Emerald

It sounds like your friend might have issues with self-love. It's likely that he feels like he needs to be #1 to be worthy of love. So, his competitive nature comes from the fact that every time he sees an opportunity fro competition, he takes it. Because only then, can he get his self-esteem fix. I'm a very competitive person, so I know the cycle firsthand. It's like chasing a carrot on a stick and ever so occasionally someone throws me a bit of Parsnips to appease me. But I never get the carrot... just the imitation. It sounds like you have a similar but less intense version of what your friend has that gets triggered only when he gets competitive with you. My advice is to work hard at doing what you're doing. Share with him whichever advice you feel comfortable with sharing with him. Don't feel compelled to tell him everything, but still give him a few pointers here and there. Be happy with your successes. And try to be happy for his successes or at least to accept them, even if he becomes more successful than you. And be aware of your emotions and what you're really after with regard to your business goals. Truly, all rivers lead to the same source. In any endeavor that anyone ever undertakes, they are seeking to feel positive emotions. So, if you're happy, then there's no competition that needs to be won. And we all realize that a happiness competition sounds silly. So, you should understand that your friend's success can't detract from your happiness unless you let it.

Everything is beautiful and perfect: the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, some people will make your life much harder to be in a relationship with them. It's much better to be with a psychologically healthy partner.

I've noticed these social patterns too in many young women. However, I can also tell you that there are many non-dysfunctional young women too. However, you maybe just aren't attracted to the non-dysfunctional women and just overlook them. I'm not saying that non-dysfuctional women are unattractive. Or that dysfunctional women are attractive. What I am saying is that people tend to see people as attractive only if they feel like they are a worthy partner to them. If someone feels (consciously or unconsciously) like they are not worthy of a particular person's partnership, they will unconsciously weed them out of their potential dating pool and not see approachable attractiveness in them. So, it could be the case that psychological health just isn't that attractive to you, if you have struggled with issues of inferiority or low self esteem yourself. I'm not sure if this is the case. But it is one explanation for why you run into a lot of dysfunctional women. So, my recommendation is to discover why you attract or are attracted to dysfunctional women, and to work on that. You'll eventually develop healthier attractions and healthier women will be more attracted to you too.

I think it's wise to practice positive focus but not positive thinking. So, I think of positive thinking as being self-deceptive and trying to convince yourself that everything's all positive. So, it's not honest because sometimes we don't feel positive and that's normal. It undercuts the ability for awareness to only allow yourself to interpret things as positive. However, with regard to positive focus, you can be very honest about the situation. So, if you feel terrible or hate the situation that you're in, you can admit that. But almost everything has something positive about it. So, in positive focus, you find that thing. If we take an extreme example of having been the victim of assault in the past. This is a bleak thing and it's normal to feel very negative about it. But if I were to try to practice positive focus, I could notice that, "Now that I've experienced extreme suffering, I can offer my help to others." or "Since I've experienced this, it enables me to practice letting go in an extreme situation, so now letting go in normal situations is much easier." But this can be used in any everyday situation too: positive or negative. You can always find something that's good in a mundane situation by focusing toward positive things that you take for granted.

I have had many out of body experiences, and I know that it's possible to have them during meditation. So, I wouldn't doubt that it could happen during a satori experience. Though, I'm not sure if it's a literal "out of body" thing, even though that's exactly what it's like. It makes more sense to me that a person may be tuning into a different dimensional aspect of themselves, and interacting with a different dimensional aspect of reality. It would also make sense to me if it's a very realistic hallucination. I don't know about his metal claim or the "aging 20 years" claim though. But I wouldn't worry about OBEs. I've probably had at least 50 of them, and I've never had it effect anything in my waking life that I know of.

There are subtle colors everywhere. Nothing is only one color.

The only time in my life where I was truly at peace and loved myself, was when I experienced ego transcendence. I don't really have the luxury of not taking it too seriously because I know that's the only way that I'll ever really feel okay. I know it is the only thing that will ever give me what I have been seeking for in my entire life. When I experienced ego transcendence, I realized that I had always been seeking it all along through many different endeavors including career goals. I'm unfortunately stuck in the middle of the pipe. I can neither transcend the ego nor can I take my search for ego-transcendence more lightly. I sometimes wish that I had never experienced it, simply because I'd be a lot more successful right now. I had huge ambitions before those experiences. But the ambitions were what was causing me so much suffering, and I saw it clearly without the ego there. Now, I still have ambitions, but I don't take them all that seriously. I try to let go of the need to be seen as somebody or to leave some legacy. But I still enjoy doing things that I like.

I know that it might seem like I'm beating myself up, but I'm really not. I'm really just trying to be as honest with myself as I can be without labeling it as negative. So, I notice myself being dishonest and manipulative all the time in very subtle ways that I could very easily overlook. But I think of it as a neutral thing that I am this way. I don't consider it some personal failing of mine. It's just where I am right now.

I'm glad that you perceive me that way. It makes me feel good. I just tend to eye myself suspiciously and have a hard time not getting too into the weeds of my intentions that are below the surface. But it does genuinely give me a little boost to hear.

I have to keep remembering not to think of this or that experience as negative just because it frazzles me. Then to also remember not to label the frazzling as negative to. And so on and so on. But I'm always falling for it. I'm like the mindfulness practicing equivalent of someone who always falls for the "What's that on your shirt?" joke. Somehow, I still expect something to be there.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Exactly the thing you said is normally what brings me comfort in life to be able to think that way of myself. And in any other context, I would accept the compliment without protest. It is a very nice compliment. It's my favorite type of compliment to get. But since we're on the topic of egos and personas, what you think of me is the result of a very sneaky and subtle type of dishonesty that I use to build my persona. I'm trying now to become more aware of it without squinting my eyes any. I find that I can strangely use honesty for dishonest purposes. In fact, I'm even doing it right now as I type this message. It's inescapable to me from where I am. I'm always trying to manipulate the situation so that I can appear a certain way. But what really want in all my semi-unconscious tricks is simply to love myself and be at peace, which I only ever was capable of when I transcended the ego. I don't think I'll be capable of true honesty until I have overcome attachments to nice appearances or wise appearances. But thank you all the same.

I had wondered for a little bit if that's why you're on this forum too. Do you feel like it's been helping you get disenchanted with your self-concept? My issue is that I still feel myself grasp for meaning in embodying a similar-ish persona to you and most others on here. I can sense a subtle fear of becoming nothing whenever I consider leaving it behind.

Have a good night.

You still didn't answer my question. Why are YOU insulting me?

@Prabhaker Are you doing a similar thing to what I'm doing now with regard to the trying to become disenchanted with intellect?

Why are you insulting me?

It's normal for a person who's identified with the ego to be bothered when someone attacks the ego. Normally I'm pretty good at playing the role of the bigger person and just ignoring it or pretending that I don't see the insults. It deprives him of the chance to hem me into an argument. But this time, I decided to clap back with full honesty, instead of just pretending not to be bothered or above the situation, as I usually do. You have to understand that Mike and I have been corresponding on here and on my channel for a few months now. So, it's a little irksome that the very first time that I come back at him with a mirror to his own stuff, that there's a person that automatically starts calling me aggressive and presumptuous, like I was doing it out of nowhere. Sorry, I'm normally better at hiding my ego than that. However, there is a chance that he's a master ego-poker like @Prabhaker said. Having had my channel for about a year and a half, I've noticed that there is a certain type of antagonistic people who all have the same kind of feel to them that come and try to challenge my ego. At first, I was easily upset by them, and felt the need to tighten up. But I usually learned to loosen up and hear what they were saying, and it has helped me. However, I still assume that everything that I wrote about Mike is true, because that's what it looks like. That's my honest perceptions of him. And if it's true, I hope that he can learn to see how it is true. So, it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, and acts like a duck. So, it probably is a duck. But there's a very small chance it could be some other type of bird that I've never heard of before that happens to look just like a duck. But I'd bet money that it's a duck.

These are my honest observations though. He certainly hasn't been very conservative about his observations about me.

It's definitely a waste of time. But he's been taking a lot of little jabs at me for a while now. Normally, I just ignore the jabs and answer as though no insult were intended from him. However, this time, I decided to clap back a little bit and hold a mirror up to him, since he's been putting a microscope up to me.

Then why have you continued to reply to me with various insults and nay-sayings? If you think I'm on the wrong path, why can't you just accept that without having to try to control the situation or prove me to be some kind of dishonest or foolish person? I already told everyone that I am dishonest and foolish... but I'm slightly more honest and wiser for being able to admit these things to myself. I know my honesty limits and I'm trying to push them to the brink of how honest I can get. But my question to you is, when are you going to start being honest with yourself? I've heard you deny a lot of observations from others who have posted on this thread either in my defense or simply in their own defense. So, consider that the following might be true and that you may be deceiving yourself. Here's what I believe based on what I've witnessed: You are angry and agitated and that's why you're always in arguments. You are trying to take jabs at me just for the sake of feeling superiority over me because you feel put out by me for some reason. You are pre-occupied with me and what I'm doing. You do believe that you're wiser and more intelligent than others. You are using the forum to prop up your sense of identity by establishing yourself as a voice of reason. Would these things be so difficult to admit to yourself? Could you still accept yourself if these things were true? You may come back at me and tell me that I'm projecting and making assumptions. But this is certainly what it looks like to me and probably most others. You can't expect for people to see something that walks, talks, and acts like a duck and not assume that it's a duck. You may hide these things from yourself. But you can't hide it from other people. So, a big part of right speech is honesty. Why don't you take your own advice and practice right speech a little? And a little humility and brutal honesty will be much better than grand-standing on your own high horse like you're the voice of reason and wisdom to tell others what they should or should not be doing on the path.

Listen, Mike. I don't know why you're so pre-occupied with me and what I'm doing. I could be going in the wrong direction, and that's fine. I trust that I'll get back in the right direction eventually, if I am. However, I do believe that right now is my time to let go of intellectualization and getting wrapped up in thoughts. So, I believe that the best thing I can do right now is to try to get disenchanted with it. Otherwise, it will be too strong of a pull since it will (mostly unconsciously) feel like an outlet to get over my sense of self-lack. I've looked into a lot of systems for reaching enlightenment, and they've all been really great for me when I looked into them. But in all honesty, if I were to do that now, it's simply to delay the actual task of relinquishing all security blankets that insulate me from the experience of emptiness that creeps on me daily now. I want to go somewhere, read something, check my emails, talk on here, clean the house, etc. It's only when everything loses meaning, especially intellect-related things, that I can actually face reality for what it is. So, tell me about what "right speech" entails.

Samma-Vaca

I recommend The Red Book and The Undiscovered Self from Jung. The Red Book is really the basis for all of Jung's other work, where he interacts with various daimonic forces in his own psyche. It's a dense book but it really gives you an idea of how his theories came to fruition. I've also read a ton from other authors working under the Jungian model which I found to be very relatable. My favorite Jungian author is Jean Benedict Raffa. I also have read things from June Singer, Maureen Murdoch, Monika Wikman, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Robert Johnson, and John Stanford which were really beneficial to me in varying degrees. But I'm not really lonely persay, other than the natural loneliness that comes with ego-identification. It's just that the path changes as you go along it. There is a saying that goes something like (paraphrased) "At first there are rivers and mountains and trees. Then there are no rivers and mountains and trees. Then there are rivers and mountains and trees." So, each phase of the journey is different from the other. So, if you are new to the path, don't feel bad or get discouraged when you lose interest in things that have been vital to you in the earlier stages of the journey. Allow yourself to resonate with what you resonate with for a time, and then let go of it when you no longer resonate with it. Trust your intuition and flow with it to whatever resonates and feels expansive.

It's still nice to say thank you when someone pays you a compliment. It speaks to their character more than it says anything about me.

I still don't think that you understand. But that's okay.