Emerald

Thank you

Thank you! I'm sure I could. I have tons of insights to share on the topic as Feminine reintegration has been at the core of my inner work between age 19 and 30. But I wouldn't want my thing to relate too much to sexuality as there are so many other facets of humanity that interest me. And my focus at this juncture is helping people use Shadow Work to overcome the dynamics that block them from what they really want.

I'm sure I could go in that direction if I wanted to. Not to ring my own bell, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who has explored Femininity and sexuality as deeply as I have... as it's a very difficult process in its own rite because it brings you right up against questions and collective psycho-sexual dynamics that are very dangerous to your being and your sense of self as a woman. So, the dynamic tends to be that men will explore as deeply into sexuality as the feel empowered by... which is a the top few layers of human sexuality, which really emphasize the power deferential of Masculine over Feminine. And this will get glommed onto especially by men who feel very powerless to women. And women generally will tend to avoid exploring the topic more deeply altogether because it feels as (and truly can be) a real impediment to personal power... especially those who have had men stuck at layer 3 try to lord themselves over them and claim a misplaced sense of superiority because of the superiority that does truly exist from the vantage point of level three. So, exploring this dynamic as a woman is like lowering yourself down in a deep collective Feminine wound that has been affecting men and women for many millennia. So, the average woman gets stuck on the surface... and the average man gets stuck on level 3. And this gives a lot of men this sense of "Haha! I understand the Feminine better than women do." But there are so many deeper layers to this dynamic... hundreds of dimensions. And there's so much that people don't understand. But the Feminine has been so deeply repressed that they crave the Feminine... but few are willing to swim into the psycho-sexual wound. And once you begin exploring this as a woman, there is no way to come to peace with it until you get to the very bottom of it and pass all the way through the innards of the Leviathan of your own sexuality, personal sovereignty, and power.

Thanks

With rape fantasies, there's this interesting dynamic of imagining a really extreme scenario of feeling totally stripped of agency, vulnerable, and out of control whilst actually being 100% in control and invulnerable. So... it's like safely enjoying a fantasy of being unsafe... while the mind is the puppet-master of the entire fantasy. Or if you have a trusted partner to orchestrate it, it's even more effective because of the lack of predictability and the ability to relinquish even more control. So, what she said about it being a control issue in reverse is most certainly true as well. And it definitely needs the backdrop of safety to work. But to your point about the Feminine nature, a rape fantasy combines the surrender and relaxation that's only possible with safety... with a really extreme imagined or orchestrated scenario of domination, violation, objectification, and a total loss of agency and power. And that fantasy tends to be effective at stripping back layers of day-to-day emotional insulation and armoring to reveal a softer and more vulnerable emotional underbelly and feelings of exposure... which increases physical and emotional sensitivity and opens up to a more subtle and nuanced awareness of feeling. And because of this increased sensitivity, the violation dynamic of the fantasy scrapes itself against that rawness, bathing you in a mixture of painful and pleasurable feelings that blend seamlessly together to where there is no sense of where pain ends and pleasure begins. And there's the loss of the burden of basic human responsibility associated with extreme objectification as well as vulnerability, softness, surrender, letting go in the face of powerlessness, and unconditional receptivity and responsiveness to forces from the outside world. And there's also disgust, pain, sadness, and fear that are mixed in with that cocktail of pleasant emotions. So, it's like the chocolate of emotions... sweetness and bitterness combined. And on a more sublime level, this unconditional receptivity to the violation mirrors the powerlessness to stop the passage of time and the forces of nature to take us into entropy. Such a deep surrender is very death-like in that way, so there is an ecstasy about it. And this is a way to get in touch with the Feminine, which is to be and feel alive... and therefore very in touch with human fragility as that is what it means to feel alive. And physically, all of this makes it a lot more easy for sexual energy to flow through the body and to reach a climax. Then, if you orchestrate it with a trusted intimate partner... you also get to feel a vicarious satisfaction for his pleasure and to feel the strength deferential in action... which is thrilling. But there is also a subtle reversal of the domination dynamic woven right into the fantasy. Like Femininity and beauty is his kryptonite and his instincts are so strong and powerful that he is weak agains them and has no choice but to surrender... to the point of committing a crime. It's even better if you can see the conflict play out in his facial expressions. Ultimately, the rape fantasy is just a vehicle to bring you more in touch with the Feminine which is surrender, receptivity, emotional sensitivity, permeability, physicality, softness, and being.

My recommendation is to gradually work up to more intimate and personal conversations over time. These are definitely not conversations for the first date... or for the first bit of the courtship process. If there's a topic that's really sensitive to you, you would really only want to bring it up once you know that you can trust her to receive it well... as some people are not well-equipped to hold space for others' vulnerabilities. But if she does lose interest and reject you for sharing a vulnerability, then you dodged a bullet, even though it would suck.

Sure, there are plenty of spiritual Trump supporters. And there are Trump supporters that I have known the are otherwise intelligent. But there is a lack of wisdom there in the choice to support Trump, even if they have experienced awakening or have an astuteness about other things. And that is because Trump is a system-eroder who only cares about his own power. The issue with supporting Trump doesn't primarily come from stupidity or lack of higher awareness... though ignorance does play a role. The issue is that Trump knows how to push people's emotional buttons with simple narratives... and people using mental gymnastics to avoid the awareness that the emperor has no clothes because they are attached to those emotional buttons For otherwise intelligent people who support Trump, it's 80% emotional attachment to the narratives he spins and what he represents as a leader of a movement combined with 20% strategic ignorance and mental gymnastics to maintain that attachment. The more complex the mind is, the more deeply a person can delude themselves. But also, the less complex the mind is, the fewer mental gymnastics people need to do to delude themselves. And both groups will delude themselves if there is an emotional attachment... especially if that attachment reaches the identity level. So... this problem can ABSOLUTELY happen in highly intelligent and spiritually awake people as their mind is more able to trick them.

@Tenebroso Thank you for sharing that with me. I think there could be dynamics to explore around that fear of rejection. That's especially true if there are some dynamics with either parent that made you feel like you would only ever be invalidated and never validated. You might also ask yourself the question "What is my biggest fear if a woman sees my scars?" All of these holds clues about how to let go of these limiting beliefs and to open up more to connecting with a woman. But the main thing is to keep an awareness that the viewpoints that you're using to cope with these things are not true... but a reflection of adaptations that you're using to avoid pain and rejection.

This framework you're operating off of isn't true... and it's preventing you from connecting with women. Just look around the world and you will see that there are ordinary men and women who love each other and live their lives together. And even if you may not yourself be attracted to men, I hope you can understand me when I say that I am attracted to regular guys... as are most women. But this is clearly a framework that you want to hold onto. And you look around for people to validate it to make it true in your mind. So, I'm not going to be able to reason you out of it. So, I would ask you this question, "How are you trying to protect or serve yourself by holding onto the idea that women aren't interested in anyone but the highest status guys?" It would seem to me that you might be using this narrative to avoid relationships with women... or that you may be playing out the way your care-givers related to you as a child... or that it's a way to avoid trying to connect to keep yourself from rejection by not trying... or some other dynamic. If you'd like to let go of this unhelpful thought pattern, you have to exercise extreme self-honesty and figure out where it comes from in the first place and what function it serves for you.

Definitely. Lots of men will talk a lot about wanting to be with the most attractive women in the world. But they're not really that picky.

Definitely can be a repeat of childhood familial dynamics and traumas when those super intense limerance feelings come up.

That's true. I thought about that too. There can genuinely be guys that operate like "betas" in a negative way. But when it comes to this particular narrative of "Women screw around with the Chads until they hit the wall and lose all their value, and then have to quickly settle for the betas and get married to those low quality simps so they aren't alone with their cats forever."... usually the men they call betas in this narrative are just higher quality partners that are more mature. But because there's a whole narrative frames the fuck-boy as the desired option and the guy she ends up marrying as the non-desire option... it's like "women can only get the Chad when she's young and fertile and hasn't been fully "run through"... and once she's 30+ and rode the entire dick carousel and her pussy is loose because of all the Chads have big dicks and the Chads have rejected her for a younger model, she has to settle for weak cuckish simp boys who don't even have multiple women in their rotation." But from the female perspective, it's just a huge misread on what women genuinely value as an aggregate. And it assumes that we're like "The highlight of my life was fucking Chad when I was 21"... but now I have to settle for lame Jimmy who's a a low status guy who loves me and our kids and pays all his bills on time.

Well, the romcom fantasy is more like the Lover and Beloved dynamic. That's when the Lover awakes in a man towards an individual woman when he feels this way. And the Lover (when it awakes) makes the person who embodies it very vulnerable and attached to the Beloved. And the feelings are strong. The issue is that there's no guarantee that the Beloved will love him back. So, it can be a better strategy to cast the net wider as a man and shake that one-itis until there's more confirmation of interest... and to shake neediness. And pick-up is about deliberately using the Beloved Feminine frame to attract a broader swath of women that he doesn't feel too invested in. It teaches men to avoid awakening the Lover in themselves and to remain in the Beloved position to increase women's attraction to him through bringing up those really high/low Lover feelings in her. It's good for a guy who wants a lot of low investment lays. But it's not very good for truly establishing a longer term relationship. But I'm not saying that being more attractive in your appearance won't increase a woman's options. It certainly will increase her options and she can attract a more attractive guy. But the reason why I don't add that to my list is because it's better to show up exactly as you would normally show up in life... however that may be. Advertise your identity as it is, and let the men who aren't interested in that sort themselves from consideration. Your concern that there won't be anyone left attracted to her just isn't a concern that women have to deal with... unless she herself has unrealistic standards.

To be honest, it's occurred to me before that the men that many men call "betas" tend to be the highest quality partners and make the best fathers. It's just that a lot of men view a valuable man as a man who gets laid often... and they assume women share in these values. So, they believe that women are settling for less... when the women are just getting an upgrade. There's nothing sexier than a mature man. But women tend to grow out of this desire for these "alpha" party guys in VERY early adulthood (usually between 20 and 25). So, while men tend to view a valuable man as a man who can get laid easily, women view a valuable man as a man who is a good partner and father. And if she herself is mature, she will begin looking for a more mature partner. That's why I try to discourage a lot of these types of perspectives, because a lot of men on this forum are being influenced by other men to develop values that will keep them resistant to the "beta" qualities that mature women respond to. And they may end up alone longterm because of these values.

Well, women like to date up finances-wise. And men like to date up looks-wise. So both women and men date up and down... just along different spectrums of status. But it's important to note that these considerations are not based on any kind of objective measures of status. This is based purely on feelings. A man must feel somewhat more invested in the woman than she feels invested in him for the relationship to work out over the long-term. But lots of women make the mistake of searching out the really ambrosial feelings of Masculine Lover mode and go seeking for the high and low spikes of trying to woo and win over a low-investment man (regardless of whether he's a CEO or a free-loader she lets live on her couch). So, if you hear a woman gushing about a man she's just started dating... she's making a mistake. And it's a very common mistake. Hence the advice that most women make a few times until they know better.