Trucesea_kr

Im not more evolved than he, I just want to be. He is 100 percent passive and never analyzes his own behaviors, has no self awareness. He doesn't desire more, he is content to never move forward whatsoever. He is also a very serious alcoholic, cycling between DTs, sobriety then relapse more times than I can remember. I know better, and I know no one se can fulfill my needs but I have a hard time making real lasting changes in behavior. I just have the attitude that I won't give up and I know my potential is greater than the life I lead. In fact since this posting my furst comment I have discussed all of this with him and we have ended things. He still doesnt understand but I think he is at least to a point where he realizes theres more going on than what he had perceived before. I know the potential is there for him to make more with his life but he never will if it's just for me, he has to actually want it and have his own vision.

Oh I do love Paramore! It might be a good exercise to compile a list of songs like this for myself, if I do I'll post it here. I thought of this because I really like the Weeknd and I got one of his albums for a gift but his lyrics are just too celebratory of dysfunction and I don't listen to this album someone thoughtfully gifted me which is a shame. While in my car I usually listen to the smooth Jazz station and even though I'm not religious I have been listening to a local Christian station because its it's always positive and uplifting if I think of interpretting it more ambiguous. I just substitute "Jesus" and "God" for "love" and "that indefinable quality of the universe" but it only works with some songs.

I am curious what music you guys like to listen to that helps you in your journey. Main stream, especially modern music seems to only explore, celebrate and dwell in the things we all are trying to overcome. Participating can be somewhat helpful, to validate that we have these strong emotions that effect us greatly, but what kind of music overcomes this? *Edited because typos

I can relate, I'm in the same situation but progressed because I keep trying to force it to work. I never got married but the relationship is so parallel to what you describe. We did the same kind of thing, just fell together, lived with my mom awhile, broke up, got my own place tgen he moved in and we got together again, things were better for awhile but I still wanted more. We went through a lot of tragedy together and have been together five almost six years. We started when we were both too young. I have developed a lot but he is stagnant now and my attraction to him has faded as well. I keep telling myself that we can both grow together but his idea for the future is much more narrow than my own. I have strayed and we have broken it off many times. He is so devoted and so loving, kind and caring and he does his best but its not enough. I broke it off and felt so alone and got him back, afraid that I am throwing away something too valuable and I commit to working things out but its not truth. I still am not attracted and I still dont love him the same way he loves me. Its not fair to him. I am struggling so hard right now because I keep getting seduced into the idea of comfort with him, that he can serve my short term needs now and he loves me unconditionally so it's easy to let him. I keep giving him false hope. It's wrong and I need to let him go.

I like to use a reward system. I restrain from indulging in something I enjoy until I meet a small goal. Take a specified amount of time to break for reward and formulate my next goal/reward then return to work.