Emerald

It's actually much easier to understand from a woman's POV because we are the audience of the pick-up attempts. And we're in the body/vehicle and know how it feels and what works and what doesn't. When male dating coaches and PUAs tell their audiences that you can't ask women about what they attracts them (i.e. Don't ask a fish how to catch them), it is just for business purposes. Otherwise, female dating coaches would put them out of business. And when PUAs say that these techniques work on all women, this is likewise a marketing strategy. It's not as appealing to say that 25% of women will be open to these techniques. It's much more effective to say "These techniques are universal and CAN work on every woman." It's important to be able to distinguish between marketing techniques and truth. I've been on the receiving end of pick-up since I was 12... over a decade before you even cracked the book open on the topic. Sure. There are certain qualities a man can have that have a more universal appeal. Yet, even these don't work on every woman. For example, I'm generally not very attracted to men who exude confidence. When I see a man with this quality, I don't see a match with me. I am generally attracted to men who are more reserved and who don't show their sexuality on their sleeves. There is more chemistry there. From the inside of the female vehicle, I can tell you that your ideas of female sexuality may work for the purposes of pick-up on some women... and a sizable minority of women at that. But most women will auto-filter you out if you're using pick-up techniques... because women have seen it all before. That's why your conversion rate is low. You have to play the numbers game because it doesn't work on every woman. And it isn't just the fact that you personally won't appeal to every woman... the techniques you use won't work on the majority of the female population. They only work on a percentage of the female population.

I'm sorry Leo. But this simply isn't true.

Polarity isn't something that can be put on from the outside by making yourself fit into stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. In fact, you can't make yourself more masculine or more feminine. They are fixed qualities. Everyone has an inborn masculine/feminine signature. Therefore, you can choose to be conscious of your natural signature and to express it authentically. Or you can repress it and try (unsuccessfully) to write something else over it. So, a man who is 80% masculine and 20% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 80% feminine and 20% masculine. A man who is 60% masculine and 40% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 60% feminine and 40% masculine. This is also true for polarization in same-sex couples. So, while it is true that opposites attract... you are thinking in incorrect ways about polarization. The only way to find your polar matches are to express what's actually there. If you try to cram yourself into some masculine stereotype, all you're going to do is reduce your own potency and ability to attract who you're most polarized to. It will dim your light and few moths will be drawn to it in an authentic way. Also, divorce rates were lower in the mid 1900s because it was a huge social stigma back then. It doesn't mean that people were happier. Once "no fault" divorce was allowed, the suicide rates for women dropped quite a bit. You can't determine the quality of a relationship based on longevity. And the divorce rate has NOTHING to do with how good relationships were back then. It's all about social expectations. And respect has little to do with what a person does for a living. Respect is derived from noticing someone who has virtues. Throw off the shackles of these stereotypes or forever feel alone having to perform a caricature of masculinity to be lovable.

Thank you. So I second EVERYTHING that @soos_mite_ah just said above. It really sums it up well. Now, I am 31 years old (about 10 years older than her) and I wish I had known about all these things back then. It has taken me a long time to work through internalized misogyny. But I would just add on these couple things that really messed me up for a while. Mind you, your gf is 20 in 2021, while I was 20 in 2009. A lot of things have changed since then in terms of the cultural landscape. So she may already know these things... First off, I wish I would have known more about female anatomy to guard against misinformation. For example, there was a general belief back when I was 20 (and before) that the number of times a woman had sex impacted the tightness of her vagina. But this is not true. The vagina is a muscle not a membrane. It isn't something that gets stretched out once and that's it. I remember me and my bf at the time being very concerned that sex would make us loose and thus undesirable. So, it gave us the sense that the more we had sex, the less desirable we were. Secondly, I wish I would have realized that the number of sexual partners that I have doesn't diminish my worth as a person nor does it diminish anyone else's worth as a person. When I was 20, I had only been with one guy... which I prided myself on. And I would secretly slut shame other girls/women (in my head) who were more promiscuous. Then, after 4 years together we broke up, and I had a brief promiscuous phase. I slept with 6 guys in 3 month... and 4 of those happened in two weeks. I felt very out of control of my boundaries and sexual behavior because I had a lot of sexual repression... due to the internal slut shaming. And it was a nightmare to me because I had gotten into this cycles of feeling very down on myself and like I'm not worthwhile. Then a guy would want to "hang out" with me, and I would convince myself that I would be able to set my boundaries and just enjoy the company. Then, once things turned sexual I was feeling so lonely and worthless (and also just genuinely liking sex), that I wouldn't set those boundaries and I would have sex, and feel very brief feelings of being worthwhile because the guy was enjoying me. But immediately afterward, I would feel even lower in myself than before because of slut-shaming myself. Then the cycle would begin again, where a man would show me interest and want to spend time with me and want to sleep with me. And this would give me a brief reprieve from the feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. And then afterward, I would sink even lower in myself. And the cycle would start again. And this was all because of feelings that my primary value was in my ability to please men sexually. And also in the simultaneous belief that women who redeem that value by having sex with a man are depreciating their value every time. So, it was this Catch 22 of a situation where I wanted to be valued for my sexuality as that was how I fathomed of the primary value of women (because I didn't like women/femininity much otherwise)... BUT if I basked in that value, it diminished it. It left me feeling like my sexuality didn't belong to me. And that there was simply no space for genuine sexual expression because the rules made it impossible for my sexuality to exist because of that Catch 22 situation. So, bottom line... - Know female anatomy to avoid misinformation that seeks to disempower women and discourage female sexual agency - Stop slut-shaming (internally and externally) - Notice and weed out internalized misogyny - The number of partners you've had has no impact on your worth as a human being - Your worth is based on a lot more than your ability to please men sexually - Men (young and old) who only value you based only on your ability to please them sexually are either immature and/or inexperienced. Mature men will value you as a whole person. - You don't have to be submissive or self-deprecating to attract a man - Your looks shouldn't determine your societal value... so reject it when people imply that - Setting boundaries is very important - It's okay to have a variety of sexual experiences as long as you really want them - Admit to yourself what you really want... be brutally honest with yourself about that - Misogynistic men are misogynistic because they either see you as having power over them OR are afraid you are superior to them... not because they actually see you as inferior. - Certain men may seek to devalue you because they feel unworthy of your attention. So, they try to take your self-esteem down a peg to try to even the playing field in their favor. - Femininity runs a LOT deeper than the societal conception of Femininity - Femininity is not weak or trite. It is quite radical and subversive of the status quo. - Seek solidarity with other women. - Don't buy into the narrative in 95% of teen movies where it's "feminine popular dumb girls vs nerdy intelligent cool girls". - Question any and all beliefs you have about womanhood, femininity, manhood, an masculinity - So much more...

Just a fun video of Trump and Giuliani back in the year 2000.

What must be understood is that the audience that Leo attracts consists predominantly of young men who are trying to improve themselves. So, in examining the desire to improve one's self, we can understand it as coming from two different origin points. The first is the natural drive towards self-actualization. The second is a desire to compensate for what is perceived to be lacking. Thus, Leo's channel attracts many people who are trying really hard to make something of themselves in order to compensate for feelings of self-hatred, inferiority, worthlessness, and the like. And misogyny is a symptom of that underlying vulnerability and fear of inferiority. This is especially true because men tend to project the determination of their worthiness (or lack-there-of) onto women who are seen in their eyes as the utmost judgers of male worth. And this projection comes with anger and bitterness towards women, because of the powerlessness they feel and the power that they project onto women. So, underneath all that misogyny is really a fear of unworthiness and unlovability. And it is not so surprising that a channel about self-improvement attracts such people.

Sure. I'll answer some questions. It's a very broad topic, so you can ask specific ones. The reason why 70%-75% of women aren't really open to PUA methods is because women get approached a lot. And 95%+ of those approaches come from guys who are just looking for sex or to puff up their self-esteem via sex. So, there is an intuition based in a multitude of personal experiences from age 12 onward about when guys are simply running game to get laid... Pick-up has a very "used car salesman" vibe... or like the people in the mall that try to stop you and sell you something. You may fall for it at first. But usually by 15 or 16, you can sniff it out fairly easily. This is ultimately why Leo talks about having such a low conversion rate when he does cold approach. Women are prone to experiences involving sexuality from a very young age. So, most women will see it coming from a mile away and will filter it out like your email provider filters out the majority of spam and phishing attempts. There are tell-tale signs. That said, 25%+ of women don't have that filter for one reason or another. This can be due to more negative things like low standards, desperation, low self-esteem, poor boundaries, naïveté, or simply a confusion about what they want. Or they may simply be looking for NSA sex too... kind of like the female version of a PUA. So, both of these categories of women might be open to cold approach. And I have found Teal Swan's insights into the female experience to be dead on the money. I feel that most men may have the impression that women have the upper hand in dating/relationships. That's true in the sense that you get a lot of male attention. But lots of male attention comes with A LOT of problems. Lots of men see you more as an idea and a drug than they see you as an actual human being. So, there is a need to be on guard quite a bit. It's like if you were prone to attracting zombies (zombies being specifically men who are just looking for sex) and you just carry a big stick with you now everywhere you go to fight them off (the stick in the metaphor being the auto-reject response).

All people do have some degree of trauma just for the very fact of living. So, there is that. But there are certain types of trauma that, when women experience them, that can lead them to seek partners who are distant or cannot love them. A lot of them have to do with their dynamics with their parents... especially their father. So, if their parents are cold and don't show affection. Or if they're aloof and not involved with her. Or if one (or both) parents leave her. There is also the pattern of internalized misogyny, which can be picked up from both home and society. I've dealt with this one a lot, despite being raised in a matriarchal household where my mom made almost all the decisions. In my family, the saying that was joked about a lot was, "Mommy's the boss. Daddy's the breadwinner." So, I never got any messaging around women being less capable or important or anything like that. But even still, I picked it up very negative views about women and femininity from the culture at large. So, when misogyny is internalized, it can lead women towards self-destructive things and a negative attitude towards themselves. It's the worst thing for self-esteem.

Understanding towards what end? If you want understanding for pick-up purposes, ask a pick-up artist. You can find a sizable minority of the female population (probably 25%-30%) who are open to pick-ups using those methods. That's what all those fish/fisherman quotes are about. If you want understanding for the purpose of developing a strong relationship with a woman, ask her about herself. There is no guarantee that she will have the degree of self-knowledge to answer you accurately. But even still, this is the best bet for developing intimacy. If you want understanding just to understand with no agenda other than to understand, then you can ask me. You can also listen to women speak about their experiences. Teal Swan also has some really accurate articulations of the female experience.

The word "obedient" has a much more negative connotation than the word "submissive". Submissive is an orientation within the relationship. It can refer to someone who is just being bossed around on the more negative side. But it can also just refer to taking a more receptive role in the relationship and it can draw to mind purely sexual dynamics as well. Obedient is just about obeying. So, there's a real domineering connotation to that word.

Real relationships are not based off of these stereotypical dynamics of dominant/submissive and alpha males and all that stuff. Have you had many deep long-term relationships? Sure, all that sub/dom stuff is fun to play with for sexy time. And it can be used to good effect in the attraction phase of the relationship. But when it comes to real compatibility and chemistry, these just aren't substantial enough things to genuinely bond over. You have to build a real friendship and appreciate each other for personality reasons. Also, if you notice, it's mostly men who buy into the whole "alpha male" thing. Women are usually a very person-centered when they aim to attract someone... not type-centered. So, a woman will be like, "I hope Tom likes me." She won't be like, "I hope an alpha male will like me." Or if she's on a dating app, it will be much more looks/personality/compatibility based than the whole "alpha male" stereotype. But more importantly, it just feels like you watch these videos and subscribe to these notions because they soothe you a bit. It appears that you might feel some degree of powerlessness because you put women up on a pedestal and feel like they will be the judge of your worthiness and lovability and that they have some kind of power over you (which is not the case). So, you might scratch an itch when you watch these videos because they drag women off of the pedestal you put them on. With no malice in my heart, I tell you that that's the energy that it gives off. It's the energy that you feel like you're unlovable, and so you seek to make women feel like they are less lovable to feel more worthy of female love and attention.

I watched a couple of his videos that you posted, just part the way through. And they're mostly just very "duh" messages. These are things that most girls know by the time they're 15 or 16 from just living in the world as a female human being. You usually have a handful of experiences with these types of guys that give you the lesson well before adulthood comes. It's actually really easy to tell when a man actually cares about you once you've had these experiences. And with even the slightest degree of intuition, you can weed out men who aren't into you and men who aren't mature enough to open up to love. It's very evident in a man's demeanor and behaviors. Trauma, on the other hand, can make a woman more prone to seeking out men who don't/can't love her... if her parents also modeled the same. And this is not something that can be advised away, unfortunately. It takes a lot of healing. And my biggest issue with this guy's "advice" is that it would only put lemon juice in those wounds by creating a false sense of scarcity of loving men (when there are plenty of men who are mature enough to love). The advice would be counter-productive for such a woman, as it would give her the impression that she has to settle for just anybody or it would make her outright resistant to any relationship to a man at all. Also, I noticed that the vast majority of the commenters are men who are really excited about this guys messaging, with next to no comments from women. And the comment I did see from a woman was just her saying something like "Okay. I guess I'm not going to give a fuck either. Just keep it moving." And now that woman will keep her heart closed. Now she will be always in competition to try to love the least in the relationship... perhaps in part because of this guy's messaging. So, it feels like the channel is less geared to "advice for women" and much more geared towards making men who are insecure about their prospects in dating feel more secure by hearing a man tell women how much of a disadvantage they're at in finding love and how rare men who can love are.

I'm not comparing myself out of a sense of insecurity. (Though I do have insecurities and always have) But truly, I do like the way that I look. I think I look just fine. That's why I give myself a 5 or a 6. I had brought up my perception of my looks-number simply so I could answer the question posed by the OP about how important looks are to women and to make my original point that I tend to be attracted to men who are about my looks-match... aka average looking guys. I'm an average looking woman, and I tend to be most likely to become attracted to average looking guys. And men who fall out of my looks-range (in either direction), I am far less likely to develop an attraction to them. So, I'm just as unlikely to not develop an attraction to a 9 as I am unlikely to develop and attraction to a 2. And that's because I'm a 5 or 6. This is how looks tend to matter for me. It's like my subconscious automatically weeds out anyone who isn't in the 4-6 range as potential partners. And I'm also aware that many men are not that picky with looks. And men who are mature and looking for something substantial will seek real chemistry and compatibility. This was not my concern when I made the post.

Here's a picture of me, making my debut down the frozen foods aisle of the Citrus County Walmart after the local pub closes. HELLO WORLD!

Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. I suppose it's all relative to the context. If I'm hanging out with a bunch of super-models, I'm a 2 in the looks department. But if I'm at Walmart at 3am in my hometown, I'm a solid 11. But I think 5 or 6 is the most accurate in comparison to other women who are about my age. I'm pretty average or slightly above. But average is good. I can't complain.

Not really. That's not what's appealing about men from my perspective.

Aww, thank you. I appreciate that. It's not even a conscious decision though. I've always been more likely to get the Cupid's-Arrow response towards an average looking guy than I am towards a super model looking guy, though an attraction is fairly uncommon for me either way. Perhaps it's a self-esteem thing. But I think it's more like I'm looking for someone who is congruent to me... but with an ever-so-slight imbalance where I can be the peacock.

A man's looks are an important factor. But there is a range of consideration. Now, I'm an average looking woman... maybe a 5 or 6. So, if a guy is between a 4 and a 6 looks-wise, I can become attracted to him. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will be attracted to him. That has to do with a multitude of other factors. But looks-wise, that's my range of ability to develop an attraction to someone. If he is under a 4, then I am unlikely do develop an attraction to him because his looks would be underneath my range. If he is over a 6, then I am unlikely to develop and attraction to him because he probably won't be excited by me or desire me, and that's a huge turn-off. I like to be the peacock of the relationship. But when an attraction does set in for me, I really appreciate the way a guy looks because of the way I feel about him. A good-looking guy on his own doesn't do much for me. But if an attraction sets in, I just love the way the guy looks. This is always the way it has worked for me.

It's not a survival need like food is. It's a psychological and emotional need. It's not needed to survive, but it is needed to thrive.

Whether a person has had a good childhood or a bad childhood, the need for socialization still exists. And needs must be met. It would be the same as saying, "People who say they don't need food and water usually had good nourishment when growing up. In that case you can become starved and dehydrated and still be nourished. Unfortunately it is not the case for everybody." The point that I'm trying to make here is that human needs are not optional.

Well said... especially with regard to shadow socialization cropping up when the need for healthy socialization isn't acknowledged or met.

"When you are proactive about building a good life for yourself and doing spiritual work, you need other people less and less to complete you. To the extent that your life is not well put together, the loss of people in your life will lead to huge catastrophe and deep suffering -- because you use these people as emotional crutches to avoid doing serious work. If you take this work deep enough, you will not need anyone for your happiness." The reason why I bring this up to you is because of what you'd said... and the message this might send to people. This is especially true for young people who may simply take you at your word and not investigate deeper. It gives the sense that developing social connection is optional, when it is a basic human need. Sure. Certain hardcore spiritual practitioners might become ascetic and forego their human needs for connection and sex... perhaps they may even forego their needs for food and water to a certain extent. And certainly, there is still the capacity to feel happy and fulfilled if a person dedicates their entire life to mastering the ascetic way of life. But by and large, this is terrible advice to give to the average person as they may starve themselves of their own needs and face negative consequences as a result. Most people cannot be fulfilled without their basic human needs being met. So, if they decide that they don't need socialization because "God needs nothing", this just leaves them in a holding pattern in the bottom layers of Maslow's Hierarchy and keeps them from reaching towards the higher levels of self-actualization. Also, with regard to your "emotional tampon" idea... I read what you wrote as a reflection of a personal aversion to intimacy and a subsequent rationalization where you regard that avoidance of intimacy as a symptom of your own higher conscious development so as to avoid the underlying issues with intimacy. Just some food for thought...

It's not an assumption that everyone is like me. In fact, I've been quite a loner for most of my life. But it is a fact that human beings need social interaction. We are a social species. That is the nature of our species. We've evolved that way over hundreds of thousands of years to live in cooperative societies with a strong social fabric. And without that, we face the consequences of being out of our natural element. But if you're used to being out of your element or have experienced negative things in regard to social cohesion, then you may have repressed the aspect of yourself that feels that need.

We can learn to adapt to situations where our needs aren't met if we can adopt a narrative that we don't need those things. But make no mistake, if you haven't had friends for many years, it's taking its toll. Needs are needs. If you don't meet them, there are consequences. You've just adapted to them and learned to selectively focus towards the positive elements of solitude.

Just popping in to say that sex during pregnancy is totally normal and healthy... in case you were under the impression that sex during pregnancy is unsafe.