Emerald

I can only but surrender to the uncertainty. I really do mean that the message I got very clearly was to surrender to my humanity. The whole experience was about that insight. But I needed it to play out that way to understand why it is wise to be on the path of surrender to my humanity. It is a very Yin oriented path, so I understand why it isn't understood very well by those on a more Yang oriented path. But a big part of me longs to have it understood. And I have to surrender to both my desire to be understood and the inability of others of a different path to understand. Also, I sense this is the way out of the rabbit hole, though I am not wired for certainty. To embrace uncertainty and let go of doubt so that I can trust in my finite's perspective to navigate this finite world with grace.

Yes. This is exactly right. There is nothing to seek or to do. There is nothing here that needs transcending or fixing. There is no wrong way. God is relentless in its love of all things. And this love is both very general but also specific. It gave me the directions for a fulfilling human life where I can be innocent and give and receive love, as that's what it wants for me. It doesn't want me to transcend my humanity, as humanity is its gift to me. There is no path here other than to be and surrender.

I actually likened my experience of the Divine Feminine to the Beloved. It was very much that. And I was the beloved of God. That's why it gave me my humanity and vulnerability, as this is what it sees as most beautiful about me. It saw me as so precious that it gave me enlightenment simply to take the burden of seeking it off my shoulders so that I could appreciate the gift of its creation; my humanity. It gave me a story to live as a gift to me. And it loved how much I've tried and my will to be good and to know. It gave me a role to play.

As I was dying in the experience, I was giving up everything freely. But there were still parts of me that were holding on. So, I surrendered to those parts being there and being unable to surrender. I stayed in the death experience for as long as I could, until those parts couldn't bear it any longer. Then I asked for respite. I knew it was time to surrender to my limitations. Since then, there has been a lot of letting go. But God experiences everything... including pain and anxiety. But it can always love it and accept it. But nothing is ever resolved, and parts of God are burdened and weary. God is as vulnerable as it is invulnerable. And the parts of me that can't let go are brought into the absolute to help them surrender. And right now, it's so much about accepting the dance of the finite and infinite. But all the vulnerabilities and fears of my finite aspect are stirred up. There is much integration and surrender that still needs to occur.

I discovered what death actually is. And dying is to let go of the finite to rejoin the infinite. And now, every time I relax or go to sleep, I slip into the infinite. And then I remember myself and will myself back into this reality. And there is a relentlessness to this death experience as it is always happening. No matter what... it's always happening. This is what's giving me the most vulnerability and fear. It's something of my human experience to explore into more. There are parts that feel so raw during this dance between life and death. The inescapability of the infinite is terrifying to me... as is the intensity of existence.

This is so reflective too. I only touched it. And there is nothing I can describe or understand of its actual nature. The closest I can say is that it kept loving its creation at deeper and deeper levels. But that pales in comparison to what was actually happening. The intelligence was so far beyond what I could receive. So, I could seek forever and never know. And that is why it wanted me to go on and live my human life as though it is the most imperative thing... as it certainly is the most imperative thing from the perspective of God... as are all things. Again, this is not exactly reflective. It's just my best translation. But God set limitations for me out of mercy. It showed me the triviality and impermanence to being "an enlightened human" so that I could simply accept the gift of its creation.

That's exactly what I experienced. That which is Emerald is utterly incapable of understanding it. It's too much to bear. So, it had mercy on me and showed me because it knew I would ruin my life seeking some kind of transcendence to get away from what is. And it wanted me to live a simple innocent life where I could engage fully with its creation, as it gave the illusion as a gift to me. It wants me to live this story because it loves this story. I have to surrender to what simply is without seeking to fix or overcome. It is only to embrace that which is flawed and recognize the perfection in this experience... with or without what is referred to as enlightenment. There is no mistake in humanity.

Thank you. I appreciate the offer. I do need to seek connection and those who understand. I may get in touch at some point soon.

Thank you. I don't see your path in the cards for me. You seek to realize you are God at deeper and deeper levels. I seek to allow God to create what it wants through me as an extension of it and to take that with innocence and acceptance. It was already so much to die and experience the love of God and how deep it all went. And now is my time to learn to hold space for this dance between the infinite and relative that has been quite relentless. There are still vulnerable parts of me that aren't used to the death process that happens so often now. I trust my experience of what was shared with me that it is my path to ground deeper into my human aspect. Now, in my human uncertainty, I'm orienting myself to that. And if that is the wrong way, I will take that as it comes. There is no point in getting hung up with doubt or to trust others instead of my own experience.

There is a very human part of me that longs for people to understand and to be understood. There is nothing to be fixed here or overcome. There is no distinction between the finite and the infinite.

I am not anymore. After this, I realize that I'm meant to ride whichever wave comes and accept what is. There is just what is. Do you not understand that that is also God?

There is nothing to fix. The human predicament is perfect as it is. So, it’s about accepting and loving everything, even the parts that can’t love or let go. It is to appreciate what is, even as it is an illusion. And it is to allow for the human condition by engaging with story and narrative. It is to honor the creation of God as an extension of God, and to allow yourself to be the creation in all its purposefully laid imperfection. To allow yourself to be instead of trying to become. And even orienting to the attempts to become with compassion. That’s what most people are meant to do. And that isn’t a mistake.

Very much so. Right now, it’s all very overwhelming.

Why do you seek enlightenment?

I think you may not understand what I’m trying to articulate. There is no stopping this, even if I tried. There is no undo button. And that terrifies me. Every time I sleep or zone out a bit, I merge back into the absolute. And I stay until I feel overwhelmed and have to tap out and anchor back into this experience. My path is surrender. That means surrender to what is, even if what is is the reality that I can’t yet surrender. And to accept the flaws of my humanity. You see it as me stopping or avoiding. But I am Just now starting. But my direction is to ground into the human experience and live my human life as though it is my only. It is to treat this life with innocence and gratitude. And to give and receive love, and be an extension of God’s merciful quality in human form. That’s why it gifted to me this perspective. Enlightenment is a trivial thing in many regards. I see now that there are truly no enlightened people. There is just God knowing and loving itself in an infinite amount of ways. And sometimes that means giving a flawed human the ability to connect with it so it can love itself even deeper. Why do you seek enlightenment?

Thank you. I appreciate you taking my corner. But to be clear, there is no break here. The path is surrender to the human experience. The real work has just begun for me.

@RendHeaven Here’s an easier way to articulate it. In order to surrender, you must even surrender to your inability to surrender.

The attempt to control the flow is part of the flow. Just keep orienting in a meta way and accepting what is as it comes. There is nothing that isn’t the flow. So, the flow can’t be interrupted... even if you interrupt it. It is all the flow. There is nothing to fix or overcome. To surrender you must recognize imperfection as inherently perfect. So, I accept the vulnerabilities that I have and I seek only to surrender to what is at deeper and deeper levels.

@Derek White Certainly that does happen. But at some point you have to surrender to the limitations of your human perspective. And you must accept that you are not designed for certainty. My intention is to listen to the message I received regarding my purpose of surrendering and holding space for people... and to deal with things as they come. It’s not a very action-oriented plan. It’s more passive.

I understand what you mean. It is good to be cautious. But you will recognize God when you experience it. You remember yourself. And the mind can’t understand and it can’t be properly articulated. But you know it. Also, another part of surrender is to trust what comes as valid and let go of doubt.

There is no such thing. You always get what you’re meant to receive... no more and no less.

I’m afraid. It’s okay. This is the way it wants to come. The fear is not something to fix, solve, or overcome. It is only to surrender to the reality that fear is the reality. It’s hard to let it be. And that’s okay too. I let the difficultly be there. What is meant to come will come.

It communicated to me in the way I could understand it. It brought me through this process to help me purge and give me a message in the way I was capable of receiving it. Its main message was to accept and surrender to my human existence. So, it makes sense that it would come through symbolically in a way that I know how to process it.

There is nothing that needs to be dismantled. I am not fearless, so I am letting it be so. I feel very vulnerable, so I let it be. There is still so much that I’ve yet to surrender. I have so much I’m clinging to. So, surrender is my focus. And there is nothing that needs fixing or overcoming.

It could be so. Even still, it is okay.