Emerald

Yep!

@ertopolice Here are some really good resources for dating/relationships as a woman. It will help you better understand how certain male/female dynamics in dating works... The channels are by Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, and Brian Nox. So, I'll give you a few videos that could be relevant for you.

I wouldn't worry about any of this. Just hang around in spaces where people have a deeper orientation to life and you'll eventually find a woman who appreciates you as you are. Stage Orange women will be very interested in social status, that's true. And for all women, social status will be AN attraction factor in the same way that being tall, fit, or charismatic would be. It is attractive when a man has a certain social status. But most women don't seek out a man who's maxed out in terms of his social status because other factors are more important. A woman who is worth your time, will love you for you. And the social status thing will be more of a compatibility thing than the criterion for attraction. For example, a woman who's worth your time will seek a man at around her level of social status... mostly because that's who will be most compatible. So, a woman who is a college professor would likely be interested in a man who has taken a similar education path. So, she may opt not to date a man who hasn't gotten a degree. And a woman who is a grocery bagger will be okay with dating a guy in similar circumstances to her.

From what she wrote, she seems to be caught up in her masculine side. I honestly questioned at first if this was written by a man who was pretending to be a woman online. But I realized that it actually was a real woman once I got about half-way through. But if a woman is thinking about power and "Is this guy the best I can get?", then she's not really choosing from her heart. She's in a space of logic-mind and hierarchical understanding and superiority/inferiority. And the sex to her is seemingly a way for her to systematically prove her own value to herself. It's a mind game that she's playing with herself. If she were in her feminine side, she would not be in this mindset. She would be more attuned to her emotions and how a guy makes her feel. Usually, when women get caught up in their masculine side like this, it happens because they've had to numb themselves out and create a hard shell. And power becomes very important for safety and for grappling with feelings of low self-esteem and inferiority. There are certain things within this post she made that reminds me of certain coping mechanisms that I've employed at earlier times in my life. And trying to get power this way, unfortunately ends up robbing a woman of her power because she is deriving her power by playing a certain role in the masculine empowerment story. And so she won't be able to find her own empowerment that way, because the story isn't written with her empowerment in mind. My advice to her would be to ask herself why she wants that power? What is that power a currency for? What does it mean to be superior? What does it mean to be inferior?

I make my romantic decisions more off of the feelings that I have for the person. So, I don't specifically search for particular virtues. But I do have some dealbreakers... - The man has to be my equal in terms of intelligence and thoughtfulness - The man has to be a good person - The man has to be on a similar life-path to me. Other than that, I don't specifically try to seek out a man with "x,y, and z" traits. I let my heart make the decision.

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I recommend just touching base with your feelings. This might drive you crazy but... To be up in the head about things and to be worried about whether something is categorically masculine or feminine, is to be stuck in the masculine. Just feel. There's no wrong way to do it.

That's just not going to work.

I see

Many men do like it when women approach. Just look through the thread if you don’t believe me. Why wouldn’t they? It makes it easier for them. But as I’ve said before, it usually isn’t the best idea. Many men may like when a woman approaches, but they don’t usually respond to it with a desire to go deeper.

What emotions were you trying to experience by spending that money on that? Is it just the sexual feelings? Or is there some other emotional experience that you’re seeking?

It can work out sometimes. But overall, it’s far less likely to. So, it isn’t anything I’d recommend to a woman. Mind you, men do like it when women approach because it makes in easier for them. But with the way that male sexuality generally works, it’s not such a good idea. A man’s attraction begins in the lions, then goes to the heart, and then eventually ends up in the head. Women generally go the opposite way where that attraction begins in the mind, then to the heart, and then to the loins. So, approaching a man and making it easy for him, makes it far more likely that his attraction won’t go past the loins. There usually has to be some challenge to slow things down, so that the attraction can rise for him to the heart and mind.

The point is that Leo (as an influencer) is really unwise to just say a one-word “lol” at someone’s post about suicidal ideation. And he did change his post shortly afterwards because he probably realized the same thing. Really, anybody would be unwise to do that... but especially someone with influence. Also, you don’t know this person and what they’re going through. For all you know, the person has attempted suicide before. People commit suicide ALL the time. So, don’t be so sure that a person won’t actually do it.

Leo had just written “lol” at first. And since Leo has a lot of influence on certain members of his audience, he would be wise to orient to people’s suicidal ideation in a more sensitive way. Really anybody should... but especially Leo within this context. But I firmly disagree with you about laughing at someone’s body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues, and suicidal ideation as an effective way to deal with that. Tough love can and often does backfire in these cases... most cases actually. There are people out there who are thin as a toothpick and starve themselves to death because they genuinely believe that they’re fat. Why wouldn’t there also be men of average height that believe they’re short?

My husband is 5’8” and I’m 5’2”. To me, he is very tall. He’s like half a head taller than me. You have to understand that, while most women have a general preference for taller men, short women will have a different way of defining tall. Honestly, most women don’t get too hung up on that, as long as you’re taller than they are. But even some women will date shorter guys. So honestly, you just have to work on self-esteem stuff and just keep trying. You’ll have success eventually.

Don’t just lol him. He’s considering suicide. Obviously you’re loling him because you know that he can be successful. But that’s not how a suicidal person will interpret that.

He misread the chart, I'm sure.

It's a chart about who is more likely to be vaccinated. It isn't a chart about men and women. That's just one of the demographics they tested. But it's structured in a confusing way. It's saying that the average Biden voter is 20% more likely than average to get vaccinated. And concurrently it shows that the average Trump voter is 10% less likely than average to get vaccinated. So, the average Biden voter is 30% more likely than the average Trump voter to get vaccinated. So, the statistics about men and women are the women tend to get the vaccine at a rate that reflects the national average (no more, no less), whereas men are 5% more likely than average to get the vaccine. This means, that men are statistically 5% more likely to get vaccinated than women. Honestly, it's kind of a margin of error thing. That means, the chart is probably pretty accurate... albeit structured in a confusing way. But the meaning that the OP derived from the chart is coming from a misunderstanding of the chart. I think he read it to mean that women don't get the vaccine at all because there's no arrow on their statistic. But the arrow just shows deviation from the average.

Do you mean because men are 5% more likely to get vaccinated than women? That's what the chart shows. Does a 5% difference actually mean that?

Okay, that's pretty much what I would anticipate. That's about the dynamic I would like if I were in a dating situation. On the practical level, a lot of it has to do with sussing out if a guy is lazy/unwilling to invest or if he's hung up on small things like a few bucks here or there. Both of these can be a bad sign. So, if he pays for the first couple dates, and then we alternate from there on out, that would be normal. And it wouldn't send up a red flag.

@flowboy Sorry... I don't "go Dutch" No Dutch guys for me. j/k I do understand cultural differences. That said, it does create a certain atmosphere about the date when the guy assumes those roles that I associate with traditional courtship. And I like that vibe. It creates more polarization, which adds to the attraction dynamic. But if I had already developed a platonic relationship to a guy and already knew him and had developed an intimate friendship with him, it might be too formal. It would all depend contextually. With that in mind, if I were on a dating app, I'd probably have a lot more boundaries around things like that. Like, the man not paying would definitely be a red flag. And I would be looking out for more signs of why he didn't. If it's cultural, that's okay. If he's an uber feminist, that's okay. If he's tight on money, that might be okay as long as he has a job and is a stable person. If he's cheap. That's not okay. If he's trying to have as much fun with women as he possibly can without paying a dime. That's not okay.

Yes, that too.

And that's okay if a guy really believes that. But courtship-wise, I prefer a more polarized mating dance where I am the receiver and he is the giver. That's why I like for a man to be the one that pays. I like it when a guy is in his masculine energy and pays on the first few dates, holds open doors, drives, puts in the order for us, etc. It just feels better to me as it makes me feel taken care of. Now, in terms of dating a guy who's very resistant to fitting any gender norms, it's not like I'd immediately disqualify him from my consideration. But it would probably decrease the polarity and attraction a bit. I really respond to the polarity as those elements of the traditional gender roles really resonate with me. But I can also empathize with the viewpoint that gender roles should be dismantled.

That's not what I was saying. I'm good with him questioning gender norms. I was saying that SOMETIMES it's a feminist guy (which is fine) but MOST TIMES it's a guy who's just looking to get things for free.