Emerald

Thank you for letting me know. I actually didn't know that there was a forum associated with that site. Thank you also for your kind words.

Thank you! I just now saw this post. It's very encouraging to me.

You're welcome.

I'm in St. Augustine but my husband's cousin lives in Orlando and so does my friend Larry.

I think the thing that's most valuable about these types of questions is not any particular answer that comes up, but the realization that they can't really be answered. Also, it helps us get into a state of receptivity and open-ness to new ideas and insights because we realize that we can't really have any answers that are 100% or even 1% certain. Mundane reality is truly a mystery and a miracle.

I decided to make a video about how to integrate the inner opposites (masculinity for a woman/femininity for a man) after having this discussion on here with you. So, you'll want to integrate the Animus to get in touch with your masculine side. I hope that it's helpful to understand what constitutes a feminine trait and what constitutes a masculine trait by defining them under the idea of Yin and Yang.

I'm the same only I'm an INFJ with almost 50/50 on P and J. I'm like 80% I 99% N 60%F 51%J... if memory serves.

My recommendation is to spend a few months breaking bad habits and replacing them with good habits. For example, every time you get the urge to drink, do drugs, or watch TV you could instead do something productive. So, spend a few months establishing this habit first because you're going to need to fill that void with something. So, it might as well serve you until you work through the need to avoid being in the void. You have to crawl before you walk and walk before you run. But once you've spent about 66 consecutive days (100% commitment) establishing this habit (which is how long it takes to rewire your mind to do an activity automatically) then you can purchase the life purpose course.

True.

This is not true. You've always been God and never have you not been that for all of eternity. But there is a realization that occurs that you are God, that doesn't happen on the intellectual level but on a much deeper level. This is enlightenment. The ego never really has control over what is created as there is no self to have control. This is why our thoughts don't directly create our reality because our thoughts too are a manifestation of God (aka the higher self). But the higher self (God, the true nature, consciousness, etc.) creates the reality. It is what you really are and always are and always have been. But this is obscured through the trickery and illusions spun by identification with thoughts and the self-concept. So, if you personally want to manifest dragons, the higher self likely does not want to destroy the reality that it has created. Why would the higher self defy the laws of physics simply to please the ego's desires? It has greater wisdom and will optimize its expansion, even if it means going completely against the desires of the ego-self.

There is likely relative truth to it, as the realization of enlightenment is basically that all is one thing and that one thing is you and that one thing is also God. So, as God, you are the creator of reality itself and can manifest into this reality whatever you want. But it's not quite as simple as thinking positive so that positive things come about. As JJ said, there is really no such thing as positive or negative. So, to think positively doesn't make positive things come as it already pre-supposes that things are negative or undesirable in some way to begin with. To try to manifest things in this way comes from the ego, as the ego is the only thing that labels experiences as positive or negative. The ego has no power to manifest... only the higher self (aka what you actually are) has this power. But it doesn't likely want to manifest things that simply please the desires of the ego. I would imagine (though I'm not sure) that the higher self wants to manifest to itself whatever causes it the greatest level of expansion. So, if that's by making you rich, it will manifest that. If it's by killing you in a fire, it will manifest that. It's a very impersonal force. However, there are probably ways to manifest more pleasant things and greater levels of fulfillment by releasing resistance and creating more pathways by which the higher self can expand itself. But this is all conjecture based only upon what makes sense to me, so take it with a grain of salt. But my advice for manifestation using the law of attraction is to manifest emotions and not things or particular external outcomes. So, for example, if you have a desire to be rich, it's not because you want the money. What you really want is the feeling that you associate to the money. So, don't try to manifest the money but put yourself in the feeling-space of that desired feeling as though you already have it. It may or may not manifest the money but it will give you what you really wanted all along anyway.

I'm glad that it was helpful to you. Thank you for supporting my channel too.

It's hard to zoom out enough from the personal to pick up on the love. But from what I've experienced, everything is one thing and the nature of that one thing is love. It's as though the entirety of reality is "crafted" out of love itself. This becomes self-evident when we can see things in a non-dual way that is unattached to the personal. The ideas we have about love as human beings are mostly about personal preferences, pleasure seeking, pain avoiding, and attachment. But these are short-sighted ideas of what love is and rely heavily on make-believe ideas like significance, meaning, value, and having a point. These are more akin to admiration and trying to get somewhere. So, we see things as good/evil, significant/insignificant, worthy/worthless, pleasure/pain, creation/destruction, up/down, life/death, big/small, good/bad, etc. But these are all false dichotomies based upon illusion. That said, I personally prefer a world that has a minimum of suffering and a maximum of happiness. But these are just preferences and have nothing to do with reality. Reality is always perfect, every second. There is nothing ever wrong with it. It is what is and what is, is love. But it doesn't help to actually experience this love too much to know intellectually that it's there. But it helps me to remember that the love is always there when I start to slip into existential crisis mode. I'm lucky in that I've experienced it before, so it's reassuring. Existential crises are just another part of the personal development path. You will always run across them. Just keep yourself on track and don't get discouraged. If happiness and fulfillment is what you're after, just keep digging and you'll eventually come out on the other side. But the dig itself is very emotionally uncomfortable... but totally worth it.

There is no point in life, just as there is no true center of the universe. Once you truly transcend the need for life to have a point, you will experience firsthand the infinite unconditional stone-faced love of the thing referred to as God, even in the midst of the chaos. God is not just good. God is all: good, bad, and ugly. God is the girl that got lynched, the people who lynched her, the rope that was used, every tear cried, every drop of blood shed, and every horrified bystander (such as yourself). The thing to understand about having direction, despite life being objectively pointless, is that human beings are all fundamentally seeking one thing: happiness and fulfillment. So, go in whichever direction will bring you the most long-lasting happiness and joy. Don't worry about finding a meaning or a point or anything like that. Those things are just the measuring sticks of the human mind. They don't really have any reality outside of the human intellect. Treat this life in the way that a child treats a trip to the playground. It doesn't have to mean anything... just go learn and play. Don't try to rationalize the importance and significance of the playground... just play.

Wisdom, I find is like an internal living breathing ever-changing river that already has every insight that you could ever hope to know. We can either be in touch with or out of touch with it, but it's always there to be accessed and changes moment to moment. You can't find it externally... only internally. It's the mother-load of insights, visions, and inspirations and has an intelligence on its own. Insights are particular realizations that come up from being in touch with wisdom. But as soon as they are communicated or solidified as an ideology/belief, they are no longer wisdom but knowledge. Particular insights can't be communicated or remembered as wisdom... they can only be communicated and remembered as knowledge. Wisdom is only wisdom when accessed in the present moment. I don't know how to describe awareness. Nothing comes up that feels right.

Having read your post, I suspect that your desire for aloneness comes from resistance to intimacy instead of a genuine desire to be with yourself. I would recommend committing to making a real connection to another human being. Make a real friend. You may feel like you're alone in the way you think, but you're not. You just have to find someone that's willing to accept you as you are that you can go to deeper levels with. You should try to experience one relationship that's gone right. Right now, it seems like you're using various ideas to lie yourself into cutting out other people because you just don't see it work out. I would look up "avoidant attachment style" to see if it fits you.

I was going to say that's Durga not Kali but Durga is just a different personification of Kali.

I just made a video about the discomforts of seeking enlightenment. I've been experiencing the same kind of depressing feeling and conceptions that you are. I even thought of the machine metaphor that you came up with. It's funny how people on the same path tend to see the same trees. I hope that it's helpful.

People have the natural way that they are. Most men are more masculine than feminine. Most women are more feminine than masculine. There are many exceptions to this though. And everyone has both energies. But the thing to be understood about sexual polarity is that the masculine/feminine ratio is pre-conditioned and inherent to the individual through biology. Just like gay people can't change the fact that they're gay, a person can't change their unique ratio of masculinity or femininity. So, this is why authenticity is so important to sexual chemistry as opposed to trying to gravitate toward one polarity or the other. You may believe that you want a polarly feminine woman (and on the raw reptilian brain sexual level this may be true) but what you really want from a real relationship is a woman who complements your unique ratio. But masculinity and femininity are just about impossible to fake. I can always tell when a man is pretending to be more masculine than he is... just in the same way that a masculine woman can wear a pound of make-up and dresses but it doesn't actually make her more feminine. The problem is that many of us want to be wanted sexually, and we're afraid that being ourselves and not polarizing ourselves will make us less desirable. But this polarization makes us less attractive... not more attractive because it kills the passion and internal life between the masculine and feminine energies that ebb and flow inside of us all.

I agree that there's a lot of negative projection. This is due to being raised in a Yang oriented society and valuing Yang but having a nature reflective of Yin. So, there's an unconscious judgment of self that they project upon other... at least very often this is the case. I'm guilty of this myself. I value Yang a whole bunch and have built my identity around it since childhood, as a person who lives in a Yang society. But I am naturally more Yin. So there is pain there that (if I hadn't done extensive work on myself) I would likely project onto men. But I don't think most reasonable women involved in the Feminist movement are trying to lower men's wages. I think they just want equal wages. Now, as far a the Feminists who scream at men on Tumblr... that's a different story. There are stupid people in every group. But all the Feminists that I know, including myself, are very concerned with men's welfare as well and don't want to take things away from anyone. They literally just want equality. But the dumbest people are always the loudest people too. It's funny how that phenomenon happens. It's why we can't have nice things.

The issue here is that the majority of societies only see femininity in relation to the masculine lens or are just unaware of what femininity (as a non-gendered principle) actually is: Yin. Femininity has been historically see only as beauty, weakness, motherhood, irrationality, burden to society (in agrarian societies), and hyper-sensitivity. But this is due to social unawareness of Yin qualities which is so much more expansive and valuable than these social caricatures of femininity. So, if a man took on the social caricature of femininity, then that would be very negative indeed as the social caricature of femininity is very limited and unhealthy, indeed. But if men and women both took time to develop the full depth and breadth of their feminine qualities, it would help society solve its deepest issues. The problem is that we don't like femininity as much because the social caricature of femininity is so much less appealing than the masculine principle. Real feminine qualities are things like: compassion, creativity, open-mindedness, exploration of mystery and paradox, a connection to the unconscious mind, connection to our instinctual nature, care for the Earth and its creatures, awareness of natural cycles, the ability to accept and flow with life, emotional connection, emotional intelligence, peace, intuition, unconditional love, beauty, motherhood, a connection to the non-rational, acceptance of the many deaths in life, exploration of the internal experience, respect for darkness, stillness/meditation, receptivity to wisdom, etc.

Not irrationality. The non-rational. There's a big difference there. Irrationality is part of shadow femininity which is the negative archetype that wakes up in people when they repress their masculine side. The non-rational itself is nature and is part of the healthy feminine archetype. It is the complexity and mystery of being which incubates and gives birth to all things. It precedes and supersedes rationality as it is the reality from which rationality makes its observations and generalizations. It is primary, just as the womb and the mother is primary. This is why it is part of the feminine archetype. All people share a connection to the non-rational as children of Mother Nature, but feminine people (usually women) are generally more in alignment with it. Although any person can work toward building a connection to the non-rational. But most women learn to repress this connection to the non-rational because society denigrates it and people like to crack jokes about women being irrational. That's why the world sucks so bad.

This is actually a very common hang-up for girls and women. There are a lot of strange expectations that can be difficult to let go of if you value the appearance of socially acceptable femininity, which is unfortunately constrictive.

Basically, all the stuff that Leo goes over in his videos relative to the external experience. It's a lot like our anatomy. The external is masculine, the internal is feminine. So, life purpose, goal-setting, enacting your agenda on the world, rationality/logic, individuality, transformation/change, intellect, doing, strength, stoicism, results, discernment, etc. To develop your feminine side you would cultivate compassion, awareness, a connection to the unconscious mind, embracing paradox, being, exploring the mysterious and non-rational, unconditional love, emotional awareness of self and other, etc. Masculinity is like the daytime and femininity is like the nighttime. But in relation to what Leo said above, as a joke, in our society acceptance of the body's natural functioning is still quite taboo in women. This is evidenced by deep cultural attitudes about female sexuality and female body functions. It's why Leo's joke is funny and a perhaps bit unsettling for those of us in the "fairer" sex who value a proper feminine appearance. But farting has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity... even though our cultural attitudes suggest otherwise.

There's no need to deal with his anger. Just move out. If I recall, you're right about at that age anyway. You could get a room mate or something of that nature. Heck, even if you have to couch surf or be homeless for a while, go ahead and do it. Life is too short to deal with dysfunctional parents. Push yourself out of the nest, you'll be surprised at how easily you'll fly.