize it. God had been everywhere all the time, but I was too insulated from it to know. So, when I let go of ego, I was experiencing the same things as I had always been experiencing. The only difference was that I was no longer insulated by my ego. I was conscious of being when before I could only think. And these were by far the most profound experiences of my life. But I had a huge ego at the time with tons of neuroses... two of which being a compulsion toward self-improvement and workaholism. I did these things because I hated myself, and I wanted to save myself from my own inferiority. But it worked really well in life. I was able to achieve a lot of things and truly improve my life's situation. It was just motivated by a lot of unhealthy repressions and mindsets. I'm inclined to think that I lined up with those experiences when no one else who was taking the same entheogen as me because my will-power was off the charts and my ego was so complex and big that it was difficult to maintain. So, when I surrendered, I couldn't easily pick the ego back up again. It was difficult to maintain as it was because I expected excellence and exceptionality in myself in every situation. There was never rest. So, it's my inclination to think that it's much easier to transcend an ego that's strong and big as opposed to transcending a weak ego. That's just a thought though. I'm unsure if that's true. But don't be too sure that you are fully aware of all your desires. One thing that shocked me about my first experience of ego transcendence was the fact that I was CONSTANTLY lying to myself. So, there were so many desires and feelings that I literally didn't know... even though I did deep down.

Fair enough. But when I had my experiences of ego transcendence, one of the main facets of it was unconditional love toward absolutely everything and accepting what is. It seems to me that you do have a desire to change those aspects, and are only really seeking enlightenment to get away from that desire to change. This resistance will likely come into conflict with your desires toward enlightenment, as enlightenment requires perfect love for everything that is now. How are you going to go about the level of acceptance, awareness, and integration needed to resonate at the level of perfect love?

If you dislike your situation but you don't believe you can change, then why do you come to this forum? Why even watch Leo's videos or any self-help videos at all? I think it's because you know, deep down, that you CAN actually improve. You probably are just not emotionally ready to take on that responsibility of taking your life into your own hands because you're afraid you will fail. So, you don't even try and you tell yourself change is impossible, because if you fail when you've REALLY tried your best then you would probably would feel bad about it beyond what you're willing to feel... or what you think you're capable of handling emotions-wise. But if you don't try at all and you fail, then it doesn't feel as bad because you know that you didn't really try. You're not wanting to see what you're made of because you fear that you will fail... not because you think change is impossible. That's just a story for keeping yourself in your comfort zone. That's my guess anyway. Failing when you've tried takes a much higher degree of emotional labor in comparison to failing as a result of not trying.

At the same time though. I always knew the guys that I liked. So, it wasn't like they weren't interacting with me platonically. It was just that there was never a sign of interest shown. So, I was afraid to show interest in fear of being rejected. It never felt like my attraction would be received well. Also, there's always the thought, "If I show interest he's going to think I'm easy or desperate." So, to imagine actually approaching a guy that I like is such a scary thought. I don't even want him to know that I like him for fear of rejection. At least, this was how it was when I was single. So, whenever I actually did go out with a guy... it was either because I wasn't so interested in him that I was afraid to show my feeling (these always lasted like a few days to a few weeks... this was always how it was in my early teens) or he approached me or we were just acquaintances/friends that started mutually flirting and sort of ramping up our flirting gradually until something happened. So, even though I intellectually knew that most men would at the very least be flattered by my interest, it always felt like "He's probably not going to like me, and think I'm weird or easy." So, I understand the discomfort. And it is a shame that men mostly have to approach to have a chance. But at the same time, it's not like women aren't in an uncomfortable place all their own... especially more reserved women.

There's no reason for you to believe this. There is nothing wrong with you, other than that you believe these things about yourself. And if you don't approach women, you'll never know if they like you. Women don't tend to approach men. So, how can you be so sure that no women like you if you've never tried?

I don't drink urine because it's not necessary to do and it's nasty. And even if there were health benefits to drinking it (which I doubt), there are tons of other non-urine-drinking ways to get healthier. Also, the kidneys filter out impurities in your blood and deposit them in the urine. Then, you urinate to eliminate those impurities. So, there's a reason why your body got rid of it in the first place. Urine is a waste product. There's a reason why we recoil from the smell of it. Some may claim it's a magical elixir that cures whatever, but all of that is likely just nonsense. I've never seen a legitimate source vouch for the value of consuming one's own urine. And all those people in the videos don't look or seem any healthier or vibrant than people who don't consume their own urine. Chances are the people who consume urine, will still die at about the same time... maybe earlier if it is actually bad for you.

One out of two... so 50%. I've only had two real relationships in my life. My first lasted 4 years, and my second is still going on... we've been together for 8.5 years. So, 50% is pretty good odds. Not all women are looking for extroversion. The other guys that I liked in the past, either didn't know that I liked them or just didn't reciprocate my feelings. It wasn't my choice not to go out with them. If I had had the opportunity and they would have liked me back, I would have dated every single one of them at the time that I liked them. Probably 85% of the guys I've liked have had this quality of being reserved and not being too social or talkative. I have this quality too, so I was always looking for guys that mirrored me. It's just hard to approach them or let them know that you like them because being rejected by the only guy you like is VERY difficult. It's best to just hide it and hope he approaches you. Because once the answer is no, you'd have to move on from the only attraction that you have. So, the stakes are really high. Do you ever approach anyone? Maybe there's already some equally shy girl out there that likes you. If you want success, the vast majority of women aren't going to approach you for the very reason I mentioned above. Women's attractions are very specific and their infatuation is very deep. The stakes are too high if you say no.

I hope that everyone's joking on this thread. Don't drink your own urine.

I've had two major relationships in my life. My husband is somewhat reserved. My first boyfriend was not so much... but you wouldn't call him an extrovert. But I've been attracted to tons of other guys over the course of my life (I'm 29 BTW), and one of the common threads in almost all those attractions are that the guy was reserved and didn't really talk a whole lot. Most of these were attractions from afar though because we're both introverted, and I was always afraid he could tell that I liked him. That's not true. Personality is 100% contrived as all identity is an illusion. So, it is fully in everyone's power to choose how they want to create themselves. You can absolutely work on your persona and your social skills. Too few people know this, and they just assume that they have to remain the same way even if it doesn't work for them. They just take the personality that they unconsciously created (but still created all the same) and assume that it's not changeable. You can develop character, you can develop skill, you can cultivate confidence, etc. These things are highly malleable. You literally can be whoever you want to be. It sounds to me that you're too afraid/lazy to put in the emotional effort required for positive change. So, you rationalize not working on yourself by telling yourself that everything is out of your control and that you're a victim of circumstance. But if you want your life to ever get better, you have to work on dropping the limiting beliefs and victim's mentality.

@kingroboto By the way, how old are you?

Your projection is very strong. You have to realize at some point when you're being delusional.

Something tells me that this isn't true...

Precisely. Only they're not circling you. They're leaving you out of their concerns entirely.

Unfortunately, you'll never find a woman like that with your chosen paradigm and negative projections onto women. Psychologically healthy women will pick up on your issues with women from a thousand miles away, and steer clear of you. Best to just stick to yourself until you can work through things. At this point, your only matches would be women who are equivalent to you in terms of consciousness. This is why emotionally damaged, entitled, and manipulative women are the only ones that you ever seem to come across. Like attracts like. Here's an example... One time, our van stalled out, and I had to take a cab in to work. I used to teach high school graphic design at the time. And I always liked to dress very professionally. And the guy who was driving the cab... you could tell that he'd had a rough life and that he probably had some drug and alcohol problems. He was a nice guy and all. But his speech was slurred and he talked and acted kind of trashy. He reminded me a lot of the spun out middle aged people in my home town. And he was asking me some basic questions about what I do. And he was genuinely flabbergasted that I existed and had a job and goals and things. He said he had never met a woman who wasn't addicted to pills. So, he was HYPER complimenting me because I had my shit together. And I said thank you. But at the same time, I didn't really consider it that much of a compliment. I was around tons of women who weren't addicted to pills and had their shit together. In fact, no women that I was personally close with at the time even did pills to my knowledge. So, it was really obvious to me that the guy was just keeping company with a lot of other people that were like him. And then he was assuming that the people he encountered were just the way people are in general. To him, dysfunction was normal. And he was judging women, that (if he were a woman) he would be exactly like them. And he was probably guilty of the "pills" and "no goals" thing himself, that he judged the women in his life so much for. Now, I'm not saying that you're like that guy. I'm just saying that you're assuming the same things about reality that he is. Basically, that the people you keep company with and encounter are the norm. And then projecting the worst judgment onto women as a whole group, even when you're guilty of the same crimes.

Reality is empty of both worth and worthlessness. So, any judgment of worth comes about subjectively and has no backing in reality. So, if we go around assigning worth to others, we will be creating a system of judgment that we will unconsciously use upon ourselves. This is why we can't love ourselves. We believe in the idea that some people are worth more than others. Then, we don't know why we can't love ourselves. It's because we're always judging ourselves against those contrived standards of worth and value. So, no. No one is worth anything. And likewise no-one is worthless. Our being is so far beyond the idea of worth, that we can't even fathom of how unshakably valid we are until we let go of the illusion of worth and value.

Well, why does your personality suck? You know that the personality is your own creation, right? So, you can actually take your personality and exalt it to better versions of itself. Growth is possible.

The problem here is that men don't know what makes men attractive to women. In fact, I am very attracted to men who are more reserved. They're more mysterious, and it makes me want to know them more. And plenty of women share my tastes. So, men are very objective but not very picky with their attractions. Women, on the other hand are very picky but very subjective at the same time. So, men have one zone of difficulty and one zone of easiness. And women have one zone of difficulty and one zone of easiness. The problem happens when men think that women get attractions like they do... only they're a lot pickier. Women's attractions toward men, are TOTALLY different. Men project that women are both picky and objective with their attractions. So, they believe women have two zones of difficulty, when they have only one. This is the problem with men assuming that women get attractions like they do. And from there it's very easy to project objectification onto women. Generally speaking, women's attractions are intuitive, subjective, and holistic. It's not the case that they have some laundry list of attractive qualities that they cross reference men against. And it's not the case that they're attracted to all men over a certain degree of attractiveness according to those standards. This is how men are attracted to women. It's not how women are attracted to men. Women usually like only one man at a time. And she likes him in a way that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. So, women's attractions are subjectifying and not objectifying. If a woman likes you, chances are she likes you simply because you're you.

What I'm saying is that a lot of women don't realize that they can get guys easily in a physical way. So, the thought that the OP is trolling is incorrect thinking. She really doesn't know that this is true. But don't spread that victim mentality around. Everyone can find a partner. No one is un-datable. It will be a little (and I do mean a little) more difficult for a man to find a woman because of biological reasons and common sense reasons. Women are more selective because they can have fewer children and will invest her entire body and nine months of her life in the creation of those children. Men, on the other hand could father a new child every time he has sex with a new woman, if he gets her pregnant. So, a man could have thousands of children in his lifetime if he tried. A woman would max out around 20 children. But everyone can find a partner. And women tend not to be as looks focused as men, and are more holistic with their attractions. So, even less attractive guys will be able to find someone if they're decent people with something going for them.

Many women don't know this... especially if they're under the age of 21 or so. And for most women (if not all), there is never a sense that they can get the guy they like to like them back. It's never for certain. This is true of myself included when I was single. If I liked a guy, I'd be terrified he'd reject me or think I'm weird/creepy for liking him. Now, once I turned about 13, I realized that there were guys that existed on the planet who would be interested in me. So, I knew that I wasn't un-datable at that point. Now, when I was 12, that's a different story. But if I hadn't had success of some kind, I could have harbored that belief into adulthood. So, she's definitely not trolling. Many women don't realize that most men will be interested in them in some capacity and have a lot of self-esteem issues around their desirability. I feel like a lot of men don't realize that about women though, and tend to think it's a one-sided game where women hold all the cards. I had a friend of mine back when I was 20, and she was like 21. And she was super cute... definitely at least a 6 or a 7 in the looks department. She also was really cool and had a lot going for her intellligence-wise and creativity-wise. But she was also very sheltered. So, she had never had a boyfriend. Then, this guy at a bar kissed her and she was really surprised and elated that he wanted to kiss her. I however, was not so surprised. Of course he did. She's a cute girl. I was, however, super surprised that it was her first kiss though.

He's right though. I genuinely was trying to help you. I was a bit frustrated, and it probably showed. Understandably. But I see a ton of guys get really trapped in these ideologies to where they can't see out of them. And it really distorts reality and makes it impossible to truly grow.

Perfectly said!

As always, there is strength in numbers. So, when women come out against powerful men in large numbers all of a sudden (even years later), it's similar to a class action lawsuit. A single person who has little power compared to a big corporation may feel powerless to challenge that big corporation and take them to court, even if that big corporation is doing shady things that negatively effect them. So, they may want to save themselves the headache of being the lone dissenter toward a powerful entity. But when there is a class action lawsuit, there is power in numbers. So, they will get a little more anonymity and won't be single out. And it will be much more difficult for a large corporation to smear them and their reputation. So, it's safer. The same goes for the 'me too' movement. Men like Harvey Weinstein have a long track-record of sexual misconduct and sexual assault. But he is a very powerful producer who's worked with the best in the business. So, when there is an actress... especially one who is just starting out, she knows that he can put an end to her career right away if she comes out against him. So, they weigh the options, and decide that it's best to just move on as opposed to throwing their dreams in the dumpster. So, they swallow their trauma and move on with life. But years later, if other women start coming forward, it becomes much easier to be honest about those instances as they won't be the lone dissenter facing off against a powerful man with their career in his hands. This is why, when one woman steps forward and accuses a powerful man of these crimes, others start coming out of the woodwork even if the assault occurred a decade or two ago. There is strength and power in numbers. And once these women feel like they have numbers on their side, it becomes a lot easier to be honest about these things. To come out about these things alone, means that society as a whole will blame you and will want your head on a stick. Victim blaming is a widespread epidemic. That's the whole idea behind the widespread nature of the 'me too' movement. It encourages strength in numbers. So, it may have begun in Hollywood as a result of cases like Bill Cosby's many rapes or Harvey Weinstein's history of sexual assault and coercion. But it's trickled not the mainstream because we're starting to see some of humanity's darker shadows that mostly women have been privy to. So, it's a movement for solidarity, and I'm personally glad that it's hit the mainstream.