Emerald

Well, that might not read quite as well as the situations are a bit different. Men tend more-so to be empowered by being men and developing their masculinity because masculinity is much less shrouded in the collective shadow than femininity is. So, for a man, the idea of being a man and developing one's masculinity can be a self-esteem boost and encourage a man toward personal development. There are some double-edged swords here, of course. So, it's not hazard free. But it's a lot closer the surface of collective consciousness. For a woman, it's always a mixed bag of the most positive and negative things to embody femininity. So, a woman who is not ready to embody the feminine, can really get knocked down the rabbit hole of low-self esteem by trying to embrace their femininity as to embrace the feminine is to have the shadow projected upon you. You really have to unpack a lot of baggage for it to be empowering, and most people aren't clear enough for it. And part of unpacking that baggage has to do with setting Feminist beliefs aside for a time and letting the shadow of misogyny penetrate you to see what it is, where it comes from, how to dismantle it, and how it resides in ourselves. There are a lot of ancestral wounds around womanhood and femininity surrounding oppression, it's not so easy to feel empowered by trying to be more feminine which is often seen as disempowering by its very nature. And this is the way that it's unconsciously taught. Most women, when they were children, came to a fork in the road where there seems only to be two paths. The first path is in the direction of the societal script around femininity, which is very disempowering and narrow. It's either too sexualized/objectifying or reflects a narrowing down to only the feminine/care-taker role. Not much can grow in that box. And women who choose this path will be stunted in their growth. The second path is to reject their femininity and embrace their masculinity as a means of empowerment and then rebrand masculinity as neutrality and consider it to be just a social construct. Now, this path is far superior to the former narrow box of the societal script around femininity but it ultimately cuts women off from their feminine power source, where the majority of feminine growth is to be had. But to really find the feminine, you have to dig your own path and open yourself up to the awareness of the feminine wounding. You really have to dig yourself open to do this. And you must cast aside desires for significance or status, which is difficult for a woman on the second path to do as she probably cast off her femininity as a child to be accepted, praised, and seen as valuable/valid to begin with. The woman on the first path will never even get to this point. But a woman on the second path can come to the threshold of it and lose heart as it makes her face directly with what she fears. And this is a very vulnerable thing, where you come face to face with your own internalized misogyny and self-loathing. And you come to grips with many disturbing truths about your place in society in this work. But you also find many hidden treasures in the dragon's lair, so to speak. Once you've done it, you are much more receptive and in touch with your emotions. And you can become a source of refuge for people. The feminine can't survive much in such a hyper Yang environment. So, it is quite rare to find someone who can really be receptive and empathetically hold space for others and truly embody the feminine. And you also become much more intuitive and are able to flow downstream more easily. Also, society tends not to value the traits within the feminine principle very much. So, there feels like there's not a lot to gain but a lot to lose in being more feminine. So, most women will balk at the suggestion to be more in touch with the feminine, because what it translates to is often a nullification of what they actually are. There are people everywhere that are always trying to cast away the feminine while simultaneously fetishizing it. So, women tend to have quite an allergy to such a notion... as do I. So, I'd be unlikely to make that kind of post because I know that I'd be stepping on toes. It can be like lemon juice on wounds for a lot of women to receive any advice on being more feminine. And many would at least regard it suspiciously. It's a painful and uncomfortable thing to traverse. And in order to embody the feminine truly, you must be incredibly iconoclastic and willing to face with many subconscious monsters. It's not something to dabble in.

Competition and the ability to fight and stand one's ground has its practical place, when there are real things at stake. And this does happen quite often when a person is in a leadership type position. But the average person comes across instances where this is necessary as well. So, it's not as rare as you think. A person who is looking to develop their masculine side should learn to set and enforce boundaries as necessary. They should be able to stand their ground and draw lines in the sand and embody the archetype of the warrior. And when a man is able to embody this archetype among many others, he feels like he's more in tune with his masculine energy. If someone doesn't have this skill developed, there is weakness and they can be easily deterred from their path and not able to access the fire of the warrior as they always default to the receptivity of the element of water. So, someone who's in their masculine should be like a fierce lion with a very skilled lion tamer that exerts effortless control over the lion through attunement. Don't make the fierceness of the lion bad. Don't banish the lion from the man. The ability to protect is also the ability to cause harm. But in order to wield this sword properly, the lower nature of the lion must be tamed and channeled toward higher pursuits. But never does the ability to be a lion get left out of the equation. The lion is necessary for the development of the masculine. Now, the example that the other poster gave is a little out there, as that's a very unlikely scenario and it's a bit nationalistic. But there are really hazards and boundary breaches to navigate, and one needs the lion to effectively handle them.

Absolutely correct. Women generally don't have a lack of respect for men they're not attracted to. They just see them as people and as friends. It's a neutral experience, because women are usually only attracted to one or perhaps a few guys at a time. Most men will read as neutral to women... but not as losers. On the other hand, I feel like a sizable number of men have a lack of respect toward women they're not attracted to, then they project that onto women and assume that lack of respect is what lack of interest means. But it's just a projection of their own patterns and tendencies to write off unattractive women and see them as lesser, that comes back to bite them.

That's why I also included romantic intentions in general in the last post. It's not just guys who are looking for sex that do this. It's guys who are looking for relationships too. So, make no mistake, it will make her lose respect for you and will make her feel really shitty if she values your friendship. Now, I'm sure this has happened to her before, because it happens to women a lot. And either way, it feels very objectifying to have a guy that you thought cared about you genuinely as a friend, up and leave when he finds out that you don't see him that way. That's what it is to be fuck-zoned. So, pretending to be her friend in hopes that you can get into a relationship, feels only slightly less objectifying than if you were just pretending to be her friend to get into her pants. If it happened to you in that way, you would know and hate the feeling. But unfortunately, you'll probably never experience it to know how it feels.

Yes. If I like him enough to want to be with him, chances are I'm already friends with him. So, I will not stop being friends with a guy just because he doesn't like me back. If I do that, then that makes me a really bad friend and means that I never really cared about him to begin with. Also, as a woman, I know from personal experience that it hurts to be fuck-zoned. A guy pretends that he wants to be friends with you, but he just wants to have sex with or date you. Then, when you tell him that you don't see him that way he says he felt like he wasted his time or something like that. It feels very objectifying.

+1

The culture is definitely disingenuous because it's largely made up of men (mostly young men) who feel a sense of lack in themselves and they project that getting women's approval will fix that lack. But that sense of lack is internal and cannot be fixed that way. Now, I think learning some seduction techniques and ways to approach and date and all those things are perfectly fine. It's good to know the lay of the land. But overall, the community surrounding pick up, feels to be a very immature version of masculinity. And as a woman, I find it obvious and off-putting. And men who get attached to the techniques and culture, don't feel like women will like them for who they are. And they are compensating for those self-esteem issues through the continuous search for female sexual validation. They think they NEED techniques for a woman to be interested in them. And furthermore, they think they NEED a woman to be interested in them to be worth a damn. Overall, if a guy is between 18 and 25, and he's into pick-up, I suspect he may grow out of it once he's been around the block a few times. A man who grows and matures in the natural way without being stunted will transcend it quite quickly. In fact, experimenting sexually and being a bit promiscuous in the early 20s or so is probably quite normal and healthy and part of the growth process. But if a guy is over 25, and has already had more than a couple years of success in dating and sleeping with women, I tend to think he's just using pick-up as a crutch at that point. At that point, it's simply to cover up insecurities, and avoid true intimacy and vulnerability with a partner. And of course, this type of guy really won't be good for women. Overall though, I see why it exists. It's normal for men to want to be more attractive to women. The problem comes with the fact that most men in that culture are also having an internal battle with their own feminine side. And that becomes toxic very quickly. Lots of Anima possession going on in pick-up groups.

You project so many imaginary powers onto us women. And then you get angry and jealous at the power you've projected upon us, and try to drag us down off of the imaginary pedestals that you put us on, in your mind. It's the most neurotic thing ever. Can you not see that your brain is infested with the cruel whispers of imaginary women who pull all the strings? And the more you fight against those imaginary women, the stronger the illusion becomes. It's really a devil's circle. You're like a dog nipping at your own tail... then making obsessive and conspiratorial posts about the vindictive nature of ninja squirrels (aka your own tail) that's always slightly out of your reach. And you're warning other dogs about it too... and certainly some will fall for it. When are you going to realize that you're only just bitter and jealous at the inside of your own head?

I think he's going more hypothetical with this one. Like, imagine that the actual truth were not what is. Instead in this imaginary reality, the truth is that, when you wake up it's eternal hellfire and suffering. And hellfire and suffering is the absolute truth, genuinely. If so, would you still pursue it, when things get worse in realizing this absolute Truth is this hypothetical version of reality? It's an interesting question.

There is probably nothing that you could've done. I think one very harmful misconception in pick-up/dating circles is the idea that your lack of (x,y,z) caused the woman to be disinterested. It is an empowering thought because it makes men feel more in control of their dating lives. But it's a double edged sword because a man will be made to feel responsible for something he had no control over in the first place. But it's a very enticing half-truth. So, it's difficult to drop.

I'm not saying that you necessarily are breaking social folkways. But when it comes to having deep feelings in general, there are social folkways around the expression of that. So, if you want to express your feelings honestly, you'll have to be mindful of them. So, it's not about fixing your feelings but about filtering your feelings through the lens of those social folkways. But I don't think it's out of bounds to want closure. My main point is that your feelings are not wrong, but to be mindful of how you express them relative to social norms and others' boundaries. This is general advice and not specific to what I'm observing. Also, it's important to realize that, even if you do all the "right" things, there is never a guarantee. There is no method to love. It has so much to do with chemistry and intuition in her experience which is no fault of your own. And particularly, with regard to women who have traumas and blockages, it doesn't have to do with anything you did or didn't do. It's just her own internal thing that she has to deal with. So, there is really nothing to fix, unless you want to sharpen your social acuity and find ways to authentically express without seeming needy. But I don't necessarily think that's the case, as I am not observing directly. Your first text looked very normal to me, and I didn't pick up on neediness in it. The second one was very long, which would indicate neediness. But given that that was the only means of communication it makes sense for you to get closure.

Well, at the end of the day, there is no sure-fire way to make a woman fall in love. Attraction can be garnered in some cases. But love is a different story. And this is especially true for a woman who is guarded and who's still doctoring old wounds and trying to hide them. She cannot feel the way you do because there is pain, and there's not much you can do about that. So, in this case, I'm thinking that it's more related to her pain and insecurities keeping her from relaxing into her feelings. It was probably easy to do before she started to feel that way. But once she did, she probably noticed a vulnerability. Then, she saw what were red flags to her in the nature of the FWB realtionship and the RSD thing. Since she has had the wool pulled over her eyes in the past, and she doesn't have a clear intuitive sense for who's playing her and who's not. So, this is probably why she became defensive and lost feelings. She couldn't take the risk. Now, it's normal to feel the way that you do. It may not be seen as very manly. And it could go over the bounds of social folkways as well. In which case, there are ways to express authentically and honestly without being out of bounds in this way and maintain social acuity. But getting strong feelings for a woman you're sleeping with is normal. That's what's supposed to happen. Biologically, you'd be together for quite some time raising a child together if you'd had sex in the caveman days. So, feelings are normal. Now, if you're making it mean something about yourself or your status or something, then of course that shows a self-esteem issue. But it's normal to feel deeply, as long as it's expressed properly without going out of bounds. And you should respect her wishes about not contacting her. So, you will have to process this in a different way. But you have to tune out all these pick-up half-truths if you want to accept your feelings and learn to express them in a copacetic way, because it won't work for these matters.

For most women this is at least a red flag. And for many women it's totally a deal-breaker. Women, who are relationship oriented in general, are looking for a man who is oriented toward stability and settling down. So, the RSD thing calls that into question. Very uncomfortable for most women who are looking for security and stability. Now, you can get lots of sex that way as a man. You will have success with that. But you'll tend to scare off anyone who may have been interested in a serious relationship.

I don't think you should hold anything back. But you should have been more up front and had the interaction in person. Now, I know she wouldn't have wanted it at that point. But women appreciate it when a guy is up front about these things. Now, if there is an incongruence in feeling... or even capability to feel, there will be issues. She will probably feel uncomfortable. So, be mindful of that. But just be more open with communication in general and own how you feel without worrying about neediness. Because it is only you being needy that makes you care about expressing emotion and potentially showing neediness in the first place. Basically, be real and be confident that you will attract some women just by being how you are. And avoid the dealbreakers. That's all you really need to do to attract the right woman. But if you want abundance and excitement, then do the stuff. Also, don't listen to the guy who just posted. For most women, bringing them to an RSD event would at least be a red flag and for many a deal breaker. Now, I'm not saying you couldn't find anyone who's okay with it. But by and large, most women at least have a bad taste in their mouths about it.

The 'neediness' seems to come from emotional investment that isn't returned. So, you're in the deep end hoping that she'll meet you there. This comes up naturally as a byproduct of being emotionally invested and wanting the other to be just as invested. Everyone feels this way, and that's normal. The problem with it comes more from interacting with partners who are unable to meet you in that depth, and the incongruence can be quite nerve-wrecking. Now, there should perhaps be some skills developed for how to express that degree fo emotional investment openly and honestly in a way that doesn't burden another person or go over their boundaries. And getting practice with being able to give space and detach. So, in this way there is not a maturity. But the desire for emotional connection and depth and intimacy that you have takes some maturity to develop. Many people end up desiring sex and excitement, which is quite easy. But it's harder to remain open and vulnerable and in touch with the emotions. So, it comes down to being oriented in a more mature way but expressing that which comes from that orientation in a way that's not tactful. Also, not being able to read the cues intuitively as to who is and isn't capable of meeting you where you are. And this is where the lack of experience comes in. So, the depth is very mature. The other things are not so much. But it seems you're trying to fix the mature and authentic part to fit more in with the schema that you've learned and others operating under that schema. Instead, you should focus toward women who are capable of going to the same depths as you are and who desire depth and intimacy. It takes a bit longer to simmer, but it's infinitely more fulfilling to be with such a partner.

No, you're level 3 in your orientation toward more mature relationships, but coming up from level 1 in terms of your experiences. But perhaps you're more level 2 in the way of experiences if you've had hookups and all that. So, that was maybe a bit of a mistake on my part. So, the emotional maturity is there because your heart is more open, but it seems you have doubts and probably would have a hard time imagining a woman that meets you where you are because you've experienced only hookups. Hookups really only work for those at level 2 who aren't very open or those who are just experimenting. If you're level 3 experiencing the level 2 world, eventually you'll desire something deeper. Too much uncertainty and drama and blah-ness at level 2. Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level.

I agree. It's really showing you that you want a deep connection with a particular woman. In which case, you'd need to work on your sense of self worth a bit to have confidence... not trying to be "the confident guy" but just enough for you to feel comfortable being who you are... which is already enough. And just be authentic and have a great time while staying inside the lines socially. You can also learn a thing or two about what women generally respond to if things seem to be escalating. That's no problem. But ditch cold approach and FWB situations and gaming techniques. As they won't be fulfilling for you or her. And you'll be finding women who are responsive to that, who are notoriously not very in touch with their feelings or intuition and don't have that "one person in particular" thing that you are capable of and have preference toward. The problem is that you're a 'level 3' guy with mostly 'level 1' experience, using 'level 2' techniques which attract 'level 2' women. But level 2 women will hurt a level 3 guy who has level 1 experience because he is much more in touch with his emotions and is more mature than they are but also doesn't have experience to contrast with healthier relationships. So, the levels represent development in regard to relationships. With level 1 being no experience and victim's mentality. Level 2 being about relatively shallow but exciting connections, mostly done to compensate for low self-worth. Level 3 being about sharing deeper levels of intimacy with another person. You're oriented toward a more mature relationship naturally. But you don't have much experience and don't yet know how to make that happen. But the techniques that you're employing are not well-suited to finding the thing that you want because that advice is much more oriented toward abundance with level 2 women instead of depth with one particular level woman who is capable of meeting you where you're at. Instead try to build platonic relationships with women (through warm approach), and see where they go. And if you begin having feelings for a woman, then you can start some of the techniques. Not in a manipulative way, but moreso like curating the situation in a way. And the thing is that women like warm approach a lot better. So, a woman who has feelings for you will like you in particular for being who you are. And you don't have to get granular about how you are or how you're expressing yourself.

Well said. That's exactly what I mean. From my POV, I'm not going to be attracted to a guy who's really into game because I crave authenticity, intimacy, and depth. And most guys who are in that phase of dating are just not compatible and aren't capable of that depth of feeling, and I feel it on them. But there is no doubt that with the RSD techniques, they'll have success in sleeping with women. They could get tons of women to sleep with them. But they'll be finding mostly the type of women who are at a similar level of development and trauma as them intimacy-wise. But they'll take their success as being a truism about all women (or even most women). When it's really not true, probably about 30%-40% of women are susceptible and are in their potential pool of hook-ups. But a woman who is looking for a deep relationship will register a guy who's doing that kind of thing as an indicator that he can't meet her where she needs to be met. And no attraction will blossom from it. And if a guy is (unbeknownst to himself) really looking for a deep connection, advertising that he's into pick-up and doing the pick-up strategies will be seen as disingenuous for a woman who is tuned into that brand of inauthenticity... which women encounter all the time. And so, she'll naturally sort him into the "nay" category.

Kind of sounds like advice that might get him into the same predicament in the future with girls who have similar sensibilities about things...

Guy 2. No doubt. All the other ones seem to have something a little suspicious about them.

Yeah. It's really not a good idea to bring a girl (especially a girl who's been cheated on) to an RSD event. It will absolutely read to her like a "fuck lots of girls tour." I think a lot of pick up things tend to lead toward over-education to where you can't see the forest for the trees. This feels like it should be pretty obvious. Not trying to take a jab, but it is just how most women would interpret that, especially one with trauma around that type of thing. But I can also see the neediness in the recent text. You should have told her this in person. You would probably see more of her pain and gotten more out of her emotionally. But with text, she was more able to put on the bitch disguise as a defense. She may have been interested in you before, but then when you brought up the RSD stuff she started projecting ulterior motives onto you from her past experiences. And she started seeing you as a manipulator and player because of her projection. Now, I don't think that's true, as you seem very sincere. But women aren't used to men being sincere in the dating world because everyone's always running game, and she doesn't want to make the same mistake and get retraumatized. Also, when women see a guy that's into RSD or pick up, they might project more power onto them in the situation than they actually have, most of the time. So, they think of you as an Incubus of a guy who has no real emotions and just wants to fuck all the time and plays games to get it. But in reality, you're just a normal guy who's trying to get some success with women... probably from the standpoint of not having much success before you were into RSD. And now you have real feelings for her in a genuine way. But many women, especially those exposed to Tinder and the modern dating scene which is rife with entitled misogynists and fuck boys, won't see it as anything innocent because it feels antagonistic because of their past experiences. Because of this, a lot of women are disillusioned and either think and/or suspect that men aren't actually capable of having real deep feelings, and that it's secretly all about sex. So, a woman deep in the midst of this illusion will probably read your sincerity as a sneaky trick. That's probably why she put on that front about not wanting you for anything else than fucking. Women get that objectifying treatment a lot and get similar things said to them. And since she's assuming that you're treating her that way, she wants to make you feel just as objectified and worthless as she does. She probably did like you originally though. To be honest, she's probably pretty disconnected from the part of her that can genuinely love, and that's why she goes for FWB relationship. I can't imagine the FWB set-up be in any way satisfying to women, who are generally more motivated by the emotional depth of the connection in sex as opposed to the physicality. So, I tend to think most women who engage in those more casual situations are either experimenting with their sexuality, polyamorous, or looking for intimacy without having to go to scarier more emotionally vulnerable parts of themselves. The latter being the most common. So, they settle for company and the physical experience of sex as it's safer than true vulnerability.

What if you built a social media following for you art on Instagram/Twitter/Facebook, and then offered group classes over Zoom or Discord to your followers @ $20-$40 per 1-2 hour class. And if you get 15 people in each class, you'd make $300-$600 just for the amount of time creating the curriculum and the 1-2 hours that you'd be teaching it. You could also offer one-on-one lessons. So, you can do workshops on how to work with certain types of media like acrylics, ceramics, gouache, airbrush, etc.. You can do workshops on how to draw realistically. How to come up with creative ideas for art. etc. Do you feel like you're able to create a solid curriculum and teach and convey what you know and have skills in? If so, there are people out there that will want that service, especially if they enjoy your artwork that they found through social media platforms.

I have been in these situations many times... as the needy one and as the pursued.

Exactly

Men are the purchasers and women are the sales-people in this metaphor. And that's why the insistence that you know is very frustrating. You think you know about women because you've had a handful of interactions with them. But you've never been behind the counter of the store. I've been in this vehicle for 30 years, and been getting male attention for 18 of it. I know a thing or two about it. But you maybe have read a few books, listened to some videos by dudes online, and had a few interactions with women and you think you just know better.