5driedgrams

@Spacious thank you as well. I actually have been contemplating that very frequently in the past week and a half or so, so it's good to know I'm heading in the right direction I've also never looked into shadow work but my interest is certainly piqued. I appreciate your input!

@Leo Gura I really appreciate your explanation and frankness. A whole lot for me to think on. Thanks again

I really dislike when I make a topic and have a typo in the topic name...

This thread makes my handle sound like child's play haha. Still... I've found my home

I almost always trip at night, I fast for 8 hours before my trip and while it may be easier to fast while I sleep and trip in the morning, I find the night to be more calm and quiet. I'm almost always in bed with ear plugs (not to be confused with headphones) and a blindfold on. Even so, night time is cooler (temperature-wise) and the world is quieter within and without. I do love tripping in the daytime, but if it's work that needs to be done (and there always is), night time is the time for me.

I identified with this and I am acknowledging this characteristic in myself. Being aware that I idealize my girlfriend has helped me reach a new level of self awareness that has helped me become more in harmony with reality, rather than being caught up in my idealized concepts. I see the best qualities in my girlfriend and kind of disregard the negatives, which I equate to being in love with the best version of my girlfriend, rather than exactly how she is right now. When my concept of my girlfriend is idealized, I set my self up for disappointment when she does human things (ie gets emotional, gets impatient, is passive aggressive, etc). This has also helped with my neediness, because I am always wanting more when I idealize her. When I take her as she is, I am more nonchalant in our relationship and am more patient with her. I approach our relationship with an "I do not NEED this relationship to be happy" mindset and things just tend to be more peaceful within me. Also, I think it is important to note that when I take her as she is and am more patient with her, I get the same in return... such is the law of the universe. I don't have any real advice or techniques to suggest, but I believe that repetition is the key to firmly seating a concept or principle in your subconscious. There are probably some good positive affirmations videos on youtube on the subject of judging yourself and others. Repeatedly listening to these affirmations might turn these concepts (whatever they may be) into habits in your own life. I really just wanted to say it sounds like you're working hard and I want to send my respect and encouragement

@Nahm I don't think it was so much that I wasn't attracting, it is more like I changed what I wanted to attract... and that other shit that I originally wanted to attract would come as more of one of the perks of right-living... or maybe it wouldn't/won't come... either way... that shit is temporary happiness and i'll enjoy it if it comes but I won't stress if it doesn't. At least that's what I will repeatedly tell myself until I believe it haha. I don't mind further elaborating if you'd like. I'm just at work about to clock out lol

I loved your take on all this! I related to much of it. The LoA was my jumping off point for personal development, and I was certainly leery of it being a scam, although I paid no money to listen to youtube lectures... I admit I was attracted to the shiny things it promised, but as I went deeper into all there is to learn about personal development, I stopped wanting shiny things ( not entirely though ) and kind of started chasing more lasting happiness with the idea that your thoughts make your deeds, which make your circumstances. You reap what you sow. etc. I equate the following excerpt from James Allen's Morning and Evening Thoughts with a more noble version of the LoA: To follow, under all circumstances, the highest promptings within you; to be always true to the divine self; to reply upon the inward voice, the inward light, and to pursue your purpose with a fearless and restful heart, believing that the future will yield unto you the need of every thought and effort; knowing that the laws of the universe can never fail, and that your own will come back to you with mathematical exactitude—this is faith and the living of faith. Sorry this is in no way related to the OP xoxo

This one's lengthy but its worth the read... The master is not he whose “psychological accomplishments,” rounded by mystery and wonder, leave him in unguarded moments the prey of irritability, of regret, of peevishness, or other petty folly or vice, but he whose “mastery” is manifested in fortitude, non-resentment, steadfastness, calmness, and infinite patience. The true Master is master of himself; anything other than this is not mastery but delusion. The man who sets his whole mind on the doing of each task as it is presented, who puts into it energy and intelligence, shutting all else out from his mind, and striving to do that one thing, no matter how small, completely and perfectly, detaching himself from all reward in his task - that man will every day be acquiring greater command over his mind, and will, by ever-ascending degrees, become at last a man of power - a Master. -James Allen Byways of Blessedness

This speaks to me too deeply haha <3

"You can't outrun the self... ...But you can outclimb it." -passing thought of mine while driving yesterday "A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden power and possibilities within himself." -James Allen

@Nichols Harvey Gotcha

@Nichols Harvey No I am not. I would think that someone with such an extensive history in the field would avoid generalizing statements like "people don't change for the better" though. Maybe I'm taking it the wrong way?

"People don't change for the better" should be "my sister* hasn't changed* for the better, not yet, at least* She is not all people

Please take my comment on face value, for I am learning and not trying to teach, just trying to share what I am learning about this topic. I have been guilty of this myself. Firstly, call yourself out whenever you're comparing! Say "there I go again comparing myself to others" If you must compare, compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Just by acknowledging that you have this thought process or behavior, you will start to correct it. Comparing yourself to others is a bad habit! How do you get rid of a bad habit? by replacing it with a good habit. How can you replace this with a good habit? That might be up to you to find that good habit to put in the bad habit's place, but you could start by saying " this is a bad habit. this serves me in no way." Might sound like "well duh! I already know its a bad habit!" Well why do you do it then if you know it does not serve you? I physically say it (in my head) and then I practice my new good habit, which might be comparing myself to the me of yesterday, or fire off some affirmations in my head. Name five things I like about myself. Tell myself "I am excited to be making progress in overcoming this bad habit" to put a little optimism in there. I am afraid to put my two cents in on this forum, for there are others who have been here longer and probably have done more inner work than me, but there I go again comparing myself to others again sincerely, good luck <3

Ugh well it's Tuesday 7/4 and I'm trying to find the best time for journal entries. Probably should have been last night but I got home late and ended up in a pretty big fight with my girlfriend (over the phone... she flew out to see her parents for the week and left me to take care of her cats and garden... more on that later). I suppose I'll do a quick summary of my day then I'll go ask myself if I stuck by these principles and where I could improve. I set my alarm for six and woke up briefly. Fell back asleep and woke up at seven. I have to be at work at 8:30 so I pretty much shot myself in the foot as far as morning meditation and stretching is concerned. I got up and showered and tried to get some affirmations out while I was showering. It was rushed. Brushed my teeth and got dressed. My basic routine wasn't too rushed and that was nice because rushing in the morning is not fun for me. I clocked in at 8:31. I do sales and events for a hotel so I grabbed my water and coffee and went up to my office. I listened to Leo's video on jealousy, his video on self image, his video on self esteem and his video on the subconscious mind. I'm not too too jealous of a person, but it does happen and I like to get new ideas on that type of thing to see if maybe I'm more jealous than I let myself believe. My self esteem is pretty good too but it's nice to get a closer look. Being impeccable with my word is something I need to work on, so I kept in mind that I should just not say anything if its not going to be true, useful, and good. <--- gonna have to continue to keep that in mind lol. The housemen (janitors) at the hotel called out and so housekeeping needed help and the general manager asked if I had a achange of clothes and wanted to help with them. He's a great leader who is always helping all other departments and so I finished all my sales work and calls and emails etc and got changed and helped. It was nice to be there for them when they needed it and I selfishly did it so that I may look better in the eyes of my boss and coworkers, but I also did it because I like to help. I got off at 5 and picked my little brother up from his house. He is a recovering heroin addict (like myself) who has about 5 months clean and is living in a recovery house a few miles from my house. He came over to play pool with some girls. He has a girlfriend who I do not like and I wish my brother would see that there are better girls out there for him, so I supported his decision to hang out with these girls. I grow mushrooms in my home and was doing some work with them while they played pool. The girls brought beer and weed over and I was a little worried about my brother letting himself be around that but I didn't do or say anything about it. Maybe I should take a closer look at allowing him to be around my mushroom stuff, although I have no actual mushrooms at the moment. He and the girls go get something to eat and I stay behind as my jars of rye berries are in the middle of being sterilized. I left my house at 10:30 to stop by this party that some friends were at. I owe one of these friends money so I was coming by to give it to him. I end up seeing some people I haven't seen in lie 10+ years so I stayed til about 1:20. Now its time to go to my girlfriends house to feed her cats. Her oldest cat has been licking and swallowing his fur and instead of hacking up a hairball, it constipates him. So I've been giving him laxatives per her request. We FaceTime and She asked me to water her garden so I went outside to get the watering can and filled it up in the sink. She asked if it was full as I was walking down the back steps and I said yes. She asked if she could see that it's full via FaceTime and I said no that I said it was full and she can just trust that it's full. She got pissed and hung up on me. Over reaction if you ask me, but sometimes I do say something is one way and it ends up that it's not that way, although I was sure it was when I said it. So I can see where she's coming from. I don't call her back. She ends up calling me back and is all up in arms cuz I wouldn't show her the can and she says that I don't care what she wants and that I want to do things my way. I say I obviously care cuz I'm out here at 2am watering your garden. While she's berating me I water her garden. Then she says "what are you watering in there?!" I said the plants... she said only some plants need To be watered and starts going off again. She says Nevermind I knew I couldn't trust you to do what I asked blah blah. I had been drinking and wasn't really happy about hearing her say all this so I got a little snippy back at her. It blew up into her crying and saying that she's already been looking for plane tickets to come home early cuz she can't trust me to do things for her (although I've been feeding her cats every morning and night for the past 3 days). I tried to stay calm and apologized for not showing her the can, which very well might not have been all the way full, but in my mind I'm thinking "she is taking this stuff way too far, I mean we're talking about a difference of a few cups of water! And these plants aren't going to die from a few cups difference!" I tell her she's overreacting and that our emotions are the cause of this argument. The whole thing could've gone smoother but that's what I hope to get out of this journal. This morning she called and said that shes sorry for yelling and that she started her period this morning (which explains some of it, her periods are pretty potent lol, but it doesn't necessarily excuse it). Awhile after it had cooled down I calmed myself by remembering that we are all trying to figure out how to be a human and that we will grow from this bull crap (hopefully) and keep moving forward. 1. Were you impeccable with your word? Describe. I would say that for the most part of the day I stayed pretty impeccable with my word. I remembered not to say anything unless it is true, useful and good, and I quickly realized how lovely it is for me to be silent. I'm already wondering if my peers will notice that I am not talking as much, even though it has only been a day. The argument at the end of the night tested me thoroughly, and although I tried to keep ill-will out of my thoughts and mouth, I could still feel it in my tone. 2. Did you take anything personally? Describe. I definitely took every jab that my girlfriend threw at me personally. Taking things personally is certainly a habit of mine. It always happens at that critical moment... I'll keep in mind not to take anything personally all day, then in the critical moment, I take X personally. I could feel the argument with her coming about and tried to remember "patience! take things lightly! deal in facts!" but after so many jabs I started getting defensive. I'm realizing that it is my decision to let these things attack my fragile ego, and that I get defensive because when she's upset, I feel like I might lose her, and therefore feel like my comfort and security are at risk, but I know that this is all a culmination of my learned behaviors and mechanisms etc, and I should probably just go with the flow and do my best and things will work out how they're supposed to, however that may be. 3. Did you make any assumptions? Describe. I'm sure my day was rife with assumptions that I didn't even know I was making. I'm sure I had assumptions about my brother (assuming he was in a good enough place in his recovery to be around weed and beer etc) and maybe I assumed my girlfriend was behaving the way she was because of x y and z (either she feels she can treat me like this, or she doesn't even realize she's doing it, etc) I need to remember that my mind filters and distorts information every second of every day. I know that I make assumptions, but I think I may be more focused on the first agreement to catch every assumption I make. 4. Did you do your best? Describe. I did not do my best when I woke up, I ended up letting myself slack and go back to sleep. I did my best at work, allowing myself to be utilized all over the hotel. I may have been able to do better when I interacted with my brother, but I am learning as I go. I did my best for awhile during the argument with my girlfriend, but gave way to pettiness and passive aggressiveness. Again, I am too convcerned with the first agreement to keep track of if I'm always doing my best. Not yet at least. Did you react to outside circumstances out of emotion? Describe. I definitely did at the end of the night. During the argument I noticed the part that my consuming alcohol played in my reaction to my outside circumstances. A passing thought was, "this would be easier if I hadn't been drinking" which then turned into "I should try to not drink during the week, or as much at all" When I hung up the phone with her, I did have a moment of calm... and not just because I wasn't listening to her any more, but because I told myself that I do not NEED to be in a relationship, so if she wants to leave me over this crap, then let her. It's for the best anyway. I fell asleep pretty easily. The alcohol may have helped there. Did you notice any unconscious/subconscious behaviors? Describe. I took note of certain subconscious behaviors that I already knew were subconscious, I.e. brushing my teeth etc, and did notice some that I didn't already know were subconscious, i.e. driving my car . I tried to note any subconscious behaviors when arguing with my girlfriend, but things were happening so fast and the alcohol didn't help, so I couldn't notice any, although I'm sure they were there. Well this first journal entry is long as fuck. Hopefully my next one is not as lengthy, and hopefully I can find a more efficient way of recording my daily events as they happen, and a more efficient way of putting them into a journal entry. I have wasted I don't even know how much time at work writing this entry haha. Thanks for bearing with me.

Good morning and happy Monday! Brand new to the forum, been listening to Leo's videos for about a year and a half and have been putting principles to use pretty minimally throughout that time. I've been slowly applying myself (and these principles) more and more, and I really believe that journaling is going to be extremely beneficial. I also believe it can be a great way to ease into the hive here and my peers can get insight into where I'm at in my own personal development journey. This Journal is to be a daily record of my adherence to Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Four Agreements" which are: 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don't take anything personally. 3. Don't make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. This journal is also to be a daily record of instances where I did (or did not) react to outside circumstances out of emotion. I will look to my peers for advice in this because in my romantic relationship, I will be "tested" lets say, and will remember that this is the critical moment! Stay calm! Respond, don't react! and our conversation will continue, then there will be another passive aggressive jab (very subtle, she's probably not even conscious of it) and these jabs will chip away until I give way to emotion and am left kicking myself for not remaining calm under all circumstances. This woman has innumerable endearing qualities and I would like her to be the mother of my children (I think... non need to rush that decision though ). These little bouts of bickering/ arguing are small potatoes in comparison to the countless good qualities of our relationship, but I would like us to have a deep developed interdependent transparent relationship where communication is paramount. Sometimes we just can't get over ourselves to remember that we just want to bring the other person comfort and happiness. Anyway, I'm learning how to love someone other than myself and learning what real love for another person is, so this journal will serve to record any epiphanies or gains I may have in this subject. This journal is to be used to record instances where I have identified and acknowledged unconscious/subconscious behaviors. In my own personal development I am now realizing that a lot of this shit happens without me even realizing it! It's become as instinctual as breathing! Therefore I will be recording them in order to know them better and correct them thereafter. This Journal will be recorded in a "When did you abide by the first agreement? When didn't you? What could you do better?" fashion. I will also record other various aspects of my personal development such as my Morning Routine and my Meditation and Mindfulness Practices. As you can probably see, these principles I've placed at the forefront of this journal kind of blend together in certain aspects. This first journal entry is subject to editing and revision. I look forward to having a platform to record my habits where my peers can review and give advice/constructive criticisms without fear of my precious ego coming under immediate attack. It's kind of like when you are having a conversation with a stranger at an airport bar/lounge you can be pretty honest with them, because when its time to board your flight, you'll never see them again. Kind of like that at least

Good morning all! I am starting this thread to make everyone aware of a wonderful page I have come across that I have come to use every day. I am referring to The James Allen Free Library James Allen is a philosophical writer, thinker, and perpetuator of ancient wisdom. This page has a number of his books available to read for free, and better yet, most if not all are in audiobook form on YouTube thanks to Librivox. The James Allen Free Library also has a James Allen Daily section, which provides daily wisdom and meditations. I really enjoy starting my day with this page, and I am a huge James Allen fan. Thank you (and thank yourself ) for checking it out!

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen (or any and all James Allen.... much is in audiobook form via the Free Audiobooks For Intellectual Exercise YouTube page"

Where the calm mind is there is strength and rest, there is love and wisdom; there is one who has fought successfully innumerable battles against self, who, after long toil in secret against his own failings, has triumphed at last. James Allen