Emerald

Thank you for recommending me! @Shaun I am not a therapist. But I actually do life-coaching with dreamwork, where I help facilitate personal exploration for the client by using the dreams as the starting point and seeing what the dreams are trying to reflect. It's a great process that I recently took a course on, and it sounds like something you'd benefit from considering that you have those dreams every night and there seems to be something trying to come across. And the dreamwork coaching is always about anchoring what's being reflected in the dream back to life and making changes from a standpoint of greater clarity. So, it's really about finding ways to practically follow the messages of the subconscious. At the risk of being to "advertisey," right now I'm offering a discount for those that sign up for coaching in the next two days, where the first 1-hour session is half-price (so $34.50 instead of $69). That way, people can try out one session without paying too much up front to see if the process is right for them. If you're interested PM me, and I'd be happy to answer any questions that you have about the process and anything else. Or if you want to sign up, I can give you the link in a PM too.

Happy Birthday!

Break up with your girlfriend asap and ask your friend out asap. This window of opportunity may not be open for long. Obviously, you feel very strongly for your friend and you want to start out on a good foot. So, don't cheat on your current girlfriend, but do break it off with her and do it quickly. Your heart is obviously not in that relationship, so it's doing her a favor in the long run. Then, let your friend know your feelings for her. If it doesn't work out, that's okay. You shouldn't use your current gf as a placeholder anyway. So, be sure to let that relationship go either way. Also, when you tell her, let her know that you've always felt that way, so that nothing has changed. And let her know your fears about confessing that and messing up the friendship, and that you want to be her friend either way and promise not to make things strange.

Choose yourself. But that guy sounds like bad news to me, especially if he's using the financial situation as leverage. It feels very much like more emotional manipulation. My recommendation is to stay away, and DEFINITELY don't move in with him. He'll have control over you in way he never has before, if you do that. You'd be doing yourself a favor to break it off. It's not what you want to hear, but there are some serious red flags here.

Your feminine side is attracted to their masculine side. I'll write more on this later, but that's it in a nutshell). It shows that you have a desire to connect with your Anima and integrate your feminine side.

Look into Anima integration. If you feel like your desire for women is out of measure compared to what is normal, it could be because you're disconnected from your Anima. And your desires to be with women and to have sex with them and the pain you feel as a result, is really a reflection of Anima disintegration and the pain you feel from having that internal split. Then, you imagine that communion with women in the form of sex will help you get that sense of integration and communion with your feminine side (the Anima)... and it may help but it will only help but so much unless you're working toward integrating your own Anima. Now, there is a degree to which this is just a natural biological drive. So, you will still feel attracted to women and have these thoughts and feelings afterward. But it will take away the obsessional nature with it and give you a sense of detachment from outcome with women... which will actually help you attract more women and have better exclusive relationships as well. Here's a video that I made on the topic...

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You could ask them, what is it mean when something has value? What is something that doesn't have value? What does deserving mean? What is the litmus test for deserving something? What is punishment? What makes something an appropriate punishment? What does punishment do for people? So, things like this that aren't directly related to their hot-button issues, but are the basis for them coming to the conclusions they've come to in a round about way. And these are good conversation starters in that way, if you find someone who's willing to question things with you. That's why I said to pick the low hanging fruit as much as possible, as there can be open minded people who are caught down in narrower and less accurate viewpoints, simply because they haven't thought things through to the point where they could transcend their worldview. So, you're really just giving them as many resources to do that as possible. If a person is very stubborn and ideological, however, you would have to be a lot trickier and methodical to find an opening in their fortress walls. So, you'd have to keep a keen eye out for the Achilles heals of their worldview, where they are not protecting that spot.

Pick the low hanging fruit that are relatively open-minded, and meet them where they are first. Then, you can start sharing some truths with them that are at the peripheries of their worldview that they're not really aware of. Paradigms are a bit like Jenga towers, some blocks are easier to remove than others. So, never go for a block that's locked in tight, look for the ones that are already loose. Paradigms are build like castles in the sky. They have a core taken for granted, faith-based belief and then other beliefs are scaffolded upon that nothing of a belief until there is a cohesive paradigm structure. And people are usually only aware of the top few layers of that belief structure that they really identify with. For example, let's take the conservative structure... the more old-school blue style and not so much the new libertarian orange style version of conservatism. They generally value pragmatism, modesty, good work ethic, taking personal responsibility, falling in line with social norms, traditions, religiosity, black and white answers, keeping things simple, keeping up social appearances, rigid gender roles, patriotism, having wealth as a symbol of character, conformity, not having 'weird' behaviors, and being good in accordance with the commonly accepted cultural ideas of what good means. Then, there are lots of other micro-beliefs, that get woven into this like "A person's value is based on their ability to work hard and take personal responsibility" which then leads to the shadow belief, "If a person is not doing well in life, it's because they haven't worked hard and taken personal responsibility AND that means that they're not good and not worthy of being and they deserve every bad thing that comes to them." It's best not to go for the micro-beliefs like that because that's where all the bacteria of worldviews grow, and there's a lot to be hidden the more granular you get with the beliefs. And the narrower the worldview, the more likelihood there is that it will be conducive to bacterial growth (like hatred, judgment, violence, discrimination, etc.) Not to mention, these are the beliefs that swim on the top of the surface, so they're hyper aware and identified with them. But if you go more general and existential, like the idea of value itself and what value means, if they have some genuine breakthroughs and realizations, then you can take the scaffolding right out from under narrow-paradigmed belief systems and it will naturally give way to a more expanded perspective. It's like if you want to demolish a building, you don't start taking shingles off the roof even though those are one of the more obvious features of the building upon looking at it. What you do is target the underlying structure of the building and take that out first. So, it's all the heave beams that are hiding mostly inside of walls that can't even be seen when you're in the building. So, you're taking out the spine of the beliefs and not the extremities. So, a very conservative person would likely balk at you trying to push the idea that "Poor people don't deserve their hardships." They will likely roll their eyes and think you're being quite naive and too much of a bleeding heart with no pragmatic sense of how the world works. And they'll probably call you a snowflake libtard too. Haha! But if you get more general and ask them questions about what they think about the idea of value and what it means. Then you can ask them probing questions, until they start becoming more aware of what they actually believe about value. And if they become more aware, they may eventually see that there are distortions and inconsistencies there. Most people are not really conscious of these existential type beliefs. So, just in talking about them it makes the person more aware of what they actually believe, which sets them up for potential breakthroughs in thinking. So, work with the big beliefs that are so deep that they don't even know that they have them. And these are the giants that all the other more granular beliefs are sitting on top of. And once you take out the foundation and the backbone, everything else will fall with it... and viola they've jumped paradigms.

I wouldn't worry too much about not having skills in branding, as there are some basic things you can do. For one, get a logo for your brand. Another thing you can do is to choose a color scheme for your channel art. If you have these things in place, a lot of people will feel more invited to check out your videos as opposed to pass them over. You just have to be unique and have a relatively consistent aesthetic to you thumbnails and your banner art. Then, you just have to get a camera that records nice images and set up a background that looks purposeful. And get an external sound recorder of some sort so that the audio is good quality... audio is really the most important quality thing. But you're highly unlikely to attract people through word of mouth on YouTube. The thing to do is to try to rank in the search results by optimizing for titles, tags, and description... and to have a nice eye-catching thumbnail and to give a lot of value in your video as well. It sounds like a lot to do, and it does take a while. But basic branding just requires some front-end work on your channel banner and thumbnails, and it will make all the difference. But as someone who's grown up from 0 subs to nearly 23k, the quality of the subscribers hasn't changed much in that transition. In fact, I get a lot more respect now that I have a larger audience. When you're small, the trolls like to come and discourage and the troll-splain things to you about how you're doing it wrong. But I have had some people who've been with me since the very beginning. Once you get to about 1k, things start to change a bit and you're looked at as more of an influence. And that's when I started getting a regular crew of about 10 people or so that would watch all my videos and comment on them. And most of them are still with me.

Yeah. It's quite a bit. Now, for some people (like Ralph Smart for example), his video production time probably doesn't take that long because he's good at freestyling and he just films videos straight through on location with natural lighting. So, his production time is probably just recording, color correction, and uploading. So, he can probably churn out three or four videos in the time it takes me to make one. But it is quite time consuming, for sure.

That's true. I'm recording one today though. I'm trying to get back on the horse.

- Generally, the better quality videos and the more consistent branding you have, will have a strong impact on your ability to keep people's attention. Everyone has to set themselves apart and professionalism and unique branding play a role in that... That and the quality of the content you provide. - 30 minutes, I would guess, probably won't quite do it. Your best bet as a time saver is what Leo does. He doesn't edit his videos, but just records them straight through. I can't do this, as I need cuts. But if you can record straight through easily, this will save you a few hours you would have spent on editing. He probably also has a studio set up in his home that he keeps consistent. I film in my bedroom, so I have to move the mattress and box out into the hallway. Then, I have lights and camera to set up, and to make sure my green screen is stretched. Chances are Leo just has to sit and record. Also, his make up routine is bound to be a lot shorter... if he has one. - But I don't think men and women differ in this way. People appreciate high quality images and unique branding. There are people like Ralph Smart and Aaron Dougherty that have very simple set-ups who do a video every day. But there branding is on point and they really set themselves aside from other people. - Also, you have to consider social media marketing and search engine optimization or no one will ever find your videos... unless you get extremely lucky. - Also, posting consistently is highly recommended. But there are people who don't post very regularly that still have a successful channel. But it's a best practice that you're a lot more likely to be successful if you do it. j Basically, my advice is to not skimp on branding or professionality because I've seen TONS of beginning YouTubers that have hundreds of videos and only have like 100 subscribers. And quality and branding is severely lacking in those channels. There is nothing setting them aside as a personality. And the quality of the video recording and thumbnail make people a lot less likely to engage with their work. And channel art goes a long way too. So, my recommendation is not to skimp on any of this because it will absolutely affect your ability to attract the audience you want.

I'm a YouTuber. Ideally, I post once a week on the same day. The best days to do this is one weekends... especially Saturday and Sunday. I try to aim for a video every Saturday... but I'm failing at this now since it's been a couple of months since I've made a video. At any rate, do as I say, not as I do. It takes me about 1 hour to write the script. It takes about 1 to 2 hours to set up my camera/sound/lighting set up and do my make-up and hair. It takes me 1 and a half hours to film it and get a headshot for the thumbnail. Then it takes me 2 or 3 hours to edit and about half an hour to render. Then it takes about 2 or 3 hours to upload. While it's uploading, I make my thumbnail image which takes usually less than an hour. I also use this time to tag and title the video as well as to write a key word rich description. So, from beginning to the end of the posting and publishing phase, it's roughly 7.5 to 10.5 hours of dynamic work time. Then, I also spend a couple hours on the front end of posting my video to tweak it and get it closer to the top of the search rankings and optimize it in that way. I also share it out over all of my social media and to my email list. Research-wise, I mostly write intuitively about my own insights. But every now and again, I'll have to look up some information if I'm sharing something that someone else said... which I always give credit for. But most of the video is intuitively derived, so I don't do much research. Also, I never follow a script word for word. I have an outline where I have everything that I want to mention, then I try to convey it as conversationally as possible. I still have quite a few cuts in my videos though.

I have a YT channel, and I also have a coaching business. I just offer my services in life-coaching and allow the clients to pick whichever topics that they want to address. I've helped people with anxiety before. So, there is naturally going to be some cross-over with the field of psychology. The main difference is that you're not qualified to treat any illnesses. Also, life coaching is about helping people reach goals primarily. So, mental health itself is not the goal, as in psychology. The goal is to remove barriers to be able to live the lives they want to live. And you do so by facilitating exploration and asking questions. So, what I did was to make sure that I had a coaching agreement for everyone to sign and I really stressed in the agreement that I'm not a psychologist and that life-coaching is not meant to treat any psychological illnesses.

Transcending the attachment to sexuality (or anything else, for that matter) comes about gradually through shadow work, meditation, consciousness work, etc. It is not something that can or should be willed and chosen by you. It comes about on its own when it's meant to unfold, and it does so outside of the control of the conscious mind's decision to do so. If you try to stop yourself from having sexual needs, then you'll just end up repressing and having a "contents under pressure" situation. And you just end up with another restrictive ego structure to add to your identity that you'll call "purity" or "celibacy" or whatever it is. Either way, it will only be an affair of the mind and not the heart or body. So, my recommendation is to explore these sexual desires both meditatively and through actually experiencing the things you desire. Do not resist your emotions or condemn them... instead get curious about them and see where they lead. See what the actual desire is that lies below all other desires. Do not repress, embrace with curiosity and love.

I have to have a really high degree of trust in the person I am with to remain with them. I don't have any kind of tolerance for a man being lukewarm about the relationship and feeling like the rug may be yanked from under me. So, I naturally pick up on and weed out a lot of guys who are the cheating type and the non-committal types. So, if my partner were famous, I would probably act very similar to how I act now. I don't really get very jealous. And if he messed up once or twice over the course of our relationship, I would understand and forgive him since people can make mistakes, especially if they are in a situation where they are facing new-found temptations. But if it became an ongoing problem, I would break up with him because I would feel unstable in the relationship and would have to fear getting STDs as well as a whole slew of other potential issues.

If I were in the guy's position, I'd frame it as a question first. So, you could ask, "Hey do you like sushi?" And if she says yes, then invite her to a specific place that has sushi you want to take her to. Or if she says no, then ask her what her favorite kind of food is. Then invite her to a specific place that has that type of food. Same situations with movies but with genres. Ask, "Hey do you like horror movies?" If she says yes, invite her to a specific horror movie. If she says no, ask her her favorite movie genre and invite her to a specific movie in that genre. If she tries to change plans, then you can be flexible and give her another option. Chances are, if she understands the point of a date, she won't fight you on it. But if she does challenge you on it, just give other options.

Don't get too in the mind about it. Just say it if you feel it. But don't say it in anticipation of any particular outcome. That will add a lot of baggage to the moment.

Consider that you might have to be more direct with her if she's autistic. People with autism don't tend to pick up on social cues, so you may need to ask her very directly things that you could typically hint at with others. So, it may not be obvious to her to telly you that she had a great night with you because it just doesn't come onto her radar. Also, a lot of the subtle flirty/seduction stuff that RSD recommends may not really hit with her because it requires the ability to read between the lines. I recommend being a bit straight with her as to how you feel, as opposed to getting defensive or sending hints, which would both probably go down poorly and hurt her. Also, autistic people tend to be really into one thing. So, maybe Feminism is that thing for her. And she keeps going on and on about and is fixated upon it because she's autistic.

I recommend having a relationship for a few years before considering marriage. That might be looked down upon culturally, but you really need that to know if you're going to be compatible long-term. And since marriage is a strong commitment that will totally fuck up your life if you get it wrong, you should really know her EXTREMELY well and enjoy her company before considering marriage.

A lot of people are recommending that you do art every day. This can be good advice but is definitley not a requirment. Being a great artist doesn't require that. Also, don't try to be a great artist, because this aim will make you miss your mark. Learning about art and learning the basics is important, but it really comes down to what you're trying to communicate. It's not about competing to be the best artist. It's about birthing into reality, the internal contents in whichever way they want to come out. I recommend taking a few months and really immersing yourself in the basics. Check out book, "Drawing on the Right side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards. This will teach you how to see (because you don't currently know how to actually see) so that you can learn to draw/paint realistically if you want. Also become acquainted with the elements of art and the principles of design. These are really all the basic groud-work knowledge that you absolutely need to start developing your skills. There are other things to learn as well about color and reflective light and other things like that, but these are great tools for groundwork. Then, I recommend practicing with observation and drawing and painting. And with painting, learning how to mix colors to match the tones that your eyes are actually seeing. It's rare to use any colors directly out of the tube. I highly recommend working with nude models, since the flesh is like a really dull mirror and gets its color from reflecting other colors around it. So, you can find subtle reds, greens, blues, purples, oranges, and yellows in the skin tone and having these colors in there is really the only way to make the flesh look realistic. Otherwise, your just using a bunch of tans and browns, which is what the illusion of flesh as a mirror makes it register as to the mind. But there's really a rainbow in the flesh. And to a certain extend, everything has this mirroring effect to where you can find unexpected colors in things if you really start to perceive what you're looking at accurately. Then, after a few months of practicing and starting to have the insights necessary to have skill in art (which doesn't take very long), you can pick a topic to do a series on, so that you can explore a topic more deeply through your art. So, if you have a theme or concentration, each art piece can be like a staircase to descend yourself down into what you're hoping to communicate and birth into existence.

This is not true but I can see how the truth could be distorted to look like this from the outside. Women don't like to be below men in value and don't like to be treated as lesser. And if women are treated this way, she'll lock up and go into masculine mode and come at the man who suggests this swinging, if she has healthy boundaries. However, women do tend to like to take the receptive role in relationships and generally like to be feminine in relation to a masculine guy. It's just that society frames femininity as lesser than masculinity, so it looks like women want to be beneath men because there is an implicit assumption that to be feminine is lesser. But it's really just a different orientation to life and relationships that is more free-flowing and receptive. And it's fun to be lead by a man in many situations, as there is something romantic about it and it puts most women in a very soft and melty state that feels really good. But this is the case, if and only if they feel safe with that man and trust that he won't abuse his power. Otherwise, there is no capacity to be in that softened state and women have to harden themselves and be in the masculine to fight against the man that abuses his power and treats her as lesser. So, an imbalanced relationship relative to value and power, makes it to where women can't be fulfilled. So, your impression is the exact opposite of what women generally want... which can be summed up in the four masculine archetypes... King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. And relative to King and Warrior, there is an attraction to men who can be protectors. And being a protector implies the ability to lead and be aggressive and do violence if there is a threat. The problem comes when he instead uses that capacity to lead and be aggressive to harm the woman instead of protect her due to his lack of self control and lack of emotional integration and mastery. So, an attractive man is like a lion tamer with a lion. The more aggressive the lion is and the more self control the man has, the more attractive he will be as a partner because he has the capacity for aggression plus high levels of self-control and emotional mastery. A man with a weak lion is not attractive because his lion tamer has nothing to tame. A man with an unskillful lion tamer is not attractive because his lion won't obey him and it will wreak havoc on the lives of his romantic partners. The problem is when women can't tell that the man's lion tamer has no control over the lion. So, at once, I recognize why you would be under this impression that women like to be beneath men. But I also see how your lens distorts this pattern and makes it about a dominance/submission relationship between men and women instead of about a communicative/receptive relationship between men and women. Also, men who are always sexual with women and wearing their sexuality on their sleeves is a clear indication of an unskilled lion tamer. So, this also is not attractive. It comes off more as desperate and creepy. But a man whose sexuality subtly glimmers out through his platonic ways, is a very fetching man because it shows that his lion his fierce and that his lion tamer is highly skilled and has a lot of control over the lion. Tame lions are very fun to play with. Untamed lions are not.

Where's the intimacy at, if you're just going to play a fantasy role the entire time? Not to mention a fantasy role that's seemingly meant to cater to the sensibilities and proclivities of a 19th century gentleman. I think the desire to always fit into this role would eventually come to grate on a modern man's nerves, even if he appreciates the attention and care. This feels very steeped in the insecurity that a man will leave and the idea of FOREVER... which as an idea, ruins the beauty of a relationship. Relationships should not be polluted with the idea of eternity, as it destroys all present moments. And if a woman is clinging onto a man hard enough to sublimate herself into the idea of a fantasy woman, then the man will naturally be repelled and seek intimacy with a woman who can be real with him. Both partners should give each other love, intimacy, support, and care in the ways that they are best able to give and receive it. And in doing so they will feed eachother and the relationship, and the relationship will be worth keeping alive because everyone's needs are being met. And these bits of advice may or may not work to make a man feel loved, Maybe some men feel loved by a woman cooking for him. Maybe some men don't really feel loved through acts of service such as that. Maybe he would appreciate more if the woman took a vested interest in his passions. And finding out these unique ways to love your partner is the key to longevity if longevity is what you want. And I'm all for treating a man very well in a relationship and appreciating what he contributes, and even spoiling him a bit from time to time . But this entire post feels like a very surreal bit of advice to give to contemporary woman-folk. It feels like some old 1950s ad that's really meant to sell some kind of product to desperate housewives.

I think the main thing is to cultivate sensitivity and receptivity. And the latter is contingent upon the former. So, you can start by getting in touch with your emotions more, and to practice expressing from them. That way, as you own your femininity, it will be genuine and not just a caricature of femininity. So, cultivating emotional sensitivity is key. You could also look into various tricks to accentuating your feminine attributes. But this is just 20% of the battle.